Transcript for Denial

DH: Derek Hallquist
D: Dave Hallquist
PH: Pat Hallquist
CW: Cortney Warren
VO: Derek voiceover
PS: Phil Schewe
GSI: Grid Sec Introduction
CW: Cortney Warren
PH: Pat Hallquist
CH: Christine Hallquist
MH: Mary Hallquist
JH: Jillian Hallquist
KH: Kiersten Hallquist
DS: Paul Shepson
CD: Cancer Doctor

Other minor/one line or scene characters just listed with descriptor.

Opening

1:12

DH: Hold on. Dad. Let's try it uh maybe try it without the metronome.

VO: My dad has always been a little obsessive.

1:27

VO: And there was never a clear line between his work and his life. He was the CEO of a small Vermont Electric Company, and when I was three we moved to a house on a beautiful house on a beautiful lake right next to a hydroelectric dam.  It was like a mini grand canyon right in our backyard.  And we played on it everyday.

2:07

VO: We fished, we swam and we looked for shooting stars. But dad never let us forget that our lives depended on the kind of power that came out of that damn. And that it was part of this huge electrical grid that connected us all. By the time I grew up I developed an obsession of my own, with the growing debate around energy.

2:40

POLITICIANS VOICES VO:

In our day and time increased global warming pollution anywhere is the threat to the human future everywhere...

We know why we're in trouble we understand the physics and chemistry of political power

This Global Warming is a hoax

America is spending massive amounts to stop global warming is not a great idea, it loses jobs for Americans

Business lobbies are running massive campaigns to convince the population that it's a liberal hoax.

Technologies like wind and solar power have the potential one-day to provide up to 20% of America's electricity

What if you could capture solar energy, what if you could capture in outer space then beam it back to earth. Sounds like science fiction doesn't it?

3:29

DH: Of all of the voices out there, there was one voice I knew was missing. The one I'd heard my whole life. And I suspected my dad might tell me things he wouldn't tell anyone else.

3:49

D: Hello, I'm Dave Hallquist. CEO of Vermont Electric Cooperative. Here to make your day.

Texas 4:06


4:10 


D: Shoot I forgot my other pants.

DH: Why do you need another pair of pants?

D: Cuz in case I wet them when I see this massive coal plan. Assuming we can find it. I would think you'd have to go left there right?

DH: Yeah...whoa Jesus!

D: Sorry sorry

DH: What the hell was that?

D: Sorry I forgot.

DH: Forgot? You never even, I've never even seen you do that before. What was that?

4:33

D: Damn I am a little excited. Sorry I apologize. I really do apologize.

DH: He's in the back with a huge camera and no seatbelt. I'm a little nervous that you're even driving should we switch?

D: No I'm all right, I won't do it again.

4:47

D: Oh look at the transmission lines. Oh my god this might be the spot right here. Look check this out.

DH: Oh my god.

D: That's it, that's the scene you want.

DH: What amaze! I've never seen this before.

D: That is a beautiful backdrop. Isn't that worth the drive?

DH: I don't understand why you're so excited by this. It's scary. I feel like I'm watching Terminator or something.

D: Cuz like you get excited when you see a massive car crash right. You know you see....wow!

5:20

DH: Let's go check it out.

D: Oh my god this is amazing.  Even though they have one of those units running, that one unit provides more power than the whole state of Vermont consumes. People get all emotionally hooked around their solutions...oh just shut it down! Wait a second you can't just shut it down because the people in Texas are going to lose their lights and what happens when the people lose their lights cuz people in Vermont file suit against them, what do you think they're going to think about Vermonters. No we don't want to create a civil war based on energy policy. We can solve this problem, we can solve the problem, but people do not understand the grid. You know if this was 2008 and you said hey you gotta spend 500 million dollars on a plant when the power prices were 10 and 12 cents a kilowatt hour that would be a different economic model than today when the price of power is you know 3 or 4 cents in the market

6:20

DH: I have no I have no I lost you like wait stay where you are. No no everything you're doing right now is perfect.

6:40

Derek archival

VO: For as far back as I can remember, my dad tried to get me to focus on the smallest details of the electric grid.

D: If you zoom in on those elbows you'll see how corroded they were.  We're replacing them with a polyid splitter, which is a high molecular plastic you have a lot more reliability on the power system.

VO: I definitely didn't understand what he was talking about. But I really tried.

DH: You can go ahead and talk to the camera if you want or anything.

D: Like what we're doing?

DH: Yeah like what you're doing right now.

D: I'm trying to get a hold of Archie, one of our sub contractor crews because we aren't able to get a hold of...

Schewe/Grid Explanation

7:21

VO: My dad would always explain the grid using all of this inside baseball, so could you simplify the grid for us?

PS: Let's start small.

DH: Alright small

PS: Kindergarten. Or or the fourth grade. The grid is 100 million appliances all wired up taking energy from a single gigantic lake of energy. All power plants dump their energy into this lake and all of the consumers pull it out. What makes this form of consumption, this form of wholesale retail operation different is that the pouring in of energy and the taking out of energy have to balance to within a fraction of one percent. Every second.  There’s no other business like that.
 
8:10

VO: The grid is every power plant, every transmission line, every substation, every distribution line, every grid operator, every electric utility, every utility truck, every line worker, power pole, transformer, every meter in everything that uses electricity in the developed world all together at once. It's the most complex human achievement in the history of our world.

8:42

VO: Problem is, most of our grid was designed around using dirty fossil fuels converted into electricity at huge remote power plants. And it still is.

PS: Fossil fuel generation is still only 33% efficient.  That hasn't changed since the time of Thomas Edison in 1882.  And you say 'how can that be?'  33% it's as if you're making a meal for your family and 2/3 of the food that you're cutting up on your cutting board, you just throw away. What other industry can get away with that? In some ways we have the same electrical grid we had in the 1940's or 1950's. The meter, that gizmo that turns in proportion to how much electricity is going into your home, that's been around for 100 years.  The power lines that carry high voltage through the countryside, some of them are 40 50 60 years old. Somewhere along the line, they electrical business, the electric power business stopped being at the leading edge of innovation and I don't know if they'll ever catch up.

D: Why are we wasting our resources?  Why do we have such inefficient energy systems?

10:11

D: Unquestionably the ultimate goal is we've gotta come into balance with our energy picture.  What balance means is we only use the amount of energy on a daily basis that we gain from the sun plus geothermal.  That's it.  Anything else is working outside of our natural cycle and we'll be in trouble. This is what this is all about.  We have all this infrastructure and I think there's a better way. When we got down to that iPhone, which has more computing power than the entire country did when we landed on the moon, in your hand, you did that because we figured out how to get better that 99% efficiency in that phone, so we've done it.  When we do that with our grid, we've got more power than we could ever consider needing.

11:04

Grid sec

11:14

D: I've gotta believe that flossing my teeth is not going to make the final cut.

DH: You'd be surprised.  How I'm filming it changed everything.

D: Crappy looking coffee. Tastes like water.

D: I was really close to my father.  I thought my father was a genius.  My father was a great electrical engineer.  He used to take my to work when I was young. I became fascinated with electricity.  Fire, fuel, energy. In fact when I was 13 I was creating gas from manure.

12:23

D: When we moved to Baldwinsville, the first school we went to was Catholic school, 2 years. Baldwinsville was a small town, very tight knit town. Lots of things were talked about lots of things weren't talked about.  The show Twin Peaks reminded me of Baldwinsville.  We lived in this old mansion.  We spent my entire childhood rebuilding this mansion.  So I certainly learned a lot of skills from my dad and that started me down my path.


13:03

DH: Uh take like a half step towards me. Look that way. Yeah right there.

D: Oh that's a great shot.  That’s going on my Facebook profile.  I'm trying to use every media form to communicate the truth about the grid. Including Facebook.  Including my son. Hey he he's totally volunteered for this.

DH: Right. I don't know what I'm in for.

13:48

GSI: We have Dave Hallquist the CEO and what do we need to go forward. Let's give Dave a big round of applause.

D: Just a little background, I find myself kind of amazed at Vermont Electric Coop.  We're a small utility, we serve northern Vermont. Cuz we were small and out of the way we had to figure out how to do things without the resources that the big utility companies have. Without knowing it at the time we were one one of the first in the country to start implementing this thing called the Smart Grid. In the early 2000's we pioneered replacing the 100-year-old household meter with the new digital smart meter that communicates electricity to our headquarters on a real time basis. Independent components able to output information, multidirectional communication, constant updating, we're basically creating an Internet for energy. We've been able to cut our outages in half over a three-year period. And we cut the outage duration in half during storms. But a couple of weeks ago we had a gentleman who said 'Look, I don't want a smart meter' and I said 'well you've had one for three years.' Um but he said 'well look I I don't want you to monitor my usage.'  I said 'well how bout if we just ping your meter on a daily basis.' 'No I don't want this smart meter.'  So I think the challenge is customer perception of course is all there is.

15:29

D: So all of this technology exists, what's the resistance?  The first thing we do is we deny we have an issue. Natural process we deny it first

PS: I think that most utilities think in a paternalistic way and by habit consumers have a dependency. Oh just give me the old fashioned electricity. I'll pay for it, I don't care. It it's a social issue.  Social and moral.  There's no way to get around that.

16:15

Vegas

CW: We don't think very much about the amount of electricity we use or where it comes from. For us it's just a socket and we know that it works.  If I plug my thing in it's going to turn on and that's really all that I need to know. The rest of it where it comes from how it's made, what cost it has to the environment, what cost it has to society, who's working to make it happen for me. MMM I'm not really going to think about it. Until it smacks me in the face that I have to.

16:43

Sonogram/Schewe

DH: I found out I was having a child and I was staring at the ultrasound and obviously hair standing up on the back of my neck all of these crazy emotions and energy running through my brain and body. You know this excitement of my child of my child that's going to come into this world.

Doctor: Are you the lucky grandma?

PH: I am.

Doctor: Is this your first one or

PH: Yes it is.

Doctor: Cool!

DH: Whoa. It's crazy every time that happens.

DH: Well this glowing machine seemed like it was from star trek and it's like deet deet deet, making beeps like as she's typing and pressing buttons and clicking and it's humming and all I could think about was well that thing must suck a lot of electricity.

17:51


18:02

D: Everything in nature is rhythm.  You know you think about electricity, electricity is 60.00 cycles per second.  Electricity is music.

VO: My dad travelled endlessly to try to spread the word about the grid.  No audience was too small.

D: Anybody know who the electricity is?  How about the fathers of our electric grid?

VO: Not everyone got it.

D: The whole grid is interconnected.  It's an unstable system.

VO: But some people were starting to take notice.

Newscaster: The electric grid across Vermont's Northeast Kingdom will be more storm resistant thanks to a grant delivered today by the federal government.  Vermont Electric Coop is getting 11 million dollars to upgrade its distribution system, install smart grid technology...

D: Thank you everyone for coming. In 2005 we we began to roll out what today is called the smart grid.  It turns out we were leading the nation in that rollout. We didn't know it at the time.

19:06

DH: In a nutshell as you walk away...

D: I'm proud and honored.  We're going to do an outstanding job. And we're going to be transparent.  We're going to be the most transparent organization.

VO: Dad also successfully partnered with Vermont's other utility to build a large-scale wind farm that would be part of a next generation electric grid. And our son Jack was born.

D: I live for future generations. I'm not living for me. I'm living for my children and my children's children.

19:50

Reveal

VO: My dad called me up one day when I was flying home from one of my shoots and said I have to come pick you up at the airport I have something to tell you.  And I thought something horrible was wrong like he had cancer or my mom was sick or my grandma died. And we're driving and we're driving and we're driving and it just seemed like forever. And then my dad said to me that he suffered from gender dysphoria. That I've always wanted, would rather have been a woman.  Which..like did not expect that!  And then I said 'so you're gay?' 'No, no he said.  I'm attracted to your mom, I just feel more comfortable in women's clothing.  I'm a woman inside.'

21:07

VO: My dad had already told my mom and my two sisters.  I was the last one to know. He asked us all to keep his secret. We really didn't know how to handle it.  We just went about our daily lives.  And sometimes life hands you the most beautiful of distractions. But as I started to find my bearings as a dad, I started to wonder how my own dad could have hidden this for so long.

22:04

Conversation with Mom

D: Oh let's check the blade. Set it off, how's it lookin? Oh yeah look's good. K go ahead start it up again. K go ahead, there we go. Good job.

DH: Did you know before, about dad's identity? I felt like there was something you were sad about most of my adult life. That like was different from when I was a kid.

PH: Yeah, probably.  I would say that you know I was so, I think I wasn't taking care of myself because I was just so unhappy with my life.

23:03

PH: It wasn't until about 14 years ago, that makes you 16, you know we're out cross country skiing and he goes my New Year's resolution is to meet with this monthly group of cross dressers and I want to go to a drag ball. And I literally to be quite honest I didn't say anything. I didn't respond actually. I was just shocked. Really was shocked. And I couldn't tell anyone. Who could I tell?

DH: Wow, like how, you, why didn't you tell us?

PH: Because I didn't want to destroy how you thought of your father.

D: Hot, yeah hot. Hot oooo hot that's hot.

PH: I was afraid. I was afraid that he would lose his job, and you know by myself I googled cross dressers on the computer on the night that he went to drag ball.

24:22

Jerry Springer1: I was born a boy. Baby, I know

Host: How do you feel sitting next to them with their pumps and their nylons and their dresses?

Sylvia Rivera: I have lost my job; I have lost my apartment...

Man: When you go out do men try to make passes and how do you deal with that

Panel member: Just how women deal when you make passes at them

Jerry Springer2: So you're a man?

Jerry Springer1: No I'm not a man. I was born a boy.

Jerry Springer2: Freak!

Jerry Springer1: A Freak?

Sylvia Rivera: I have been beaten. I have had my nose broken. I have been thrown in jail.

Jerry Springer 2: Freak!

Woman question: How is it fair of you to have married women in your life

Panel member2: I think my husband looks terrific.

Woman question: I think you should go see a psychiatrist.

Doctor: Man, female. And this is where you are.

25:15

China

VO: A job came up as a cameraman and I jumped on the chance to put some space between me and everything at home.  

25:54

VO: But as soon as I got there, I realized there was no escape. Here was half a world a way choking on coal dust from Chinese electricity plants.

Newscaster: New research published by Journal of the National Academy of Sciences is blaming China for at least some of the air pollution on the American West Coast. One professor from the University of California made the point that a lot of the manufacturing going on in China was outsourced in the first place from the US so we're paying for it twice.

VO: How could I expect the world to face its truth, if I couldn't face mine?

Meeting Christine

26:48

DH: Hello. How's it goin?

CH: Good.

DH: How ya doin. good to see you.

CH: Nice to see you. Watch the boobs.

DH: Yeah what are those?

CH: Silicone.

DH: Oh all right.

CH: That's what all fake boobs are.  Good ones.

DH: Alright.

VO: I just shut off all of my emotions and retreated into work mode.

DH: I actually need your technical expertise. Let's set up microphones and stuff.  Super diaphragm microphones up here and....

DH: Here bring in this backpack. Here let's uh, go ahead and sit so I can see how close I can get this to you. Go ahead.

VO: He told me to call him Christine. I felt like he'd ruined everything. I couldn't take him seriously. I didn't think I could ever look at him as my dad again. Then he changed his clothes and we did what we always did growing up.  A little weeding in the back yard. Maybe he was just trying to make it easier for me.

DH: Look at that! Wooooo! That's what I call geometry!

29:40

Christmas

VO: Even months later my dad still hadn't told anyone outside of my immediate family.

MH: Did Santa come?

Jack: Woah.

MH: What's under there?

PH: Merry Christmas.  Love you.

VO: Like a lot of families

JH: Merry Christmas

VO: We faked it during the holidays.

KH: No problem.

JH: Whoa

D: Whoa

JH: Two bear.

D: A bear. Bear.

VO: I had to keep lying to everybody. It was hardest with my in-laws. Especially Shep.

PS: It's easy to say that well you know green energy will produce new jobs, but they won't be in the same place and those little communities in

D: But at the same time that doesn't mean, that also means that we need to be equally responsible to help people like those people in Kentucky displaced workers find jobs.

PS: Yeah it's hard because...

31:07

Barrow, Alaska

VO: And then Shep gave me the best Christmas present I could have imagined. A trip to his research station at the northern most point of the country. A place I had seen in countless documentaries about climate change.

DH: Good to see ya. How ya doing.

PS: Good how are you?

DH: Great I'm psyched. How you been?

PS: Welcome to paradise.

VO: Shep and his team collect air samples in a small plane used to assess the climate's timeline as it changes.

32:18

PS: Alright here we go you ready?

DH: Yep.

PS: Don't be shy don't be macho. Look around but make sure that you're not pushing on any controls or anything.  If you don't feel good I need to know about it. OK?

DH: Roger that. Yeah this is um this is not even like a movie, this is not, it's something else.

VO: There's no place quite like this.  Because on one side of the plane you can see the sea ice melting and breaking apart.  And on the other the fossil fuel infrastructure that's causing the change.

Voice 1: Since the mid 90's exxon Mobil has spent millions of dollars to spread denial and doubt about mapping climate change

Voice 2: This global warming is a hoax...

Voice 3: Fossil fuels is funding the Republican Party which denies the reality of climate change...

Voice 4: Ridiculous situation

PS: Derek. Listen to me. If you push down on this it blows cold air on the engine. If the engine gets cold and shuts off then we die ok?

DH: Yep.

34:10

PS: You know you gotta have some perspective. You and I use an awful lot of of fossil fuels. We're burning oil right now so I like to call this science with irony. Climate change is only insidious to the extent that humans don't really like change very much because it interferes with their plans.

DH: Why do people fear change?

CW: Humans don't like change.  We don't want to change.  We're very uncomfortable changing. It's a lot of work. It takes a lot of self. It takes a lot of effort. And in general we're not big on that as people.  So the biggest predictor of change is misery. The biggest reason people change is because they’re suffering to the degree that they can't continue to live the same way. For example if you were really comfortable with the fact that your father is a woman now and living that life, I don't think you'd have as much fear because what would you be afraid of?

35:53

Christine Interview

CH: Can I talk when I'm doing this?

DH: Yeah.

CH: Oh ok good. I thought I couldn't.

CH: Time for the jewelry. Oh, where's my jewelry?

DH: How big is the bag?

CH: Got it.

DH: So even though you're almost in your female form, you still have the same problem when you're a man.

CH: Well it doesn't change the brain.

DH: It does a little bit doesn't it?

CH: You know I realized I have gold jewelry and silver surrounding. We have to live with that. My jewelry doesn't quite match, but..

DH: Then I would suggest no jewelry but

CH: What do you think; do you think I should go with no?

DH: I just don't think the gold

CH: K

DH: Looks a little

CH: Yeah looks a little funny.

DH: Dad, take me to the beginning from when you first started suspecting something was different about yourself.

CH: I really kind of knew there was something different when I got into first grade. I remember smelling a girl's perfume and thinking I'd love to have that perfume. It was really a fond memory.

38:14

CH: I had this whole scheme set up where I would have this other life and you and the kids would be around and I would be this man, but I was always acting. It was clearly acting. I felt like my whole life was acting. I was just playing a role that I think people expected me to play.

DH: When did you decide to come out?

CH: What happened was when I started approaching 50 I really started to have suicidal thoughts. I was having suicidal thoughts on a regular basis. It was difficult coming out to your sisters, but it was most difficult coming out to you.

DH: I guess the hardest thing for me has been kind of thinking back through all my childhood memories and trying to figure out what was real or not.

Archival DH: Whoa look at this a camera!

CH: If I had been truthful at age 15, I would have been in a mental institution. They put people in mental institutions when I was 15 for being transgender. If I was truthful at age 20 Pat wouldn't have married me, I wouldn't have had you kids. So it's almost like you can't change. You can't go back and change what happened because there's so much good in what happened. And there's so much struggle and everybody has struggles so you know I don't think my struggle is special.

DH: And and regarding you know the whole transition where do you feel you're at and where do you want to be.

CH: My dream would be to spend every waking moment, every day of my life, I to be a woman. That's my dream. But I believe if I tried to go to work in a dress I would be unemployed.

Wind Farm 1

41:24

D: When you look at mining, manufacturing, construction and operation, wind has the least carbon footprint of all energy sources. So from a carbon standpoint it's a beautiful thing. You're harnessing the power of the wind. So it's got some great positives. But then of course from a negative, the wind tower is huge and massive and we're putting them up on these mountaintops. Its impact is tremendous. Rumor has it we have some campers on the other side of the mountain to try and stop construction. I certainly can empathize with the folks that have lived here for a couple generations. They view these wind turbines as something that's going to be ugly and scar the mountain. And if you're looking at it through that lens how can you argue that?

42:26

Town Hall

Speaker 1: First thing you see is the billboards, wind turbines, I've been through wind farms before. It's going to be just insane. On that it's going to be a New York City Skyline going all the way down there.

DH: What we need are more projects like this in order to

Speaker 2: I can't believe that this town can turn its back on people's lives.

DH: But remember this is a democracy.

Speaker 2: for real estate, it's just I feel so betrayed.

Speaker 3: We live here; we are custodians of this land. We look after it, we pay taxes on it, and when anything decides to get change nobody consults us. So far all you people are doing is hanging around Lowell Mountains, right?  Don't you think we have some say in it? Listen you

DH: You are becoming far too violent for me.

Speaker 3: Yeah well you oughta come and live where I live. You son of a bitch.

43:27

CH: I strive real hard to achieve the truth and state what the truth is. I do think it's all about compromise. Everything we do is compromise with others. Because we integrate with others.

Dinner with Mom

44:08

PH: So I came across this whole album and this is where I'm 30,

DH: 30 so you're my age.

PH: You're very nice Derek you didn't say 'wow mom look how thin you are.'

DH: What?

PH: That was very nice. I was small.

DH: You know this picture always gets me because I think that might have been dad's favorite.

PH: Oh my gosh he was over the top thrilled. When I went to the thrift store and I said I'm looking for a prom dress and I’m holding it up and she goes well what do you think are you going to get it, are you going to try it on? I said well it's not for me; it's for my husband. She just looked at me.

DH: Well...

PH: Little did I realize

DH: Little did we know

PH: You know I've been in therapy for 3 1/2 years. When dad says he's Dave at Vermont Electric Coop because he has a contract, I say well we had a contract too. You know? So it is all new. It's all new territory. I don't think I would still be here if you know he completely changed his life. He's living two lives.

Wind Farm 2

Protestor: Under attack, what we do? Act up, fight back. When the eco systems are under attack, what do we do? Act up fight back. What do we do? Act up fight back.

45:43

Protestor: Mountains, yeah. Profits, no!

Newscaster: Well here at home another environmental controversy shows no sign of fading. The question involved big turbines on some of Vermont's mountains. Are the energy efficient benefits really worth the cost?

Protestor: Turn those fucking trucks around.

Protestor 2: Wind power is intermittent. It is not a stable source of power.

DH: So there's this psychological thing that I’m realizing because of myself. When I watched and flew over this when they were building the road with the helicopter I was kind of starting to flip over and say you know I'm not really excited about this project. Because I've never seen anything like this before. I'm not used to it.

D: America did all kinds of infrastructure projects up through the 60's and then in the mid 70's we kind of stopped building infrastructure. So Vermont's not used to big projects. Oh by the way if you say no to a project like this, you're saying yes to a coal project.

VO: All these protestors saw my dad as the man representing big utility company interests. But the 21 wind turbines went online despite all their objections and then only a few months later dad seemed to do a complete about face.

47:28

Moratorium

Newscaster: Vermont's second largest electric utility is calling for a time out when it comes to the state mandating renewable energy sources. Vermont Electric Cooperative is asking the legislature to approve a moratorium on creating renewable power mandates. VEC's CEO Dave Hallquist says the utility is concerned about finding balance.

DH: Our perspective as the boots on the ground utility that have to carry it out is we don't know how it can work, even from a physics standpoint.

Newscaster: Hallquist questions the electric grid's technological ability to accommodate renewable generation projects in excess of 20% but that will run into sharp opposition from both Governor Shumlin and house leadership.

Tony Klein: Folks are saying this is where we need to go so you better figure it out and you better commit the resources sooner than later.

DH: You can't get to 90% renewables with today's physics. Can we get higher levels of penetration by making investments in our grid? Yes of course. Are rate payers willing to pay for that? Probably not. What I'm saying is you're going to run into the laws of physics, I've told you for two years.

Tony Klein: What I'm having trouble understanding is why every other utility has not stepped up and said the same thing, why the department of public services is not saying the same thing...

DH: Now why other utilities aren't talking about it I can't speak for them, but I do know these are real issues, we're running into them. I'm just here to report.

48:59

DH: You're proposing a moratorium on renewables and the time we filmed before that, the wind farm was completing and you were very excited. I'm some how more confused. Does that seem appropriate?

D: The reason I want to put a moratorium on renewables is so we can take the time to figure out how to integrate it with the grid, cuz if we don’t' do a moratorium on renewables it's going to slow things down. By taking a time out figuring it out, that will speed up the adoption of renewables in the long term.  You're talking to a scientist.

DH: I'm not a scientist, you're not a scientist, you may be an engineer.

D: No. All right well let me use the term engineer.

DH: A scientist is an accredited PHD.

D: I don't understand your definition of scientist.

DH: Well I went up to fly around with Shep and everyone is threatened by what scientists are discovering and people are still calling it a hoax.

D: That's why you're making a movie.

DH: Yeah but they're not going to watch my movie, no one gives a shit.

D: But who cares.

DH: They're gonna go to the website that says it is a hoax and then they're going to tweet it.

D: Ok don't make it.

DH: No I'm not saying don't make the movie but I'm sitting here not showering I'm like doing crazy shit.

D: Oh well that's not gonna do shit, what really, you and that makes you feel better, but that's not going to do anything in terms, this is not a problem that you can solve individually. We either as a society are committed to solving this problem or we're not. You can't solve the problem. I can't solve the problem. The only people that can solve this problem are us.

DH: Well that's well you don't have to just dismiss me, because you said that before.

VO: It was just that I didn't want to listen to him about anything.

50:44

DH: That's the death of grid? Right there? Is that what that number is

D: No no that's just our peak.

DH: What if I organized a thing where I had a million people turn on their AC at the exact same time on twitter or something.

D: We can do that over a beer.

DH: No I'm not saying that

D: OK let's get this done.

VO: We argued everywhere

Washington

VO: I was just so mad that he wanted to stop using renewables.

D: Well you know the problem is you're in this binary place and that's not working

DH: I'm not in a binary place I'm saying if we take a step in a direction

D: What, what the smart grid does it will help us become more efficient and we'll use our resources better.

DH: But that's what I started the conversation is that we're going to start using less fossil fuels and you got mad at me and that's why I'm getting frustrated.

D: I don't even think this argument is worth it because what you what I was trying

DH: That's the whole point of the movie so just wait it is worth it. And you're getting frustrated.

D: No. Derek I don't want to use your scenario. I want to talk to you. So will you just be quiet for a minute.

DH: Sorry. Yes.

D: It's unrealistic to expect people to stop using power and only use it when the wind is blowing and the sun is shining. Because that is not going to work. It might work

DH: What is it, can you explain to me like what is it about society that makes you a little bit nervous in your job and like at this point I feel a little bit responsible for what's about to happen because I made this movie and sort of working with you and family through therapy have decided that we are going to allow this story to be told publicly. Are you having these same feelings at all that you're afraid that everything you've done even before making this movie your whole career seems to be at stake.

D: Ok, now now you've got to me.

52:40

D: So of course I'm afraid I've you know I'm I'm I'm afraid that nobody is going to take me seriously as transgender and I've worked so hard and and I have so much trust in the utility world. You try to compartmentalize all this stuff. And then you start talking about it. And it is it's it's too hard. It is hard. It's

Solar music boxes

53:38

PS: We shouldn't keep pounding the utility. They are by statute required to supply us electricity day in day out day in day out. They have to meet supply and demand year after year week after week.

D: Renewable sun and wind it's unstable. When the wind shifts or the cloud goes over the whole grid changes.  We've gotta be able to monitor that and respond because the grid will collapse if you don't do that.

PS: Yes there are always new makers of electricity, but on a Wednesday if your power cells fail, or if the sun is gone for a whole week, you you have to cry to the utility. The utility is required by law to deliver you the power. Veteran electrical people, power company people take that very seriously.

D: We can gradually transform, it can all be solved. But the will the will of the consumer has to drive it. So what we really need to do to make renewables a feasible endeavor is to take the next logical step in the smart grid adding smart appliances to our home.

55:46

D: Smart appliances would connect to the utility headquarters and allow themselves to be turned on and off depending on whether or not there was enough renewable power being generated at that particular moment.

DH: My father's goal after the smart meter is to have all appliances, the hot water heaters, dryers, refrigerators you know be able to communicate with the grid. His point is we can then create a grid that like a cell phone and like a computer is automating itself with the need so the need and the consumption are all in balance.

56:27

PS: Your dad sounds as if he was 20 years ahead of his time.  That is what we need to happen. That all of the things that keep Facebook and Twitter and Google up to the second up to the hundredth or thousandth of a second has to be applied to the electrical grid itself.

Patrick Leahy's Office

D: There's such tremendous opportunity to solve some of our grid problems but the first thing that we're gonna do is make sure that we have the laws right.

Camera person: Ready 1, 2, 3

D: So you think about the smart grid and the future laid out, you're going to have the smart appliances all through your home and you've got these loads which you can shut off such as freezers, refrigerators, air conditioners those kinds of things.  All of those are optimal loads.  When you've got your loads talking to the generators you say I've got a lot of power right now ok you turn on all the refrigerators and freezers right now. Oh a cloud is moving through ok shut these off right now and you keep going.  It's just an interactive discussion between your home and business appliances and the grid. You start this interactive grid going on you create stability and you enable those distributed resources. Well another thing is we wanted, I really kind of wanted

Leahy: Ok you can probably turn that off for now.

58:02

Privacy

VO: So the idea of giving utility companies the ability to turn your appliances on and off hit  a political nerve. Most lawmakers don't even want to be on record discussing anything that has the hint of privacy concerns.

DH: Tell me about the smart grid, why are people concerned with their privacy?

CH: If you think about me as being transgender and you know living these two lives well that's obviously I should be real paranoid about privacy. Because think about the exposure of being transgender

DH: Yeah but how does electricity and using appliances have anything to do with what you are doing.

CH: You use the word privacy and privacy for me would conjure up well people are going to find out I'm transgender. You have a inherent built in fear response to privacy. Now that may be generational. You kids all who grew up with with Google and Twitter and all these other social things and you're running around with your iPhones since 2005 and everybody's tracking every move you go maybe that's maybe that's not even an issue for your generation.

59:24 

Man in Hall with D: Maybe if you install one for 24 hours?

VO: Even the politicians who cared the most about the environment seemed to have an issue.

Sanders Office

Bernie Sanders: You guys walk around with your tv cameras. Are you running for President or what? Come on in.

DH: Bernie Sanders is staunchly against the smart grid interacting with home appliances.

Bernie Sanders: Enormous, enormous undreamed of amounts of information are out there by in large the privacy rights that we have on the books now, were written years and years before the development of the technologies that we see right now.

DH: The smart grid is on standstill and now my dad predicts it will be 10 to 15 years from now with all of the bureaucracy and red tape in order to allow the grid operators into the home. It's just the next step in automation to further make it better in or efficient or less wasteful. Do you even know how many times your hot water heater turns on or at what time during the day? That's what I ask people.

60:45

PS: I don't.

DH: I don't either!

PS: People are starting to understand that there's a price for sending fossil fuel carbon dioxide into the air.  They may not want to alter their habits. I consider myself pretty prudent and pretty conscionable when it comes to saving energy. The more I think about it what if life gets 10 times more automated in the next 10 years. Certainly your privacy is going to be hung out there to dry in public and maybe I don't want it to be.

DH: My opinion is yes you can have privacy but there's a price to pay. What's the price? the planet is sick. It can't take the carbon from these fossil fuels. We have to stop. Tomorrow if we could.

61:40

Cancer Dinner

D: Ok. Check our watches. 6:37.

DH: How long do you think?

D: I would say 13 minutes.

DH: It's pretty funny you have a hot tub.

D: What a waste of energy that is.

DH: How much how much does this use more or less than the house.

D: Probably uses equivalent as the entire house together. Just to satisfy this need for peace and tranquility.

D: Ok should we say grace?

PH: In the name of the father the son and the holy spirit amen thank you god for the world so sweet thank god for the food we eat. Thank god for the birds that sing thank god for everything. Amen.

DH: Amen.

PH: We went to the doctor to find out the result of a bone scan and an MRI.

D: Well I have cancer cuz he found cancer in the biopsy. Left the prostate.

PH: It went into the nodes.

D: So he tells me that I'm in a very dangerous place and we need to take immediate action. I said what's the action. He said, and he kind of worked up to it I could tell he was nervous about it, openly your testosterone is killing you, we have to do a bilateral orchiectomy, in layman's terms it's called castration.

DH: Wait.

D: There's a 90 plus percent chance that this will cure the problem. Now couple that what gets interesting is that now I am transgender when you when you go through a feminization hormone techniques you take a testosterone blocker and then you take estrogen. Now I don't have to worry about the testosterone blocker cuz I'm not going to have any testosterone. All I have to take now is

DH: All all testosterone is made in your testicles.

D: That's where your testosterone comes from, your your testicles.

64:08

PH: Where you going?

DH: This is stranger than fiction. This is really insane for me to digest. And I'm just your son. Like

D: I knew it was killing me mentally, but I had no idea it was killing me physically. You know.

PH: Dad sees this as a gift from God. A God wink.  Am I right?

D: Yeah.

DH: Last time I spoke to you mom, that you said that if Dad took hormones which is way less of a step than this, you wouldn't be ok with it.

PH: Yeah but this is cancer this isn't like a chosen take my testicles because I want to be more transgender. He has cancer.

DH: But you're saying that it's ok if he gets his testicles removed because of cancer, but if he got rid of the testicles because he wanted to it's not ok.

PH: Do you want some soy sauce?

DH: No no thank you.

Cancer Doctor


DH: Hello

CD: Hello.

DH: Hey this is Derek. I appreciate your time on doing this.  The reason I want to talk to you it's my dad was a little too elated for my comfort zone about being diagnosed with stage three prostate cancer.

CD: So this surgery is really quite simple and all you're doing is removing an organ that makes testosterone. So from a gender identity standpoint he was very comfortable with it. But the fact that his prostate cancer was of the nature that it was it supported it from a medical standpoint, not just a psychology standpoint. So we expect his testosterone level to go to very low levels and thereby expect his prostate cancer to regress. But unfortunately it's really time that will tell and I have to tell you he you know your father's attitude towards the cancer is wonderful.

VO: So my dad got the surgery and went right back to work.

66:24

Solar

D: Bye

Radio: Well Vermont is one of the coldest and cloudiest states in the country but as George Harrison once said, here comes the sun. Vermonters are going solar in greater and greater numbers. Is there evidence that this is a growing trend in the state?

Radio2: Yeah sure there is statistically last year something like 30% of solar capacity was added in Vermont.

CH: I don't think that anyone is really thinking about what the long term grid looks like.  You know we really can't just arbitrarily put renewables anywhere that people want them.  You've got to think about the grid impact.

Newscaster: A green initiative could cut into the cost of housing prisoners in the green mountain state.

Shumlin: It's good for the environment, it's good clean green affordable power.

Newscaster2: We have announced plans to become more solar friendly

Newscaster3: The birthplace of Vermont may soon be home to one of the state's largest solar arrays.

CH: You've either got to be all for or your against it. But you can't be in the middle saying let's think about how we're going to do this and be intelligent about it.

Newscaster4: Hallquist says that the northern Vermont grid has about all the renewable energy it can handle.

D: The load does not match production of the solar panel.

Utility Man: I'm just concerned that we're going to come across as being the nay sayers in the room of saying solar's not working it's cross...

CH: There's all this pressure to conform, especially renewables because people are so fired up about it.

67:54

Newscaster: The Governor calls it the biggest utility owned solar project in the state. The next generation solar project will create a five megawatt solar array.

Shumlin: I think David's initiative and his ability to be innovative and work together gives me great hope for a job filled green clean future for Vermont. So thank you David to you and your team for making this possible.

D: Ok welcome Governor Shumlin and invited guests. Vermont Electric Cooperative has a long history providing energy solutions to Northern Vermonters. We know that solar power does not have to cost more anymore.

DH: You're going to build the solar project even though you know it's not going to work right away.

D: Well it's not going to work correctly of course. We get, it's not this this project itself might work but we're continuing to introduce more and more problems to the grid. More intermittence.

DH: Here's the thing that's really confusing to me. You seem to have flip flopped like so many times in this documentary I see you flip flopping.

D: That was a very strategic flip and the reason for that was because they won't believe me til they see the problem in other words if I come in and I say to my membership or to the state of Vermont that I need 50 million dollars to fix the grid problems they'd say I'm not giving you 50 million dollars, you're not going to raise my rates, but if we do what they want and build the solar and the problems come up ok now we can spend the money. People in general don't want to hear the truth. It's because you're in denial and then you've gotta deal with all these things. Like Iike I'm trying to tell people about these integration problems with the solar doesn't isn't the sun doesn't shine all the time, they're doing the same thing as me like I was doing with denying my truth. They just don't want to hear it. It makes them too tense. It's too painful to hear that we've gotta do all this. You just go solve this problem Mr. Utility manager.

69:54

CW: Any time you have to admit something to yourself that's painful, that's really hard for you to admit, you're going to want to deny it.  All of us deceive ourselves. Every human being. It's part of our DNA to lie to ourselves but at some point, it's going to catch up with you.

PS: Climate change is so large an issue that all of society can't grapple with it much less individuals on the street. They can't grapple with it, well surely our elected officials or the power company they'll know what to do with it. No they have their place in this large hierarchy the power company sure they're they as people as humans as concerned citizens they would like to see the climate issue settled, but on Monday Tuesday Wednesday they have to go to work and that might mean burning fossil fuels. So on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday that's what they're going to do.

CW: We as humans want security so desperately. You want to know that your life is safe. We want that so desperately and you know what the truth is you can't have it.

71:30

Mom interview into Drag Ball

PH: I have no idea really what is what is happening. I thought I married a man and I married a woman.  But now I I have grown and four and a half years of counseling, it's been a good thing. You know but I can't say I really don't know where this is gonna end up. I live I'm living each day and I'm still here.

DH: Well is there a story of why you fell in love with Dad.

PH: Well when I first met him I thought he was totally out there. And to think that I ended up marrying him is kind of not what I would have...put down

DH: Well then what was it thought what was it that made you fall in love with him and want to marry him.

PH: Um we were watching a movie one night and he just reached over and he took my hand and he took my hand. It was interesting it was like the first sign that I knew that he was interested in me. It was subtle. And he was a great lover.

DH: I didn't need to know that

PH: You didn't need to hear that

DH: It's fine I didn't need to hear that

PH: Well I would have to say you don't want to go there but that weighed a lot into my decision.

DH: Well let's take a break I have to check my focus.

73:05

DH: Well you did it mom you made me more uncomfortable than you. Now I'm all flustered

Drag Ball

PH: Nice ring.

CH: Yeah isn't that beautiful?

PH: Ohhhh yeah girlfriend

DH: Cheers. To to us.

PH: Here's to a new life.

DH: A new life. I love that. A happier one.

Drag ball announcer: Things just get wilder and wilder here at the drag ball.

DH: What's it like being here today after all that we've been through.

JH: A little bit anticlimactic.

DH: Really? Alright that's not going in the movie. Kiersten's turn.

KH: Well to tell you the truth I've been really trying hard to make it my normal and it's also what was most frustrating for all of us. It's like you're always adjusting and changing and you don't know where it's going.

74:42

JH: Mom and Dad will never break up. I promise you that right now.

KH: That's not true.

JH: Yeah.

KH: You keep saying that , but I don't think that's true.

JH: Yes it is.

KH: Dad is changing.

JH: I know but mom will not leave him.

KH: Really?

JH: I know that.

KH: She drew a line. You don't think her line is true?

JH: Her line has always changed.

KH: Really? Because she seems hammered right now.

JH: Do you know how many people stay with their significant others when they transition? So many. She loves him. They're best friends. They're never...she's always going to be with him.

75:15

Cancer Doctor Visit

DH: What floor are we on right now?

D: Fifth floor.

DH: It's going to be alright.

D: You're waiting for news like this

PH: It's gonna be ok

D: But even if it's bad news why would you get anxious.

PH: But you are.

D: Yeah cuz anxiety doesn't make any sense. You know what I mean.

CD: Good morning. Sorry for the wait. So you're feeling well?

D: I'm feeling great.

76:12

CD: Your PSA is now 6. it's actually 7 so it's the lowest PSA you've had since I've known you.

D: Yeah that's a long time. Thank you.

CD: You're doing the healing not me.

D: Well you did the work.

CD: So we are going progressive decline in PSA after surgery for prostate cancer and you know that's starting from a high of 275. Today's news is stellar. Attitude and activity are the world's best chemotherapy.

D: Well that's good. We got the good attitudes.

CD: That you do.

76:47

CH: We had this big cancer scare, the doctors say it's in retreat, it's gone. But it's kind of a reminder that any one of us can be gone from the face of the earth.

DH: You know, I've also been thinking a lot about if you compromise your identity, it seems to me like a death sentence if you can't be who you are, that's going to always be painful no matter what even if you can be for a few hours a day that seems to me like a compromise that's not possible. The same thing with renewables and fossil fuels. Using some fossil fuels as a compromise is still some scientists argue that even if we stopped right now it's still a death sentence.

CH: I agree I think you know when you tie it to the environment it makes a lot of sense. You know I've been tied to myself is a little more complex you know cuz I'm trying like hell to compromise with everybody around me and my identity but when you put it in the environmental context, Jesus that's pretty important because I do think we're compromising the planet and it's a death sentence.

DH: So I just don't understand how you can continue to compromise.

78:29

DH: You look all too male.

D: I do?

DH: Unfortunately I think my boobs are bigger than that.

D: That's what Pat keeps telling me. You're boobs aren't that big and I'm always disappointed when I hear that.

DH: Well it makes makes it easier for you to fake it still right.

D: I'm done faking it. I wonder if that's how we all feel throughout our whole lives. Or is it unique to me.

79:05

D: So I came out to my management team a week ago today. And they began to tell their employees and the reaction was uh just as the same reaction I've experienced from everybody else. First when you tell the story very supportive, but then later on I started getting uh some troubling and disturbing reactions that I fully expected. It's just when you get those reactions it's kind of painful. One key person that I'm close with called me and said I'm so worried about the reputation of the company, the reputation with our regulators. I find it uh really troubling having people basically tell me they're not going to accept me. And uh that hurts. Sometimes I feel like people would rather it would rather I be dead than know the truth.

81:03

Driving Jack and Dave

D: Look they're working up on the wire. See.

PS: It will be interesting to see when your child deals with it, that's when the real change will come. He'll see his grandfather be a person like that and it'll just be a natural part of your son's environment. And thus society widens the moral compass.

82:02

Newscast Coming Out

Newscaster: What would you do if you felt you were born in the wrong body? Most transgender Vermonters keep their identity hidden for a lifetime.

Newscaster2: For a high profile CEO in Vermont, the secret nearly killed him. He thought about suicide worried that revealing his true self would cost him his job, his marriage, his family. But living in the shadows became too much to bear. So tonight he is sharing his story exclusively with Channel 3 news of going from he to she.

Newscaster2: Everything you say can and will be used against you.


D: Yes I realize that.


Newscaster2: Um some folks may be saying, why are you doing this in such a public way? Why are you? 



D: Well you know there's a couple reasons. The electric company we pride ourselves on being honest and transparent and I would never want to go to my grave knowing that I didn't tell the world about this.


Newscaster2: What's your biggest fear? 



D: My biggest fear now is for my wife and family and how they continue and you know how they adjust. Because I've lived with this for my whole life, they've only lived with this for four or five years.


Newscaster2: Your wife Pat it seems to me that she's having probably more of a struggle um and the idea of you coming out publicly, are you worried about that? 



D: When you've loved and lived with somebody for 35+ years, forgive me I think I'm going to start to cry, I love my wife dearly and it's not not even it's not a love, I don't need to hang on to her. I just know that she's been an amazingly supportive, but I'm not you know i'm not the person she married.


Newscaster: So courageous. That was a great story. 



PH: My god.


D: Thank you for all of your support.


PH: You're welcome.


84:22 


DH: Why why are you going on this trip?

PH: Cuz this is pride weekend and I'm not interested in participating. I have to say I was almost borderline ready and I am I feel stronger. It's important that I enjoy life the way I need to enjoy it. With your father and without him.

85:26

Going to work as Christine

DH: You look beautiful.

CG: Thank you. I feel beautiful.

DH: You ready?

CH: I'm ready.

86:29

DH: The seatbelt, is there any way you can put it behind your shoulder? It's rubbing on the mic.

CH: Sure. I better not get in an accident, you'll really feel bad.

DH: Well don't get in an accident.

DH: Well that's why they call them accidents. They don't call them planned.

DH: So you're changing your name and you're now going to work as Christine. You are a woman forever.

CH: This is it. This is the first day.

DH: I guess you've always been a woman but

CH: Yeah, but to the rest of the world they're going to see Christine for the rest of the time I'm on this planet.

87:53

CH: Ok.

DH: Hey…where…you are going to say bye?

CH: Oh I didn't know I could.

DH: I'm proud of you I love you.

DH: I love you too.

DH: Give me a hug. Good luck.

CH: Thank you.

CH: Good morning.