Coming Around
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
COMING AROUND follows 28-year-old second-generation Palestinian-Egyptian Brooklynite Eman as she weighs the decision to come out to her devout Muslim mother. Having grown up in Columbia, Missouri with her mother and sister, the three women share a unique tight-knit bond that Eman desperately wants to maintain. But despite being a scholar and visibly “out” among her queer Muslim friends, Eman sits uncomfortably in silence when it comes to her mother. To postpone coming out, she decides to marry her current boyfriend, Q, to give the appearance of strictly hetero relationship interests. The story captures how she struggles with this decision and consequently navigates the opposing expectations of her multiple identities. This is a new kind of “coming out” movie with a mother-daughter love story at its core, and it reveals the often unseen intricacies of seeking common ground and family, especially in religious and marginalized communities of color. The film also has a unique opportunity to broaden the discussion around pansexuality and bisexuality, which often gets lost in the larger discussion of queerness and sexuality.
Arij Mikati | Managing Director, Culture Change, Pillars
"COMING AROUND is a moving portrayal of a story that is all too common but seldom told. This tender film perfectly encapsulates the beautiful work of loving other humans unconditionally, and both the pain and joy that results from the courageous act of showing the world our most honest selves. Nothing delights me more than a piece of art that is as gorgeous as it is important. COMING AROUND clears that difficult bar with ease."
Mo Naqvi | Emmy-Award Winning Documentary Filmmaker
"This film serves as a precious rebuke to a political realm that pits queer and Muslim identities against each other. It offers Queer Muslim youth a rare opportunity to finally hear their story being told."
Citation
Main credits
Itäinen, Sandra (film director)
Itäinen, Sandra (film producer)
Bullard, Chelsi (film producer)
Abdelhedi, Eman (on-screen participant)
Other credits
Cinematography, Uwa Iduozee; editor, Sandra Itäinen; music, Sarah Ibrahim.
Distributor subjects
LGBTQ+; Muslim American; Arab American Families; Faith; Reconciliation; Finding Common Ground; Mother-Daughter RelationshipsKeywords
00:00:04.335 --> 00:00:09.335
(upbeat music)
(all chattering)
00:00:29.230 --> 00:00:32.647
(upbeat music continues)
00:00:46.026 --> 00:00:48.930
- So this play, Mariam wrote this play
00:00:48.930 --> 00:00:49.920
about how when she was a kid,
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:52.440
she got roped into going
to these peace camps
00:00:52.440 --> 00:00:54.510
for Arab and Israeli kids,
00:00:54.510 --> 00:00:57.030
but it's also about her
queerness and her relationship
00:00:57.030 --> 00:00:59.058
with her mom and all these things.
00:00:59.058 --> 00:01:03.000
So the opening scene of
this play is her making out
00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:05.610
with her cousin, who's another woman.
00:01:05.610 --> 00:01:08.437
And so she texted me out
of the blue and was like,
00:01:08.437 --> 00:01:09.900
"I wrote this part for you.
00:01:09.900 --> 00:01:11.260
Literally called the character Eman."
00:01:11.260 --> 00:01:13.980
And was like, "I really
need you to play this part
00:01:13.980 --> 00:01:14.813
in this play."
00:01:14.813 --> 00:01:18.054
So it was really funny because
I was talking to my mom,
00:01:18.054 --> 00:01:19.740
I'm like, "Oh, I'm coming
back from rehearsal.
00:01:19.740 --> 00:01:20.573
I'm in this play."
00:01:20.573 --> 00:01:21.870
And she's like, "Oh, that's so cool.
00:01:21.870 --> 00:01:23.130
When you were a kid, you always talked
00:01:23.130 --> 00:01:24.570
about how you wanted to be an actress."
00:01:24.570 --> 00:01:25.590
Blah blah.
00:01:25.590 --> 00:01:28.477
And so then she calls me a
day later and she's like,
00:01:28.477 --> 00:01:31.680
"Arwa and I booked tickets and
we're coming for your play."
00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:32.720
And I was like...
00:01:34.650 --> 00:01:36.787
So then my strategy was to be like,
00:01:36.787 --> 00:01:39.990
"Mama, there is a scene
that might make you
00:01:39.990 --> 00:01:41.160
a little bit uncomfortable,
00:01:41.160 --> 00:01:44.370
which is that my character
kisses another character."
00:01:44.370 --> 00:01:46.049
- My character.
- My character.
00:01:46.049 --> 00:01:47.670
- My character.
00:01:47.670 --> 00:01:50.430
She's like, "Okay, thank
you for letting me know."
00:01:50.430 --> 00:01:52.615
And then I slip it into the conversation
00:01:52.615 --> 00:01:55.560
a few days later that
it's an all female cast.
00:01:55.560 --> 00:01:58.080
- [Speaker] You couldn't
say, "I kiss a girl."
00:01:58.080 --> 00:02:00.441
- No, I couldn't bring myself.
00:02:00.441 --> 00:02:02.076
(all chattering)
00:02:02.076 --> 00:02:04.320
I could not bring myself.
00:02:04.320 --> 00:02:05.153
I don't know.
00:02:05.153 --> 00:02:06.181
It was really intense.
00:02:06.181 --> 00:02:07.014
- My favorite line is when you're like,
00:02:07.014 --> 00:02:11.545
"Hmm, what should I do
or tell my mother today?"
00:02:11.545 --> 00:02:12.824
(all laughing)
00:02:12.824 --> 00:02:15.750
- Oh, God.
- Our moms try.
00:02:15.750 --> 00:02:17.195
- [Speaker] Yeah.
00:02:17.195 --> 00:02:19.220
- It's just such a long process.
00:02:19.220 --> 00:02:20.053
- Oh my God.
00:02:20.053 --> 00:02:20.960
It's never ending.
- Right?
00:02:22.990 --> 00:02:25.407
(soft music)
00:02:48.211 --> 00:02:49.980
- [Eman] Ever since I moved to New York,
00:02:49.980 --> 00:02:52.323
I've been visiting my
mom every few months.
00:02:53.940 --> 00:02:56.580
I fly into St. Louis,
00:02:56.580 --> 00:02:59.823
rent a car and then drive
the two hours to Columbia.
00:03:04.470 --> 00:03:07.803
One of my greatest pleasures
in life is an empty highway.
00:03:15.450 --> 00:03:19.620
When I was a teenager and I
would get into fights with Mama,
00:03:19.620 --> 00:03:21.453
I would go on these long drives.
00:03:25.020 --> 00:03:29.373
It was often the space for processing.
00:03:33.990 --> 00:03:35.820
There is something freeing
00:03:35.820 --> 00:03:38.763
about kind of letting the road take me.
00:03:40.223 --> 00:03:43.473
(soft music continues)
00:04:29.700 --> 00:04:31.170
I don't know about this one, Mama.
00:04:31.170 --> 00:04:32.003
- Yeah.
00:04:33.840 --> 00:04:36.870
If you don't feel comfortable,
don't push yourself.
00:04:36.870 --> 00:04:37.703
- Yeah.
00:04:38.670 --> 00:04:39.503
Next.
00:04:40.680 --> 00:04:42.120
It has no sleeves.
00:04:42.120 --> 00:04:47.120
- Yes, it's supposed to be
a windshield. (laughing)
00:04:49.330 --> 00:04:50.670
- It's interesting.
- It's really cool.
00:04:50.670 --> 00:04:53.160
I want to warn you, there
is another one similar.
00:04:53.160 --> 00:04:54.150
- Okay.
00:04:54.150 --> 00:04:55.023
I'm prepared.
00:04:55.950 --> 00:04:58.100
Thank you for
psychologically preparing me.
00:04:59.430 --> 00:05:00.263
Oh, I see.
00:05:00.263 --> 00:05:01.096
The other one.
00:05:02.220 --> 00:05:05.550
- When I was walking out of the store,
00:05:05.550 --> 00:05:09.360
it was beeping, and they
took every single bag
00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:13.320
and they tried to find, where
is the beeping coming from?
00:05:13.320 --> 00:05:14.340
It was this one.
00:05:14.340 --> 00:05:17.640
It still had the metal thing.
00:05:17.640 --> 00:05:20.730
- Fools.
- And they insisted
00:05:20.730 --> 00:05:24.570
that it's something with
me that's causing the-
00:05:24.570 --> 00:05:26.640
- That's so annoying.
- It is very annoying.
00:05:26.640 --> 00:05:28.530
- Do you think they were being racist?
00:05:28.530 --> 00:05:29.490
- [Fatten] No, no.
00:05:29.490 --> 00:05:31.953
But maybe, who knows?
00:05:35.400 --> 00:05:37.260
- Usually a good guess.
00:05:37.260 --> 00:05:38.613
- Okay, go see.
00:05:40.980 --> 00:05:42.810
- Again, very cozy.
00:05:42.810 --> 00:05:43.770
- It's really cozy.
00:05:43.770 --> 00:05:45.210
- I like this one.
00:05:45.210 --> 00:05:46.043
Thank you.
00:05:47.220 --> 00:05:48.903
What is this jacket, mama?
00:05:50.280 --> 00:05:51.957
- You don't like it.
- Oh my God.
00:05:53.758 --> 00:05:54.630
- It doesn't fit.
00:05:54.630 --> 00:05:55.880
I don't like it when you,
00:05:56.970 --> 00:05:59.763
first of all, yeah, it's the '80s.
00:05:59.763 --> 00:06:03.120
- It's definitely not my... (laughing)
00:06:04.031 --> 00:06:05.700
Look at the ruffles.
00:06:05.700 --> 00:06:07.233
- It's not ruffles.
00:06:08.430 --> 00:06:09.584
What is?
00:06:09.584 --> 00:06:11.957
(both laughing)
00:06:11.957 --> 00:06:13.727
- I was just trying to ruffle.
00:06:15.957 --> 00:06:18.082
- It's not ruffles.
00:06:18.082 --> 00:06:18.915
- Well.
00:06:20.482 --> 00:06:21.315
Sorry.
00:06:23.010 --> 00:06:24.987
- No, you really don't like it?
00:06:24.987 --> 00:06:27.884
- [Eman] No, it's just not my style.
00:06:27.884 --> 00:06:30.301
(soft music)
00:06:31.135 --> 00:06:34.802
(speaking foreign language)
00:06:38.644 --> 00:06:40.938
(both laughing)
00:06:40.938 --> 00:06:42.787
- All right.
- Love you, Mama.
00:06:42.787 --> 00:06:44.283
Love you.
- I love you too.
00:06:46.607 --> 00:06:50.690
(both speaking foreign language)
00:06:53.190 --> 00:06:54.417
- [Eman] My household growing up
00:06:54.417 --> 00:06:56.343
was my mom and my sister and me.
00:06:57.390 --> 00:07:01.020
So we're pretty close and we're
also really similar people.
00:07:01.020 --> 00:07:03.120
We have the same personality.
00:07:03.120 --> 00:07:04.170
- [Girl] No barriers!
00:07:05.331 --> 00:07:07.914
(all shouting)
00:07:10.497 --> 00:07:11.330
- Shh.
00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:13.152
Go.
00:07:13.152 --> 00:07:14.580
Go to grandma, go.
00:07:14.580 --> 00:07:16.063
There's some problems happening.
00:07:16.063 --> 00:07:17.129
(both laughing)
00:07:17.129 --> 00:07:20.796
(speaking foreign language)
00:07:24.840 --> 00:07:27.270
- Poor mama.
- Okay.
00:07:27.270 --> 00:07:28.113
Interview.
00:07:29.280 --> 00:07:33.000
How do you handle if you
get critiqued on your work?
00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:36.840
- If it's something
that I think design-wise
00:07:36.840 --> 00:07:39.240
would not benefit what
they're trying to do,
00:07:39.240 --> 00:07:42.390
then I will try to give
them my point of view.
00:07:42.390 --> 00:07:44.730
But if they stick to it,
then I'm fine doing it.
00:07:44.730 --> 00:07:45.563
- Yeah.
00:07:45.563 --> 00:07:46.863
I think that's a good answer.
00:07:48.480 --> 00:07:50.940
What do you think your main strengths are?
00:07:50.940 --> 00:07:53.130
- [Arwa] I don't know
what my strengths are.
00:07:53.130 --> 00:07:55.260
- I'm creative.
- This is a problem.
00:07:55.260 --> 00:07:56.160
- I'm creative.
00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.920
I'm good at managing
multiple tasks at once
00:07:58.920 --> 00:08:01.985
and finishing things on time.
00:08:01.985 --> 00:08:06.580
Just look at this face.
- I'm just amazing.
00:08:06.580 --> 00:08:08.640
You should totally hire me.
00:08:08.640 --> 00:08:10.590
- What are your weaknesses?
00:08:10.590 --> 00:08:11.923
I work too much.
00:08:12.949 --> 00:08:14.199
I care so much.
00:08:15.248 --> 00:08:16.980
(both laughing)
00:08:16.980 --> 00:08:20.008
- I have three little weaknesses at home.
00:08:20.008 --> 00:08:20.841
(both laughing)
00:08:20.841 --> 00:08:23.520
If I get it, then they're
going to go to daycare.
00:08:23.520 --> 00:08:24.960
- Bye, kids.
00:08:24.960 --> 00:08:26.149
It's been real.
00:08:26.149 --> 00:08:28.816
(both laughing)
00:08:31.200 --> 00:08:32.373
- Mama.
- Can you tell your sister,
00:08:32.373 --> 00:08:33.570
come to the living room.
00:08:33.570 --> 00:08:36.240
- Mama, are you okay?
- Mama, are you alive?
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:37.350
Mama.
00:08:37.350 --> 00:08:39.974
(speaking foreign language)
00:08:39.974 --> 00:08:42.081
- You survived.
00:08:42.081 --> 00:08:43.770
(all chattering)
00:08:43.770 --> 00:08:44.850
Okay, ready?
00:08:44.850 --> 00:08:45.930
Arwa, come on.
00:08:45.930 --> 00:08:46.763
- Okay, hold on.
00:08:46.763 --> 00:08:48.410
I gotta get the energy.
00:08:48.410 --> 00:08:49.895
- You got it.
00:08:49.895 --> 00:08:53.728
(singing in foreign language)
00:09:05.864 --> 00:09:08.344
(siren wailing)
00:09:08.344 --> 00:09:11.011
(water running)
00:09:17.144 --> 00:09:19.561
(soft music)
00:09:27.210 --> 00:09:29.517
It's not easy to think you're going
00:09:29.517 --> 00:09:31.140
to be something your whole life
00:09:31.140 --> 00:09:35.103
and then realize it's not
actually what you're cut out for.
00:09:42.245 --> 00:09:46.995
And it's played a huge role
in my relationship with Mama.
00:09:52.680 --> 00:09:57.210
In bringing her up to speed
about where I really am,
00:09:57.210 --> 00:10:00.693
I often have to also
face where I really am.
00:10:02.880 --> 00:10:04.200
Hey.
00:10:04.200 --> 00:10:06.270
How did running the models go?
00:10:06.270 --> 00:10:07.580
- It went good.
- Okay.
00:10:09.510 --> 00:10:12.603
Conflict between Islam and modern society.
00:10:14.490 --> 00:10:16.113
Homosexuality.
00:10:17.640 --> 00:10:18.843
That's interesting.
00:10:19.740 --> 00:10:22.800
So it's really more
liberal people who think
00:10:22.800 --> 00:10:24.630
that Islam is standing in the way.
00:10:24.630 --> 00:10:26.253
You see that?
- Yeah.
00:10:27.900 --> 00:10:29.580
- It's relative,
00:10:29.580 --> 00:10:31.860
which is such an
annoyingly academic answer,
00:10:31.860 --> 00:10:34.590
but what can I do?
00:10:34.590 --> 00:10:36.393
I'm an annoying academic after all.
00:10:42.570 --> 00:10:45.660
Sometimes I wake up in
the middle of the night
00:10:45.660 --> 00:10:48.450
to clean the windowsill in my bathroom.
00:10:48.450 --> 00:10:51.420
Best to say I'm a little obsessive.
00:10:51.420 --> 00:10:54.420
I left a piece of me
somewhere in Palestine.
00:10:54.420 --> 00:10:57.750
I'm not sure God exists, but
I read the Quran every day
00:10:57.750 --> 00:10:59.613
for what it does to my heartstrings.
00:11:02.190 --> 00:11:03.340
And actually that's it.
00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:06.150
(fingers snapping)
00:11:06.150 --> 00:11:08.460
This is the National Coming Out day.
00:11:08.460 --> 00:11:11.400
We were talking about
how packaged the story
00:11:11.400 --> 00:11:15.810
of coming out has become
in the media and in general
00:11:15.810 --> 00:11:19.350
in pop culture that queer
folks are asked to follow.
00:11:19.350 --> 00:11:22.140
When did you realize you were queer?
00:11:22.140 --> 00:11:24.180
Then how long did you spend in the closet?
00:11:24.180 --> 00:11:25.560
Then when did you come out?
00:11:25.560 --> 00:11:28.410
We want to jump out of that narrative.
00:11:28.410 --> 00:11:31.920
Try to reconceive our own identities.
00:11:31.920 --> 00:11:34.080
I come from a queer Muslim community.
00:11:34.080 --> 00:11:35.940
We live at this intersection that people
00:11:35.940 --> 00:11:37.713
don't think is supposed to exist.
00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:43.860
So if I am to identify
you using your sexuality,
00:11:43.860 --> 00:11:47.793
a one-word label for your
sexuality, what am I leaving out?
00:11:49.590 --> 00:11:51.603
So the title is, Who Are You Really?
00:11:57.150 --> 00:11:58.100
Who wants to share?
00:11:59.130 --> 00:12:04.130
- When I came out, it sounds
like a single box event
00:12:04.200 --> 00:12:06.780
and that's rarely the case.
00:12:06.780 --> 00:12:09.630
So-
- Absolutely.
00:12:09.630 --> 00:12:11.860
Yeah, I couldn't agree more.
00:12:11.860 --> 00:12:14.400
And sometimes you have to
come out to the same person
00:12:14.400 --> 00:12:15.233
over and over.
00:12:15.233 --> 00:12:16.200
- Over and over.
00:12:16.200 --> 00:12:19.620
- They're like, "Nah, I
didn't hear that." Yeah.
00:12:19.620 --> 00:12:20.850
So one of the things I thought
00:12:20.850 --> 00:12:24.270
about was how people
were sort of asking me
00:12:24.270 --> 00:12:27.930
to demonize my community,
parts of my community
00:12:27.930 --> 00:12:30.080
that I feel really close to.
00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:33.060
And sometimes there were
parts of my community
00:12:33.060 --> 00:12:35.220
that are in fact not
cool with my queerness,
00:12:35.220 --> 00:12:39.319
but that I value for a
lot of different reasons.
00:12:39.319 --> 00:12:43.680
And so I thought a lot
about how there are people
00:12:43.680 --> 00:12:47.580
in my life who may not have
met women I was dating,
00:12:47.580 --> 00:12:50.970
but who know me in ways
that I can't replicate
00:12:50.970 --> 00:12:52.950
with anyone else.
00:12:52.950 --> 00:12:56.100
And one of those people
for me is my mother.
00:12:56.100 --> 00:13:01.100
So feeling like that relationship with her
00:13:01.710 --> 00:13:05.910
is devalued unless she knows
this one aspect of who I am.
00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:09.537
(soft music)
00:13:23.927 --> 00:13:27.200
I have to come down and let
you in, so I'll be right there.
00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:30.530
Okay, I'll see you in a second.
00:13:30.530 --> 00:13:33.942
(soft music continues)
00:13:33.942 --> 00:13:35.304
Hey.
- Hi.
00:13:35.304 --> 00:13:38.137
- How are you?
- You look so cute.
00:13:40.053 --> 00:13:43.303
(soft music continues)
00:13:51.185 --> 00:13:53.768
(upbeat music)
00:14:12.088 --> 00:14:14.505
(soft music)
00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:36.504
- [Eman] I play up
certain parts of myself,
00:14:36.504 --> 00:14:38.523
and I play down certain parts of myself.
00:14:42.660 --> 00:14:46.413
I think the price of that
is distance sometimes.
00:14:51.090 --> 00:14:54.297
My mother met my
ex-girlfriend multiple times
00:14:54.297 --> 00:14:56.373
and just thought she was a close friend.
00:14:58.230 --> 00:15:00.930
This weird moment, which there are a lot
00:15:00.930 --> 00:15:03.480
of those when you're
hiding something important
00:15:03.480 --> 00:15:04.930
from someone you're close to.
00:15:09.300 --> 00:15:14.187
Having to reprove that I'm not losing it.
00:15:14.187 --> 00:15:15.783
I'm not like a stranger.
00:15:36.450 --> 00:15:41.450
I think that my depression
has flared up the most
00:15:41.640 --> 00:15:45.690
in these moments of conflict
between the different parts
00:15:45.690 --> 00:15:46.523
of my life.
00:16:16.626 --> 00:16:19.043
(soft music)
00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:27.450
- [Fatten] I always wanted
her to focus on her studies
00:16:27.450 --> 00:16:30.933
and reach her potential,
and I pushed for that.
00:16:32.670 --> 00:16:36.303
However, maybe I push too much. (laughing)
00:16:37.500 --> 00:16:41.190
I just feel like sometimes
as a mother we have
00:16:41.190 --> 00:16:42.813
to push for the best.
00:16:47.340 --> 00:16:48.940
- [Eman] They all make mistakes.
00:16:50.310 --> 00:16:54.390
- [Fatten] What helped me to
stay balanced and to achieve
00:16:54.390 --> 00:16:57.483
all my goals is my religion.
00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:17.100
- [Eman] There was a time
that every time she got up
00:17:17.100 --> 00:17:20.100
to pray she'd be like,
"Aren't you going to pray?
00:17:20.100 --> 00:17:21.027
Did you pray yet?"
00:17:27.929 --> 00:17:29.250
I actually don't pray.
00:17:29.250 --> 00:17:32.283
Or if I pray, I don't want
to do it here in this way.
00:17:37.001 --> 00:17:40.668
(speaking foreign language)
00:17:41.595 --> 00:17:44.024
(light orchestral music)
00:17:44.024 --> 00:17:45.718
(speaking foreign language)
00:17:45.718 --> 00:17:49.823
- [Eman] No.
00:17:49.823 --> 00:17:53.490
(speaking foreign language)
00:18:01.560 --> 00:18:03.990
- [Arwa] Would you rather
always have to say everything
00:18:03.990 --> 00:18:06.701
on your mind or never
be able to speak again?
00:18:06.701 --> 00:18:09.344
- Never be able to speak.
- Always have to
00:18:09.344 --> 00:18:11.619
say everything.
00:18:11.619 --> 00:18:15.567
- I'd rather never be able to speak again.
00:18:15.567 --> 00:18:16.400
Are you kidding me?
00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:18.923
Think of every single thought
that goes through your head.
00:18:19.950 --> 00:18:20.783
- Yeah.
00:18:20.783 --> 00:18:22.429
No, I'd still rather speak.
00:18:22.429 --> 00:18:23.323
(speaking foreign language)
00:18:23.323 --> 00:18:26.070
- I have this recurring
nightmare where I can't speak,
00:18:26.070 --> 00:18:28.350
but it's always like
there's a bad situation,
00:18:28.350 --> 00:18:30.180
and I'm trying to explain myself.
00:18:30.180 --> 00:18:34.710
And it's more like I keep
running out of breath.
00:18:34.710 --> 00:18:38.610
It's so recurring that I think
that I have had it happen
00:18:38.610 --> 00:18:41.220
in my life, but in reality
I've only ever had it happen
00:18:41.220 --> 00:18:42.093
in a dream.
00:18:44.091 --> 00:18:45.570
Of course, it's so typical.
00:18:45.570 --> 00:18:47.790
Of course, I would have a
nightmare about not being able
00:18:47.790 --> 00:18:48.623
to speak.
00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:56.610
- [Q] Test, test.
00:18:56.610 --> 00:18:57.443
Hey, yo, what's good?
00:18:57.443 --> 00:19:00.900
It's your boy, QC, you're
listening to Art Versus Life.
00:19:00.900 --> 00:19:03.810
It's a podcast designed to inform, inspire
00:19:03.810 --> 00:19:06.900
and empower independent
artists in New York City.
00:19:06.900 --> 00:19:08.223
And also interview a lot
of artists and people
00:19:08.223 --> 00:19:09.600
that just do dope shit.
00:19:09.600 --> 00:19:10.433
Welcome.
00:19:10.433 --> 00:19:11.790
- [Eman] Have you made
chocolate chip pancakes before?
00:19:11.790 --> 00:19:12.720
There's a trick to it.
00:19:12.720 --> 00:19:14.310
- Nah, I don't think I have.
00:19:14.310 --> 00:19:16.080
- [Eman] The key is to
put the chocolate chips
00:19:16.080 --> 00:19:18.873
after you've already put
the batter on the skillet.
00:19:19.714 --> 00:19:21.685
- For real?
00:19:21.685 --> 00:19:23.345
- Oh, you already put it?
00:19:23.345 --> 00:19:25.178
- Yeah.
- That's okay.
00:19:26.721 --> 00:19:28.971
Do you want to tell her
about our first date?
00:19:29.827 --> 00:19:32.244
(Q laughing)
00:19:35.288 --> 00:19:39.357
- [Q] So we met on Tinder, went on a date,
00:19:39.357 --> 00:19:41.403
and it was almost immediate connection.
00:19:43.512 --> 00:19:45.780
- And I dated my ex-girlfriend
at the same time.
00:19:45.780 --> 00:19:47.190
- That really sucked.
00:19:48.120 --> 00:19:50.250
- I'm like a very serious plant mom.
00:19:50.250 --> 00:19:51.663
I talk to the plants.
00:19:53.214 --> 00:19:55.110
- That's not strange.
00:19:55.110 --> 00:19:56.880
- I'm just like, "Hi, plant babies.
00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:57.713
You're doing great.
00:19:57.713 --> 00:19:58.710
I love you."
00:19:58.710 --> 00:19:59.793
And they're like,
00:20:01.443 --> 00:20:04.177
(Q laughing)
00:20:04.177 --> 00:20:05.610
"We're photosynthesizing.
00:20:05.610 --> 00:20:06.860
What do you want, bitch?"
00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:13.293
Quentin's the first person
I took to meet Mama.
00:20:14.587 --> 00:20:15.870
- [Q} That shit got a motor on it?
00:20:15.870 --> 00:20:16.890
- [Eman] Yeah, man.
00:20:16.890 --> 00:20:18.630
Get on my level.
- You are something else.
00:20:18.630 --> 00:20:19.480
You're a cheater.
00:20:21.060 --> 00:20:22.960
That shit make me feel mad inadequate.
00:20:28.320 --> 00:20:30.990
- It's ironic that I
happened to fall in love
00:20:30.990 --> 00:20:32.463
with a cis man.
00:20:34.454 --> 00:20:37.443
People authenticate it
more and validate it.
00:20:39.437 --> 00:20:41.854
(soft music)
00:20:45.960 --> 00:20:46.793
- [Arwa] So how is Q?
00:20:46.793 --> 00:20:48.520
How is he feeling about everything?
00:20:49.650 --> 00:20:51.932
- I told him, Mama was like, "Oh, well,
00:20:51.932 --> 00:20:53.877
is he going to propose?"
00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:57.487
And I was like,
00:20:57.487 --> 00:20:58.617
"We're not there yet."
00:21:06.930 --> 00:21:08.430
So then after that she just
00:21:08.430 --> 00:21:10.920
was asking me, "When
are you going to do it?
00:21:10.920 --> 00:21:11.974
When are you going to do it?
00:21:11.974 --> 00:21:12.807
When are you going to do it?"
00:21:12.807 --> 00:21:13.640
She's like, (speaking foreign language).
00:21:14.901 --> 00:21:15.734
- [Speaker] Just for her.
00:21:15.734 --> 00:21:16.567
That's it.
00:21:16.567 --> 00:21:17.580
- [Eman] She's like, "You don't
have to do it a big thing.
00:21:17.580 --> 00:21:19.500
Just do a wedding ceremony."
00:21:19.500 --> 00:21:21.270
- So it becomes halal.
- So it becomes halal.
00:21:21.270 --> 00:21:22.507
Yeah.
00:21:22.507 --> 00:21:24.924
(soft music)
00:21:29.100 --> 00:21:30.810
Now that I'm dating a man,
00:21:30.810 --> 00:21:35.163
it's me feeling like an
imposter syndrome a little bit.
00:21:45.799 --> 00:21:48.180
(soft music continues)
00:21:48.180 --> 00:21:49.860
Maybe if I tell her now it won't matter
00:21:49.860 --> 00:21:54.280
as much because there's less at stake now.
00:21:54.280 --> 00:21:57.530
(soft music continues)
00:22:06.570 --> 00:22:07.750
Thank you so much.
00:22:11.277 --> 00:22:12.110
Okay.
00:22:12.110 --> 00:22:13.590
Does your burger have bacon?
00:22:13.590 --> 00:22:14.423
- Yes.
00:22:15.595 --> 00:22:17.409
(speaking foreign language)
00:22:17.409 --> 00:22:18.813
- Such a good Muslim.
00:22:20.460 --> 00:22:21.423
- Hey.
- Hi.
00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:27.662
- I think it's your Mama.
00:22:27.662 --> 00:22:31.329
(speaking foreign language)
00:22:38.286 --> 00:22:40.099
Okay, thanks.
00:22:40.099 --> 00:22:41.744
Talk to you soon.
00:22:41.744 --> 00:22:42.577
Okay.
00:22:45.120 --> 00:22:48.780
The hate videos about post Orlando.
00:22:48.780 --> 00:22:50.820
- Which videos?
- So there was like,
00:22:50.820 --> 00:22:51.900
MTV did this thing
00:22:51.900 --> 00:22:54.030
about Muslims and we were in it.
00:22:54.030 --> 00:22:56.943
All these people have posted
hate videos of that video.
00:22:57.930 --> 00:22:59.643
It has like 200,000 views.
00:23:00.720 --> 00:23:02.103
- 250.
- Wow.
00:23:03.521 --> 00:23:05.640
- No kidding.
- So today we're going
00:23:05.640 --> 00:23:08.010
to be talking about what it's
like to be an LGBTQ Muslim.
00:23:08.010 --> 00:23:10.211
The Muslim religion is pretty damn clear
00:23:10.211 --> 00:23:12.690
about how it believes gay
people should be treated.
00:23:12.690 --> 00:23:16.323
When a man mounts another
man, the throne of God shakes.
00:23:17.580 --> 00:23:19.410
- Like any other religion.
- Kill the one
00:23:19.410 --> 00:23:21.000
that it is being done to.
00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:23.370
30% of American Muslims believe
00:23:23.370 --> 00:23:25.320
that violence against people
who disobey the Quran-
00:23:25.320 --> 00:23:28.020
- I missed your survey.
- Is legitimate.
00:23:28.020 --> 00:23:31.320
We need to acknowledge that
it's not a fringe minority
00:23:31.320 --> 00:23:33.720
that believes that it's
justified to do so.
00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:36.300
- Basically, it feels like my identities
00:23:36.300 --> 00:23:37.800
are being used against each other.
00:23:37.800 --> 00:23:38.790
- [Speaker] Oh my God.
00:23:38.790 --> 00:23:40.590
Your identities don't need any help
00:23:40.590 --> 00:23:41.490
being against each other.
00:23:41.490 --> 00:23:44.310
They're intrinsically
at odds with each other.
00:23:44.310 --> 00:23:45.660
But you know that Satan guy?
00:23:45.660 --> 00:23:48.180
You know what I kind of identify with him.
00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:49.980
I think he's pretty cool.
00:23:49.980 --> 00:23:52.980
- [Eman] Let's not watch
the comments, honestly.
00:23:52.980 --> 00:23:56.010
- I'm stressed now.
- Yeah, there's like a bunch
00:23:56.010 --> 00:23:56.843
of other ones.
00:23:59.460 --> 00:24:01.622
- [Speaker] I don't want to see.
00:24:01.622 --> 00:24:03.691
It's so scary.
00:24:03.691 --> 00:24:06.108
(soft music)
00:24:16.710 --> 00:24:18.780
- As I grew up and I walked away
00:24:18.780 --> 00:24:21.510
from the version of
Islam that my mother knew
00:24:21.510 --> 00:24:25.710
and that entailed also coming
to terms with my sexuality,
00:24:25.710 --> 00:24:28.740
Mama became more and more defensive
00:24:28.740 --> 00:24:31.833
of the very communities
that she grew up critiquing.
00:24:32.940 --> 00:24:34.410
Just this weekend I was with her
00:24:34.410 --> 00:24:36.390
and I heard about her giving
00:24:36.390 --> 00:24:37.920
an impassioned three-minute speech
00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:40.440
at a mosque general
meeting about how women
00:24:40.440 --> 00:24:41.730
should be on the executive board.
00:24:41.730 --> 00:24:42.563
Yes.
00:24:42.563 --> 00:24:44.010
They're still fighting about this.
00:24:44.010 --> 00:24:46.142
I'm like, "Oh, well, those
guys that run the mosque,
00:24:46.142 --> 00:24:48.630
they suck because they are X, Y, Z."
00:24:48.630 --> 00:24:50.400
She's suddenly very defensive of them
00:24:50.400 --> 00:24:52.341
even though she just spent a whole weekend
00:24:52.341 --> 00:24:55.080
in a giant political battle against them.
00:24:55.080 --> 00:24:58.650
And it's because she's starting
to see me as an outsider.
00:24:58.650 --> 00:25:01.110
This sense of threat
that Muslim communities
00:25:01.110 --> 00:25:04.170
have pushes them towards
a certain consistency
00:25:04.170 --> 00:25:07.110
in ideology and it's
in that dilemma of how
00:25:07.110 --> 00:25:09.270
to be in a Muslim
community and critique it
00:25:09.270 --> 00:25:12.480
when the whole world
is waiting to judge it.
00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:14.610
I think that's at the
heart of our struggle,
00:25:14.610 --> 00:25:17.385
to be queer Muslims in the US.
00:25:17.385 --> 00:25:19.802
(soft music)
00:25:27.510 --> 00:25:29.730
- [Speaker] I'm glad he
was supportive in that way.
00:25:29.730 --> 00:25:30.630
- He's been great.
00:25:31.530 --> 00:25:33.332
He's been really kind.
00:25:33.332 --> 00:25:37.825
He was like, "Yeah, we'll
do what we need to do."
00:25:37.825 --> 00:25:40.242
(soft music)
00:25:45.745 --> 00:25:48.412
(siren wailing)
00:26:00.443 --> 00:26:03.193
(all chattering)
00:26:06.877 --> 00:26:09.300
I think I kind of prepped
her a bit and bit.
00:26:09.300 --> 00:26:11.906
I said it was an all female cast.
00:26:11.906 --> 00:26:13.543
I said it was queer.
00:26:13.543 --> 00:26:15.120
I brought up the queer thing.
00:26:15.120 --> 00:26:17.160
I reminded her that there
was going to be a scene
00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:18.153
she didn't like.
00:26:18.990 --> 00:26:23.550
- Welcome to the club at La Mama.
00:26:23.550 --> 00:26:24.810
We're still here.
00:26:24.810 --> 00:26:26.489
We're still queer.
00:26:26.489 --> 00:26:27.447
(audience applauding)
00:26:27.447 --> 00:26:29.780
Yes, give yourselves a hand.
00:26:35.002 --> 00:26:37.597
(singing in foreign language)
00:26:37.597 --> 00:26:39.873
- Just one.
- I already gave you two.
00:26:40.980 --> 00:26:42.605
- And they were both so good.
00:26:42.605 --> 00:26:44.616
Makes you wonder.
00:26:44.616 --> 00:26:46.320
You know all good things come in threes.
00:26:46.320 --> 00:26:48.990
- We have been doing this for too long
00:26:48.990 --> 00:26:51.388
and every time I think
we're tempting fate,
00:26:51.388 --> 00:26:53.555
we're going to get caught.
00:26:56.836 --> 00:26:59.253
(soft music)
00:27:04.402 --> 00:27:06.985
(all shouting)
00:27:09.215 --> 00:27:13.235
- [Speaker] Eman I were just, mathematics.
00:27:13.235 --> 00:27:14.402
Studying math.
00:27:14.402 --> 00:27:15.989
(record scratching)
00:27:15.989 --> 00:27:19.887
(speaking foreign language)
00:27:19.887 --> 00:27:22.230
And what she meant by that of course
00:27:22.230 --> 00:27:24.390
was preserve your chastity.
00:27:24.390 --> 00:27:25.533
She also meant live.
00:27:27.000 --> 00:27:29.840
Live so you can love
but only by the rules.
00:27:29.840 --> 00:27:32.257
(soft music)
00:27:35.113 --> 00:27:38.280
(audience applauding)
00:27:41.730 --> 00:27:44.520
- [Eman] She didn't
comment on the kiss at all.
00:27:44.520 --> 00:27:45.770
She didn't comment on it.
00:27:50.043 --> 00:27:53.293
(soft music continues)
00:27:57.330 --> 00:28:00.960
I think that deep in her heart,
my mom has never questioned
00:28:00.960 --> 00:28:03.363
that I'm a good person.
00:28:04.770 --> 00:28:07.620
I don't think she's ever
doubted that I'm trying my best.
00:28:13.947 --> 00:28:16.473
But I think she doesn't recognize me.
00:28:21.280 --> 00:28:24.530
(soft music continues)
00:28:31.849 --> 00:28:35.707
When I was in college
we were fighting a lot.
00:28:35.707 --> 00:28:37.050
"No, I disagree with that.
00:28:37.050 --> 00:28:37.883
That's haram.
00:28:37.883 --> 00:28:39.353
You can't do that."
00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:44.280
My approach at that point
00:28:44.280 --> 00:28:47.343
was to just constantly push her buttons.
00:28:50.390 --> 00:28:51.840
And I really wanted to leave.
00:28:53.820 --> 00:28:56.430
So then I moved out of
the house to the dorms,
00:28:56.430 --> 00:28:58.653
which no one does in Columbia.
00:29:00.810 --> 00:29:02.940
I cut myself off from
the Muslim community.
00:29:02.940 --> 00:29:05.040
I was doing all these new
things that were new to me,
00:29:05.040 --> 00:29:07.383
like drinking and going out.
00:29:11.460 --> 00:29:14.343
I had a crush on my
friend who was a woman.
00:29:18.570 --> 00:29:21.570
I felt like I was just sinning.
00:29:21.570 --> 00:29:23.223
I was just being a bad person.
00:29:25.544 --> 00:29:28.794
(soft music continues)
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:17.580
- Did you guys go bowling?
- No.
00:30:17.580 --> 00:30:19.492
You wouldn't come with us.
00:30:19.492 --> 00:30:20.503
- [Fatten] I don't want to go bowling.
00:30:20.503 --> 00:30:23.310
- Didn't you say you've
never done that before?
00:30:23.310 --> 00:30:24.825
- Yeah, I've never done it
but I don't want to do it.
00:30:24.825 --> 00:30:26.700
- So how do you know?
00:30:26.700 --> 00:30:28.710
You might enjoy it.
00:30:28.710 --> 00:30:30.015
- Yeah, I might enjoy it.
00:30:30.015 --> 00:30:30.848
I might not.
00:30:30.848 --> 00:30:31.681
- True.
00:30:31.681 --> 00:30:32.818
But you don't know until you try it.
00:30:32.818 --> 00:30:35.640
- I don't like closed-in
places with a lot of sweating.
00:30:35.640 --> 00:30:36.540
- It's not sweaty.
00:30:36.540 --> 00:30:37.383
It's fun.
00:30:38.430 --> 00:30:39.630
- Fun.
- It's just for fun.
00:30:39.630 --> 00:30:42.960
It's not like physically exerting.
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:45.767
- I'll think about it for
next time when you come.
00:30:45.767 --> 00:30:47.572
Is it going to be Ramadan?
00:30:47.572 --> 00:30:49.980
And that's going to be impossible.
00:30:49.980 --> 00:30:52.175
- [Eman] You don't know anything about it.
00:30:52.175 --> 00:30:54.652
- [Fatten] You give yourself
a right as a sociologist
00:30:54.652 --> 00:30:55.620
to judge people.
00:30:55.620 --> 00:30:58.500
- Mama, when's the last
sociological text you read?
00:30:58.500 --> 00:30:59.520
- [Fatten] Excuse me.
00:30:59.520 --> 00:31:02.373
All the movements that sociologists-
00:31:03.810 --> 00:31:04.835
- Movements?
00:31:04.835 --> 00:31:08.010
- Feminism and whatever it is.
00:31:08.010 --> 00:31:10.770
- [Eman] Mama, sociologists
did not invent feminism.
00:31:10.770 --> 00:31:12.990
I wish we did, but we didn't.
00:31:12.990 --> 00:31:15.390
- No, they didn't invent it, but they were
00:31:15.390 --> 00:31:16.620
so much behind it.
00:31:16.620 --> 00:31:18.166
- I still think you're a feminist.
00:31:18.166 --> 00:31:18.999
- No, I'm not.
00:31:18.999 --> 00:31:20.999
And the only thing I know, I'm a Muslim.
00:31:22.050 --> 00:31:23.670
And that's about it.
00:31:23.670 --> 00:31:25.860
I'm not going to stand for this.
00:31:25.860 --> 00:31:28.963
- But there's variation
within Muslim communities.
00:31:28.963 --> 00:31:31.079
There's some people who
want women on the board
00:31:31.079 --> 00:31:31.998
of the mosque, like you.
00:31:31.998 --> 00:31:33.344
- No, but this is-
00:31:33.344 --> 00:31:34.942
- And some people who don't
want women on the board
00:31:34.942 --> 00:31:35.814
of the mosque.
00:31:35.814 --> 00:31:36.647
- It's not because of feminism.
00:31:36.647 --> 00:31:41.647
I ask for involvement,
including and participating.
00:31:42.060 --> 00:31:43.770
And that's different.
00:31:43.770 --> 00:31:47.010
Because I don't believe in equality.
00:31:47.010 --> 00:31:50.041
I believe in justice and fairness.
00:31:50.041 --> 00:31:50.874
Faith.
00:31:56.284 --> 00:31:57.117
- [Eman] You know what her
00:31:57.117 --> 00:31:59.019
and I were arguing about this morning?
00:31:59.019 --> 00:31:59.940
- What?
00:31:59.940 --> 00:32:01.590
- [Eman] She was like,
"But I'm not a feminist.
00:32:01.590 --> 00:32:02.932
I was like-
00:32:02.932 --> 00:32:04.830
- I know.
- I was like-
00:32:04.830 --> 00:32:06.997
- One of the things Abla
told me, she was like,
00:32:06.997 --> 00:32:09.720
"You need to warn them
that the more they do this,
00:32:09.720 --> 00:32:11.430
the more the feminists will come."
00:32:11.430 --> 00:32:13.657
I was like, "Abla, no."
00:32:13.657 --> 00:32:15.240
(both laughing)
00:32:15.240 --> 00:32:16.130
- You should have a-
- I told her, I was like,
00:32:16.130 --> 00:32:18.330
"Abla, just stay away from that word.
00:32:18.330 --> 00:32:19.350
Okay?
00:32:19.350 --> 00:32:20.460
Don't talk about it."
00:32:20.460 --> 00:32:22.266
- [Eman] You should just have a fake ad
00:32:22.266 --> 00:32:26.070
that's like "the feminists are coming".
00:32:26.070 --> 00:32:27.420
- I know, right?
00:32:27.420 --> 00:32:28.253
Oh my God.
00:32:28.253 --> 00:32:32.173
Arwa and I were talking about
starting our own revolution
00:32:32.173 --> 00:32:34.607
(laughing) within our tiny little mosque.
00:32:34.607 --> 00:32:36.007
- I feel like it should be like,
00:32:36.007 --> 00:32:38.013
"Are there feminists in your mosque?
00:32:39.140 --> 00:32:41.550
- Why don't you guys just get
two or three names of women,
00:32:41.550 --> 00:32:43.200
just nominate them?"
00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:45.510
I was like, "It's funny that
you say two to three women.
00:32:45.510 --> 00:32:48.090
You're even limiting
the people we nominate."
00:32:48.090 --> 00:32:49.327
Every time we open our mouth it's like,
00:32:49.327 --> 00:32:50.430
"Oh, here we go again.
00:32:50.430 --> 00:32:51.687
The women's issue."
00:32:53.460 --> 00:32:57.395
But it's like, nothing changes, man.
00:32:57.395 --> 00:32:59.340
What do you want to do?
00:32:59.340 --> 00:33:00.863
What else do you want us to do?
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:14.070
- Okay, check in baggage.
00:33:14.070 --> 00:33:15.270
Two pieces.
00:33:15.270 --> 00:33:17.103
Each 32 kilos.
00:33:18.060 --> 00:33:21.003
- [Fatten] Only two
pieces for first, first-
00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:26.583
- Mom, how much stuff do you want to take?
00:33:27.480 --> 00:33:29.721
Two pieces each.
00:33:29.721 --> 00:33:33.388
(speaking foreign language)
00:33:34.233 --> 00:33:37.483
- You can also have two cabin baggages.
00:33:40.580 --> 00:33:42.720
- [Fatten] Okay.
00:33:42.720 --> 00:33:44.048
- Mama, please don't
tell me you were planning
00:33:44.048 --> 00:33:46.833
on us each taking three bags.
00:33:54.835 --> 00:33:57.252
(soft music)
00:34:13.906 --> 00:34:17.573
(speaking foreign language)
00:34:22.456 --> 00:34:26.123
(speaking foreign language)
00:34:33.637 --> 00:34:36.887
(soft music continues)
00:34:46.825 --> 00:34:47.910
- Did I ever tell you, Mama,
00:34:47.910 --> 00:34:50.010
about that psychologist I went to?
00:34:50.010 --> 00:34:52.350
She was so white.
00:34:52.350 --> 00:34:54.780
Martha Stewart, basically.
00:34:54.780 --> 00:34:56.610
But as a psychiatrist.
00:34:56.610 --> 00:34:58.680
She just-
- Psychologist.
00:34:58.680 --> 00:34:59.940
- Psychologist.
00:34:59.940 --> 00:35:00.773
Sorry.
00:35:01.950 --> 00:35:04.293
Didn't mean to step on
your toes there, Mama.
00:35:07.531 --> 00:35:09.768
(soft music continues)
00:35:09.768 --> 00:35:10.740
(speaking foreign language)
00:35:10.740 --> 00:35:12.339
- No.
00:35:12.339 --> 00:35:14.314
(speaking foreign language)
00:35:14.314 --> 00:35:15.147
- [Fatten] Excuse me.
00:35:15.147 --> 00:35:16.800
No.
00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:19.440
- She's lived in several
different countries
00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:22.833
with totally different
cultures and structures.
00:35:25.650 --> 00:35:28.263
She's lost partners over the years.
00:35:29.210 --> 00:35:32.460
(soft music continues)
00:35:44.250 --> 00:35:46.470
Parenting has always been the thing
00:35:46.470 --> 00:35:49.083
she's taken most seriously.
00:35:52.230 --> 00:35:55.500
We would have these intensive charts.
00:35:55.500 --> 00:35:57.870
You'd get points for brushing your teeth
00:35:57.870 --> 00:36:00.873
and reading Quran and doing your homework.
00:36:07.470 --> 00:36:10.143
After my dad died, things got harder.
00:36:14.010 --> 00:36:16.590
Mama, the memories will stay with us,
00:36:16.590 --> 00:36:18.090
and you can make new memories.
00:36:19.200 --> 00:36:21.300
It's not as nice as the
other one, but it's nice.
00:36:21.300 --> 00:36:23.273
- How much was the other one?
- 297.
00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:27.540
Okay, this one is nearby.
00:36:27.540 --> 00:36:30.070
- I don't know what's wrong with my house.
00:36:30.070 --> 00:36:30.903
- Whitefish Drive.
00:36:30.903 --> 00:36:32.670
Your house is fine, but I don't think
00:36:32.670 --> 00:36:36.331
it's the best for your
mental health right now.
00:36:36.331 --> 00:36:37.590
(Fatten laughing)
00:36:37.590 --> 00:36:39.893
- You don't want to
let go of the memories?
00:36:39.893 --> 00:36:42.750
You don't want to let go of the memories?
00:36:42.750 --> 00:36:44.040
Got to let go.
00:36:44.040 --> 00:36:47.130
But I know eventually
I'll think the same thing
00:36:47.130 --> 00:36:48.090
you're thinking.
00:36:48.090 --> 00:36:52.170
Because we are the same person.
00:36:52.170 --> 00:36:53.610
- Oh, boy.
00:36:53.610 --> 00:36:55.200
There are so many changes.
00:36:55.200 --> 00:36:58.237
At least one thing has to stay stable.
00:36:58.237 --> 00:37:01.548
One step after the other is not that easy.
00:37:01.548 --> 00:37:05.130
(speaking foreign language)
00:37:05.130 --> 00:37:08.763
- [Eman] It's a lot of two
steps forward, one step back.
00:37:11.100 --> 00:37:13.200
And I think the real root of her sadness
00:37:13.200 --> 00:37:16.623
is a sense of estrangement
from her children.
00:37:22.215 --> 00:37:24.157
- So beautiful.
- Oh, I think you can hear
00:37:24.157 --> 00:37:25.431
Maghrib prayer.
00:37:25.431 --> 00:37:28.181
(all chattering)
00:37:30.859 --> 00:37:34.776
(chanting in foreign language)
00:37:53.241 --> 00:37:54.241
It's pretty.
00:37:55.261 --> 00:37:59.803
Look at the (speaking foreign
language) on the gate.
00:37:59.803 --> 00:38:02.553
(all chattering)
00:38:05.311 --> 00:38:07.728
(soft music)
00:38:14.830 --> 00:38:18.480
There are things that I
do and that are core parts
00:38:18.480 --> 00:38:22.200
of who I am that she is never
going to think are okay.
00:38:35.948 --> 00:38:36.807
So I accept that Mama
00:38:36.807 --> 00:38:38.973
and I will never agree on certain things.
00:38:41.984 --> 00:38:44.333
I'm glad you're enjoying Abu Dhabi, Mama.
00:38:51.378 --> 00:38:53.961
(Eman sighing)
00:39:02.265 --> 00:39:04.348
That is really beautiful.
00:39:05.910 --> 00:39:08.040
I have this opportunity to do something
00:39:08.040 --> 00:39:10.090
for my mom that would mean a lot for her.
00:39:12.752 --> 00:39:16.002
(soft music continues)
00:39:28.938 --> 00:39:31.602
- From black to pink.
00:39:31.602 --> 00:39:33.615
- Huh?
- From black to pink.
00:39:33.615 --> 00:39:36.120
- From black to pink.
00:39:36.120 --> 00:39:39.123
It's pinker than I remembered.
00:39:41.909 --> 00:39:45.576
(speaking foreign language)
00:39:46.530 --> 00:39:48.753
- I guess.
- What does that mean?
00:39:49.740 --> 00:39:51.454
- That's a good question.
00:39:51.454 --> 00:39:56.454
It's like in the eyes
of God, you're married.
00:39:58.800 --> 00:39:59.700
- You are married.
00:40:01.170 --> 00:40:02.003
That's what it is.
00:40:02.003 --> 00:40:03.869
Your Nikah is marriage.
00:40:03.869 --> 00:40:05.487
- Yeah, but if you were-
00:40:05.487 --> 00:40:07.443
- A wedding is like a cultural-
00:40:09.150 --> 00:40:10.170
- But you separated it.
00:40:10.170 --> 00:40:12.270
You guys didn't live together for a year
00:40:12.270 --> 00:40:13.494
after you did your ceremonies.
00:40:13.494 --> 00:40:14.730
- Yeah, you can choose to do that.
00:40:14.730 --> 00:40:15.563
- Yeah.
00:40:15.563 --> 00:40:16.396
You can choose to do that.
00:40:16.396 --> 00:40:17.280
- So you can separate it.
00:40:17.280 --> 00:40:18.350
- Yeah.
00:40:18.350 --> 00:40:20.303
- [Speaker] Why didn't you live together?
00:40:21.240 --> 00:40:23.400
- Because it was kind of,
for us, it was kind of
00:40:23.400 --> 00:40:25.863
like we took it as a dating period.
00:40:27.060 --> 00:40:30.203
- I guess if my family didn't
think I, not my family.
00:40:33.120 --> 00:40:34.020
Mama, really.
00:40:34.020 --> 00:40:35.820
Just Mama, pretty much.
00:40:35.820 --> 00:40:38.730
If Mama didn't think
that it was really bad
00:40:38.730 --> 00:40:41.070
to be with someone and not be married,
00:40:41.070 --> 00:40:44.670
then I probably wouldn't
have done this for a while.
00:40:44.670 --> 00:40:45.503
You know what I mean?
00:40:45.503 --> 00:40:47.490
She wouldn't have met him unless
marriage was on the table.
00:40:47.490 --> 00:40:49.450
So I don't know.
00:40:49.450 --> 00:40:53.011
Among my friends and community
in New York and stuff,
00:40:53.011 --> 00:40:55.140
marriage isn't really a big deal.
00:40:55.140 --> 00:40:56.190
You know what I mean?
00:40:57.690 --> 00:40:59.160
Also, a lot of times in New York,
00:40:59.160 --> 00:41:03.553
people just say partner no
matter what your legal status is.
00:41:03.553 --> 00:41:04.511
- [Speaker] Yeah, because I think today
00:41:04.511 --> 00:41:05.911
there are so many different-
00:41:05.911 --> 00:41:07.343
- Types of, yeah.
00:41:07.343 --> 00:41:09.393
Some people just say partner.
00:41:19.770 --> 00:41:21.843
Hi, mama.
- It's really good.
00:41:24.676 --> 00:41:26.926
You like it, Eman?
- Yeah, it's really nice.
00:41:32.018 --> 00:41:32.851
- Okay.
00:41:33.920 --> 00:41:34.753
Look down.
00:41:39.085 --> 00:41:42.150
- [Eman] The champions of the West.
00:41:42.150 --> 00:41:43.053
Go Blue!
00:41:45.152 --> 00:41:45.985
(speaking foreign language)
00:41:45.985 --> 00:41:47.310
- No because it's flattening it.
00:41:47.310 --> 00:41:49.053
Well see, like this.
00:41:50.520 --> 00:41:52.590
See what I'm saying?
00:41:52.590 --> 00:41:56.490
I don't know if it's actually
ever going to hold, but I need
00:41:56.490 --> 00:41:58.050
to stop touching it.
00:41:58.050 --> 00:41:59.607
- [Speaker] Yeah, you need
to stop touching your hair.
00:41:59.607 --> 00:42:01.770
- Okay, that's fine.
00:42:01.770 --> 00:42:03.393
Is the hijab going to ruin this?
00:42:06.180 --> 00:42:07.710
Yeah, I like that.
00:42:07.710 --> 00:42:08.543
Don't you?
00:42:08.543 --> 00:42:10.650
- Yeah.
- We need the lightest
00:42:10.650 --> 00:42:11.634
hijab possible.
00:42:11.634 --> 00:42:15.301
(speaking foreign language)
00:42:21.007 --> 00:42:21.840
- Sorry.
00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:23.743
I didn't mean to snap at you.
00:42:23.743 --> 00:42:25.950
(speaking foreign language)
00:42:25.950 --> 00:42:26.783
- That's nice.
00:42:28.409 --> 00:42:31.903
(speaking foreign language)
00:42:31.903 --> 00:42:35.040
(speaking foreign language)
00:42:35.040 --> 00:42:37.350
- I think that's too late.
- Okay.
00:42:37.350 --> 00:42:39.480
I think this one's better, right?
00:42:39.480 --> 00:42:40.313
- I think so.
00:42:40.313 --> 00:42:42.510
It depends on which jacket.
00:42:42.510 --> 00:42:43.343
Here you go.
00:42:48.630 --> 00:42:50.320
That's so much better.
00:42:50.320 --> 00:42:51.487
- Okay, great.
00:42:56.470 --> 00:42:58.103
(speaking foreign language)
00:42:58.103 --> 00:42:59.970
- [Fatten] It's all about you.
00:42:59.970 --> 00:43:01.443
Say it to yourself right now.
00:43:03.390 --> 00:43:05.100
Because you're so beautiful.
00:43:05.100 --> 00:43:07.007
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
00:43:07.007 --> 00:43:10.840
- [Eman] And I've been
trying to be very relaxed
00:43:10.840 --> 00:43:12.330
this whole time.
00:43:12.330 --> 00:43:14.160
- [Fatten] The most important thing.
00:43:14.160 --> 00:43:16.413
Let's get the best out of us today.
00:43:22.573 --> 00:43:23.751
- Ready?
- Yeah.
00:43:23.751 --> 00:43:25.251
You ready?
- Yeah.
00:43:32.693 --> 00:43:33.526
You're quiet.
00:43:33.526 --> 00:43:34.484
It's making me nervous.
00:43:34.484 --> 00:43:36.457
(Q laughing)
00:43:36.457 --> 00:43:39.150
(speaking foreign language)
00:43:39.150 --> 00:43:41.433
- Can you put one dollar for everything?
00:43:43.380 --> 00:43:44.673
- One dollar?
- Yes.
00:43:45.780 --> 00:43:47.613
I don't believe in dowry stuff.
00:43:50.820 --> 00:43:53.010
I feel like it makes no
sense unless you're going
00:43:53.010 --> 00:43:55.500
to do a big amount, it
makes more sense to do $1
00:43:55.500 --> 00:43:57.743
where it's clearly symbolic.
00:43:57.743 --> 00:43:58.818
Do you see what I'm saying?
00:43:58.818 --> 00:44:01.026
- I see what you're saying.
- It's stupid to do like $200.
00:44:01.026 --> 00:44:03.249
(indistinct)
00:44:03.249 --> 00:44:04.082
No.
00:44:04.082 --> 00:44:05.020
Why?
00:44:05.020 --> 00:44:07.276
(speaking foreign language)
00:44:07.276 --> 00:44:08.109
(speaking foreign language)
00:44:08.109 --> 00:44:09.767
- There's no such thing as
(speaking foreign language).
00:44:16.980 --> 00:44:17.813
- Okay.
00:44:24.360 --> 00:44:26.373
- [Arwa] Can you look down at her hands?
00:44:29.115 --> 00:44:29.948
- How you doing?
00:44:29.948 --> 00:44:31.024
You all right?
00:44:31.024 --> 00:44:32.017
- Good, how are you?
00:44:32.017 --> 00:44:33.553
- Cool.
- How you feeling?
00:44:33.553 --> 00:44:34.386
I'm not cold.
00:44:34.386 --> 00:44:35.636
I'm never cold.
00:44:37.195 --> 00:44:38.480
You, however, are struggling.
00:44:38.480 --> 00:44:39.627
- I believe that actually.
00:44:39.627 --> 00:44:41.022
I'm doing great.
00:44:41.022 --> 00:44:42.040
With this coat on.
00:44:42.040 --> 00:44:42.873
- You're shivering.
- Who?
00:44:42.873 --> 00:44:44.834
- You're literally shivering.
00:44:44.834 --> 00:44:47.167
- No, I'm not.
- Okay, stop.
00:44:49.407 --> 00:44:50.910
(soft music)
00:44:50.910 --> 00:44:52.643
- [Q] I kind of had to make a choice.
00:44:53.490 --> 00:44:54.830
Somebody that I cared about,
00:44:54.830 --> 00:44:56.550
I'm not going to just break up with her
00:44:56.550 --> 00:44:57.420
because I don't want to do this.
00:44:57.420 --> 00:44:59.120
I don't even know what it entails.
00:44:59.970 --> 00:45:03.093
So let's just work it out, and
let's commit to each other.
00:45:05.470 --> 00:45:06.660
(soft music continues)
00:45:06.660 --> 00:45:09.240
I didn't grow up around a
lot of successful couples,
00:45:09.240 --> 00:45:11.280
so I didn't know what it
was supposed to be anyway.
00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:13.980
And the ones that I did see,
they were going horribly.
00:45:17.040 --> 00:45:19.593
So I was like, I can't judge this route.
00:45:38.580 --> 00:45:41.040
- [Speaker] So I would just do $1.
00:45:41.040 --> 00:45:43.500
Just one postponed dollar.
00:45:43.500 --> 00:45:46.007
- One and one.
- No, he's doing one.
00:45:46.007 --> 00:45:49.722
Between now and the marriage,
he has to give her a dollar.
00:45:49.722 --> 00:45:50.937
- I think I can make that happen.
00:45:50.937 --> 00:45:52.492
- You can make that happen?
- I can make that happen.
00:45:52.492 --> 00:45:54.003
Or I can, you know, get a loan.
00:45:54.003 --> 00:45:56.763
- [Speaker] So it's going to be $2 dowry?
00:45:57.870 --> 00:45:58.823
- Yes.
- Okay.
00:45:59.942 --> 00:46:01.145
Are we all good with that?
00:46:01.145 --> 00:46:02.340
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
00:46:02.340 --> 00:46:04.353
So one and then one.
00:46:08.283 --> 00:46:09.116
Okay.
00:46:09.116 --> 00:46:09.949
Yeah.
00:46:09.949 --> 00:46:11.307
And then you can just
put her name and age.
00:46:15.011 --> 00:46:17.178
- Your mama's here.
- Okay.
00:46:19.469 --> 00:46:22.219
(all chattering)
00:46:24.983 --> 00:46:27.298
- [Mom] I'm so proud.
00:46:27.298 --> 00:46:31.215
(chanting in foreign language)
00:46:38.872 --> 00:46:39.705
- - No, it's okay.
00:46:39.705 --> 00:46:40.710
No one can see anyway.
00:46:40.710 --> 00:46:43.271
- And that's my advice to you and Eman,
00:46:43.271 --> 00:46:46.697
is to concentrate on the
tranquility in your marriage.
00:46:46.697 --> 00:46:50.130
Many times, you'll find
yourself looking at your wife,
00:46:50.130 --> 00:46:53.219
smiling and thinking,
"This is really great."
00:46:53.219 --> 00:46:54.052
I'm so happy.
00:46:54.052 --> 00:46:55.680
And that's real.
00:46:55.680 --> 00:46:58.223
With Allah's guidance, I give
my niece, Eman Abdelhadi-
00:47:04.604 --> 00:47:07.187
(Eman sighing)
00:47:09.690 --> 00:47:10.830
- [Speaker] With Allah's guidance
00:47:10.830 --> 00:47:13.573
I give my niece, Eman Abdelhadi-
00:47:14.785 --> 00:47:17.202
(soft music)
00:47:28.332 --> 00:47:32.332
(all speaking foreign language)
00:47:39.241 --> 00:47:41.824
(all cheering)
00:47:42.717 --> 00:47:46.307
(speaking foreign language)
00:47:46.307 --> 00:47:47.733
- Thanks very much, Arwa.
00:47:49.720 --> 00:47:52.470
(all chattering)
00:47:53.907 --> 00:47:57.207
- [Speaker] May I approach the bride?
00:47:57.207 --> 00:47:59.850
- You can tell how bridal I am.
00:47:59.850 --> 00:48:00.873
I'm good at this.
00:48:03.762 --> 00:48:06.656
- Quite stressful, but I'm doing okay.
00:48:06.656 --> 00:48:09.713
(laughing) It's a good stress.
00:48:09.713 --> 00:48:12.463
(all chattering)
00:48:14.261 --> 00:48:18.270
(soft music continues)
00:48:18.270 --> 00:48:21.000
- We need the witnesses, yes.
- Yes.
00:48:21.842 --> 00:48:25.092
(soft music continues)
00:48:32.790 --> 00:48:34.200
- Marriage is sacred.
00:48:34.200 --> 00:48:39.200
We're talking about
longevity and the extension
00:48:39.347 --> 00:48:41.670
of the human life.
00:48:41.670 --> 00:48:43.563
Because we are expecting children.
00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:49.173
Your guide is first of
all Allah, the Creator,
00:48:50.550 --> 00:48:54.540
the book, the Quran, and our Prophet.
00:48:54.540 --> 00:48:56.234
Good luck.
- Thank you.
00:48:56.234 --> 00:48:58.817
(all clapping)
00:49:01.800 --> 00:49:05.550
- I extend my thanks
for our gathering today.
00:49:05.550 --> 00:49:10.163
And I also think it's really
important to have a faith
00:49:13.170 --> 00:49:18.170
because it can give you an explanation
00:49:18.240 --> 00:49:21.810
to things in life that are
hard to find explanation
00:49:21.810 --> 00:49:26.810
for and give you comfort.
00:49:27.300 --> 00:49:30.840
I just want to take this opportunity also
00:49:30.840 --> 00:49:34.560
to give a word of wisdom.
00:49:34.560 --> 00:49:39.560
I think all human relations
are built on communication.
00:49:39.900 --> 00:49:43.050
And we assume that everybody else knows
00:49:43.050 --> 00:49:48.050
what we actually want or
what's in mind, but however,
00:49:48.360 --> 00:49:50.220
that's not true.
00:49:50.220 --> 00:49:54.180
Unless you say it, we
can't assume that somebody
00:49:54.180 --> 00:49:57.300
can expect what's in your mind.
00:50:00.411 --> 00:50:02.244
(all chattering)
00:50:02.244 --> 00:50:05.900
(upbeat music)
(singing in foreign language)
00:50:05.900 --> 00:50:08.483
(all laughing)
00:50:17.688 --> 00:50:18.938
- So it begins.
00:50:22.689 --> 00:50:26.522
(singing in foreign language)
00:50:52.221 --> 00:50:53.562
Oh.
00:50:53.562 --> 00:50:54.395
The ring.
00:51:45.973 --> 00:51:50.370
I feel like yesterday I got
so into all the festivities,
00:51:50.370 --> 00:51:54.783
and I was happy and whatever,
and today it's hitting me.
00:51:55.950 --> 00:52:00.950
It's like, oh, yeah, sort of married.
00:52:05.280 --> 00:52:06.120
I don't know.
00:52:06.120 --> 00:52:06.953
It's weird.
00:52:06.953 --> 00:52:08.610
I almost feel like I've managed
00:52:08.610 --> 00:52:13.610
to recreate a double life where
no one in New York, really,
00:52:15.360 --> 00:52:19.951
a few people in my community,
my queer Muslim friends
00:52:19.951 --> 00:52:22.500
know that I did this
00:52:22.500 --> 00:52:25.170
and kind of understand
the complexity of it.
00:52:25.170 --> 00:52:29.253
But in sort of my broader
circle of friends, it's just,
00:52:31.116 --> 00:52:32.700
I haven't told anyone.
00:52:32.700 --> 00:52:34.696
I don't know how to deal with it.
00:52:34.696 --> 00:52:37.383
I don't know how to make
it fit the rest of my life.
00:52:39.120 --> 00:52:44.120
It's just kind of at
odds with who I am there.
00:52:45.138 --> 00:52:46.838
I kind of thought I was past that.
00:52:48.327 --> 00:52:50.640
I thought I was in this phase now
00:52:50.640 --> 00:52:53.100
where I live authentically
and all that shit.
00:52:53.100 --> 00:52:58.100
But I think that's actually
probably impossible
00:52:58.620 --> 00:53:00.153
to do entirely.
00:53:04.726 --> 00:53:07.143
(soft music)
00:53:30.240 --> 00:53:32.910
They wonder why we don't have the decency
00:53:32.910 --> 00:53:34.770
to change ourselves.
00:53:34.770 --> 00:53:37.530
They want to liberate us
from deserving their death.
00:53:37.530 --> 00:53:39.420
They want to cleanse our cultures
00:53:39.420 --> 00:53:40.890
of their inherent barbarity.
00:53:40.890 --> 00:53:43.890
Trade in our false ideologies
for the right ones.
00:53:43.890 --> 00:53:45.540
Like, just do it.
00:53:45.540 --> 00:53:47.940
So when they burnt down
our homes, we came crawling
00:53:47.940 --> 00:53:49.923
on all fours looking for the land.
00:53:51.082 --> 00:53:54.332
(soft music continues)
00:54:25.008 --> 00:54:26.610
My therapist and I always talk
00:54:26.610 --> 00:54:29.643
about the idea of kind of
sleepwalking through life.
00:54:31.290 --> 00:54:32.123
Yeah.
00:54:32.123 --> 00:54:34.330
I don't know, it just really
struck me in this surah.
00:54:36.944 --> 00:54:37.980
(soft music continues)
00:54:37.980 --> 00:54:41.160
It's fun to emerge from a
room as a doctor, suddenly.
00:54:41.160 --> 00:54:43.690
I have all these opinions now
that I didn't have before.
00:54:43.690 --> 00:54:45.208
(all chattering)
00:54:45.208 --> 00:54:48.458
- Congratulations.
- Thank you so much.
00:54:50.195 --> 00:54:53.445
(soft music continues)
00:54:55.154 --> 00:54:56.682
- So he's in Winston and
the job's in Charlotte,
00:54:56.682 --> 00:54:58.514
and he doesn't have enough gas.
00:54:58.514 --> 00:55:00.153
So I want to send him my pocket money.
00:55:00.153 --> 00:55:04.040
- How much money do you want to send him?
00:55:04.040 --> 00:55:07.290
(soft music continues)
00:55:30.232 --> 00:55:33.482
(soft music continues)
00:55:46.003 --> 00:55:48.420
Things have been kind of bad.
00:55:50.160 --> 00:55:51.033
We broke up.
00:55:56.760 --> 00:55:59.160
There's a lot of pressure.
00:55:59.160 --> 00:56:01.170
We had just moved in together
00:56:01.170 --> 00:56:04.230
and then after we did that,
it felt like, oh my God,
00:56:04.230 --> 00:56:05.063
we're committed.
00:56:05.063 --> 00:56:06.183
We need to make this work.
00:56:07.033 --> 00:56:09.330
Or we need to know if this works.
00:56:09.330 --> 00:56:12.660
And so, I don't know.
00:56:12.660 --> 00:56:16.880
So yeah, I don't know what's
going to happen, but...
00:56:27.957 --> 00:56:31.470
It feels like things
aren't going to change,
00:56:31.470 --> 00:56:33.840
and I don't like them the way they are.
00:56:33.840 --> 00:56:35.323
One, two, three, four, five.
00:56:43.200 --> 00:56:45.873
Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.
00:56:52.147 --> 00:56:54.003
- Thank you so much.
00:56:55.470 --> 00:56:57.502
Can I get you anything?
00:56:57.502 --> 00:57:00.300
- Yeah, (indistinct).
00:57:00.300 --> 00:57:01.133
- You do?
00:57:01.133 --> 00:57:01.966
(indistinct)
00:57:01.966 --> 00:57:03.253
- Okay, yeah, yeah.
00:57:03.253 --> 00:57:04.440
- I appreciate it.
00:57:04.440 --> 00:57:07.323
- The problem is that, shoot.
00:57:08.790 --> 00:57:09.875
I'm so sorry.
00:57:09.875 --> 00:57:11.490
I actually don't have cash.
00:57:11.490 --> 00:57:13.020
I'm so sorry.
00:57:13.020 --> 00:57:15.573
Do you have Venmo or
Square Cash or any of this?
00:57:18.540 --> 00:57:19.373
All right.
00:57:20.790 --> 00:57:21.623
Okay.
00:57:21.623 --> 00:57:23.220
So much stuff.
00:57:23.220 --> 00:57:24.513
What to do, what to do?
00:57:29.122 --> 00:57:31.705
(Eman sighing)
00:57:34.503 --> 00:57:36.820
(phone buzzing)
00:57:36.820 --> 00:57:37.701
- [Q] I got your text.
00:57:37.701 --> 00:57:39.757
I get off at six.
00:57:39.757 --> 00:57:40.590
- Okay.
00:57:40.590 --> 00:57:41.820
It's really heavy because
it's filled with books.
00:57:41.820 --> 00:57:44.940
Another alternative is that
you live pretty close to me,
00:57:44.940 --> 00:57:49.940
so I can load it into
the car and drop it off
00:57:50.940 --> 00:57:53.943
to you either later tonight
or tomorrow morning.
00:57:56.289 --> 00:58:01.289
Does that work for you?
- It is better, actually.
00:58:02.400 --> 00:58:03.540
- Great.
00:58:03.540 --> 00:58:04.373
Okay.
00:58:04.373 --> 00:58:05.206
I'm on it.
00:58:06.720 --> 00:58:07.553
Cool.
00:58:10.502 --> 00:58:13.169
(sighing) Well.
00:58:14.370 --> 00:58:15.813
- Well.
- Well.
00:58:55.302 --> 00:58:56.135
Okay.
00:59:01.648 --> 00:59:03.745
(line ringing)
00:59:03.745 --> 00:59:05.958
- [Fatten] Hello?
00:59:05.958 --> 00:59:09.625
(speaking foreign language)
00:59:10.950 --> 00:59:14.371
(speaking foreign language)
00:59:14.371 --> 00:59:17.886
(speaking foreign language)
00:59:17.886 --> 00:59:21.303
- I just all of my life had so many lies.
00:59:37.680 --> 00:59:40.290
If I have a queer family
one day, I want Mama
00:59:40.290 --> 00:59:41.223
to be part of it.
00:59:44.333 --> 00:59:46.750
(soft music)
00:59:57.810 --> 01:00:00.210
I think the important people in our life,
01:00:00.210 --> 01:00:01.860
sometimes they're a reference
01:00:01.860 --> 01:00:04.923
for the things we had thought we would do.
01:00:06.660 --> 01:00:10.230
In some ways I'm coming out to
her, but I'm also coming out
01:00:10.230 --> 01:00:12.167
to a previous version of myself.
01:00:14.434 --> 01:00:17.684
(soft music continues)
01:01:07.461 --> 01:01:10.128
(kids shouting)
01:01:12.341 --> 01:01:13.174
Whoa.
01:01:18.402 --> 01:01:19.985
Lulu, are you okay?
01:01:21.210 --> 01:01:22.380
Slowly and then back.
01:01:22.380 --> 01:01:23.213
Yeah.
01:01:29.410 --> 01:01:30.243
Whoa.
01:01:32.092 --> 01:01:32.925
Watch out.
01:01:35.031 --> 01:01:36.870
Are you okay?
01:01:36.870 --> 01:01:38.370
Are your knees a little hurt?
01:01:38.370 --> 01:01:40.023
Okay, let's see.
- No barriers!
01:01:50.733 --> 01:01:52.950
- We'd been skirting around it for years,
01:01:52.950 --> 01:01:55.110
and I'd come close to
telling her so many times.
01:01:55.110 --> 01:02:00.110
And I just felt like
I needed it out there.
01:02:08.850 --> 01:02:13.850
We were in the living room,
we were sitting on the couch.
01:02:14.040 --> 01:02:15.903
Both Arwa and Mama were there.
01:02:18.240 --> 01:02:23.240
I told her that I date both men and women
01:02:23.940 --> 01:02:25.743
and people of other genders.
01:02:29.280 --> 01:02:34.280
She wasn't surprised, but we
ended up having a conversation
01:02:34.350 --> 01:02:39.120
about Islam and she was just
like, "I respect everyone.
01:02:39.120 --> 01:02:41.700
I respect everyone's right
to do whatever they want,
01:02:41.700 --> 01:02:44.490
but for me, this is something
01:02:44.490 --> 01:02:46.773
that I think Islamically isn't right.
01:02:47.700 --> 01:02:49.407
Or acting on it isn't right."
01:02:52.560 --> 01:02:53.700
I told her I disagreed
01:02:53.700 --> 01:02:57.690
with that and I followed a
different interpretation,
01:02:57.690 --> 01:02:59.703
and there are different interpretations.
01:03:01.260 --> 01:03:03.690
Maybe she was also afraid
that if she acknowledged it,
01:03:03.690 --> 01:03:05.523
it would make it more real.
01:03:06.450 --> 01:03:08.463
I think she hoped that it wasn't.
01:03:11.310 --> 01:03:13.803
In that sense, we didn't
really get too far.
01:03:24.891 --> 01:03:27.750
I had a really crazy dream.
01:03:27.750 --> 01:03:30.960
There was this huge mountain
and it was really beautiful,
01:03:30.960 --> 01:03:33.210
but then there was a
river in the middle of it
01:03:33.210 --> 01:03:37.830
and there was a dam, and the dam broke.
01:03:37.830 --> 01:03:39.060
And so I looked out the window,
01:03:39.060 --> 01:03:41.523
and all these people were
drowning in their cars.
01:03:42.900 --> 01:03:43.770
Yeah, It was really crazy.
01:03:43.770 --> 01:03:47.070
- [Fatten] You and Arwa
always have detailed dreams.
01:03:47.070 --> 01:03:48.060
- I know.
01:03:48.060 --> 01:03:50.310
You don't have a lot of
detailed dreams, right?
01:03:50.310 --> 01:03:51.143
- No.
01:03:51.143 --> 01:03:54.240
If I see a dream, I can see some dreams,
01:03:57.240 --> 01:04:02.190
but I don't really remember
them too much during the day,
01:04:02.190 --> 01:04:06.813
except the ones that really
played so much in my life.
01:04:10.860 --> 01:04:15.360
Right before your dad
passed away, I dreamed
01:04:15.360 --> 01:04:20.360
about him getting, it was very weird.
01:04:21.570 --> 01:04:26.570
He kept saying, "I'm not really
looking up to the future."
01:04:30.570 --> 01:04:34.380
And he just suddenly took the first part
01:04:34.380 --> 01:04:37.260
of his skull out and showed me his brain.
01:04:37.260 --> 01:04:38.346
- [Eman] Whoa.
01:04:38.346 --> 01:04:39.557
(indistinct)
01:04:39.557 --> 01:04:41.296
- But I kept seeing the
dreams over and over.
01:04:41.296 --> 01:04:42.129
(indistinct)
01:04:42.129 --> 01:04:42.962
Yeah.
01:04:44.940 --> 01:04:47.340
- I have the "Golden
Girls" theme song stuck
01:04:47.340 --> 01:04:49.790
in my head because I've
been watching it all day.
01:04:51.162 --> 01:04:55.953
They have a huge cult
following in queer communities.
01:04:57.390 --> 01:04:59.610
Gay men love that show.
01:04:59.610 --> 01:05:00.930
- How so?
01:05:00.930 --> 01:05:02.100
- It's just this weird thing.
01:05:02.100 --> 01:05:02.933
Yeah.
01:05:11.038 --> 01:05:12.371
- [Fatten] Yeah.
01:05:19.737 --> 01:05:21.087
- Can I ask you a question?
01:05:22.500 --> 01:05:27.500
Knowing what you now,
knowing where we are now,
01:05:28.560 --> 01:05:30.960
if the Q thing was to
happen all over again,
01:05:30.960 --> 01:05:33.957
would you still push me to
(speaking foreign language)?
01:05:38.340 --> 01:05:43.340
- Well, you know my opinion
about this in the first place.
01:05:45.750 --> 01:05:48.390
- Yes, it's better to
get married 100 times
01:05:48.390 --> 01:05:50.100
and divorced than to live in sin.
01:05:50.100 --> 01:05:51.480
- Yes.
01:05:51.480 --> 01:05:54.093
This is what I really-
- Agree to disagree.
01:05:54.930 --> 01:05:57.300
Hard disagree on that.
01:05:57.300 --> 01:06:02.300
- Well, we always agree to disagree.
01:06:06.600 --> 01:06:11.600
But I have to tell you my opinion too,
01:06:12.090 --> 01:06:13.240
and I have to be
01:06:18.990 --> 01:06:22.353
honest about things that
I just disagree with.
01:06:25.755 --> 01:06:29.833
I love that you're
passionate about what you do
01:06:29.833 --> 01:06:32.460
and trying to make a difference,
01:06:32.460 --> 01:06:37.050
and you have a good heart and sincere
01:06:37.050 --> 01:06:41.330
and you really... (laughing)
01:06:42.300 --> 01:06:43.560
- [Eman] Tutu.
01:06:43.560 --> 01:06:44.690
Don't do this to us.
01:06:44.690 --> 01:06:48.071
(speaking foreign language)
01:06:48.071 --> 01:06:51.738
(speaking foreign language)
01:06:52.637 --> 01:06:55.533
- He has a monopoly on all the nicknames?
01:06:55.533 --> 01:06:59.200
(speaking foreign language)
01:07:03.144 --> 01:07:05.894
- So I really respect your views,
01:07:08.250 --> 01:07:13.250
but I don't need to bend my
views so we get to an agreement,
01:07:18.510 --> 01:07:22.870
because I really think it's
about respect and about,
01:07:28.446 --> 01:07:30.480
you're an adult.
01:07:30.480 --> 01:07:33.930
You make your own choices and after all,
01:07:33.930 --> 01:07:37.893
this is what you're going to
be presenting to God about it.
01:07:39.552 --> 01:07:44.552
And I really, the most
important thing is just...
01:07:56.287 --> 01:07:57.120
What do I want to say?
01:07:57.120 --> 01:08:01.970
I want to say that it is very important
01:08:03.330 --> 01:08:06.180
to be responsible for your own decisions.
01:08:06.180 --> 01:08:11.180
And this is the beauty of
Islam itself, that everybody,
01:08:12.030 --> 01:08:13.606
it's a choice.
01:08:13.606 --> 01:08:14.439
And this is-
- Yeah, I appreciate that.
01:08:14.439 --> 01:08:19.177
I know it's not easy for
you to, like in New York
01:08:19.177 --> 01:08:21.753
when I was in that play, remember?
01:08:22.590 --> 01:08:24.933
And I know it was hard
for you to be there.
01:08:25.881 --> 01:08:28.233
- Yeah.
- And I appreciated it.
01:08:30.686 --> 01:08:33.540
My friend actually was
texting me this morning
01:08:33.540 --> 01:08:37.560
about her sister outed her to her mom.
01:08:37.560 --> 01:08:39.993
Her sister told her
mom that she was queer.
01:08:41.100 --> 01:08:45.598
And she's afraid that her
mom is going to kick her out
01:08:45.598 --> 01:08:50.598
of the house, is going
to not love her anymore.
01:08:52.366 --> 01:08:57.366
I think a lot of times
I know for people who,
01:09:00.480 --> 01:09:01.530
even if they're not queer,
01:09:01.530 --> 01:09:04.885
who are just having
differences with their parents
01:09:04.885 --> 01:09:09.390
I think they don't take that
time to give their parents
01:09:09.390 --> 01:09:10.863
a chance to show up for them.
01:09:13.945 --> 01:09:18.330
I feel confident telling
you now because I know
01:09:18.330 --> 01:09:21.693
that you are going to love me anyway.
01:09:24.039 --> 01:09:26.456
(soft music)
01:09:28.800 --> 01:09:29.973
Tutu, don't.
01:09:31.655 --> 01:09:35.640
(speaking foreign language)
01:09:35.640 --> 01:09:36.840
- [Eman] You're so Tutu.
01:09:38.359 --> 01:09:43.359
- It's just, it is difficult
01:09:45.090 --> 01:09:48.933
when you try to raise your kid in a way.
01:09:50.610 --> 01:09:54.360
But I never tried to break you or I-
01:09:54.360 --> 01:09:56.410
- Of course.
- I raise you
01:09:57.601 --> 01:09:59.760
as a free spirit,
01:09:59.760 --> 01:10:04.350
and I know that your time
is going to be different
01:10:04.350 --> 01:10:06.300
than mine and your
choices are probably going
01:10:06.300 --> 01:10:07.830
to be different than mine.
01:10:07.830 --> 01:10:08.970
- Yeah.
01:10:08.970 --> 01:10:10.020
It's like the saying,
01:10:11.316 --> 01:10:14.983
(speaking foreign language)
01:10:18.573 --> 01:10:23.573
- But I think there always a
struggle in everybody's life,
01:10:26.490 --> 01:10:29.310
and I always worry about you.
01:10:29.310 --> 01:10:31.197
I always make (speaking foreign language).
01:10:32.460 --> 01:10:35.310
Will protect you and guide you
01:10:35.310 --> 01:10:37.706
to the righteous path.
01:10:37.706 --> 01:10:42.706
And he is the only judge
and he's the only one who-
01:10:44.176 --> 01:10:45.600
(speaking foreign language)
01:10:45.600 --> 01:10:46.433
- Yes.
01:10:47.773 --> 01:10:51.440
(speaking foreign language)
01:10:53.445 --> 01:10:56.728
(speaking foreign language)
01:10:56.728 --> 01:10:58.110
- Are you cold?
- It's so beautiful.
01:10:58.110 --> 01:10:59.220
- [Eman] It's so nice out here.
01:10:59.220 --> 01:11:01.040
Why don't we sit here more?
01:11:01.040 --> 01:11:02.430
- Yeah, I think so.
01:11:02.430 --> 01:11:03.263
- [Eman] Yeah.
01:11:03.263 --> 01:11:04.750
We don't take enough
advantage of your deck.
01:11:05.664 --> 01:11:06.497
- Yeah.
01:11:14.304 --> 01:11:16.721
(soft music)
01:11:28.729 --> 01:11:31.229
- [Eman] Mama, it's your turn.
01:11:35.267 --> 01:11:36.573
(speaking foreign language)
01:11:36.573 --> 01:11:37.406
- Yeah.
01:11:38.806 --> 01:11:39.639
- Okay.
01:11:42.163 --> 01:11:45.830
(speaking foreign language)
01:11:54.236 --> 01:11:55.639
- Wow.
01:11:55.639 --> 01:11:59.844
So you could totally hit those last three.
01:11:59.844 --> 01:12:01.094
Good job, Mama.
01:12:02.802 --> 01:12:04.761
(soft music)