Father to Son
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- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
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How can you be a good father? How often and to what extent do we repeat the behavioural patterns of our fathers; can we change or break these patterns or is repeating them inescapable, and how many generations is needed for change to occur? One of the leading themes of this film is the sensitivity of a man and a boy, and its preservation and suppression.
The film examines the painful relationship between fathers and sons through one family. Four generations of men are featured in the film.
We follow the director's personal voyage of discovery in the history of his own family and the fundamental questions involved in fatherhood. Side by side with the interviews, shedding light on the past and the illustrated psychotherapy material, there is cinéma vérité material depicting the present. In spite of its serious topic, the documentary also includes some black humour.
Citation
Main credits
Koiso-Kanttila, Visa (film director)
Koiso-Kanttila, Visa (director of photography)
Härmä, Iiris (film producer)
Korhonen, Timo (film producer)
Other credits
Cinematography, Marita Hällfors, Visa Koiso-Kanttila, Johanna Onnismaa; editor, Tuula Mehtonen; music, Outi Parkkila.
Distributor subjects
No distributor subjects provided.Keywords
FATHER TO SON – a dialogue list with LTC-timecome, 58 min. version
a documentary film by Visa Koiso-Kanttila
produced by Guerilla Films Ltd, 2004
distributed by First Hand Films
What do you want?
Tell Daddy. Take it easy!
10:00:06:21-10:00:11:09
That's not going to help.
10:00:16:22-10:00:19:05
Aaro, take it easy!
10:00:22:22-10:00:25:05
Mommy! I want Mommy!
-But we're going to make...
10:00:26:11-10:00:30:23
To Mommy! -Let's get dressed
and start working together.
10:00:31:10-10:00:36:16
I don't wanna help you, Dad!
-Why not?
10:00:37:22-10:00:43:03
I don't like helping you.
10:00:44:04-10:00:47:08
You're a little tired, aren't you?
10:00:51:19-10:00:54:24
I don't wanna!
10:00:56:00-10:00:58:19
I don't wanna
sit on your lap!
10:01:03:16-10:01:07:17
You don't? -No!
10:01:09:15-10:01:11:21
There. Let's take it easy.
10:01:12:05-10:01:12:14
A Film by Visa Koiso-Kanttila (a title)
10:01:15:13-10:01:18:23
ISÄLTÄ POJALLE – FATHER TO SON (a title)
10:01:22:06-10:01:25:16
Lately, I've been thinking
about something –
10:02:16:08-10:02:20:22
that has felt
pretty distressing.
10:02:21:13-10:02:24:04
I should meet my father.
10:02:27:15-10:02:30:11
I haven't seen him alone
in almost ten years.
10:02:31:09-10:02:36:01
But somehow
the idea of calling him -
10:02:40:01-10:02:43:21
still seems
too much for me.
10:02:44:16-10:02:47:24
It's like giving up.
10:02:50:20-10:02:55:08
In a sense, I guess that's what it
is. I should give up my bitterness.
10:02:58:23-10:03:03:11
I've never hit my father.
10:03:08:17-10:03:10:20
Sometimes, I've regretted
not having hit him.
10:03:13:19-10:03:17:09
Sometimes I think
it would have eased the pain.
10:03:18:16-10:03:22:03
Timo Koiso-Kanttila.
-Hello, this is Visa.
10:04:20:15-10:04:23:13
Well, hi there! -I need to ask
you something really important.
10:04:23:23-10:04:27:23
What? -I'd like
to make a film about –
10:04:28:18-10:04:32:00
Grandpa, you, Aaro and me.
10:04:32:07-10:04:35:10
That's pretty heavy.
-What do you say?
10:04:40:16-10:04:43:24
Everybody will get a chance to
speak as honestly as possible.
10:04:45:20-10:04:51:15
Ultimately, the film will
of course be mine.
10:04:55:06-10:04:58:23
Everybody gets
a chance, though.
10:05:00:23-10:05:04:02
I hope we'll reach
an understanding at the end -
10:05:04:10-10:05:07:22
and others might
understand something, too.
10:05:09:10-10:05:12:18
That's me with little Visa
and Mom on a trailer trip.
10:05:40:09-10:05:46:23
Dad, don't tell
the audience, tell me.
10:05:47:13-10:05:50:11
Let's try.
It's just you and me.
10:05:50:18-10:05:53:13
Right. This is us
on a summer trip to Norway.
10:05:54:17-10:06:00:21
If you can remember.
I remember it as -
10:06:04:04-10:06:07:19
one of the happiest times
of my life. All of us together.
10:06:10:12-10:06:16:04
Fantastic vistas, no rush, -
10:06:18:17-10:06:22:07
a sense of freedom.
10:06:23:15-10:06:25:19
And we were happy.
10:06:26:13-10:06:28:14
I remember one time -
10:06:54:02-10:06:56:08
going upstairs
in my childhood home -
10:06:58:02-10:07:02:06
and seeing my father there.
10:07:02:17-10:07:05:15
I see him walking in circles,
cursing to himself, -
10:07:07:12-10:07:11:18
going "Goddamn, fucking shit!"
10:07:12:24-10:07:15:10
Having this monologue,
cursing, walking in circles.
10:07:15:17-10:07:19:03
And in the children's room.
It really scared me.
10:07:20:10-10:07:23:24
I ran back downstairs,
threw myself on the couch.
10:07:24:13-10:07:27:22
I couldn't help it,
I started crying.
10:07:30:12-10:07:32:24
Then he comes down,
and what he says to me is this:
10:07:35:06-10:07:39:22
"Oh, Visa, you're so sensitive."
10:07:40:19-10:07:43:02
He says it with
such goddamn contempt -
10:07:49:20-10:07:52:23
that I feel I've done something
wrong, that I'm no good -
10:07:57:02-10:08:02:04
and that what he did
is what men usually do, -
10:08:04:24-10:08:08:21
what men are supposed to do.
I'm just sensitive and no good.
10:08:10:0810:08:14:09
Help.
-Breathe deep.
10:08:34:07-10:08:36:18
The baby's head is out.
10:08:40:15-10:08:42:10
There. Congratulations.
-Thank you.
10:08:48:04-10:08:52:02
A little boy.
10:08:56:03-10:08:58:04
Daddy's washing you,
then we'll go on.
10:09:12:01-10:09:18:18
It feels so good here,
warm and good.
10:09:18:18-10:09:31:23
Does it feel like home?
10:09:37:11-10:09:39:19
Some good moments spent
with Dad have come back to me.
10:09:39:19-10:10:24:15
When I'm tucking Aaro in, -
10:10:27:05-10:10:31:22
lying there next to him,
I sing a lullaby.
10:10:35:16-10:10:38:21
I've always carried it along.
Dad used to sing it -
10:10:42:14-10:10:47:00
and I haven't it heard
in 25 years.
10:10:48:20-10:10:52:11
I feel a connection and know
he used to sing it to me.
10:10:55:17-10:11:01:14
He must've tucked me in
every night he was at home, -
10:11:03:06-10:11:07:08
said my prayers with me and
asked if everything was alright.
10:11:07:23-10:11:13:19
When we went to bed,
Father used to tell us stories -
10:11:29:13-10:11:33:24
that he'd made up.
10:11:35:11-10:11:38:11
When we were there, -
10:11:41:03-10:11:43:24
side by side in bed, -
10:11:46:17-10:11:49:16
there was a feeling of trust
and tenderness, too, I'm sure.
10:11:52:05-10:11:56:16
The thing I remember the most
is that Father could do anything.
10:11:59:02-10:12:05:01
Anything we wanted
or needed.
10:12:06:08-10:12:10:14
We used to say
"Father can do anything."
10:12:14:23-10:12:20:20
He could make a car if we
needed one. He was that handy.
10:12:22:12-10:12:27:10
Funny, I also remember that
my Dad Timo could do anything.
10:12:29:19-10:12:35:23
He took after his Grandpa.
But I wasn't handy at all.
10:12:37:02-10:12:41:00
Are you eating that nail?
10:12:54:00-10:12:55:23
Let me see.
Did it stick? -No.
10:12:57:10-10:13:00:12
Don't put them
in your mouth.
10:13:00:21-10:13:02:24
Oops, the board broke.
10:13:08:02-10:13:10:04
I keep it in my mouth,
so I won't lose it.
10:13:12:09-10:13:17:04
Have you seen Dad with
nails in his mouth? -Yes.
10:13:20:07-10:13:20:07
That's why you want to do it.
-I want to do like you do.
10:13:24:12-10:13:28:22
Make sure they
don't freeze onto your lips.
10:13:32:06-10:13:35:05
You wouldn't want that.
10:13:35:13-10:13:37:18
Good, that's the way.
10:13:40:24-10:13:43:07
A couple of times, dad took me
out canoeing when I was a kid.
10:13:47:07-10:13:53:03
Those are important memories.
I even remember what we ate.
10:13:54:14-10:13:58:19
If I'm up to it, I'll invite Dad
on a canoe trip.
10:14:02:03-10:14:06:01
Then we might have
accomplished something.
10:14:08:23-10:14:12:11
The circle would be completed,
if I could do that.
10:14:13:16-10:14:17:02
Good job, son.
You're learning.
10:15:10:21-10:15:13:11
Great, a fantastic gift.
10:15:14:15-10:15:17:03
A joy. Yesterday I tried to scream, cry and laugh all at once.
10:15:19:12-10:15:24:19
Hey you, we got a great new
friend to play and fight with.
10:15:27:03-10:15:31:24
Oh, you guys...
You pee in your pants?
10:15:36:04-10:15:39:09
Want to go to Grandpa?
-Big guy...
10:15:43:00-10:15:46:13
Biggest of them all.
55 centimeters.
10:15:49:04-10:15:52:17
A manly size.
10:15:53:13-10:15:55:13
Me and Aaro know tricks.
We'll teach the little one, too.
10:15:57:17-10:16:01:22
Not quite yet.
10:16:04:19-10:16:06:11
Here's to the proud father.
10:16:07:04-10:16:09:19
Cigars, straight from
the Field Marshal's HQ.
10:16:10:24-10:16:14:23
Timo used to keep
to himself.
10:16:34:08-10:16:37:08
He never needed
any extra attention.
10:16:39:05-10:16:41:22
I don't remember
anything bad about him.
10:16:43:08-10:16:47:03
I think I was pretty quiet.
A dreamer, maybe.
10:16:49:23-10:16:54:01
Some said my eyes were like tin
saucers, but I didn't see much.
10:16:56:07-10:17:01:02
Maybe they meant I was
a dreamer, an independent kid.
10:17:02:22-10:17:07:03
Father was always working.
10:17:10:15-10:17:12:19
You see, times were tough after
the war. They rebuilt the country.
10:17:16:12-10:17:21:10
He had a normal
working day, -
10:17:23:10-10:17:26:05
then he worked at home.
10:17:27:15-10:17:30:09
He didn't have any time
for his children.
10:17:30:17-10:17:34:20
Not that we missed it, either.
10:17:36:12-10:17:38:23
In those days,
none of my friends -
10:17:39:07-10:17:42:22
had parents
that played with them.
10:17:43:07-10:17:47:09
Hello, Mrs. Mäntynen.
Please be seated.
10:18:19:15-10:18:22:06
Matti is in trouble again, we
don't know what to do with him.
10:18:24:08-10:18:28:13
We've done our best,
but nothing seems to help.
10:18:28:21-10:18:32:10
In some cases, a foster home
is the best solution.
10:18:32:18-10:18:36:09
If the child
is placed correctly, -
10:18:37:04-10:18:39:16
he will immediately adjust
to his foster home.
10:18:39:24-10:18:42:24
The trick is to find the
right home for the right child.
10:18:45:01-10:18:48:19
Since he didn't quite get along
with his teachers, -
10:18:50:16-10:18:56:00
we thought it best to send
him to Erkki's sister, a teacher.
10:19:00:03-10:19:04:20
He moved to his aunt's.
It suited Timo very well.
10:19:11:01-10:19:11:01
So, we got over of that phase.
10:19:15:16-10:19:18:10
I realized that I had only
myself to blame.
10:19:21:15-10:19:26:12
I had been up
to no good.
10:19:26:23-10:19:29:20
In retrospect I could say
that I've been fortunate, too.
10:19:30:18-10:19:35:01
I was raised in such
a safe and good environment.
10:19:35:19-10:19:39:19
I guess he couldn't come
visit you from Tampere. -No.
10:19:49:09-10:19:53:10
We only spoke on the phone
or wrote an occasional letter.
10:19:54:01-10:19:58:05
Dad couldn't leave work.
10:19:58:14-10:20:00:12
I couldn't leave
the other boys to see one.
10:20:00:20-10:20:03:12
Missing them
wasn't all bad.
10:20:04:22-10:20:09:05
It was natural,
part of the deal.
10:20:10:14-10:20:15:03
It wasn't depressing at all,
only a little sad at times.
10:20:16:12-10:20:20:13
Didn't you feel abandoned -
10:20:23:13-10:20:25:22
when your brothers
stayed at home?
10:20:26:08-10:20:29:23
No, that never
played any part in it.
10:20:32:22-10:20:37:07
All it did was teach me
about cause and effect.
10:20:40:21-10:20:44:23
It is a kind of wisdom -
10:20:46:03-10:20:50:02
to learn to think first, instead
of acting on childish desires.
10:20:52:13-10:20:57:00
Somehow he got into a lot
of fights, unlike his brothers.
10:21:03:21-10:21:08:07
However, Timo never
complained about the fights -
10:21:09:21-10:21:13:22
or blamed anyone else
for any wrongdoings.
10:21:14:21-10:21:19:03
Never anything like that.
10:21:22:07-10:21:24:09
I remember one time.
Me and Dad are driving -
10:21:30:06-10:21:33:24
and he is anxious.
He just sits there, quiet.
10:21:36:13-10:21:40:19
He doesn't say anything,
he's just so quiet.
10:21:53:20-10:21:59:14
I feel really bad for him -
10:22:04:24-10:22:07:14
when I realize
he is in so much pain.
10:22:08:19-10:22:11:23
I want to help him,
comfort him somehow -
10:22:14:17-10:22:19:05
but I don't know how.
10:22:21:12-10:22:24:15
You were an incredibly good
and friendly child.
10:22:47:24-10:22:52:10
That was your dominant feature
until the age of fifteen.
10:22:55:15-10:23:00:11
Let's say until sixteen, -
10:23:04:06-10:23:06:20
seventeen... or even eighteen.
10:23:08:13-10:23:11:02
You reached an obstinate age
at eighteen.
10:23:12:10-10:23:15:20
Until then,
you were an angel.
10:23:16:08-10:23:18:20
But I didn't defy you at home.
I never would've dared to -
10:23:19:18-10:23:23:16
because I feared
and respected you so much.
10:23:24:00-10:23:26:21
Are you sure you had that much
reason to defy me or anything?
10:23:27:07-10:23:32:14
I guess you don't know
what it was like, -
10:23:33:10-10:23:36:12
but I got drunk three four times
a week in my teens.
10:23:36:21-10:23:40:10
In the streets, I was an obnoxious troublemaker.
10:23:41:12-10:23:45:22
You never knew a thing.
I always found great excuses -
10:23:48:08-10:23:52:15
for all the nights spent in jail.
There were more than ten.
10:23:53:05-10:23:57:16
And I had excuses
for all the arrests.
10:24:00:11-10:24:03:18
Aren't you dramatizing your
childhood memories a bit?
10:24:04:09-10:24:08:05
No need to. You might have
outdone me as a kid, -
10:24:08:13-10:24:13:12
but I broke the windows
of my school every weekend -
10:24:17:18-10:24:21:19
because I just needed
to destroy something.
10:24:24:06-10:24:27:04
I don't think that's
such a big deal.
10:24:30:12-10:24:34:12
Young men have always let out
some steam and stuff, -
10:24:36:20-10:24:42:06
fought and been dangerous
to themselves and others.
10:24:43:12-10:24:47:18
I don't want that for Aaro.
10:24:49:05-10:24:51:20
To roam the streets with
a stiletto and get beaten up, -
10:24:52:09-10:24:57:00
have his teeth smashed
and his nose broken a few times.
10:25:00:23-10:25:04:14
There are many excuses, but
I don't want it for my own son.
10:25:07:14-10:25:11:20
I'd rather have him beat me up
and give me hell.
10:25:12:08-10:25:17:13
Don't you think your own
nature is part of it all?
10:25:17:22-10:25:23:07
Your aggressions,
your different temper -
10:25:24:01-10:25:27:21
that don't necessarily
come from your parents?
10:25:28:05-10:25:32:23
Father never talked
about the Civil War in 1918.
10:25:44:20-10:25:50:01
I've only learned
and read about it later.
10:25:51:04-10:25:55:04
He never talked to me
about his brother's death.
10:25:55:13-10:25:59:08
But I'm sure he had
bitter memories of the war.
10:26:02:04-10:26:06:20
My father never talked about
his war experiences.
10:26:28:23-10:26:34:02
It must have been
so traumatic and distressing -
10:26:35:14-10:26:39:13
that he didn't
want to dwell upon them.
10:26:40:22-10:26:43:14
I remember as a kid when his
war buddies came to visit us -
10:26:44:08-10:26:49:20
and they told that legend.
10:26:51:23-10:26:55:02
Grandpa took over the battalion
he was serving in -
10:26:56:24-10:27:03:04
because his superior
had lost his his nerve.
10:27:04:17-10:27:08:11
They were only legends
that Grandpa never corraborated.
10:27:10:02-10:27:14:19
I do believe
that the war also -
10:27:18:14-10:27:21:06
had an impact on his personality
just like it had on all men.
10:27:21:16-10:27:25:20
If we look back in history, -
10:27:27:11-10:27:30:10
I may be the first man in
a long line of ancestors -
10:27:32:06-10:27:35:19
who didn't have to
risk his life in a war -
10:27:36:16-10:27:40:17
to defend his family and home.
10:27:41:19-10:27:45:06
It must have influenced
the way boys were brought up.
10:27:45:16-10:27:48:23
I'm damn sure they were brought
up to be good soldiers, too.
10:27:49:09-10:27:54:00
Those psycho-physiological
qualities were needed, -
10:27:56:19-10:28:00:02
just in case.
10:28:01:03-10:28:02:13
Let's fight about it.
-Give it to me.
10:29:13:14-10:29:16:10
No. -Give it.
10:29:17:04-10:29:19:06
You gonna grab it?
-If you don't give it.
10:29:19:20-10:29:22:21
I won't. -Give it,
so I won't have to grab it.
10:29:23:07-10:29:26:14
I'll have to grab it
if you don't let go. -I won't.
10:29:29:04-10:29:32:15
Then you'll get hurt.
There you go.
10:29:32:23-10:29:36:15
Dad! -No need to.
10:29:40:18-10:29:42:24
Let's just eat breakfast.
10:29:46:01-10:29:48:09
It's OK now.
10:29:50:17-10:29:52:13
The worst scenes had to do with
the teaching of table manners.
10:30:16:21-10:30:21:20
I remember it as
a continuous table drill.
10:30:23:09-10:30:26:04
We were once sitting
at the table on our boat -
10:30:27:24-10:30:31:15
with my uncle's family.
10:30:33:02-10:30:35:12
I'd been served
and I'd thanked Mom, -
10:30:38:18-10:30:41:11
which Dad hadn't heard.
10:30:43:14-10:30:45:15
Then he started blaming me
for not thanking Mother, -
10:30:46:18-10:30:50:03
and I said I already thanked her.
10:30:50:23-10:30:53:05
He went on and on,
saying it wasn't a thank you.
10:30:53:23-10:30:57:18
I can't remember my answer
anymore, but his answer was -
10:30:58:03-10:31:02:00
to pull me by the hair
and yank my head -
10:31:02:08-10:31:05:18
and say: "You thank
your Mother when I say so!"
10:31:06:03-10:31:09:02
I could see everyone looking
at us, but not doing anything.
10:31:14:16-10:31:19:05
I was so ashamed -
10:31:34:23-10:31:37:04
that I ran off into
the woods just to be alone.
10:31:38:11-10:31:43:02
I didn't want to see anyone.
10:31:45:13-10:31:47:17
I had this powerless rage that
I couldn't let out on anything -
10:31:50:14-10:31:55:03
because you didn't stand
a chance against Dad.
10:31:55:21-10:31:59:03
We have a family tradition.
10:32:09:14-10:32:12:22
We always
thank God for the food -
10:32:13:04-10:32:16:09
and then kiss
Mom on the cheek -
10:32:17:05-10:32:21:05
after each meal.
10:32:22:18-10:32:25:00
In my home, Father was
the 100% authority, -
10:32:27:12-10:32:27:12
backed by Mother's
110% of loyalty.
10:32:31:03-10:32:36:00
They'd settle things together.
10:32:38:22-10:32:41:18
I was used to that
and might have had the illusion -
10:32:46:19-10:32:50:14
that it could have
continued in my family, -
10:32:50:23-10:32:54:08
but in our case, Leena
pulled one way and I the other.
10:32:55:04-10:33:00:07
A figure of complete authority
couldn't emerge.
10:33:02:07-10:33:07:07
That's not true.
10:33:10:03-10:33:12:07
Mom was totally loyal to you,
at least until I moved out.
10:33:12:15-10:33:16:14
I got into a conflict with Aaro.
10:33:24:04-10:33:27:00
I was eating, and Aaro
wanted to climb all over me.
10:33:28:05-10:33:33:12
I told him to quit, he wouldn't,
and he started hitting me.
10:33:35:03-10:33:39:05
Then I started pressing him
between the couch and myself.
10:33:40:13-10:33:45:17
When I let go, he was crying,
really hurt and confused.
10:33:49:04-10:33:53:11
Iris told me that we
should settle this thing.
10:33:56:10-10:34:00:11
I lost my temper
and started yelling at her:
10:34:02:04-10:34:05:04
"You can't even eat in in piece
in this damn house!" I roared, -
10:34:05:15-10:34:09:13
and immediately recognized
it as my Father's voice.
10:34:10:17-10:34:14:20
It was a feeling
of total defeat and shame:
10:34:17:03-10:34:20:24
What if I'm not up to
being a father at all?
10:34:22:10-10:34:26:05
All those skills -
10:34:40:08-10:34:43:21
that I'd gotten
in my own home -
10:34:45:23-10:34:49:05
helped me push my career
as far as humanly possible...
10:34:52:08-10:34:57:19
This is true both in my social life and my economic succes.
10:35:01:17-10:35:05:24
These skills were passed on by
my parents and their ancestors.
10:35:07:04-10:35:12:09
However, I haven't been
able to pass them on -
10:35:16:19-10:35:20:18
to my family,
my offspring.
10:35:23:03-10:35:26:12
When I reached pu berty, -
10:35:31:05-10:35:33:16
I started having dreams
where Dad was killing me.
10:35:33:24-10:35:37:10
It was a recurring nightmare, -
10:35:38:09-10:35:40:23
and he always
finally crushed me.
10:35:42:01-10:35:44:15
But about five years ago,
the nightmare changed.
10:35:46:14-10:35:50:15
Now I'm killing him.
10:35:51:19-10:35:54:04
Wow, that was hard!
-Check this out.
10:36:07:09-10:36:10:07
Who's gonna win?
10:36:27:11-10:36:29:08
It's hard fo me to accept this, since I was never really beaten:
10:36:54:18-10:36:59:07
Do I have the right to feel
handicapped or go to therapy?
10:36:59:16-10:37:05:05
We were never really hurt
by physical violence, -
10:37:07:17-10:37:12:11
but there was this
atmosphere of fear -
10:37:14:09-10:37:17:10
that his mental
upper hand created.
10:37:17:18-10:37:20:22
Why have all of us children
gotten sick in some way?
10:37:32:11-10:37:37:00
What you're calling sickness -
10:37:39:09-10:37:41:19
is what they
used to call growing pains -
10:37:45:07-10:37:48:10
or something
that goes with the territory.
10:37:50:02-10:37:53:10
So, anorexia nervosa, religious
fanaticism, suicide attempts, -
10:37:53:20-10:37:58:03
drinking and drugs are
part of life and growing up?
10:37:58:11-10:38:03:04
Those are powerful symptoms,
and I'm not sure -
10:38:04:21-10:38:08:17
whether there are such genes
on your mother's side, -
10:38:09:24-10:38:13:20
but reacting like that
seems very alien to me.
10:38:14:19-10:38:19:03
I stopped drinking five years ago,
it caused too many problems.
10:38:25:12-10:38:29:13
The worst thing about it was
that I became so aggressive –
10:38:30:06-10:38:33:24
that people got scared of me
and I got scared of it. I knew -
10:38:34:08-10:38:39:05
that something really bad
could happen if I kept drinking.
10:38:39:14-10:38:43:10
I've heard people say that
I've been really mean and evil, -
10:38:46:04-10:38:51:02
wanting to hurt everybody.
10:38:52:07-10:38:54:17
Mom said I became
like a devil, -
10:38:55:22-10:38:59:09
like something really evil.
10:39:02:01-10:39:04:15
I just heard that Dad had
had an accident.
10:39:43:15-10:39:46:22
He'd fallen on his circular saw
and cut open his stomach.
10:39:48:22-10:39:52:15
I was scared. If Dad died
in the middle of it all -
10:39:55:24-10:40:00:15
my life wouldn't be complete.
10:40:03:07-10:40:05:13
I was really sad -
10:40:07:23-10:40:10:01
because the whole thing
might be unfinished.
10:40:12:08-10:40:16:02
As if my life
had been unfinished.
10:40:16:24-10:40:20:07
I knew I had to have the courage
to tell him how I felt.
10:40:21:07-10:40:25:02
Since this is an intimate issue,
it's quite fascinating -
10:41:29:08-10:41:33:24
that you as the director have
the upper hand, pole position.
10:41:35:22-10:41:41:04
You can define the themes
that end up in the film.
10:41:42:12-10:41:46:20
You get to pick the best bits
that might represent...
10:41:47:22-10:41:51:17
I don't know whether
it's your or my view.
10:41:52:19-10:41:56:05
I just hope there's
some objectivity.
10:41:56:22-10:41:59:12
Both sides will show,
I promise.
10:42:01:00-10:42:03:22
In a beautiful mahogany box, -
10:42:11:17-10:42:14:16
straight from Field Marshal
Mannerheim's HQ, -
10:42:15:18-10:42:19:24
where your grandfather served
during the War, -
10:42:24:02-10:42:29:05
after he'd been injured
when he stepped on a mine.
10:42:32:05-10:42:35:14
He was at the Planning Office
of the Construction HQ, -
10:42:36:20-10:42:42:17
serving as Major.
10:42:44:02-10:42:47:03
Now, always light your cigar
slowly in a warm place.
10:42:50:24-10:42:55:24
In the field, however,
we make exceptions.
10:43:02:04-10:43:05:17
Answer her,
she wants it badly.
10:43:09:10-10:43:12:10
You got a crush? -Me?
10:43:15:24-10:43:18:10
Well, your phone keeps ringing.
10:43:19:05-10:43:21:22
Not me,
but some crazy ladies.
10:43:24:20-10:43:27:18
You got one or more?
10:43:30:08-10:43:32:18
I bought my freedom so dearly
that I better enjoy it.
10:43:35:11-10:43:38:17
I'm through with
fussing and fighting.
10:43:40:21-10:43:44:05
Father, I wrote you a letter.
10:43:56:01-10:43:58:09
I want you to read it.
10:44:01:00-10:44:03:07
It's about the things
that are hard to talk about.
10:44:03:19-10:44:07:15
Thank you, Visa.
10:44:09:01-10:44:10:17
I hope you can read it without
glasses. -I've got my glasses.
10:44:14:20-10:44:19:09
Interesting...
I really appreciate this gesture.
10:44:22:04-10:44:26:24
Such a beautiful
envelope and paper.
10:44:32:08-10:44:35:01
Thank you for the letter.
10:45:25:21-10:45:30:15
These were...
10:45:33:06-10:45:35:20
rough and provocative words.
10:45:38:18-10:45:41:24
I'm glad that we now have
this opportunity -
10:45:48:13-10:45:52:02
to get to know each other
as men and fathers -
10:45:54:10-10:45:58:06
and also to find -
10:46:02:14-10:46:05:10
relevant and real facts
about the circumstances, -
10:46:08:04-10:46:14:23
about what it's been like
when we've been together, -
10:46:17:09-10:46:21:21
hundreds of joyful moments -
10:46:22:18-10:46:27:04
that are indisputably
documented –
10:46:30:09-10:46:36:08
in the about
one thousand slides -
10:46:37:21-10:46:41:22
that depict our happy,
warm and tender moments.
10:46:44:09-10:46:48:18
Could all of these
one thousand slides be fake, -
10:46:51:03-10:46:55:06
false or unreal?
10:46:57:12-10:47:00:07
I'm not disputing them
or blaming you.
10:47:05:04-10:47:08:01
I just wanted to tell you how I've
experienced it and felt about it -
10:47:09:15-10:47:13:24
even until now.
-I believe that.
10:47:14:06-10:47:16:22
There are two sides
to this story:
10:47:22:01-10:47:25:16
The documents photographed
over 15 - 20 years -
10:47:26:10-10:47:31:13
and your present view.
10:47:33:13-10:47:36:05
The Dad in those one thousand
slides hasn't gone anywhere.
10:47:40:14-10:47:45:11
Neither has the Dad
in my letter.
10:47:46:02-10:47:49:11
Are you still saying
that I'm dramatizing it all, -
10:47:50:02-10:47:53:13
that I'm exaggarating like hell, -
10:47:53:21-10:47:56:18
as you've said so many years?
-You've experienced it like this -
10:47:57:11-10:48:02:05
from your point of view.
10:48:04:03-10:48:07:04
Your generation typically
views things like this.
10:48:07:13-10:48:11:12
If you dragged me
by the hair like a mule, -
10:48:12:17-10:48:15:24
that's how I experienced it.
-But it's all in your head.
10:48:16:08-10:48:20:13
Stuff I've dealt with
for 20 years -
10:49:09:09- 10:49:11:23
you dismiss as my
dramatization and exaggaration.
10:49:12:07-10:49:15:19
You always did that when
I tried to express my feelings.
10:49:16:04-10:49:19:17
I never expressed any
because you dismissed them.
10:49:20:02-10:49:23:23
Could you be
a bit more specific?
10:49:24:13-10:49:27:21
There's not a single slide of you
dragging me by the hair. -No.
10:49:28:08-10:49:32:22
Or of you counting to three...
"Dad's gonna count to three, -
10:49:33:19-10:49:37:22
and Visa's gonna obey!
One, two, three..."
10:49:38:05-10:49:42:00
Not a damn slide of that.
10:49:43:02-10:49:45:12
How can you dismiss it?
Without images or sound, -
10:49:46:13-10:49:49:20
you can dismiss it,
it never happened, is that it?
10:49:50:05-10:49:54:13
There can't be
any slides 'cause...
10:49:56:04-10:49:59:10
If I remember it and
all my sisters remember it, -
10:50:00:07-10:50:04:17
how can you dismiss it?
10:50:05:00-10:50:07:07
I've suffered from it for 20 years,
gone to therapy because of it, -
10:50:11:17-10:50:16:05
suffered from insomnia,
intestinal disorders -
10:50:17:16-10:50:20:18
and all kinds of shit
that started 20 years ago!
10:50:21:01-10:50:25:12
That does give
our psychotherapy a bad name.
10:50:26:20-10:50:32:01
That makes me sad.
You should talk to someone else.
10:50:33:02-10:50:37:07
You should ask
some neutral people, -
10:50:38:23-10:50:42:13
who witnessed those hundreds
of moments together.
10:50:42:23-10:50:47:18
Ask them if anything
of what you say is true.
10:50:48:16-10:50:51:20
If you find one
who says so, tell me.
10:50:52:17-10:50:56:01
I'll pay a reward for anyone
who backs you up.
10:50:57:01-10:51:00:23
I don't know anyone. -You
told people that I was a pussy.
10:51:01:24-10:51:05:18
It hurt me the most that you
called me a pussy at that age.
10:51:06:02-10:51:10:03
It must have been in
conjunction with some slacking.
10:51:10:18-10:51:15:13
You'd probably not
done your chores or something.
10:51:15:22-10:51:20:00
And : "Put your dress on
and go home!"
10:51:20:18-10:51:23:22
Is that how you raise men?
10:51:24:05-10:51:28:16
I think it made you develop
skills and creativity -
10:51:29:20-10:51:33:24
that you've shown
you possess -
10:51:34:06-10:51:37:06
by building such a beautiful
house with your own hands.
10:51:37:18-10:51:42:10
It taught me to make it on
my own, not to ask for help, -
10:51:44:00-10:51:48:03
not to trust anyone,
not to expect any goddamn help.
10:51:48:11-10:51:51:24
That's what you taught me.
10:51:52:06-10:51:54:04
You're all alone in this world.
10:51:56:16-10:51:59:01
On a construction site you
do what the boss tells you to do.
10:52:00:15-10:52:04:23
Why do you think we didn't
have any contact for ten years?
10:52:07:00-10:52:11:10
What's the reason?
10:52:12:19-10:52:14:18
That's just normal
when you're growing up.
10:52:15:14-10:52:20:15
That fathers and sons don't
see each other for ten years -
10:52:21:13-10:52:25:08
after they've moved out?
Were kicked out?
10:52:25:16-10:52:28:21
Don't give me that
fucking ignorant look!
10:52:30:01-10:52:33:03
You know it!
-I really don't.
10:52:35:15-10:52:37:23
We didn't goddamn
walk out on our own!
10:52:38:07-10:52:41:08
Usually grown men
walk out on their own.
10:52:41:16-10:52:45:16
Sixteen or eighteen
doesn't make you a grown man.
10:52:46:00-10:52:49:10
You clearly indicated there
was no room for me at home.
10:52:49:18-10:52:53:03
Two men's a crowd. For you,
I was an adult at 18.
10:52:53:11-10:52:57:24
Two masters was a crowd
for as long as I lived there.
10:52:58:18-10:53:04:01
Don't you realize even now
that I needed time with you?
10:53:20:18-10:53:25:02
Time to go someplace,
to do something with you.
10:53:26:00-10:53:29:19
I had 30 people working for me
in a 300 million business.
10:53:30:04-10:53:34:22
Plus I had my own debts.
10:53:37:04-10:53:40:02
I've been jealous of Aaro because
you do nice things together.
10:53:44:03-10:53:48:06
You never gave me
that goddamn time.
10:53:51:01-10:53:54:10
You do remember I had
four children. -So what?
10:53:54:20-10:53:59:11
I've given you this whole week,
been there for you as a buddy.
10:54:00:04-10:54:06:24
I appreciate you and your work
so much that this is all I do now.
10:54:08:18-10:54:13:19
I appreciate it,
and it only took 20 years.
10:54:14:24-10:54:19:08
My dear, beautiful son...
10:54:27:23-10:54:30:04
Thank you for being there -
10:54:32:12-10:54:34:17
and for letting me be
your Dad now and forever -
10:54:36:08-10:54:41:06
and the proud grandfather
of your sons.
10:54:45:12-10:54:49:22
I'll try to grow up
to be worthy of them.
10:54:52:02-10:54:55:21
Thank you for these days.
10:55:01:14-10:55:04:00
These years...
10:55:05:03-10:55:06:21
and your honesty.
10:55:10:06-10:55:11:21
Dad, I've missed you so much!
10:55:13:04-10:55:15:19
I really vented
a lot of my anger.
10:56:27:11-10:56:30:06
Getting rid of the anger -
10:56:31:22- 10:56:34:05
and feeling the sorrow
really made a difference.
