Space, Hope and Charity
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
Space, Hope and Chairty is an independent documentary film about Charity Woodrum, a young woman from rural Oregon whose dream of becoming an astrophysicist is nearly derailed when she suffers a devastating tragedy. Charity was a nontraditional university student, raised in poverty, the first in her family to graduate from high school. In her mid-20s, she was married and nine months pregnant when she decided to return to school to study physics. Life felt perfect. Then, what she calls "The Worst Day." Her world was destroyed. With help from friends old and new, she finds her way back to the distant galaxies where she feels most at peace.
Citation
Main credits
Cummings, Sandy (film director)
Cummings, Sandy (screenwriter)
Cummings, Sandy (film producer)
Woodrum, Charity (on-screen participant)
Other credits
Cinematography, Tom Tanquary; editing, Diana Jenkins; music, Alexandra Harwood.
Distributor subjects
Space,Science,ResearchKeywords
01:00:00.396 --> 01:00:12.875
(gentle music)
01:00:12.875 --> 01:00:15.745
- In the dark of night under
a sky filled with stars,
01:00:15.745 --> 01:00:17.447
I feel the most at peace.
01:00:20.149 --> 01:00:22.151
It's a spiritual
experience for me.
01:00:23.319 --> 01:00:25.021
I think about how our
bodies are made up
01:00:25.021 --> 01:00:27.423
of the same elements
that make up the stars.
01:00:28.257 --> 01:00:29.559
And I wonder about
the same things
01:00:29.559 --> 01:00:31.894
humans have wondered
about for centuries.
01:00:33.096 --> 01:00:34.564
Are we alone?
01:00:34.564 --> 01:00:36.199
Why am I here?
01:00:36.199 --> 01:00:39.168
Just trying to think
about what my purpose is.
01:00:39.168 --> 01:00:42.205
The universe is just so huge.
01:00:42.205 --> 01:00:44.641
It feels like there's gotta
be a reason we're here.
01:00:45.241 --> 01:00:47.777
(bright music)
01:00:51.681 --> 01:00:54.017
The universe itself
became my reason
01:00:54.017 --> 01:00:56.185
for being here for a while.
01:00:56.185 --> 01:00:58.087
The feeling of
traveling back in time
01:00:58.087 --> 01:01:00.957
by exploring galaxies
billions of light years away
01:01:00.957 --> 01:01:04.661
helped shift my focus
away from all I had lost.
01:01:04.661 --> 01:01:07.263
(gentle music)
01:01:25.748 --> 01:01:28.618
Studying galaxies, you get
to completely step outside
01:01:28.618 --> 01:01:30.453
your human experience
01:01:30.453 --> 01:01:32.889
and escape what you
might be going through
01:01:32.889 --> 01:01:34.390
here on our little rock
01:01:34.390 --> 01:01:37.660
and just think about things
that are so far removed
01:01:37.660 --> 01:01:39.796
from our own human
existence that
01:01:39.796 --> 01:01:44.100
it helps ground me in a way
and get my mind off of things.
01:01:44.100 --> 01:01:46.636
(gentle music)
01:01:50.807 --> 01:01:53.209
I counted on the
universe to help save me,
01:01:53.209 --> 01:01:55.144
even though there was
a time when I blamed it
01:01:55.144 --> 01:01:56.379
for destroying my life.
01:01:59.916 --> 01:02:02.585
I was angry with the
universe for its power,
01:02:02.585 --> 01:02:05.254
its randomness, how
swiftly and violently
01:02:05.254 --> 01:02:07.590
it took away the people
who were my world.
01:02:09.659 --> 01:02:12.595
I used to revisit the day
and just replay it in my head
01:02:12.595 --> 01:02:14.063
and think about
all of the things
01:02:14.063 --> 01:02:16.866
I could have done differently
01:02:16.866 --> 01:02:18.468
that would've made
it not happen.
01:02:18.468 --> 01:02:20.136
(siren wailing)
01:02:20.136 --> 01:02:24.440
- She was so unaware of what
was real and what wasn't real,
01:02:24.440 --> 01:02:27.944
and she was hoping
none of it was real.
01:02:27.944 --> 01:02:30.113
(waves crashing)
01:02:30.113 --> 01:02:31.447
- It’s really
hard to talk about,
01:02:31.447 --> 01:02:35.551
and so for some reason I
just started calling that day
01:02:35.551 --> 01:02:36.519
the worst day.
01:02:36.519 --> 01:02:41.491
(gentle music)
(waves crashing)
01:02:46.062 --> 01:02:48.631
(gentle music)
01:03:07.183 --> 01:03:08.584
You don't know
that your childhood
01:03:08.584 --> 01:03:11.587
is different than other
people's until you are grown up
01:03:11.587 --> 01:03:13.389
and you hear other
people's stories.
01:03:14.023 --> 01:03:16.692
I feel like I've lived
three different lives,
01:03:16.692 --> 01:03:19.595
and it's kinda disorienting
when your life now
01:03:19.595 --> 01:03:23.065
is just so different
than it was back then.
01:03:23.466 --> 01:03:25.735
(gentle music)
01:03:25.735 --> 01:03:29.205
When I was a kid, I would
often look up at the night sky
01:03:29.205 --> 01:03:31.607
when I was having a rough day.
01:03:31.607 --> 01:03:33.976
Our home life was tumultuous.
01:03:34.510 --> 01:03:39.115
I'd often go out and look
up and it would calm me.
01:03:39.115 --> 01:03:42.318
My family situation
is complicated.
01:03:42.318 --> 01:03:45.021
My dad was married six times.
01:03:45.021 --> 01:03:46.923
My mom was wife number six.
01:03:48.457 --> 01:03:50.693
My dad has had eight children,
01:03:51.961 --> 01:03:53.996
and I'm the sixth child,
01:03:53.996 --> 01:03:57.300
and the five older kids
are all quite a bit older,
01:03:57.300 --> 01:03:58.835
and they have different moms.
01:03:58.835 --> 01:04:00.970
We all have the same dad.
01:04:00.970 --> 01:04:04.941
The older siblings had a much
different dad than I did.
01:04:04.941 --> 01:04:06.175
By the time I was born,
01:04:06.175 --> 01:04:08.477
he had stopped doing
drugs and alcohol.
01:04:08.477 --> 01:04:11.514
My older brother has five sons.
01:04:11.514 --> 01:04:13.416
There was always like
a herd of us kids
01:04:13.416 --> 01:04:16.018
running around
together, mostly boys.
01:04:17.353 --> 01:04:19.288
Being the only girl
in a group of guys,
01:04:19.288 --> 01:04:21.023
they pointed it
out all the time.
01:04:21.023 --> 01:04:22.291
Like they were always telling me
01:04:22.291 --> 01:04:23.593
I couldn't do things
'cause I was a girl,
01:04:23.593 --> 01:04:25.294
and they were like
these daredevils,
01:04:25.294 --> 01:04:27.063
so they were always
doing really dumb stuff
01:04:27.063 --> 01:04:29.966
and would tell me I couldn't
do it 'cause I was a girl.
01:04:29.966 --> 01:04:31.400
So then I felt
like I had to do it
01:04:31.400 --> 01:04:32.902
even though I was
like, this is dumb.
01:04:32.902 --> 01:04:34.670
But they said I couldn't
do it so I have to do it.
01:04:35.972 --> 01:04:37.907
- I don't remember her not
doing anything that we did,
01:04:37.907 --> 01:04:39.575
other than maybe fist fights.
01:04:39.575 --> 01:04:40.877
That's just about it.
01:04:40.877 --> 01:04:43.045
So... (laughing)
01:04:43.913 --> 01:04:46.816
(gentle music)
01:04:46.816 --> 01:04:49.151
When you grow up with
not a lotta money,
01:04:49.151 --> 01:04:50.553
which none of our families had,
01:04:50.553 --> 01:04:52.788
there was a lot of river
trips or camping trips
01:04:52.788 --> 01:04:54.023
'cause they're budgeted well,
01:04:54.023 --> 01:04:57.226
or I should say not budgeted.
01:04:57.226 --> 01:04:58.861
And so there was a
lotta trips like that,
01:04:58.861 --> 01:05:00.930
to falls, rivers, holes.
01:05:00.930 --> 01:05:04.100
(gentle music)
01:05:05.668 --> 01:05:07.136
- When we were
little we would go
01:05:07.136 --> 01:05:10.673
to South Umpqua Falls every
year and this waterfall,
01:05:10.673 --> 01:05:12.642
and they did this
thing where they would
01:05:12.642 --> 01:05:14.243
call you by your
mother's maiden name
01:05:14.243 --> 01:05:16.279
until you jumped
off the waterfall,
01:05:16.279 --> 01:05:18.080
and then you got to
be called a Woodrum,
01:05:18.080 --> 01:05:20.783
and they kept track of
what age you did it at.
01:05:20.783 --> 01:05:22.618
My brother, I think,
did it at the youngest
01:05:22.618 --> 01:05:24.020
when he was like six years old.
01:05:24.020 --> 01:05:25.354
I did it when I was seven.
01:05:25.354 --> 01:05:27.456
- It was a fun house
to be at as a kid,
01:05:27.456 --> 01:05:30.026
because there wasn't
a lotta rules,
01:05:30.026 --> 01:05:31.560
as long as you
didn't get caught.
01:05:31.560 --> 01:05:34.363
But the tough thing is, is
typically at those houses
01:05:34.363 --> 01:05:36.999
that there's not a lot of
anything beyond that fun.
01:05:36.999 --> 01:05:40.503
So, food for instance,
it was just nonexistent.
01:05:40.503 --> 01:05:42.405
- Sometimes the
power would turn off
01:05:42.405 --> 01:05:43.906
or we wouldn't have heat
01:05:43.906 --> 01:05:46.776
or the end of the month we
didn't have very much food.
01:05:46.776 --> 01:05:49.011
I remember my cousins
when they would come over
01:05:49.011 --> 01:05:51.580
would be like, "Oh we're
having toast again for dinner?"
01:05:51.847 --> 01:05:55.017
(gentle bright music)
01:06:21.978 --> 01:06:25.414
Canyonville is a very tiny town,
01:06:25.414 --> 01:06:26.916
and I was at this small school,
01:06:26.916 --> 01:06:30.152
so I mostly interacted
with the same 100 people
01:06:30.152 --> 01:06:32.822
at that school from fourth grade
01:06:32.822 --> 01:06:35.191
until my senior
year of high school.
01:06:35.191 --> 01:06:39.161
I lived up here on top of this
little student center here.
01:06:39.161 --> 01:06:42.331
(gentle bright music)
01:06:47.970 --> 01:06:50.172
My graduating class
had 17 people,
01:06:50.172 --> 01:06:52.441
including a person
who was related to me.
01:06:55.011 --> 01:06:58.180
(gentle bright music)
01:07:03.953 --> 01:07:06.756
My childhood best friends,
I met them all there,
01:07:06.756 --> 01:07:08.557
Elisha and Chylynn and Brittany.
01:07:08.557 --> 01:07:10.292
We were always together.
01:07:10.292 --> 01:07:11.694
- Just the smartest girl
01:07:11.694 --> 01:07:13.129
in class.
- Genius. (laughing)
01:07:13.129 --> 01:07:14.997
She was a genius.
- Yeah.
01:07:14.997 --> 01:07:16.165
- She was always
gettin' good grades.
01:07:16.165 --> 01:07:17.733
It was a joke
because it was like,
01:07:17.733 --> 01:07:20.269
nobody's as smart
as Charity, nobody.
01:07:20.269 --> 01:07:23.973
- And in high school they had
to create math classes for her
01:07:23.973 --> 01:07:26.342
because by the time
she was a sophomore,
01:07:26.342 --> 01:07:28.711
she'd completed all the
math that was available
01:07:28.711 --> 01:07:29.845
from the school,
01:07:29.845 --> 01:07:32.081
and so her and the math teacher
01:07:32.081 --> 01:07:33.749
would just sit in
a room together,
01:07:33.749 --> 01:07:35.484
and we would walk by
and it would be her
01:07:35.484 --> 01:07:37.286
and just the math teacher like,
01:07:37.286 --> 01:07:38.687
"You nerd."
01:07:38.687 --> 01:07:41.657
- (laughing) No, I'm
definitely not a genius, no.
01:07:41.657 --> 01:07:42.992
I just really loved school,
01:07:42.992 --> 01:07:44.927
and I think I found
comfort in math
01:07:44.927 --> 01:07:48.097
because everything that I was
doing I could prove to myself.
01:07:48.097 --> 01:07:49.732
I was taking calculus
in high school,
01:07:49.732 --> 01:07:52.234
and I came across
this chapter in a book
01:07:52.234 --> 01:07:54.036
and realized that you
could actually use math
01:07:54.036 --> 01:07:55.871
to explain the world around you,
01:07:55.871 --> 01:07:57.373
and that was called physics.
01:07:57.373 --> 01:07:59.942
That was the first time I
had heard about physics.
01:07:59.942 --> 01:08:01.544
That's still crazy to me.
01:08:03.312 --> 01:08:05.848
It's a private boarding
school, so it costs money.
01:08:06.615 --> 01:08:09.351
So my dad was the bus driver
and the breakfast cook
01:08:09.351 --> 01:08:11.020
and my mom was the lunch cook.
01:08:12.488 --> 01:08:15.024
And then also I had to pay
part of my way as well,
01:08:15.024 --> 01:08:17.593
so I helped my dad
in the kitchen.
01:08:17.593 --> 01:08:20.463
Having your parents work at
your high school is not ideal.
01:08:20.763 --> 01:08:22.531
It was embarrassing
at times, for sure.
01:08:22.531 --> 01:08:24.500
I was pretty quiet
and weird already,
01:08:24.500 --> 01:08:26.235
so I don't know, it
didn't really matter,
01:08:26.235 --> 01:08:28.704
but I think my dad
scared all the boys.
01:08:28.971 --> 01:08:30.039
- Can we swear?
01:08:30.039 --> 01:08:31.273
- Yeah.
- Okay.
01:08:31.273 --> 01:08:33.142
He used to call all
the boys little shits.
01:08:33.142 --> 01:08:34.610
"You little shit."
01:08:35.444 --> 01:08:36.912
But he would call
the girls twerps.
01:08:36.912 --> 01:08:37.513
- Yeah.
01:08:37.513 --> 01:08:40.783
- Her mom was always really
kind of crazy and funny.
01:08:40.783 --> 01:08:42.151
She would do weird...
01:08:42.151 --> 01:08:43.385
She was weird.
01:08:43.385 --> 01:08:46.722
(quiet bluegrass music)
01:08:49.725 --> 01:08:52.728
- There was the sober mom that
loved me and took care of me
01:08:52.728 --> 01:08:56.132
and I was everything to
her, all of us kids were.
01:08:56.132 --> 01:09:00.569
And then there was mom
who was on narcotics,
01:09:00.569 --> 01:09:04.840
and that mom, felt like
she didn't love us as much.
01:09:04.840 --> 01:09:07.176
My mom's one of the strongest
people I've ever met,
01:09:07.176 --> 01:09:08.811
but she's also broken.
01:09:08.811 --> 01:09:10.513
Growing up there
were multiple times
01:09:10.513 --> 01:09:12.448
when she would have
suicide attempts
01:09:12.448 --> 01:09:14.049
through different methods.
01:09:14.049 --> 01:09:16.352
The most severe one
was when I was 16,
01:09:16.352 --> 01:09:18.854
and it was on Mother's Day.
01:09:18.854 --> 01:09:20.489
I was running around the track,
01:09:20.489 --> 01:09:23.292
and my dad came down and told me
01:09:23.292 --> 01:09:24.527
that she was in the hospital
01:09:24.527 --> 01:09:26.428
'cause she had tried
to shoot herself,
01:09:26.428 --> 01:09:28.297
but that she survived.
01:09:28.297 --> 01:09:30.432
- We got this phone call asking
01:09:30.432 --> 01:09:32.768
if she could spend
the night with us.
01:09:32.768 --> 01:09:36.172
And when I found out
why, I was broken.
01:09:36.172 --> 01:09:37.573
Like oh my god.
01:09:37.573 --> 01:09:39.775
And Charity came over
and she was just like,
01:09:41.177 --> 01:09:43.345
regular, quiet Charity.
01:09:43.345 --> 01:09:46.215
And it was like, oh maybe
this is your normal.
01:09:48.117 --> 01:09:50.052
- I loved school because
it was a distraction
01:09:50.052 --> 01:09:51.320
from my life at times,
01:09:51.320 --> 01:09:53.756
and it was somewhere I
could focus my energy.
01:09:53.756 --> 01:09:56.592
But yeah, it was also
just an escape for me.
01:09:57.893 --> 01:09:59.161
I think I must have
been in junior high,
01:09:59.161 --> 01:10:01.430
I remember asking
one of my teachers
01:10:01.430 --> 01:10:04.066
about how I could work
for NASA some day,
01:10:04.066 --> 01:10:06.001
and I remember him chuckling.
01:10:06.101 --> 01:10:08.170
- [Speaker] All three
engines up and burning.
01:10:08.170 --> 01:10:10.439
- I was in Canyonville,
never met a scientist,
01:10:10.439 --> 01:10:13.943
so I didn't really know
how to do that job.
01:10:13.943 --> 01:10:16.779
I didn't know there was a lot
of people working at NASA.
01:10:16.779 --> 01:10:19.081
I just knew about astronauts.
01:10:19.081 --> 01:10:20.516
- We never had,
01:10:20.516 --> 01:10:23.719
well I know a doctor
or I know a dentist
01:10:23.719 --> 01:10:25.654
or I know someone who
drives a fancy car.
01:10:25.654 --> 01:10:26.689
It was like,
01:10:26.689 --> 01:10:28.857
can your mom take us?
01:10:28.857 --> 01:10:29.992
I don't know, can
your mom take us?
01:10:29.992 --> 01:10:30.826
I don't have any gas.
01:10:30.826 --> 01:10:31.660
Does your dad have-
01:10:31.660 --> 01:10:33.295
It was like...
01:10:33.295 --> 01:10:34.463
- [Chylynn] Collect
bottles so that we
01:10:34.463 --> 01:10:35.731
can go and do something.
01:10:35.731 --> 01:10:37.166
- [Elisha] Go buy
ice cream at Texaco.
01:10:37.166 --> 01:10:39.134
- Yep, Texaco ice cream.
- Mm hmm.
01:10:40.803 --> 01:10:42.137
I don't wanna sound,
01:10:43.072 --> 01:10:46.909
but I really kind of felt like
01:10:46.909 --> 01:10:49.011
all the women were gonna
grow up and be mothers.
01:10:49.011 --> 01:10:50.279
- [Chylynn] Yeah, definitely.
01:10:50.279 --> 01:10:52.014
- I thought I was gonna
marry a youth pastor,
01:10:52.014 --> 01:10:54.183
'cause I loved kids,
and have lots of kids.
01:10:54.183 --> 01:10:55.417
So they were probably
like (tongue clicking)
01:10:55.417 --> 01:10:56.885
we got that one.
(Chylynn laughing)
01:10:56.885 --> 01:10:59.088
She's on the right track,
we'll just let her go.
01:11:00.723 --> 01:11:02.491
- One summer my brother
01:11:02.491 --> 01:11:04.627
was working for a
roofing company,
01:11:04.627 --> 01:11:07.896
and he needed to take a
day off, and they said,
01:11:07.896 --> 01:11:09.331
"Well you can't take a day off
01:11:09.331 --> 01:11:12.067
unless you send somebody
in to work for you.”
01:11:12.067 --> 01:11:13.936
"You have to find
your own replacement."
01:11:13.936 --> 01:11:16.672
And so he asked me if I would
work for him, and I was like,
01:11:16.672 --> 01:11:17.906
"Yeah, sure."
01:11:17.906 --> 01:11:19.675
And I remember showing
up and they're like,
01:11:19.675 --> 01:11:20.876
"Are you serious?
01:11:20.876 --> 01:11:23.212
"You can't send your
sister to come roofing."
01:11:23.212 --> 01:11:25.080
But I was like, "Just
let me try it out.
01:11:25.080 --> 01:11:28.250
"I might not be strong,
but I'll work hard."
01:11:28.250 --> 01:11:31.353
And after working for them
for a day they were like,
01:11:31.353 --> 01:11:33.956
"Actually do you wanna
stay and and work with us?"
01:11:33.956 --> 01:11:34.857
And I was like, "Yeah sure."
01:11:35.557 --> 01:11:36.792
It's kind of ironic.
01:11:36.792 --> 01:11:38.494
At the same time I
was living in my car,
01:11:38.494 --> 01:11:40.929
so I was a homeless
roofer. (laughing)
01:11:41.897 --> 01:11:44.800
I'm a first generation
high school graduate.
01:11:44.800 --> 01:11:47.169
Neither of my parents
graduated high school.
01:11:47.169 --> 01:11:48.904
They got through junior high.
01:11:50.205 --> 01:11:51.707
The idea of college,
01:11:51.707 --> 01:11:54.443
my family didn't know what
you had to do to get there.
01:11:55.744 --> 01:11:58.681
After high school I decided
to go to nursing school.
01:11:58.681 --> 01:12:00.249
I passed my board exams,
01:12:00.249 --> 01:12:03.485
but needed to wait a few months
for my license to practice,
01:12:03.485 --> 01:12:06.021
and that pause would open
up a whole new world to me.
01:12:07.890 --> 01:12:10.959
(gentle piano music)
01:12:16.298 --> 01:12:19.301
- I considered Charity
to be my best friend
01:12:19.301 --> 01:12:21.904
basically through my entire 20s.
01:12:21.904 --> 01:12:23.639
I grew up weird, so,
01:12:24.506 --> 01:12:26.041
she also did.
01:12:26.041 --> 01:12:29.878
And so we kind of were able
to bond over our awkwardness
01:12:29.878 --> 01:12:31.180
and strangeness in the world
01:12:31.180 --> 01:12:33.248
we were learning to
navigate, I guess.
01:12:33.515 --> 01:12:36.118
When we finally went
into the real world,
01:12:36.118 --> 01:12:40.889
we didn't know a lot of things
because of how we grew up.
01:12:41.757 --> 01:12:43.826
(serene music)
01:12:59.208 --> 01:13:04.613
Charity had this kind of
sweet, naive look of the world,
01:13:04.613 --> 01:13:06.849
'cause she just hadn't
been exposed to anything,
01:13:06.849 --> 01:13:08.550
and it was a lot of fun.
01:13:09.318 --> 01:13:10.719
We'd just wear things
that made us happy,
01:13:10.719 --> 01:13:13.188
and for Charity that
was a lot of colors.
01:13:13.922 --> 01:13:15.424
We both liked earrings a lot,
01:13:15.424 --> 01:13:17.726
and so lots of jingly earrings,
01:13:17.726 --> 01:13:20.462
and it was always a constant
battle on trying to figure out
01:13:20.462 --> 01:13:22.865
what we should do with
her hair to tame it down.
01:13:22.865 --> 01:13:25.167
That was a big thing
back then. (laughing)
01:13:27.169 --> 01:13:29.171
One day we went swimming,
01:13:29.171 --> 01:13:30.372
and she'd been kinda hangin' out
01:13:30.372 --> 01:13:32.174
with these kids I
didn't know very well,
01:13:33.175 --> 01:13:34.676
but it was the first time
we hung out in a while,
01:13:34.676 --> 01:13:37.246
and it was really great, and
we went to this swim hole,
01:13:37.246 --> 01:13:39.948
and someone called her.
01:13:39.948 --> 01:13:42.718
- I recognized the phone
number, but not the voice.
01:13:42.718 --> 01:13:44.686
It was a guy named
Jayson Thomas.
01:13:45.888 --> 01:13:48.390
We had these mutual
friends that I had met
01:13:48.390 --> 01:13:49.725
while I was in nursing school
01:13:49.725 --> 01:13:51.493
that were at the
community college,
01:13:51.493 --> 01:13:53.495
and they were going
on a camping trip,
01:13:53.495 --> 01:13:56.031
and he used one of
their phones to call me,
01:13:56.031 --> 01:13:57.633
and was like, "Hey, do you
wanna go camping with us?"
01:13:57.633 --> 01:13:59.234
And I was like, "A, who are you?
01:13:59.234 --> 01:14:00.702
"And B, where are you
guys going camping?
01:14:00.702 --> 01:14:01.837
"When are you leaving?"
01:14:04.306 --> 01:14:07.142
I remember asking Jayson what
type of people would be there,
01:14:07.142 --> 01:14:10.078
and he said it was 90%
20-year-old punk rock kids
01:14:10.078 --> 01:14:11.780
and 10% old hippies.
01:14:13.382 --> 01:14:15.884
It was actually a
rendezvous in the woods
01:14:15.884 --> 01:14:18.253
with a bunch of
environmental activists,
01:14:18.253 --> 01:14:20.556
and I had never met an
environmentalist in my life,
01:14:20.556 --> 01:14:23.225
so I was like, this
sounds like an adventure,
01:14:23.225 --> 01:14:24.660
like a new experience.
01:14:24.660 --> 01:14:26.195
- And she's like,
"Well can I go?"
01:14:26.195 --> 01:14:28.197
I'm like, "Of course
you can, I guess."
01:14:28.197 --> 01:14:30.999
Then I didn't hear from
her for a year. (laughing)
01:14:30.999 --> 01:14:33.402
Like literally she left
me at the swimming hole,
01:14:33.402 --> 01:14:34.670
but apparently in that year
01:14:34.670 --> 01:14:36.872
she was taking this
fantastic adventure.
01:14:36.872 --> 01:14:39.641
- He was unlike anyone
I had ever met before.
01:14:39.641 --> 01:14:41.810
He was the first activist
type person I met
01:14:41.810 --> 01:14:43.946
and the first punk
rock type kid I met.
01:14:43.946 --> 01:14:47.583
I thought he was
intense and amazing.
01:14:49.551 --> 01:14:51.653
I had never felt so
comfortable around somebody.
01:14:51.653 --> 01:14:53.789
He made me feel
comfortable right away,
01:14:53.789 --> 01:14:56.024
which back then I was very shy,
01:14:56.024 --> 01:14:58.994
and it took a lot to
get me to open up.
01:14:58.994 --> 01:15:02.130
We stayed in the woods for
nearly, not quite a week,
01:15:02.130 --> 01:15:05.000
and then we met one
of the old hippies.
01:15:05.000 --> 01:15:06.902
We called her Grandma Tree Toad.
01:15:06.902 --> 01:15:09.905
And she lived in this
cabin in the woods
01:15:09.905 --> 01:15:14.710
in Oregon on the coast
and had a big garden,
01:15:14.710 --> 01:15:17.746
and she asked a group of us
if after the camping trip
01:15:17.746 --> 01:15:19.982
if we wanted to go to her house,
01:15:19.982 --> 01:15:21.450
and she would let us
stay there for free
01:15:21.450 --> 01:15:24.620
and cook us meals if we
helped her around her cabin.
01:15:24.620 --> 01:15:27.589
(gentle bright music)
01:15:27.589 --> 01:15:30.092
By then we had been camping
for close to two weeks,
01:15:30.092 --> 01:15:32.194
and it was really time
to do some laundry.
01:15:34.062 --> 01:15:36.865
So we drove into town
and found a laundromat,
01:15:38.000 --> 01:15:39.768
and while we waited
for our clothes,
01:15:39.768 --> 01:15:41.336
the group of traveler
kids I was with
01:15:41.336 --> 01:15:43.539
spotted an opportunity.
01:15:43.539 --> 01:15:46.575
There was a dumpster
next to a thrift store.
01:15:46.575 --> 01:15:49.311
Next to the dumpster there
was all of this cool stuff.
01:15:49.311 --> 01:15:52.014
Like there was almost
brand new hiking shoes
01:15:52.014 --> 01:15:53.549
and typewriters,
01:15:53.549 --> 01:15:55.017
and we were like, why are
people throwing this away?
01:15:55.017 --> 01:15:57.586
And so we were looking through
what we thought was trash,
01:15:57.586 --> 01:15:59.721
and so then the cops
show up and they're like,
01:15:59.721 --> 01:16:03.225
"Hey why are you stealing
from the thrift store?"
01:16:09.631 --> 01:16:12.334
We all gave him our IDs,
01:16:12.334 --> 01:16:16.505
and I remember Jayson walked
up to me with his debit card,
01:16:16.505 --> 01:16:18.373
and he was like, "This
is my PIN number,
01:16:18.373 --> 01:16:19.608
"give it to my parents."
01:16:19.608 --> 01:16:20.876
And I was like, "What
are you talking about?"
01:16:20.876 --> 01:16:23.278
And then a few minutes
later the cop was like,
01:16:23.278 --> 01:16:25.447
"Jayson Thomas, did
you know you're wanted
01:16:25.447 --> 01:16:26.982
"in the state of Texas?"
01:16:26.982 --> 01:16:28.216
And we were all shocked,
01:16:28.216 --> 01:16:30.886
'cause we did not know
he was a fugitive.
01:16:30.886 --> 01:16:33.689
We were also surprised, 'cause
he was like the nicest of us.
01:16:33.689 --> 01:16:35.490
In fact, when we were camping,
01:16:35.490 --> 01:16:37.392
everyone would would
call him Grandma
01:16:37.392 --> 01:16:39.394
because he baked
all of these pies
01:16:39.394 --> 01:16:41.063
and brought everybody
homemade pies.
01:16:41.063 --> 01:16:42.564
So he got the nickname Grandma.
01:16:42.564 --> 01:16:45.400
So we were all like, why is
Grandma getting arrested?
01:16:45.400 --> 01:16:47.970
Why is the kid that everyone
calls Grandma getting arrested?
01:16:48.470 --> 01:16:49.972
They put him in the
back of the cop car,
01:16:49.972 --> 01:16:52.007
and we had no explanation
for what was happening.
01:16:52.007 --> 01:16:54.509
Obviously your first
thought is what did he do?
01:16:54.509 --> 01:16:59.314
He got in trouble for
graffiti in South Texas.
01:16:59.314 --> 01:17:00.849
Jayson was 19 at the time,
01:17:00.849 --> 01:17:04.453
and the charge was criminal
mischief, a felony in Texas.
01:17:05.654 --> 01:17:07.422
He was sentenced to
five years probation
01:17:07.422 --> 01:17:09.691
and community service.
01:17:09.691 --> 01:17:13.028
A couple of years
into his probation
01:17:13.028 --> 01:17:17.633
he found out that his mom, who
lived in Oregon, had cancer.
01:17:17.933 --> 01:17:19.968
Jayson told me he tried
to have his probation
01:17:19.968 --> 01:17:22.904
transferred to Oregon so
he could help his mother.
01:17:22.904 --> 01:17:25.140
When that was denied
he went anyway,
01:17:25.140 --> 01:17:27.142
and a warrant was issued.
01:17:27.142 --> 01:17:30.245
After Jayson's arrest outside
the laundromat in Oregon,
01:17:30.245 --> 01:17:32.014
he was returned to Texas,
01:17:32.014 --> 01:17:35.784
and the same judge who had
sentenced him to probation
01:17:35.784 --> 01:17:37.986
was not happy to see him again.
01:17:37.986 --> 01:17:41.356
So this time he sent
Jayson to state prison.
01:17:41.356 --> 01:17:43.492
From day one of
him being in jail,
01:17:43.492 --> 01:17:46.028
I started writing him letters
and sending him books,
01:17:46.028 --> 01:17:47.529
'cause I knew he liked to read.
01:17:47.529 --> 01:17:50.298
And so I pretty much wrote
him almost every single day,
01:17:50.298 --> 01:17:52.834
and he wrote me back
every single day.
01:17:52.834 --> 01:17:55.103
And we basically fell in love
01:17:55.103 --> 01:17:57.105
through writing
letters to each other.
01:18:00.509 --> 01:18:05.647
- She calls me out of the blue
from Corpus Christi, Texas.
01:18:06.348 --> 01:18:08.483
I'm like, "Charity,
why are you there?"
01:18:08.483 --> 01:18:10.452
And she's like, "Well,
I fell in love."
01:18:11.687 --> 01:18:13.188
And I'm like, okay.
01:18:13.188 --> 01:18:16.224
'Cause remember about the
sweet naive girl. (laughing)
01:18:16.224 --> 01:18:19.327
And I'm like, "Well he's
in prison." (laughing)
01:18:19.327 --> 01:18:21.530
And I'm like, "Charity."
01:18:21.530 --> 01:18:23.098
She's like, "But I
really like him."
01:18:23.098 --> 01:18:25.567
And then she kind of laid out
01:18:25.567 --> 01:18:28.704
the things that she loved
about him, and it made sense.
01:18:28.704 --> 01:18:31.239
I was definitely leery,
01:18:31.239 --> 01:18:34.276
but like she shared a song
that he wrote, a poem,
01:18:36.311 --> 01:18:38.980
and she's like, "He made
me boots." (laughing)
01:18:38.980 --> 01:18:40.816
- He was basically
the most caring person
01:18:40.816 --> 01:18:42.084
I had ever met in my life,
01:18:42.084 --> 01:18:45.754
and everything that
guided him was empathy.
01:18:45.754 --> 01:18:47.322
- Charity, you could
probably always
01:18:47.322 --> 01:18:49.157
describe her as meek before,
01:18:49.157 --> 01:18:54.463
and I think Jayson gave her
a voice for the first time,
01:18:54.463 --> 01:18:56.398
and I think that's
really when she started
01:18:56.398 --> 01:19:00.168
analyzing where she
came from, who she was,
01:19:00.168 --> 01:19:01.903
and how to kind of
speak up for herself
01:19:01.903 --> 01:19:03.939
and kind of grapple with things.
01:19:03.939 --> 01:19:05.407
And that was really...
01:19:05.407 --> 01:19:09.978
The first time I met him that's
exactly what I felt like,
01:19:09.978 --> 01:19:11.079
oh he's helping her.
01:19:11.079 --> 01:19:13.148
And so I instantly liked him.
01:19:14.049 --> 01:19:16.618
- Jayson spent nine
months in jail.
01:19:16.618 --> 01:19:18.520
A couple of months
after he was released
01:19:18.520 --> 01:19:21.189
we were both ready to
get back to Oregon.
01:19:22.557 --> 01:19:25.861
He proposed to me, but I didn't
know he was being serious,
01:19:25.861 --> 01:19:27.896
because he was always
like, "Marry me,"
01:19:27.896 --> 01:19:29.831
and I was just like, oh maybe
he's joking or something,
01:19:29.831 --> 01:19:32.234
'cause he didn't
seem like the type
01:19:32.234 --> 01:19:34.069
that was ever gonna get married.
01:19:34.069 --> 01:19:35.837
One day I realized he was
serious, and he was like,
01:19:35.837 --> 01:19:38.039
"I've literally been
asking you for months."
01:19:38.039 --> 01:19:39.274
And I was like, "I didn't
know you were serious."
01:19:39.274 --> 01:19:41.143
So it wasn't like
this one big moment.
01:19:41.143 --> 01:19:42.677
It was kind of just like him
01:19:42.677 --> 01:19:44.179
persistently asking
me to marry him
01:19:44.179 --> 01:19:46.648
over a couple months, I think.
01:19:47.983 --> 01:19:49.251
There was no hesitation.
01:19:49.251 --> 01:19:51.219
The day we got married
was kind of on a whim,
01:19:51.219 --> 01:19:52.687
like, well how about today?
01:19:52.687 --> 01:19:55.390
And so we just like grabbed
clothes from our closet
01:19:55.390 --> 01:19:58.260
and went and picked up his
best friend and my sister
01:19:58.260 --> 01:20:01.263
and found a Justice of the
Peace that was available.
01:20:01.263 --> 01:20:03.198
We ended up driving
actually to Canyonville
01:20:03.198 --> 01:20:06.401
and getting married by
some cat lady. (laughing)
01:20:06.868 --> 01:20:09.538
Growing up, neither of us
really planned on having kids
01:20:09.538 --> 01:20:13.375
because our own
childhoods were so rough.
01:20:14.843 --> 01:20:17.179
We didn't wanna put someone
else through life like that.
01:20:17.179 --> 01:20:18.747
But then when we met each other
01:20:18.747 --> 01:20:21.416
we realized that our kid
wouldn't have that experience.
01:20:21.416 --> 01:20:24.119
He would grow up
in a loving home
01:20:24.119 --> 01:20:26.321
and we could provide
this safe loving place.
01:20:28.190 --> 01:20:30.358
When I got pregnant I
started thinking a lot about
01:20:30.358 --> 01:20:32.260
what kind of mom I wanted to be
01:20:32.260 --> 01:20:36.932
and just what type of person
I wanted to be for my son.
01:20:38.400 --> 01:20:42.103
And I wanted to be somebody
that he would be proud of,
01:20:42.103 --> 01:20:45.941
and I also wanted him to have
big dreams and to follow them.
01:20:45.941 --> 01:20:48.743
By then I knew nursing
was no longer my dream.
01:20:49.678 --> 01:20:50.879
Nursing was stressful.
01:20:50.879 --> 01:20:53.682
I mean it's a very
stressful job.
01:20:53.682 --> 01:20:56.785
People who are nurses are
literally like everyday heroes,
01:20:56.785 --> 01:20:59.187
and I have so much
respect for them.
01:20:59.187 --> 01:21:00.455
I couldn't handle it.
01:21:00.455 --> 01:21:02.390
Once a week something
terrible would happen,
01:21:02.390 --> 01:21:05.493
something super tragic, and
I would think about it a lot.
01:21:05.493 --> 01:21:06.728
And then there was like even
01:21:06.728 --> 01:21:08.063
the daily things
I couldn't handle.
01:21:08.063 --> 01:21:10.732
If I had a patient
who was 80 years old
01:21:10.732 --> 01:21:12.200
and nobody came
in to visit them,
01:21:12.200 --> 01:21:13.702
I would go home and
just think about
01:21:13.702 --> 01:21:16.004
how nobody was visiting this
person, and it was so sad.
01:21:16.004 --> 01:21:18.740
So Jayson, one of his
coping mechanisms, I think,
01:21:18.740 --> 01:21:20.508
was to read a lot.
01:21:20.508 --> 01:21:21.977
He read hundreds
of books a year.
01:21:21.977 --> 01:21:24.045
So he's like, "Oh, you
should start reading."
01:21:24.045 --> 01:21:26.214
"Maybe that'll help you
get your mind off of it."
01:21:28.316 --> 01:21:30.819
Books by Carl Sagan
and Stephen Hawking
01:21:30.819 --> 01:21:33.255
transported me to other worlds.
01:21:34.256 --> 01:21:36.725
They were fascinating
and exciting to me.
01:21:43.431 --> 01:21:45.767
Initially when I decided
to go back to school,
01:21:45.767 --> 01:21:48.169
I just wanted to learn physics.
01:21:48.603 --> 01:21:51.573
(gentle music)
01:21:51.573 --> 01:21:54.175
I just wanted to
satisfy my own curiosity
01:21:54.175 --> 01:21:55.577
about how things worked.
01:21:55.577 --> 01:21:57.045
I didn't realize that you could
01:21:57.045 --> 01:21:58.280
make a job out of it, though.
01:21:58.280 --> 01:22:00.315
Because I knew Stephen
Hawking had a job,
01:22:00.315 --> 01:22:02.817
but I clearly wasn't
a Stephen Hawking.
01:22:02.817 --> 01:22:04.619
I didn't know there
were other jobs
01:22:04.619 --> 01:22:05.854
that were attainable for me.
01:22:05.854 --> 01:22:08.423
So initially it was
just out of curiosity
01:22:08.423 --> 01:22:10.625
and wanting to know physics
that I went back to school.
01:22:12.227 --> 01:22:15.830
To do that I had to go
see an academic counselor.
01:22:16.431 --> 01:22:20.502
I was nine months pregnant
walking into the office
01:22:20.502 --> 01:22:23.571
and sitting down with
this academic counselor,
01:22:23.571 --> 01:22:25.307
and I remember him...
01:22:25.307 --> 01:22:27.509
He had seen my transcript,
so he was like,
01:22:27.509 --> 01:22:29.244
"So you're a registered nurse?"
01:22:29.244 --> 01:22:29.945
And I was like, "Yeah."
01:22:32.347 --> 01:22:34.783
The whole time he's like
looking down at my belly,
01:22:34.783 --> 01:22:37.152
which was huge, and he's like,
01:22:37.152 --> 01:22:39.220
"And you wanna go back
to school for physics
01:22:39.220 --> 01:22:41.122
"for another four years?"
01:22:41.122 --> 01:22:42.090
And I was like, "Yep."
01:22:42.090 --> 01:22:44.492
And he's like, "Okay."
01:22:44.492 --> 01:22:47.028
(serene music)
01:22:50.865 --> 01:22:53.234
But first my son
Woody would arrive.
01:22:53.234 --> 01:22:55.136
It was the happiest
day of my life.
01:22:57.105 --> 01:22:58.273
- And the baby came out,
01:22:58.273 --> 01:23:05.013
and immediately the entire
room filled with so much love,
01:23:05.847 --> 01:23:08.984
that like palpable, like you
could feel it in the air.
01:23:13.154 --> 01:23:15.724
(bright music)
01:23:23.398 --> 01:23:26.167
- To see her come into
motherhood was really amazing.
01:23:28.536 --> 01:23:31.539
She kind of had more
of an outward warmth
01:23:31.539 --> 01:23:35.810
toward not just her immediate
family, but for the world.
01:23:37.512 --> 01:23:40.615
- I actually started school
when he was a newborn,
01:23:40.615 --> 01:23:41.916
only weeks old.
01:23:43.351 --> 01:23:47.655
Jayson was 100% supportive
of me going back to school.
01:23:47.655 --> 01:23:49.424
I couldn't have been a new mom
01:23:49.424 --> 01:23:51.526
and gone to school
at the same time
01:23:51.526 --> 01:23:55.263
without having such a supportive
husband and dad to Woody.
01:23:58.500 --> 01:24:02.170
- [Jayson] Yeah. (laughing)
01:24:03.872 --> 01:24:06.541
- Yeah.
(Jayson laughing)
01:24:07.542 --> 01:24:10.111
(bright music)
01:24:11.579 --> 01:24:13.581
- She clearly was a
non-traditional student,
01:24:13.581 --> 01:24:15.483
a little older than
the other students.
01:24:15.483 --> 01:24:17.085
Highly motivated.
01:24:17.085 --> 01:24:18.520
You could tell that
right from the beginning.
01:24:18.520 --> 01:24:21.456
- Dr. Fisher was the
first scientist, really,
01:24:21.456 --> 01:24:23.491
and astrophysicist
that I ever met.
01:24:23.491 --> 01:24:27.462
(gentle bright music)
01:24:27.462 --> 01:24:29.631
So it opened this
whole new world to me.
01:24:31.032 --> 01:24:32.834
I didn't know that I
could make a living
01:24:32.834 --> 01:24:35.170
doing the thing I loved so much.
01:24:35.170 --> 01:24:38.206
It was Dr. Fisher
who showed that to me
01:24:38.206 --> 01:24:41.276
and really changed the
trajectory of my life.
01:24:41.276 --> 01:24:43.845
- I did not know of Jayson
and Woody at this time.
01:24:43.845 --> 01:24:45.580
And she's like,
"Well we're gonna
01:24:45.580 --> 01:24:47.582
"go to Pine Mountain
this weekend to help
01:24:47.582 --> 01:24:49.951
"bring the telescopes
out of winter mode."
01:24:51.753 --> 01:24:54.055
And I'm like, "You go girl,
get up there, go student."
01:24:54.055 --> 01:24:56.791
And I think at
one time she said,
01:24:56.791 --> 01:24:58.526
"Oh me and my husband and
son are comin' along."
01:24:58.526 --> 01:25:02.797
And I sort of went,
"Oh well bring 'em up."
01:25:02.797 --> 01:25:06.167
(telescope squeaking)
01:25:08.236 --> 01:25:11.005
- I was volunteering up at
Pine Mountain Observatory
01:25:11.005 --> 01:25:12.974
starting from when he
was six months old.
01:25:14.676 --> 01:25:17.345
(relaxed music)
01:25:19.781 --> 01:25:21.182
- And the boys were campin'
01:25:21.182 --> 01:25:23.785
and Charity was over
workin' at the observatory.
01:25:25.286 --> 01:25:27.322
So I first met 'em
both at Pine Mountain.
01:25:28.857 --> 01:25:32.127
Jayson was immediately
supportive.
01:25:32.127 --> 01:25:33.394
You could just tell.
01:25:33.394 --> 01:25:36.164
And I think he was
supportive of her,
01:25:36.164 --> 01:25:41.169
but he was supportive of
the dream and of her dream.
01:25:41.169 --> 01:25:42.170
- It's too low still.
01:25:42.170 --> 01:25:45.707
First year I remember I'd be
in the telescope operating it
01:25:45.707 --> 01:25:48.343
and I would hear a baby
crying in the distance,
01:25:48.343 --> 01:25:49.277
and I knew it was Woody.
01:25:49.277 --> 01:25:50.645
And so I'd be like, "Okay guys,
01:25:50.645 --> 01:25:52.814
"I gotta close down
the telescope and go
breastfeed my baby.
01:25:52.814 --> 01:25:54.048
"I'll be right back."
01:25:54.048 --> 01:25:55.850
- Woody has camped
more in his life
01:25:55.850 --> 01:25:57.318
than I have in my entire life,
01:25:57.318 --> 01:25:59.687
because they were up there
almost every weekend.
01:26:00.355 --> 01:26:01.823
We called the
little guy the Ewok
01:26:01.823 --> 01:26:03.758
because he had this
little onesie bear thing,
01:26:03.758 --> 01:26:06.528
and Jayson would carry him
around with the thing on,
01:26:06.528 --> 01:26:08.429
and he just looked
like he was our mascot.
01:26:08.429 --> 01:26:10.999
(gentle music)
01:26:12.100 --> 01:26:13.134
- He loved space.
01:26:13.134 --> 01:26:16.004
One of his first words
was moon and star.
01:26:16.004 --> 01:26:21.309
- It was very neat 'cause I
got to see her solo on campus
01:26:21.309 --> 01:26:23.878
and as a student and
a young professional.
01:26:23.878 --> 01:26:25.613
But then when we
were at the mountain,
01:26:25.613 --> 01:26:29.784
it was this blended
wife, mother, student,
01:26:29.784 --> 01:26:32.153
human being all together.
01:26:33.321 --> 01:26:34.856
We spent weekends
during the school year
01:26:34.856 --> 01:26:36.691
glamping on a bus.
01:26:36.691 --> 01:26:38.893
Jayson painted the night
sky on the ceiling.
01:26:38.893 --> 01:26:40.128
It was magical.
01:26:44.098 --> 01:26:45.500
He loved water.
01:26:46.134 --> 01:26:48.002
He liked being held.
01:26:48.002 --> 01:26:50.605
And then as soon as that
kid could crawl and walk,
01:26:50.605 --> 01:26:53.908
he was into everything,
like all babies are.
01:26:53.908 --> 01:26:55.643
His favorite toy was a hubcap.
01:26:55.643 --> 01:26:57.278
Like he was a cool
kid. (laughing)
01:26:58.846 --> 01:26:59.814
- Go more.
01:26:59.814 --> 01:27:01.115
Keep goin', here.
01:27:01.115 --> 01:27:02.317
- Get closer.
- Get it.
01:27:02.317 --> 01:27:04.719
- One time when Woody
was two years old,
01:27:04.719 --> 01:27:06.888
he had started talking
much better at that point,
01:27:06.888 --> 01:27:08.957
and he could talk in sentences,
01:27:08.957 --> 01:27:11.759
and we walked outside
of our Eugene home,
01:27:11.759 --> 01:27:13.261
and it was the winter,
01:27:13.261 --> 01:27:15.964
and so normally in the winter
in Oregon it's always cloudy
01:27:15.964 --> 01:27:17.265
so the stars aren't out.
01:27:17.265 --> 01:27:19.200
And I remember we
stepped outside,
01:27:19.200 --> 01:27:20.401
and it was a clear night,
01:27:20.401 --> 01:27:22.403
and Woody goes, "Oh,
thank you, mom."
01:27:22.403 --> 01:27:23.938
And I said, "Oh,
for what, Woody?"
01:27:23.938 --> 01:27:26.608
And he goes, "For turning the
stars on tonight." (laughing)
01:27:26.608 --> 01:27:30.645
And I looked up at Jayson,
and he was already crying.
01:27:32.547 --> 01:27:35.450
- He craved knowledge, so
he was getting to the point
01:27:35.450 --> 01:27:39.153
where he could start doing
crafts and make friends
01:27:39.153 --> 01:27:41.089
and ask a lot of questions.
01:27:41.089 --> 01:27:43.925
I had him thoroughly convinced
that I lived on the moon.
01:27:44.225 --> 01:27:46.894
(gentle music)
01:27:49.197 --> 01:27:51.132
- His favorite
planet was Mercury,
01:27:51.132 --> 01:27:52.934
because it was the fastest.
01:27:54.235 --> 01:27:55.503
It was not my favorite planet.
01:27:55.503 --> 01:27:56.571
Mine was Jupiter,
01:27:56.571 --> 01:27:58.072
but I thought it
was pretty cute.
01:27:58.773 --> 01:28:01.009
He had Jayson's personality.
01:28:03.444 --> 01:28:06.214
Very magnetic personality,
even at a young age.
01:28:06.214 --> 01:28:10.251
'Cause I would walk in to
pick him up from daycare,
01:28:10.251 --> 01:28:12.487
and all of the other
parents would be like,
01:28:12.487 --> 01:28:13.788
"Oh you're Woody's mom.
01:28:13.788 --> 01:28:15.623
"He's my kid's best friend."
01:28:15.623 --> 01:28:17.725
It was definitely most
proud I've ever been
01:28:17.725 --> 01:28:19.961
is when people would
recognize me as his mom.
01:28:22.930 --> 01:28:25.033
- [Speaker] And
how far out are we?
01:28:25.033 --> 01:28:28.870
- My wildest dream was still
to work for NASA one day.
01:28:28.870 --> 01:28:32.307
Dr. Fisher suggested that
I apply for internships,
01:28:32.307 --> 01:28:33.941
and he even suggested NASA,
01:28:33.941 --> 01:28:36.077
which seemed ridiculous
to me, 'cause I was like,
01:28:36.077 --> 01:28:39.314
there's a 0% chance
I'll get accepted.
01:28:39.314 --> 01:28:41.049
And he was like, "Yeah, but
it's still good practice
01:28:41.049 --> 01:28:43.217
"even if you don't, just apply."
01:28:43.217 --> 01:28:46.421
And one day I was waiting
for the library to open
01:28:46.421 --> 01:28:48.856
and checking my
email on my phone.
01:28:48.856 --> 01:28:51.025
I got an email, a NASA
email, and I was like,
01:28:51.025 --> 01:28:52.293
Oh this is it.
01:28:52.293 --> 01:28:54.929
I think I threw my phone
'cause I was so shocked.
01:28:54.929 --> 01:28:58.333
And then I picked it up and
called Jayson and was like,
01:28:58.333 --> 01:28:59.467
"I got accepted to NASA.
01:28:59.467 --> 01:29:00.635
And he's like, "Well accept it."
01:29:00.635 --> 01:29:02.070
I was like, "I already
did." (laughing)
01:29:02.070 --> 01:29:04.639
(bright music)
01:29:07.241 --> 01:29:10.611
They came with me when I
got my internship at NASA.
01:29:10.611 --> 01:29:12.380
On my days off obviously
we would take him
01:29:12.380 --> 01:29:13.681
to the visitor center,
01:29:13.681 --> 01:29:15.683
and so we were around
rockets all the time.
01:29:15.683 --> 01:29:17.652
So he put together that,
01:29:17.652 --> 01:29:20.521
oh mom must fly in rocket
ships while she's at work.
01:29:20.521 --> 01:29:23.257
And so around that
time Jayson loved
01:29:23.257 --> 01:29:24.525
doing this in front of people.
01:29:24.525 --> 01:29:25.727
He would say like, "Hey Woody,
01:29:25.727 --> 01:29:27.028
"what does mom do for a living?"
01:29:27.028 --> 01:29:28.229
And he'd be like,
01:29:28.229 --> 01:29:30.865
"Oh she flies rocket
ships with her friends."
01:29:30.865 --> 01:29:32.400
And he's like, "What does
dad do for a living?"
01:29:32.400 --> 01:29:33.735
He's like, "Oh, he
pushes me around
01:29:33.735 --> 01:29:35.103
"in the stroller." (laughing)
01:29:36.070 --> 01:29:39.574
The internship strengthened
my resolve to work for NASA.
01:29:40.775 --> 01:29:43.344
- All summer she got to
do a research project.
01:29:43.344 --> 01:29:45.646
You get a badge that
says NASA on it,
01:29:45.646 --> 01:29:49.150
and you swipe it to go into the
office and things like that,
01:29:49.150 --> 01:29:50.685
and look, and you're
workin' at Marshall,
01:29:50.685 --> 01:29:51.919
so you are literally,
01:29:51.919 --> 01:29:53.488
you're at Marshall
Space Flight Center.
01:29:53.488 --> 01:29:54.455
You had an office.
01:29:54.455 --> 01:29:56.457
And I think in retrospect
when she came back,
01:29:56.457 --> 01:30:00.728
I felt that her confidence had
grown in a very positive way.
01:30:00.728 --> 01:30:02.663
That, to me, was
clearly the first time
01:30:02.663 --> 01:30:05.500
where she felt like
I was a scientist.
01:30:05.500 --> 01:30:08.102
(gentle music)
01:30:14.208 --> 01:30:16.577
I saw a picture of her one time,
01:30:16.577 --> 01:30:17.812
and it was like one
01:30:17.812 --> 01:30:19.614
in the background of her
computer or somethin',
01:30:19.614 --> 01:30:23.751
and it was her sitting on
a couch with an article,
01:30:23.751 --> 01:30:26.788
I could tell because
it was all marked up,
01:30:26.788 --> 01:30:28.289
an article she was reading,
01:30:28.289 --> 01:30:30.458
and Woody was sittin' behind her
01:30:30.458 --> 01:30:34.395
with a handful of her hair
(laughing) in his hand,
01:30:34.395 --> 01:30:37.365
and he was kind of pullin'
her hair and sittin' there,
01:30:37.365 --> 01:30:39.534
and she's got an ink
pen in her mouth,
01:30:39.534 --> 01:30:40.868
and she's like
readin' this paper,
01:30:40.868 --> 01:30:42.603
and Woody's (laughing)
pullin' her hair.
01:30:42.603 --> 01:30:47.208
And that to me is the image
that just exhibits that.
01:30:47.208 --> 01:30:50.411
It's the love of being a mom
01:30:50.411 --> 01:30:54.115
and the superhuman focus
that let her do that.
01:30:54.115 --> 01:30:56.284
I don't know how she does it.
01:30:56.284 --> 01:31:00.421
If I had half of it, I
would be a better professor.
01:31:00.421 --> 01:31:02.423
I can (laughing) tell
you that for sure.
01:31:03.090 --> 01:31:06.160
(serene music)
01:31:06.160 --> 01:31:09.630
- While I was studying
electromagnetic waves in space,
01:31:09.630 --> 01:31:11.799
a researcher at Oregon
State University
01:31:11.799 --> 01:31:14.268
was studying waves
here on Earth.
01:31:15.203 --> 01:31:17.939
(waves crashing)
01:31:24.345 --> 01:31:25.947
The more I have learned
about the ocean,
01:31:25.947 --> 01:31:27.882
and I have been researching
waves and the ocean
01:31:27.882 --> 01:31:29.217
for 30 plus years,
01:31:30.551 --> 01:31:33.454
the more you realize that
there is no containing it,
01:31:33.454 --> 01:31:34.722
there's no controlling it.
01:31:36.424 --> 01:31:38.726
The best you can do is
try to understand it
01:31:38.726 --> 01:31:40.695
and maybe try to predict it,
01:31:40.695 --> 01:31:43.130
so that we can stay
out of harm's way
01:31:43.130 --> 01:31:45.633
when the ocean's
just doing its thing.
01:31:46.000 --> 01:31:48.736
(waves crashing)
01:31:50.705 --> 01:31:53.307
(gentle music)
01:31:58.613 --> 01:32:00.014
- Woody was about
three years old,
01:32:00.014 --> 01:32:02.216
and I was in the second
year of the program,
01:32:02.216 --> 01:32:05.753
and it was really, really
hard, but I really loved it.
01:32:06.988 --> 01:32:09.457
I was doing research
with Dr. Fisher.
01:32:09.457 --> 01:32:10.525
It was a dream come true.
01:32:10.525 --> 01:32:13.494
Research is what
I was meant to do.
01:32:13.494 --> 01:32:15.429
Woody was happy and
Jayson was happy
01:32:15.429 --> 01:32:18.132
and everything was perfect.
01:32:18.132 --> 01:32:21.235
(gentle music)
01:32:21.235 --> 01:32:23.271
Dr. Fisher, another
student, and I
01:32:23.271 --> 01:32:25.940
went to an astrophysics
conference in Dallas.
01:32:27.475 --> 01:32:30.144
It was the longest I had had
ever been away from Woody.
01:32:30.144 --> 01:32:32.113
I think it was
four or five days.
01:32:32.113 --> 01:32:36.584
The next weekend was a
three-day weekend in January,
01:32:36.584 --> 01:32:40.154
and so we decided to
take a mini vacation
01:32:40.154 --> 01:32:42.156
to the Oregon coast.
01:32:42.523 --> 01:32:45.826
(waves gently crashing)
01:32:49.263 --> 01:32:50.998
- There's a lot of people
who go out to the ocean
01:32:50.998 --> 01:32:54.168
and watch the ocean just
for inspiration and peace.
01:32:54.168 --> 01:32:55.436
There's a lotta beauty to it,
01:32:56.137 --> 01:32:59.740
but there is also a beast
that sort of lies beneath,
01:32:59.740 --> 01:33:02.376
because of the
power of the water.
01:33:06.781 --> 01:33:08.883
- Charity was excited
'cause they're like,
01:33:08.883 --> 01:33:09.917
"We're gonna come to Coos Bay.
01:33:09.917 --> 01:33:11.052
We're gonna visit you.
01:33:11.052 --> 01:33:12.219
We're gonna go to the beach.
01:33:12.219 --> 01:33:13.054
We're gonna camp.
01:33:13.054 --> 01:33:14.355
Let's hang out.”
01:33:14.355 --> 01:33:16.924
(serene music)
01:33:21.128 --> 01:33:25.499
- The first day we went hiking
in the Oregon Coast Range.
01:33:30.404 --> 01:33:31.772
We were having lots of fun.
01:33:31.772 --> 01:33:35.042
(serene music)
01:33:35.042 --> 01:33:38.079
At this point Woody was
in his storytelling phase.
01:33:38.079 --> 01:33:39.580
He loved telling stories,
01:33:39.580 --> 01:33:42.416
and so the whole hike he was
sitting on Jayson's shoulders
01:33:42.416 --> 01:33:45.953
telling crazy stories
and making up jokes.
01:33:45.953 --> 01:33:48.556
- They were gonna be
leaving the next day.
01:33:48.556 --> 01:33:50.558
I think it was
real late at night.
01:33:50.558 --> 01:33:54.362
We went to my favorite coffee
shop in town to get a cocoa.
01:33:54.362 --> 01:33:56.397
- Who's hanging on here?
01:33:56.397 --> 01:33:57.498
(everyone laughing)
01:33:57.498 --> 01:33:58.733
- Who's hanging right on here?
01:33:58.733 --> 01:34:01.402
- See if you can flap
him off with your wings.
01:34:01.402 --> 01:34:02.470
- No, I can't.
01:34:02.470 --> 01:34:04.071
- Flap, flap, flap.
01:34:04.071 --> 01:34:06.007
- Get off me, little monkey!
01:34:06.007 --> 01:34:07.942
(people laughing)
- Oh, you got him.
01:34:07.942 --> 01:34:09.377
- And then they left
01:34:09.377 --> 01:34:11.479
and so I presumed they
were just going to leave
01:34:11.479 --> 01:34:14.281
in the morning to go home.
01:34:14.281 --> 01:34:18.019
But before they left they
took a walk on the beach.
01:34:18.019 --> 01:34:20.554
(waves gently crashing)
01:34:29.063 --> 01:34:31.298
- I have very fragmented
memories from this day,
01:34:31.298 --> 01:34:33.034
'cause I've tried to
push it out so much,
01:34:33.034 --> 01:34:35.302
because of the PTSD.
01:34:35.302 --> 01:34:38.339
It pops into my head at times,
01:34:38.339 --> 01:34:40.975
and so I have to get really
good at turning it off
01:34:40.975 --> 01:34:42.843
and stopping these
memories from happening.
01:34:48.082 --> 01:34:50.251
It's rarely sunny on the
coast, and it was January,
01:34:50.251 --> 01:34:52.620
but it was really warm
and sunny that day,
01:34:52.620 --> 01:34:55.690
so we thought we would
just relax on the beach.
01:34:56.724 --> 01:34:57.958
It was Woody's nap time,
01:34:57.958 --> 01:34:59.760
and he was starting
to get really sleepy,
01:34:59.760 --> 01:35:02.196
and so we were gonna
go back to the car.
01:35:02.797 --> 01:35:04.965
I had been holding Woody
for a couple hours,
01:35:04.965 --> 01:35:07.568
and so Jayson asked
if he could hold him.
01:35:09.704 --> 01:35:12.239
And I was walking a
bit ahead of them,
01:35:13.407 --> 01:35:17.311
and we were pretty far
away from the ocean.
01:35:17.311 --> 01:35:19.413
We didn't even have our toes
in the water or anything.
01:35:19.413 --> 01:35:21.182
We were as far
away from the ocean
01:35:21.182 --> 01:35:23.617
as we could be on the beach.
01:35:23.617 --> 01:35:24.885
There were lots of people there,
01:35:24.885 --> 01:35:26.120
lots of families there,
01:35:26.120 --> 01:35:28.322
and we had been watching
the waves come up,
01:35:28.322 --> 01:35:30.958
and they come up to the
same place every time.
01:35:30.958 --> 01:35:32.593
And then out of nowhere,
01:35:34.361 --> 01:35:37.865
one came up and swept
them out to sea.
01:35:44.338 --> 01:35:47.374
- She saw us, and she
started screaming,
01:35:47.374 --> 01:35:49.443
and she ran towards us.
01:35:51.112 --> 01:35:53.147
While I was on
the phone with 911
01:35:54.949 --> 01:35:59.220
they gave us instructions
of what to do.
01:35:59.220 --> 01:36:00.688
They requested that we try
01:36:00.688 --> 01:36:04.825
to keep our eye on them in
the ocean as long as possible.
01:36:10.731 --> 01:36:13.334
- When we saw her husband,
01:36:13.334 --> 01:36:18.339
he was on a little
bit of the sand,
01:36:18.339 --> 01:36:21.842
and it was very
clear to me, to us,
01:36:21.842 --> 01:36:23.377
that he was not,
01:36:24.445 --> 01:36:25.346
no longer
01:36:27.748 --> 01:36:28.849
there anymore.
01:36:29.316 --> 01:36:31.252
(waves crashing)
01:36:31.252 --> 01:36:35.689
It was unfortunately a time
where there was no help yet.
01:36:35.689 --> 01:36:38.425
(sirens wailing)
01:36:40.294 --> 01:36:44.732
It was way too
dangerous for any of us
01:36:44.732 --> 01:36:47.835
to even attempt to assist.
01:37:02.650 --> 01:37:05.252
- It was at least
a half hour or so
01:37:05.252 --> 01:37:08.589
before somebody ended
up getting there.
01:37:08.589 --> 01:37:10.324
(sirens wailing)
01:37:11.992 --> 01:37:14.495
It was starting to
get darker and colder.
01:37:14.495 --> 01:37:16.397
She was very cold.
01:37:16.397 --> 01:37:18.065
She started to shake,
01:37:18.065 --> 01:37:24.572
and she was basically
drenched from the waist down.
01:37:27.608 --> 01:37:30.544
But I had my rain pants on
just in case it was rainy.
01:37:30.544 --> 01:37:34.415
And so I was able
to switch my pants
01:37:34.415 --> 01:37:36.650
so that she could
put something dry on.
01:37:37.251 --> 01:37:39.987
(waves crashing)
01:37:42.189 --> 01:37:44.959
(sirens wailing)
01:37:46.360 --> 01:37:49.163
By that time we couldn't
really keep our eye on them,
01:37:49.163 --> 01:37:54.568
because the waves
were just crazy.Yeah.
01:37:55.569 --> 01:37:58.305
(waves crashing)
01:38:01.542 --> 01:38:04.812
(seagulls cawing)
01:38:05.346 --> 01:38:08.616
(gentle intense music)
01:38:10.251 --> 01:38:12.753
- I remember waking
up in an ambulance
01:38:12.753 --> 01:38:15.089
and not knowing how I got there,
01:38:16.557 --> 01:38:17.892
just being really cold,
01:38:17.892 --> 01:38:20.094
and I felt like a
pounding on my head.
01:38:20.861 --> 01:38:22.830
And then I opened
my eyes and realized
01:38:22.830 --> 01:38:25.299
that I was hitting
myself in the head.
01:38:25.866 --> 01:38:27.768
I think I was saying
something like,
01:38:27.768 --> 01:38:29.103
"This isn't real.
01:38:29.103 --> 01:38:30.604
"It's a dream, wake up."
01:38:30.604 --> 01:38:33.340
And I looked down and I
wasn't wearing my clothes.
01:38:33.340 --> 01:38:35.376
I was wearing somebody
else's clothes
01:38:35.376 --> 01:38:37.044
and had warmers all around me.
01:38:37.044 --> 01:38:39.513
They said they were
treating me for hypothermia.
01:38:39.513 --> 01:38:42.283
(sirens wailing)
01:38:45.419 --> 01:38:47.021
- And so I get there...
01:38:47.388 --> 01:38:49.957
(gentle music)
01:38:52.059 --> 01:38:57.431
And the woman ushers
me into the ambulance,
01:38:58.532 --> 01:39:01.001
and there's, Charity's
not strapped down,
01:39:01.001 --> 01:39:03.704
but they keep threatening
to strap her down.
01:39:04.338 --> 01:39:05.306
Wild,
01:39:06.740 --> 01:39:08.776
kind of like a
caged animal look.
01:39:08.776 --> 01:39:11.812
And her eyes were all
weird, and she looked at me,
01:39:11.812 --> 01:39:13.514
she's like, "Are you real?"
01:39:13.514 --> 01:39:17.051
I think is the first
thing she said to me.
01:39:17.051 --> 01:39:20.521
And I am bewildered,
'cause I have no concept
01:39:20.521 --> 01:39:21.555
of what's happening.
01:39:23.123 --> 01:39:25.125
Jayson and Woody are
nowhere to be seen.
01:39:26.760 --> 01:39:29.029
I learned that they'd
already been searching
01:39:29.029 --> 01:39:31.732
for an hour or two, and
it was getting dark soon,
01:39:31.732 --> 01:39:33.300
which is all Charity could say.
01:39:34.535 --> 01:39:36.570
- I kept hearing them
talk over the radio,
01:39:36.570 --> 01:39:38.539
and they said they were
gonna call off the search
01:39:38.539 --> 01:39:40.274
once it got dark.
01:39:40.274 --> 01:39:42.676
And I don't even remember
01:39:42.676 --> 01:39:44.211
how they got me
into the ambulance,
01:39:44.211 --> 01:39:46.013
because I wanted
to keep searching.
01:39:46.380 --> 01:39:48.949
(gentle music)
01:39:50.150 --> 01:39:51.652
My memory fades in and out.
01:39:51.652 --> 01:39:54.555
But I remember waking up one
time and looking out the window
01:39:54.555 --> 01:39:56.390
and seeing that it was dark.
01:40:01.295 --> 01:40:04.164
I just didn't wanna believe
that they were gone, I think.
01:40:05.566 --> 01:40:11.138
And I jumped up, and opened
the back of the ambulance door,
01:40:11.138 --> 01:40:14.074
and ran across
this field towards
01:40:14.074 --> 01:40:15.275
what I thought was the ocean.
01:40:19.613 --> 01:40:24.018
The state police started
chasing me and caught me
01:40:24.018 --> 01:40:25.719
and brought me back
into the ambulance
01:40:25.719 --> 01:40:28.288
and told me that if
I did that again,
01:40:28.288 --> 01:40:30.424
they were gonna put
me in restraints
01:40:30.424 --> 01:40:31.759
and that I needed to calm down.
01:40:32.893 --> 01:40:35.829
- All she wanted to do was
go into the water with them,
01:40:38.465 --> 01:40:43.437
and that's something that
kinda replays a lot in my head.
01:40:44.671 --> 01:40:46.807
- Minutes later I
jumped out again.
01:40:46.807 --> 01:40:49.076
I was hysterical at
this point, honestly.
01:40:49.076 --> 01:40:51.045
They caught me again,
01:40:51.045 --> 01:40:52.846
and the cops held me down,
01:40:52.846 --> 01:40:55.649
and the paramedics gave
me a shot through my pants
01:40:55.649 --> 01:40:57.718
in my thigh of something.
01:40:57.718 --> 01:40:59.987
And I think I was
yelling at the cops,
01:40:59.987 --> 01:41:04.124
because they were talking about
everyday things and I just,
01:41:04.124 --> 01:41:07.528
I just couldn't hear
somebody talking about dinner
01:41:07.528 --> 01:41:09.063
when this was going on.
01:41:09.797 --> 01:41:12.366
(somber music)
01:41:14.735 --> 01:41:17.137
- Folks are dying every winter,
01:41:17.137 --> 01:41:21.108
every week, partially
because things just,
01:41:21.108 --> 01:41:23.444
the stars align in
just the wrong ways.
01:41:24.311 --> 01:41:27.481
(gentle music)
01:41:27.481 --> 01:41:30.484
That particular day, as
it turns out, we now know,
01:41:30.484 --> 01:41:34.721
had all of the ingredients
that have to come together,
01:41:34.721 --> 01:41:37.991
really almost all of them
were present at that time.
01:41:37.991 --> 01:41:41.328
They tend to occur in
certain areas of the oceans.
01:41:41.328 --> 01:41:44.264
The Pacific Northwest
of the United States
01:41:44.264 --> 01:41:45.933
happens to be one of them.
01:41:46.233 --> 01:41:50.037
sometimes they're
called sleeper waves.
01:41:50.037 --> 01:41:52.272
Sneaker waves tend
to catch folks
01:41:52.272 --> 01:41:54.508
who were not intending
to go into the water.
01:41:54.508 --> 01:41:57.377
(waves crashing)
01:41:57.377 --> 01:42:00.647
Oftentimes it's wintertime,
it might be a sunny day.
01:42:00.647 --> 01:42:03.550
They're caught off guard,
and pulled into the water.
01:42:04.451 --> 01:42:08.489
- Oh, oh.
(waves crashing)
01:42:08.489 --> 01:42:11.191
- When you're dressed in
that kind of heavy clothing,
01:42:11.191 --> 01:42:14.795
cold water, it is much more
difficult to get outta the way.
01:42:22.736 --> 01:42:25.973
These storms can really be
brewing very, very far away,
01:42:25.973 --> 01:42:28.809
which is one of the reasons
when these waves arrive,
01:42:28.809 --> 01:42:30.744
It’s not a stormy day here, right?
01:42:30.744 --> 01:42:34.381
The storm was five days ago
on the Southern Pacific Ocean
01:42:34.381 --> 01:42:36.216
and waves have an amazing way
01:42:36.216 --> 01:42:39.119
of traveling all the
way across the ocean,
01:42:39.119 --> 01:42:42.022
coming to Oregon, still with
lots of energy to spare.
01:42:45.058 --> 01:42:46.760
- My next memory,
01:42:46.760 --> 01:42:48.395
I think I was in
an ambulance again,
01:42:48.395 --> 01:42:52.266
because I pulled up
to the emergency room
01:42:52.266 --> 01:42:55.602
in the hospital at Coos Bay,
I think, is where it was.
01:42:55.602 --> 01:42:57.137
I remember the EMTs telling me
01:42:57.137 --> 01:42:58.805
that my family would be there.
01:42:58.805 --> 01:43:01.808
I remember keeping my eyes
closed and covering my face,
01:43:01.808 --> 01:43:04.778
'cause I thought at this
point I wasn't very logical.
01:43:04.778 --> 01:43:07.281
And I remember thinking maybe
if people didn't see me,
01:43:07.281 --> 01:43:08.815
then maybe it didn't happen.
01:43:10.584 --> 01:43:13.587
They took me to a hospital room.
01:43:13.587 --> 01:43:16.223
I think I was screaming
a lot at this point.
01:43:16.223 --> 01:43:18.759
Like it was too much to handle.
01:43:18.759 --> 01:43:20.794
So I would just scream.
01:43:20.794 --> 01:43:22.963
And I remember a nurse
walking up to me,
01:43:22.963 --> 01:43:26.266
and she was crying, and
she had a pill in her hand,
01:43:26.266 --> 01:43:28.235
and she said, "Do you
wanna just fall asleep?"
01:43:28.235 --> 01:43:29.203
And I said, "Yes."
01:43:29.203 --> 01:43:30.904
And I took the pill.
01:43:32.472 --> 01:43:35.242
- She was like tormented.
01:43:35.242 --> 01:43:36.643
It was awful.
01:43:36.643 --> 01:43:39.413
- Like her very being
was being torn apart.
01:43:39.413 --> 01:43:41.815
Her whole soul was just
being ripped from her.
01:43:43.283 --> 01:43:45.352
- I remember waking up one time
01:43:45.352 --> 01:43:47.588
and asking how many
days it had been,
01:43:47.588 --> 01:43:49.690
and I think it was like five.
01:43:49.690 --> 01:43:54.328
And I had no memories
of those five days.
01:43:56.730 --> 01:44:01.602
I remember them telling me
that it was time to go home,
01:44:01.602 --> 01:44:04.404
and I didn't have
a home anymore.
01:44:04.404 --> 01:44:05.639
I didn't wanna go home.
01:44:05.639 --> 01:44:09.042
And they also, because
of the ambulance incident
01:44:09.042 --> 01:44:10.310
where I was running
towards the ocean,
01:44:10.310 --> 01:44:12.646
they took that as that I
was potentially suicidal
01:44:12.646 --> 01:44:15.315
even though that's not why I
was running towards the ocean,
01:44:15.315 --> 01:44:16.216
I don't think.
01:44:16.216 --> 01:44:18.485
They decided to send
me to a psych ward,
01:44:18.485 --> 01:44:21.154
which was back in Eugene.
01:44:21.154 --> 01:44:24.625
And so they put me in this van,
01:44:24.625 --> 01:44:27.094
which only had one
seat in the back,
01:44:27.094 --> 01:44:30.831
and there was a cage in
between me and the driver,
01:44:30.831 --> 01:44:33.333
and that just felt unreal,
01:44:34.234 --> 01:44:36.970
and drove me back
on the same road
01:44:36.970 --> 01:44:40.540
I had just driven with Woody
and Jayson a few days before
01:44:40.540 --> 01:44:41.942
in the back of this van.
01:44:46.280 --> 01:44:50.183
I think it was nighttime,
maybe, by the time I got there.
01:44:50.183 --> 01:44:51.652
And then I slept,
01:44:51.652 --> 01:44:55.555
and I had a meeting
with the psychiatrist,
01:44:55.555 --> 01:44:57.357
and I just begged her
to let me out of there,
01:44:57.357 --> 01:44:59.326
that I just couldn't
handle being in there
01:44:59.326 --> 01:45:01.628
because I couldn't go
into the common area
01:45:01.628 --> 01:45:03.063
where everyone was watching TV,
01:45:03.063 --> 01:45:05.465
because if a scene of
the ocean popped up
01:45:05.465 --> 01:45:08.135
or even a kid would
come on the screen,
01:45:08.135 --> 01:45:10.203
I just couldn't handle it.
01:45:10.203 --> 01:45:12.973
I begged the psychiatrist
to let me out,
01:45:12.973 --> 01:45:15.175
and she said that normally
01:45:15.175 --> 01:45:17.978
they have to keep people
there for 72 hours.
01:45:17.978 --> 01:45:21.248
But that she realized
I wasn't suicidal,
01:45:21.248 --> 01:45:22.849
and that she just wanted me
01:45:22.849 --> 01:45:25.452
to take an anti-anxiety
medication, I think.
01:45:25.452 --> 01:45:27.888
And then she let me
leave the next morning.
01:45:31.692 --> 01:45:33.727
My closest friends
from Canyonville and I
01:45:33.727 --> 01:45:37.764
had drifted apart by then, had
started families of our own,
01:45:37.764 --> 01:45:39.800
but when I was released
from the hospital,
01:45:39.800 --> 01:45:41.335
they were all waiting for me.
01:45:42.803 --> 01:45:44.237
- I mean, I think you don't
know what a friendship means
01:45:44.237 --> 01:45:45.772
until you have an
event like that
01:45:45.772 --> 01:45:48.308
that kind of makes you prove
what that friendship means.
01:45:48.308 --> 01:45:51.345
And it's unfortunate that
this was the kind of event,
01:45:51.345 --> 01:45:55.749
but we literally
grew up together.
01:45:56.116 --> 01:45:58.719
(somber music)
01:46:01.855 --> 01:46:06.360
- Jayson's body was found a
month later, on Valentine's Day.
01:46:06.360 --> 01:46:08.028
Woody's was never found.
01:46:08.395 --> 01:46:10.964
(somber music)
01:46:13.300 --> 01:46:16.002
My father had died
less than a year before
01:46:16.002 --> 01:46:17.637
after a brief illness,
01:46:17.637 --> 01:46:20.774
and I hadn't even fully
grieved that loss yet.
01:46:21.308 --> 01:46:23.210
I was terrified to be alone,
01:46:23.210 --> 01:46:24.978
so I stayed with close family.
01:46:27.080 --> 01:46:30.350
Old friends and perfect
strangers offered support.
01:46:31.918 --> 01:46:35.589
- I read an article in the
newspaper about a woman
01:46:35.589 --> 01:46:38.492
who had lost her
toddler and her husband.
01:46:38.492 --> 01:46:42.996
And it was devastating
to me as a mother,
01:46:42.996 --> 01:46:45.999
just trying to imagine
such an incredible loss
01:46:45.999 --> 01:46:49.069
happening so quickly in
the span of a few moments.
01:46:50.537 --> 01:46:53.807
Here is someone who came from
an unconventional background,
01:46:53.807 --> 01:46:55.575
who worked her way
through school,
01:46:55.575 --> 01:46:58.612
and was on the path
to get her degree.
01:46:58.612 --> 01:47:00.814
And it also broke my
heart to think about her
01:47:00.814 --> 01:47:02.282
not being able to finish that.
01:47:02.282 --> 01:47:05.786
So I reached out and
set up a GoFundMe.
01:47:05.786 --> 01:47:08.755
- The kindness of strangers
was honestly shocking.
01:47:08.755 --> 01:47:11.358
I couldn't believe how many
people reached out to me
01:47:11.358 --> 01:47:13.727
and how many people
donated to the GoFundMe.
01:47:13.994 --> 01:47:16.563
(gentle music)
01:47:20.200 --> 01:47:22.602
My family, I'd always
been taking care of them,
01:47:22.602 --> 01:47:25.839
and I guess they expected
me to continue to do it
01:47:25.839 --> 01:47:28.108
even though I was incapable
of it at that point.
01:47:31.144 --> 01:47:32.579
- It was like the
sharks came around
01:47:32.579 --> 01:47:34.281
as soon as they smelled blood.
01:47:34.281 --> 01:47:38.418
It was like all the people that
relied on Jayson and Charity
01:47:38.418 --> 01:47:39.619
were like, "What now?
01:47:39.619 --> 01:47:40.687
"What do we do now?"
01:47:40.687 --> 01:47:45.792
It was immediate of, what
are we going to do now?
01:47:45.792 --> 01:47:47.794
And she needs to figure it out.
01:47:47.794 --> 01:47:49.229
Maybe we'll give her a day,
01:47:49.229 --> 01:47:50.797
maybe we'll give her two days,
01:47:50.797 --> 01:47:52.599
but we're not gonna
give her two weeks.”
01:47:53.366 --> 01:47:56.670
And her being in shock, she
didn't know what to say.
01:47:56.670 --> 01:47:58.972
She didn't even, I don't think,
01:47:58.972 --> 01:48:01.241
understand the
extent of what Jayson
01:48:01.241 --> 01:48:02.509
was doin' for everybody.
01:48:03.944 --> 01:48:06.179
- And so I think they thought
I would just pay their rent.
01:48:06.179 --> 01:48:08.815
But I said no for
the first time.
01:48:08.815 --> 01:48:11.251
They hadn't really heard
me say that before.
01:48:11.251 --> 01:48:13.353
- They started pushing
her and pushing her
01:48:13.353 --> 01:48:17.491
and pushing her emotionally
and makin' her feel guilty.
01:48:17.491 --> 01:48:21.661
This was not even a month
after she lost her family.
01:48:21.661 --> 01:48:23.230
It was immediate,
01:48:23.230 --> 01:48:24.564
'cause everyone was
under the impression
01:48:24.564 --> 01:48:26.399
that she was sitting
on a pot of gold.
01:48:26.399 --> 01:48:29.002
There was emails and
texts from people saying,
01:48:29.002 --> 01:48:31.271
"What is $5,000 to you?"
01:48:31.271 --> 01:48:33.006
- I started getting suspicious
01:48:33.006 --> 01:48:35.275
that they were stealing from me.
01:48:35.275 --> 01:48:37.511
And so I confronted
them one day about it,
01:48:37.511 --> 01:48:41.515
and it was only I think three
weeks after the worst day.
01:48:41.515 --> 01:48:44.251
So I wasn't really able
to control my emotions,
01:48:44.251 --> 01:48:48.154
and they left me at
the apartment alone.
01:48:48.154 --> 01:48:51.725
It was the first time I had
been alone since the worst day.
01:48:51.725 --> 01:48:55.095
And that was hard,
just being alone.
01:48:55.095 --> 01:49:00.634
I remember hearing a noise
that sounded like a helicopter,
01:49:00.634 --> 01:49:02.936
and on that day there
were rescue helicopters,
01:49:02.936 --> 01:49:04.938
and just hearing that noise
01:49:04.938 --> 01:49:07.274
just threw me into
a panic attack.
01:49:07.274 --> 01:49:09.843
And then I got a
message on Facebook
01:49:09.843 --> 01:49:12.979
saying that I needed to
find a new place to live,
01:49:12.979 --> 01:49:18.552
and so they kicked me out,
and I didn't know what to do.
01:49:18.552 --> 01:49:20.687
I didn't have anywhere to go.
01:49:20.687 --> 01:49:23.290
So I called Travis, and
I told him what happened.
01:49:23.290 --> 01:49:25.592
- Her sister reached out to me
01:49:25.592 --> 01:49:29.563
and suggested that Charity
had been acting abnormally
01:49:29.563 --> 01:49:32.198
and maybe wasn't
mentally stable.
01:49:32.198 --> 01:49:34.034
And that just didn't ring true
01:49:34.034 --> 01:49:38.939
with anything that I was seeing
and made me very suspicious.
01:49:38.939 --> 01:49:41.541
And so eventually I talked
to Charity about it,
01:49:41.541 --> 01:49:43.009
and she told me
what was happening,
01:49:43.009 --> 01:49:46.646
and I think it was a real
struggle for her, what to do.
01:49:48.114 --> 01:49:51.251
- I remember my family told
me that I was crazy now
01:49:51.251 --> 01:49:52.586
and that I was paranoid
01:49:52.586 --> 01:49:54.187
and that they weren't
stealing from me
01:49:54.187 --> 01:49:56.489
and that it was all in my head.
01:49:56.489 --> 01:49:57.991
That seemed more logical
01:49:57.991 --> 01:50:00.961
than somebody stealing from
me at that moment in my life.
01:50:00.961 --> 01:50:03.630
So I started questioning
my own reality.
01:50:06.032 --> 01:50:08.802
My family often asks me,
01:50:08.802 --> 01:50:10.804
whenever there's a computer
issue, they come to me for it.
01:50:10.804 --> 01:50:14.975
And so I logged into
two of their Facebooks
01:50:14.975 --> 01:50:17.978
and read all of their
messages between each other,
01:50:17.978 --> 01:50:20.847
and they did steal from me,
01:50:20.847 --> 01:50:22.415
and they all knew about it,
01:50:22.415 --> 01:50:24.417
and they were hiding it from me.
01:50:24.417 --> 01:50:26.119
- It was literally
like they were trying
01:50:26.119 --> 01:50:27.487
to get her to kill herself
01:50:27.487 --> 01:50:28.955
with everything that
they were trying to do.
01:50:28.955 --> 01:50:31.691
And I know that sounds
dramatic, but it was disgusting.
01:50:31.691 --> 01:50:35.228
This was already happening
before the funeral happened.
01:50:35.228 --> 01:50:42.168
- I was very angry and very
betrayed, and I think in shock.
01:50:42.168 --> 01:50:43.503
I just couldn't believe it.
01:50:44.871 --> 01:50:47.140
I know what being in
survival mode is like,
01:50:47.140 --> 01:50:48.808
and they've always
been in survival mode,
01:50:48.808 --> 01:50:51.411
so I can excuse stealing.
01:50:51.411 --> 01:50:53.380
I don't care much
about the money.
01:50:53.380 --> 01:50:54.814
I just care about
how they treated me
01:50:54.814 --> 01:50:56.716
and how they weren't
able to be there for me
01:50:56.716 --> 01:50:58.251
when I needed them,
01:50:58.251 --> 01:51:01.421
because I had been there
for them their whole lives.
01:51:01.421 --> 01:51:06.960
Eventually I realized that the
only way I was gonna survive
01:51:06.960 --> 01:51:09.229
was if I just stopped
talking to them.
01:51:09.229 --> 01:51:11.364
I couldn't think about it.
01:51:11.364 --> 01:51:12.565
It was too much.
01:51:13.566 --> 01:51:15.735
I had a meeting with Dr. Fisher,
01:51:15.735 --> 01:51:19.406
and it must have been a shock
for him to see me like that.
01:51:19.406 --> 01:51:21.107
At that point I was
wearing all black
01:51:21.107 --> 01:51:24.678
and wouldn't shower every day
01:51:24.678 --> 01:51:28.915
and had lost 15 to 20
pounds at that point.
01:51:28.915 --> 01:51:30.617
He just wanted to
know what I needed.
01:51:30.617 --> 01:51:33.720
And so I told him that I
wanted to go back to school
01:51:33.720 --> 01:51:36.556
and that I wanted to
finish my Physics degree,
01:51:36.556 --> 01:51:37.857
but I didn't know how to do that
01:51:37.857 --> 01:51:40.026
because I had already
missed so much class.
01:51:40.860 --> 01:51:42.395
- I just remember saying
one thing, I said,
01:51:42.395 --> 01:51:44.431
"Look." (clapping)
01:51:44.431 --> 01:51:49.402
"Our group can be the one
spot that didn't change."
01:51:49.402 --> 01:51:53.006
And so I think we
did that in the end,
01:51:53.006 --> 01:51:55.442
but I just wanted to make
sure to tell her that day
01:51:55.442 --> 01:51:59.746
that that was the one
part of her life that
01:51:59.746 --> 01:52:03.149
didn't get thrown into chaos.
01:52:03.650 --> 01:52:05.618
- I remember him telling me that
01:52:05.618 --> 01:52:08.421
my life was completely
turned upside down,
01:52:08.421 --> 01:52:10.523
but that if I came back
to the research group
01:52:10.523 --> 01:52:12.025
that everything
would be the same,
01:52:12.025 --> 01:52:14.027
that I would still be the
head of the research group,
01:52:14.027 --> 01:52:16.463
and that I had my spot
as the first author
01:52:16.463 --> 01:52:18.264
on this paper that
I was working on.
01:52:20.200 --> 01:52:21.968
That's exactly what I needed.
01:52:21.968 --> 01:52:23.536
I don't know what I
would've done without that,
01:52:23.536 --> 01:52:26.139
and I don't think he knows
that that was so significant.
01:52:26.139 --> 01:52:27.073
But it was.
01:52:29.509 --> 01:52:32.779
The distraction of school
01:52:32.779 --> 01:52:35.682
is one of the things that
kept me going for sure.
01:52:37.083 --> 01:52:40.520
But yeah, I don't know what
else I would have done.
01:52:40.520 --> 01:52:42.021
What else could I have?
01:52:42.021 --> 01:52:44.524
I mean that was, it felt
like it was my only option.
01:52:45.725 --> 01:52:49.662
- There were probably
one or two, five papers,
01:52:49.662 --> 01:52:54.067
in the entire world
of astronomy that year
01:52:54.067 --> 01:52:56.569
that were published
that had first authors
01:52:56.569 --> 01:52:57.637
that were undergrads.
01:52:58.838 --> 01:53:01.741
And Woodrum et al
was one of 'em.
01:53:01.741 --> 01:53:03.877
And so that to me
that is the magnitude
01:53:03.877 --> 01:53:06.079
of what she accomplished.
01:53:06.079 --> 01:53:09.849
Superhuman focus
is what she has,
01:53:09.849 --> 01:53:13.787
and 10 bulldogs
worth of tenacity,
01:53:13.787 --> 01:53:15.388
and she just would not give up.
01:53:17.490 --> 01:53:18.858
- It's really
important for people
01:53:18.858 --> 01:53:20.326
to have a support network,
01:53:20.326 --> 01:53:22.262
and I didn't know how
much of a support network
01:53:22.262 --> 01:53:25.532
I would really be since I
was a stranger at the time,
01:53:25.532 --> 01:53:28.168
but I just wanted to do
anything I could to help.
01:53:28.501 --> 01:53:31.604
(gentle piano music)
01:53:35.942 --> 01:53:37.777
Lynn Frohnmayer is
a friend of mine,
01:53:37.777 --> 01:53:42.715
and she's probably the strongest
human being that I know.
01:53:42.715 --> 01:53:45.251
And I thought if
anybody could understand
01:53:45.251 --> 01:53:49.422
what Charity's going through,
and offer some sort of solace,
01:53:49.422 --> 01:53:51.090
Lynn would be the person.
01:53:52.792 --> 01:53:54.828
- I was certainly willing
to do whatever I could,
01:53:54.828 --> 01:53:57.263
but I couldn't see what I
could possibly do, frankly.
01:53:57.263 --> 01:53:59.165
I didn't see that I
would be of any help.
01:53:59.165 --> 01:54:02.602
But I was very willing to
meet Charity and talk to her.
01:54:02.602 --> 01:54:04.804
- So we all met at
a Thai restaurant.
01:54:04.804 --> 01:54:07.974
- I think it was a disaster,
from my point of view.
01:54:07.974 --> 01:54:09.442
I didn't think I
was helpful at all.
01:54:09.442 --> 01:54:11.311
- We were all sitting
at this table,
01:54:11.311 --> 01:54:13.813
and we were all crying,
publicly crying,
01:54:13.813 --> 01:54:15.481
and hugging and stuff.
01:54:15.481 --> 01:54:18.451
And I just instantly felt
a connection with Lynn,
01:54:18.451 --> 01:54:20.787
because she was the first person
01:54:20.787 --> 01:54:24.023
that understood what
I was going through.
01:54:24.324 --> 01:54:26.893
(gentle music)
01:54:32.899 --> 01:54:36.102
- Things were going
extremely well in my life
01:54:36.102 --> 01:54:37.604
for so many years.
01:54:37.604 --> 01:54:41.074
I actually felt that I was
just about the luckiest person
01:54:43.009 --> 01:54:45.612
My husband was Oregon's
Attorney General.
01:54:45.612 --> 01:54:47.947
That was a job he just loved.
01:54:47.947 --> 01:54:51.384
I was the branch manager of
Children's Services division.
01:54:51.384 --> 01:54:53.820
I'd been working in Child
Protective Services.
01:54:56.990 --> 01:55:00.360
I just remember thinking
how incredibly lucky I was.
01:55:00.360 --> 01:55:01.761
I had these fabulous children.
01:55:01.761 --> 01:55:03.663
They were super duper smart.
01:55:03.663 --> 01:55:05.598
They were kind, they were good.
01:55:05.598 --> 01:55:07.100
They appeared to be so healthy,
01:55:07.100 --> 01:55:10.803
and they were just wonderful
in every single respect.
01:55:12.138 --> 01:55:15.041
But in the 1980s and
throughout that entire decade,
01:55:15.041 --> 01:55:17.443
we were to learn
one after the other,
01:55:17.443 --> 01:55:19.879
that all three of our
daughters were born
01:55:19.879 --> 01:55:24.484
with a very rare genetic
disease called Fanconi anemia.
01:55:26.853 --> 01:55:29.455
Over the years we've
now lost all three
01:55:29.455 --> 01:55:32.892
of those fabulous girls to this
dreadful, dreadful disease.
01:55:34.327 --> 01:55:37.764
My husband died almost five
years ago of prostate cancer.
01:55:37.764 --> 01:55:39.632
I had incurred all those losses
01:55:39.632 --> 01:55:41.467
at the time that I met Charity.
01:55:42.402 --> 01:55:46.239
Katie was the first to die,
and she died at the age of 12.
01:55:46.239 --> 01:55:48.041
Kirsten finished high school,
01:55:48.041 --> 01:55:51.577
went off to Stanford, Phi
Beta Kappa from Stanford.
01:55:52.779 --> 01:55:54.914
She was 24 when she died.
01:55:55.882 --> 01:55:58.584
And Amy died at the age of 29.
01:55:58.584 --> 01:56:01.387
Amy was quite an
amazing young woman.
01:56:01.387 --> 01:56:03.690
First of all, she had lost,
01:56:03.690 --> 01:56:04.857
over the course of
all these years,
01:56:04.857 --> 01:56:06.726
she lost two sisters.
01:56:06.726 --> 01:56:09.128
Eventually she lost
her father as well.
01:56:09.429 --> 01:56:12.598
And faced with those
hellacious losses,
01:56:12.598 --> 01:56:16.669
she was able to develop
a philosophy of life
01:56:16.869 --> 01:56:21.307
that made it possible to
see the horrible things
01:56:21.307 --> 01:56:22.775
that can happen to your life
01:56:22.775 --> 01:56:26.245
as a contrast with all that's
really good in your life.
01:56:26.813 --> 01:56:30.149
♪ Everything is awesome
01:56:30.149 --> 01:56:32.819
♪ Everything is cool when
you're part of a team ♪
01:56:32.819 --> 01:56:35.521
- She had an amazing
capacity to see
01:56:35.521 --> 01:56:38.191
the beauty and
the joy around her
01:56:38.191 --> 01:56:40.093
in spite of what she
had been through.
01:56:41.928 --> 01:56:45.631
- Tell me the last end of
that poem you told me again.
01:56:45.631 --> 01:56:46.466
- Oh.
01:56:47.667 --> 01:56:50.069
- In "Blackwater
Woods" by Mary Oliver.
01:56:51.471 --> 01:56:53.573
I'm not sure I'll get
this right word for word,
01:56:53.573 --> 01:56:59.078
but the idea is in this life
01:56:59.078 --> 01:57:01.948
you must be able
to do three things:
01:57:03.249 --> 01:57:05.351
to love what is mortal;
01:57:06.319 --> 01:57:08.621
to hold it against your bones
01:57:08.621 --> 01:57:11.891
as though your utter
life depends on it;
01:57:13.493 --> 01:57:19.432
and three (laughing), in
the end, to let it go.
01:57:19.432 --> 01:57:21.634
To let it go.
01:57:25.972 --> 01:57:28.207
- And even the very
last day of her life,
01:57:28.207 --> 01:57:30.376
she's now in the
intensive care unit,
01:57:30.376 --> 01:57:35.181
we all know that she has
very, very little time left,
01:57:35.181 --> 01:57:37.583
she's very, very sick,
01:57:37.583 --> 01:57:41.287
and she says to me, she
said, "How lucky am I?
01:57:41.287 --> 01:57:45.258
"Every time that door
opens, it's someone I love."
01:57:46.059 --> 01:57:48.361
I watched that, and I tried,
01:57:48.361 --> 01:57:51.364
not always successfully,
to learn from her.
01:57:52.532 --> 01:57:55.068
- There was this comfort
with her immediately,
01:57:55.068 --> 01:57:57.303
and we started seeing
each other all the time.
01:57:57.303 --> 01:57:59.205
We would go to
dinner every week,
01:57:59.205 --> 01:58:01.607
and she started taking
me to the opera,
01:58:01.607 --> 01:58:04.844
and she just became my
mentor through grief.
01:58:10.016 --> 01:58:12.652
- Grief and
happiness can coexist
01:58:12.652 --> 01:58:15.254
almost in the very
same timeframe.
01:58:15.254 --> 01:58:18.691
I feel I carry my grief
around with me constantly.
01:58:18.691 --> 01:58:20.426
It's just a part of who I am.
01:58:21.027 --> 01:58:24.430
I am someone who's lost
three fabulous daughters
01:58:24.430 --> 01:58:26.265
and a wonderful,
wonderful husband.
01:58:27.433 --> 01:58:30.136
And yet at that same
moment of knowing that
01:58:30.136 --> 01:58:32.839
and feeling it and having
it part of who I am,
01:58:32.839 --> 01:58:36.209
it seems like it's
integrated into my identity,
01:58:36.209 --> 01:58:39.011
I still love to do an
awful lotta things.
01:58:39.011 --> 01:58:40.446
It's not a contradiction.
01:58:40.446 --> 01:58:44.117
I still find tremendous
beauty and joy
01:58:44.117 --> 01:58:46.252
in this life that
I have been given.
01:58:46.552 --> 01:58:49.021
- She has experienced
so much pain in her life,
01:58:49.021 --> 01:58:53.059
and it was just amazing to see
her be able to express that.
01:58:53.059 --> 01:58:55.795
But then also to
be able to laugh.
01:58:55.795 --> 01:58:58.064
'Cause if you're in a room
with Lynn and she laughs,
01:58:58.064 --> 01:58:59.532
everybody looks at her.
01:58:59.532 --> 01:59:01.767
She just is like this
beam of light in the room,
01:59:01.767 --> 01:59:04.904
and I just, I couldn't
believe that she,
01:59:04.904 --> 01:59:07.840
could simultaneously
feel so much pain,
01:59:07.840 --> 01:59:12.345
but also be so full of life.
01:59:12.345 --> 01:59:15.882
And I didn't think I
could ever be that way,
01:59:16.749 --> 01:59:18.985
but it was what I aspired to be.
01:59:18.985 --> 01:59:21.387
I was hoping that
someday I would be able
01:59:21.387 --> 01:59:24.891
to get to that point, or
at least I was gonna try.
01:59:24.891 --> 01:59:27.260
And even if I made it part of
the way, it would be enough,
01:59:27.260 --> 01:59:28.794
'cause Lynn is so amazing.
01:59:29.562 --> 01:59:31.430
She's a real life hero,
01:59:31.430 --> 01:59:35.034
and I'm very lucky that she's
also one of my best friends.
01:59:35.801 --> 01:59:37.870
- She was a gift to me.
01:59:37.870 --> 01:59:40.673
If I was a tiny gift to
her, I'm happy to know that.
01:59:40.673 --> 01:59:43.943
But I gotta tell ya, she
was a huge gift in my life.
01:59:44.810 --> 01:59:47.980
(gentle piano music)
01:59:49.115 --> 01:59:51.050
- Friends old and
news circled around me
01:59:51.050 --> 01:59:53.119
like a human life preserver,
01:59:53.119 --> 01:59:55.721
keeping me afloat
through waves of grief
01:59:55.721 --> 01:59:58.057
and supporting my
dream of graduating.
01:59:58.057 --> 02:00:00.726
(bright music)
02:00:00.960 --> 02:00:01.327
(bright music)
02:00:02.028 --> 02:00:04.897
By then astrophysics
had become my life.
02:00:04.897 --> 02:00:06.766
I felt driven to study galaxies
02:00:06.766 --> 02:00:08.534
billions of light years away.
02:00:08.534 --> 02:00:10.436
There's still so
much we don't know
02:00:10.436 --> 02:00:12.505
and so many mysteries
to be revealed.
02:00:12.505 --> 02:00:14.707
We'll be able to measure
the stellar metallicities
02:00:14.707 --> 02:00:16.008
and then the gas
phase metallicities.
02:00:16.008 --> 02:00:18.644
Dr. Fisher was one of
my strongest supporters
02:00:18.644 --> 02:00:20.179
from the very beginning,
02:00:20.179 --> 02:00:23.182
and he encouraged me to
apply to graduate schools.
02:00:23.182 --> 02:00:26.152
The University of Arizona
was my reach school,
02:00:26.152 --> 02:00:27.653
which means it was
the one that I thought
02:00:27.653 --> 02:00:29.622
was the least likely
I would get into,
02:00:29.622 --> 02:00:33.459
because it's a top 10 program
in the world for astrophysics,
02:00:33.459 --> 02:00:35.561
top five in the U.S.
02:00:35.561 --> 02:00:37.196
And so I really didn't think
02:00:37.196 --> 02:00:39.532
I was gonna get into the
University of Arizona.
02:00:40.933 --> 02:00:43.369
I had heard about an
astronomy professor there,
02:00:43.369 --> 02:00:45.171
Dr. Marsha Rieke.
02:00:45.171 --> 02:00:48.674
She is widely known as the
mother of infrared astronomy.
02:00:50.042 --> 02:00:53.279
(bright music)
02:00:53.279 --> 02:00:55.615
Dr. Rieke designed
the primary camera
02:00:55.615 --> 02:00:57.950
on the James Webb
Space Telescope,
02:00:57.950 --> 02:01:01.287
the most advanced space
telescope ever built.
02:01:01.287 --> 02:01:03.522
It will give us an
unprecedented view
02:01:03.522 --> 02:01:06.025
of the universe's
earliest galaxies.
02:01:07.293 --> 02:01:08.995
The idea that I
might be able to work
02:01:08.995 --> 02:01:11.864
alongside Professor
Rieke was thrilling,
02:01:11.864 --> 02:01:15.768
and another step toward my goal
of one day working for NASA.
02:01:18.571 --> 02:01:19.805
If I got accepted,
02:01:19.805 --> 02:01:21.474
I would be entering
the field of astronomy
02:01:21.474 --> 02:01:24.143
at a remarkable time
in space exploration.
02:01:24.977 --> 02:01:28.314
The James Webb Space Telescope
will completely revolutionize
02:01:28.314 --> 02:01:30.182
our understanding
of the universe.
02:01:31.651 --> 02:01:33.919
I was doing homework on the
University of Oregon campus
02:01:33.919 --> 02:01:35.721
when I got the call.
02:01:35.721 --> 02:01:36.956
And it says Tucson on it,
02:01:36.956 --> 02:01:39.558
and so I run out of the
room and I answer the phone,
02:01:39.558 --> 02:01:41.327
and they're like,
"Congratulations,
02:01:41.327 --> 02:01:43.562
"you got accepted into the
University of Arizona."
02:01:43.562 --> 02:01:45.164
And I'm pretty
sure I immediately
02:01:45.164 --> 02:01:46.699
ran to Dr. Fisher's office.
02:01:46.699 --> 02:01:48.768
"Dr. Fisher, I got
accepted into grad school,"
02:01:48.768 --> 02:01:51.604
and of course he stood up and
was screamin' and everything.
02:01:52.438 --> 02:01:54.640
I was completely
shocked a second time
02:01:54.640 --> 02:01:57.576
when I received a National
Science Foundation Fellowship
02:01:57.576 --> 02:01:59.979
that would fund my entire Ph.D.
02:02:00.746 --> 02:02:02.315
I honestly couldn't believe it.
02:02:03.516 --> 02:02:06.752
But then the reality set in, I
would need to move to Tucson.
02:02:06.752 --> 02:02:08.554
But I had lived my
whole life in Oregon,
02:02:08.554 --> 02:02:11.157
so that that was something
that kinda kept me grounded.
02:02:11.157 --> 02:02:14.527
So I was honestly terrified
to move out of Oregon.
02:02:14.527 --> 02:02:18.197
And I was also terrified to
move away from my support system
02:02:18.197 --> 02:02:21.634
into a place where I
knew absolutely nobody.
02:02:23.969 --> 02:02:26.038
Close friends from my
Canyonville days and I
02:02:26.038 --> 02:02:29.842
packed up my things,
Jayson's books, my dog Bug,
02:02:29.842 --> 02:02:31.777
and drove to Tucson.
02:02:32.044 --> 02:02:35.114
(gentle music)
02:02:44.623 --> 02:02:46.959
One of the first things
I did was set up an altar
02:02:46.959 --> 02:02:48.894
to Woody and Jayson
in my apartment.
02:02:50.096 --> 02:02:51.797
In the corner with the feathers,
02:02:51.797 --> 02:02:54.166
that's also an art
project by Woody.
02:02:54.166 --> 02:02:56.535
He said it was an
alien from Mercury.
02:02:56.535 --> 02:02:59.004
So that's what they
look like there I guess.
02:02:59.538 --> 02:03:02.141
(somber music)
02:03:04.377 --> 02:03:05.878
One of the most scariest things
02:03:05.878 --> 02:03:08.280
was that I was gonna
be put in a situation
02:03:08.280 --> 02:03:09.548
where people were gonna be
02:03:09.548 --> 02:03:11.484
asking me questions
again about my past.
02:03:11.484 --> 02:03:14.086
(somber music)
02:03:14.887 --> 02:03:18.491
I was 33, a decade older
than my classmates,
02:03:18.491 --> 02:03:20.793
and had lived a
very different life,
02:03:20.793 --> 02:03:22.294
one that I wasn't ready to share
02:03:22.294 --> 02:03:24.663
with the other
students in my program.
02:03:24.663 --> 02:03:26.432
- I'm definitely
the type who went
02:03:26.432 --> 02:03:29.402
all the way back to Charity's
history on Instagram.
02:03:29.402 --> 02:03:32.004
And then I sort of saw a
kid and I saw a husband,
02:03:32.004 --> 02:03:33.806
and I was like, wait a minute.
02:03:36.776 --> 02:03:38.277
- Hey Woody.
- Hmmm?
02:03:38.277 --> 02:03:40.646
- [Charity] What do you
wanna be when you grow up?
02:03:40.646 --> 02:03:42.014
- Spider-Man.
02:03:42.014 --> 02:03:43.382
- [Charity] Spider-Man?
02:03:44.717 --> 02:03:46.552
- And then I saw her
Instagram captions
02:03:46.552 --> 02:03:48.020
would be memorializing them.
02:03:48.421 --> 02:03:49.889
And then I was like, oh, shit.
02:03:50.055 --> 02:03:52.591
(somber music)
02:03:55.127 --> 02:03:57.062
Everything that we went through
02:03:57.062 --> 02:03:58.631
to apply to grad
school was awful.
02:03:59.198 --> 02:04:02.535
And then realizing that she
had applied to grad school
02:04:02.535 --> 02:04:04.804
less than a year afterwards,
02:04:04.804 --> 02:04:09.809
how on earth is this even
possible for a human to do?
02:04:10.209 --> 02:04:12.845
- It's a strength
of character that
02:04:12.845 --> 02:04:15.714
I don't know if I've ever
seen in any other person.
02:04:16.081 --> 02:04:17.616
It's remarkable.
02:04:17.616 --> 02:04:19.985
It's a privilege to just be
able to work alongside her.
02:04:22.288 --> 02:04:23.656
- One thing I'm
trying to come up with
02:04:23.656 --> 02:04:25.558
is like some type of metric
02:04:25.558 --> 02:04:28.160
that describes the
quenching time scale,
02:04:28.160 --> 02:04:30.996
so like how fast a galaxy goes
02:04:30.996 --> 02:04:32.765
from star forming to quiescent.
02:04:34.600 --> 02:04:35.601
- [Speaker] And lift off.
02:04:35.601 --> 02:04:38.070
- Décollage.
- Décollage,
02:04:38.070 --> 02:04:40.139
liftoff from a
tropical rainforest
02:04:40.139 --> 02:04:42.208
to the edge of time itself,
02:04:42.208 --> 02:04:43.876
James Webb begins a voyage
02:04:43.876 --> 02:04:46.045
back to the birth
of the universe.
02:04:46.045 --> 02:04:48.714
(gentle music)
02:04:50.983 --> 02:04:53.052
- I use the universe
as a time machine
02:04:53.052 --> 02:04:56.288
to tell the story of
how galaxies evolve
over cosmic time.
02:04:56.589 --> 02:04:58.290
The James Web Space Telescope
02:04:58.290 --> 02:05:00.326
is gonna be studying galaxies
02:05:00.326 --> 02:05:02.261
that are the most
distant in the universe
02:05:02.261 --> 02:05:05.097
and that are also the oldest
galaxies in the universe.
02:05:05.097 --> 02:05:08.534
And we also have studied
galaxies that are very nearby,
02:05:08.534 --> 02:05:10.436
so if we want to
connect these two dots
02:05:10.436 --> 02:05:13.105
of the nearby universe and
the very early universe
02:05:13.105 --> 02:05:15.674
that the James Webb Space
Telescope is gonna see,
02:05:15.674 --> 02:05:17.843
we need to observe the
galaxies in between.
02:05:19.445 --> 02:05:21.413
- For any student to
do what she's doing
02:05:21.413 --> 02:05:22.715
is already incredible.
02:05:22.715 --> 02:05:24.984
She truly is working
at the very tippy top,
02:05:24.984 --> 02:05:28.320
the pinnacle of
modern astronomy.
02:05:28.320 --> 02:05:31.257
Anybody who gets to that
point is already amazing.
02:05:31.257 --> 02:05:33.392
But the fact that
Charity has done it
02:05:33.392 --> 02:05:36.095
given the journey that
she's had to take,
02:05:36.095 --> 02:05:37.930
it makes it an even
more powerful statement.
02:05:39.832 --> 02:05:40.766
- My life now
02:05:40.766 --> 02:05:42.401
and my work analyzing data
02:05:42.401 --> 02:05:44.169
from the James Webb
Space Telescope
02:05:44.169 --> 02:05:45.404
feel light years away
02:05:45.404 --> 02:05:47.540
from the first two
chapters of my life.
02:05:47.540 --> 02:05:49.808
(indistinct)
02:05:49.808 --> 02:05:51.477
- Her past is clearly reflected
02:05:51.477 --> 02:05:53.412
in the way that she
treats other people
02:05:53.412 --> 02:05:56.549
and the way that she behaves
and moves through her life.
02:05:56.549 --> 02:05:58.918
But it also seems like
a different world.
02:05:59.818 --> 02:06:03.556
We didn't know Charity
before any of this happened,
02:06:03.556 --> 02:06:06.091
and so this is just
who she is to us.
02:06:06.959 --> 02:06:08.994
- Oh, I think her
strengths are being able
02:06:08.994 --> 02:06:10.963
to talk and work
with other people
02:06:10.963 --> 02:06:13.332
and being empathetic to
other people, for sure.
02:06:13.832 --> 02:06:16.001
There are places
such as the one that
02:06:16.001 --> 02:06:17.536
will be controlling
the Webb Mission,
02:06:17.536 --> 02:06:19.305
Space Telescope
Science Institute,
02:06:19.305 --> 02:06:23.576
that hires a lot of
astronomers to do work
02:06:23.576 --> 02:06:25.711
in supporting missions
and making certain
02:06:25.711 --> 02:06:28.380
that all of the
planning and scheduling
02:06:28.380 --> 02:06:30.616
and understanding how
to run the instruments
02:06:30.616 --> 02:06:33.152
and how to give other
astronomers advice,
02:06:33.152 --> 02:06:35.220
there's a whole host
of kinds of jobs there,
02:06:35.220 --> 02:06:37.389
and I could see her very well
02:06:37.389 --> 02:06:38.958
fitting into one of those slots.
02:06:41.794 --> 02:06:44.396
- I had been managing
panic attacks in Tucson,
02:06:44.396 --> 02:06:47.132
but still had one fear
I needed to overcome
02:06:47.132 --> 02:06:48.867
in order to move
forward in my life.
02:06:49.435 --> 02:06:50.970
The ocean.
02:06:55.341 --> 02:06:57.910
Walking on an Oregon beach
02:06:57.910 --> 02:07:01.714
is the hardest
thing for me to do.
02:07:01.714 --> 02:07:05.517
So I'm just hoping that
if I'm able to do it,
02:07:05.517 --> 02:07:08.387
then I won't be scared
of getting in a plane
02:07:08.387 --> 02:07:12.024
or going to any
other beach on Earth.
02:07:12.024 --> 02:07:13.459
I don't know how
this is gonna go,
02:07:13.459 --> 02:07:15.661
'cause sometimes I have...
02:07:15.661 --> 02:07:19.498
I've had panic attacks before
from just seeing the ocean,
02:07:20.633 --> 02:07:23.502
so I don't know if
I'll be able to do it,
02:07:23.502 --> 02:07:26.338
but I'm gonna try.
02:07:30.776 --> 02:07:33.879
(somber piano music)
02:08:03.809 --> 02:08:08.814
(waves gently crashing)
(somber music)
02:08:24.930 --> 02:08:28.967
- The ocean, it used to be a
place to come and calm down.
02:08:28.967 --> 02:08:31.303
It's soothing to people.
02:08:31.303 --> 02:08:33.205
People sleep to
the sound of waves.
02:08:33.205 --> 02:08:35.274
You hear them in
therapists' office.
02:08:35.274 --> 02:08:36.675
People come here for peace,
02:08:36.675 --> 02:08:38.577
and that used to be
what it was for me,
02:08:38.577 --> 02:08:40.612
and now it's terror.
02:08:40.979 --> 02:08:45.984
(waves crashing)
(somber music)
02:08:48.053 --> 02:08:50.289
And I'll never look
at it and feel peace,
02:08:50.289 --> 02:08:53.659
but I thought I'd never be
able to stand here again.
02:08:53.659 --> 02:08:56.061
I thought if I did it
would be 20 years from now,
02:08:56.061 --> 02:08:59.298
50 years from now, but
it's only been four years,
02:08:59.298 --> 02:09:01.033
so I feel like I've made...
02:09:02.201 --> 02:09:04.269
I'm doing better than
I ever thought I would.
02:09:06.438 --> 02:09:08.907
Images are popping into
my head from the day,
02:09:08.907 --> 02:09:10.943
and I'm trying to not
think about those.
02:09:10.943 --> 02:09:12.444
I kind of push them away.
02:09:13.579 --> 02:09:16.215
I have so much
adrenaline right now,
02:09:17.382 --> 02:09:20.452
so I'm seeing things
from that day,
02:09:20.452 --> 02:09:22.755
and I'm just tryin' to
push 'em outta my head.
02:09:22.755 --> 02:09:26.692
Happy things like Woody
playing in the sand or
02:09:28.293 --> 02:09:33.465
one of the worst things that
I think about is carrying him,
02:09:33.465 --> 02:09:36.502
'cause he didn't wanna
walk on the sand,
02:09:36.502 --> 02:09:37.970
so I carried him to the beach.
02:09:37.970 --> 02:09:42.941
And so I just remember that,
just carrying him to the beach,
02:09:42.941 --> 02:09:44.810
and I just wish I...
02:09:44.810 --> 02:09:46.645
I try not to think about...
02:09:46.645 --> 02:09:51.550
'Cause the other thing
I'm thinking about is
02:09:51.550 --> 02:09:54.419
I just wish I
didn't go that day,
02:09:54.419 --> 02:09:57.890
and that's a really
unhealthy spiral to go down,
02:09:57.890 --> 02:10:00.726
because I can't control
it, it happened.
02:10:00.726 --> 02:10:02.461
So there's no point
02:10:02.461 --> 02:10:06.765
in wishing that I never
brought them here.
02:10:06.765 --> 02:10:09.535
(waves crashing)
02:10:12.237 --> 02:10:13.605
This is my biggest fear.
02:10:14.306 --> 02:10:17.009
I thought there was
only one thing left
02:10:17.009 --> 02:10:19.678
for me to be afraid
of, and this is it.
02:10:19.678 --> 02:10:21.213
And so the fact that I'm here,
02:10:23.382 --> 02:10:25.217
I don't have anything
to be afraid of anymore.
02:10:25.217 --> 02:10:27.553
I can handle anything now.
02:10:29.855 --> 02:10:32.391
(gentle music)
02:10:43.268 --> 02:10:47.206
I had been holding onto
Jayson's ashes for four years,
02:10:47.206 --> 02:10:49.875
and felt like it was the
right time to let them go.
02:10:54.079 --> 02:10:56.682
(gentle music)
02:11:04.723 --> 02:11:07.793
For years now I've
been thinking I should
02:11:07.793 --> 02:11:11.430
send his ashes out into
the ocean to be with Woody,
02:11:13.165 --> 02:11:16.735
and I like the idea
of sending them off
02:11:16.735 --> 02:11:19.504
in a river near the ocean,
02:11:19.504 --> 02:11:21.607
and it's just more
peaceful here,
02:11:21.607 --> 02:11:24.209
while at the ocean it
wouldn't be a peaceful moment.
02:11:25.077 --> 02:11:26.445
Jayson loved rivers so much
02:11:26.445 --> 02:11:28.447
that it felt like the
right thing to do.
02:11:29.615 --> 02:11:33.185
It feels right, It feels
like I'm honoring him,
02:11:33.185 --> 02:11:35.420
and I think this is
what he would want.
02:11:40.626 --> 02:11:41.860
Yeah.
02:11:46.064 --> 02:11:48.600
- My feet are much bigger
than they normally are.
02:11:49.768 --> 02:11:52.004
- Doin' fine.
- One, two, three.
02:11:53.238 --> 02:11:55.574
(everyone yelling and laughing)
02:11:55.574 --> 02:11:58.577
- [Charity] Every year on the
anniversary of the worst day,
02:11:58.577 --> 02:12:02.481
I gather with friends,
always above sea level.
02:12:02.481 --> 02:12:03.949
I hope to be there for them
02:12:03.949 --> 02:12:05.951
in the same way they've
been there for me.
02:12:05.951 --> 02:12:09.121
(gentle bright music)
02:12:14.526 --> 02:12:16.295
- [Lynn] Alrighty,
we're getting there.
02:12:16.295 --> 02:12:18.196
- [Charity] My
connection to others
02:12:18.196 --> 02:12:21.366
and exploration of space
are what have kept me going.
02:12:21.733 --> 02:12:24.870
- This is a toast in honor
of my dear friend, Charity.
02:12:24.870 --> 02:12:26.138
I'm so proud of you.
02:12:26.138 --> 02:12:28.006
- I would give anything
to change what happened
02:12:28.006 --> 02:12:29.808
on the worst day,
02:12:30.208 --> 02:12:33.111
but now I try to
focus on the present,
02:12:33.111 --> 02:12:35.314
while exploring the
universe's past.
02:12:35.314 --> 02:12:36.315
(group laughing)
02:12:37.316 --> 02:12:40.052
I was very passionate about it
when I had Jayson and Woody,
02:12:40.052 --> 02:12:41.720
and they were very proud of me
02:12:41.720 --> 02:12:44.556
for pursuing my biggest dreams,
02:12:44.556 --> 02:12:47.492
and so on the days where
I'm really sad about
02:12:47.492 --> 02:12:49.561
how hard it's been,
02:12:49.561 --> 02:12:51.997
sometimes I'm not able
to do it for myself.
02:12:51.997 --> 02:12:53.999
And on those days I do
it for Jayson and Woody,
02:12:53.999 --> 02:12:55.701
'cause it's what
made them proud.
02:12:57.769 --> 02:13:00.339
(somber music)
02:13:03.442 --> 02:13:05.844
I think that's
part of resilience,
02:13:05.844 --> 02:13:08.313
is being part of something
that's bigger than you.
02:13:09.181 --> 02:13:11.850
(gentle music)
02:13:16.154 --> 02:13:19.057
It's really what kept me
going, especially early on.
02:13:19.057 --> 02:13:22.694
Astronomy was really
important for my survival.
02:13:22.694 --> 02:13:26.298
That was my biggest dream,
and now I'm doing it.
02:13:26.965 --> 02:13:29.801
I think I forget to stop
and appreciate that.
02:13:29.801 --> 02:13:31.336
Sometimes I get caught
in the day to day,
02:13:31.336 --> 02:13:35.574
but I am proud that I'm
doing what I wanted to do
02:13:35.574 --> 02:13:36.775
from back then.
02:13:36.775 --> 02:13:38.610
I don't know why I'm
about to cry, but yeah.
02:13:38.610 --> 02:13:41.346
(gentle music)
02:13:41.346 --> 02:13:42.748
- I'm a lot proud of her.
02:13:45.217 --> 02:13:49.921
And I have accepted that she
will surpass me as a scientist,
02:13:49.921 --> 02:13:51.156
and I'm okay with that.
02:13:54.059 --> 02:13:57.129
It's clear now that it
truly is a calling for her,
02:13:57.129 --> 02:14:00.732
and if I had any little
part in helping enable that,
02:14:00.732 --> 02:14:05.137
then that just multiplies my
pride by 10 because of that.
02:14:06.304 --> 02:14:08.440
- Thinking about the
future is complicated,
02:14:08.440 --> 02:14:10.942
because it's not gonna be
what I planned for it to be,
02:14:10.942 --> 02:14:13.245
'cause Jayson and
Woody aren't here,
02:14:13.245 --> 02:14:16.148
but I've accepted that
I have to accept that.
02:14:18.450 --> 02:14:20.619
(gentle music)
02:14:21.686 --> 02:14:22.921
(Jayson laughing)
02:14:22.921 --> 02:14:24.656
- Here, let's go get
Jasper and Emery.
02:14:24.656 --> 02:14:25.824
I mean Jasper and Ezra.
02:14:25.824 --> 02:14:26.892
Oh there they are.
02:14:26.892 --> 02:14:28.393
Go.
02:14:32.431 --> 02:14:36.668
Trying to be happy again
is honestly honoring them.
02:14:36.668 --> 02:14:39.304
(gentle music)
02:14:39.304 --> 02:14:43.375
I have to make plans because
I can't stay stagnant.
02:14:43.375 --> 02:14:45.677
(gentle music)
02:14:45.677 --> 02:14:49.181
I'm hopeful and optimistic
about the future.
02:14:49.181 --> 02:14:52.317
I now feel like I
could have a happy life
02:14:52.317 --> 02:14:55.687
and a meaningful life,
and that's what I'm
trying to pursue.
02:14:56.855 --> 02:14:59.524
(bright music)
02:15:06.465 --> 02:15:10.068
(water crashing)
(bright music)