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And the older sister came from
the town to visit her younger

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sister in the country.

3
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This elder sister was married
to a merchant and the younger

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to a peasant in the village.

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The two sisters sat down for a
talk over a cup of tea and the

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elders started boasting about
the superiority of town life,

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with all its comforts, the fine
clothes her children wore,

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The exquisite food and drink,
that skating parties, and visits to the theater.

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The younger sister resented this and in turn

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scoffed at the life of a
merchant's wife and sang the

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praises of her own life as a peasant.

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'I wouldn't care to
change my life for yours', she

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said. 'I admit. Mine is dull but
at least we have no worries.

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You live in a
grander style but you must do a

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great deal of business or
you'll be ruined.

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You know the proverb, “Loss is
Gain’s elder brother.” One day

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you are rich and the next you
might find yourself out on the

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street.

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Here in the country,

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we don't have those ups and
downs. A peasant's life may be

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poor but it's long.

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Although we
may never be rich we'll always

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have enough to eat.’

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I've always felt as though
literature is something that

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can bond people.

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You can go
through your whole life,

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reading, but when you
find that one book

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...opens your eyes, or really hits
home. It'll change your life.

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(Instructor) Well I want to take you
back to the eighteen nineties.

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I want to take you to South
Africa where there was a

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village in South Africa a young
man living. He was searching

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for answers to questions about
what he wanted to do with his

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life. How is he going to help
make the world a better place?

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He was given a book to read.

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And the book was called "The
Kingdom of God is Within You"

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By Leo Tolstoy. And the Kingdom
of God is Within You is is not

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only a devastating account of
many of the injustices that

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exist in modern forms of
government. But it's also an

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inspiring vision of the
possibility of change. When you

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draw on something that Tolstoy
called that divine spark that

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resides inside of every human
being. And that message lit a

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fire inside this young man.

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Because it was what he needed
to hear at the time that he

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needed to hear it in his life.
Eventually this fire that was

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lit in him would spread to tens
of millions of Indians because

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the young man who read a
Kingdom of God is Within You

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00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:52,972
By Tolstoy at the age of twenty
five was, as probably everyone

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in this room knows by now, the
future Mahatma Gandhi.

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00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:01,181
So why - why do I begin with
a story like that? This story

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00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:04,884
illustrates for me one
of the core principles

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That this class is founded on.
And it's not something you hear

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00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:13,593
a lot about today. And it's a
simple idea that reading a

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00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:19,165
powerful work of literature can
change a person's life.

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00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,504
Do you know what the stories
that you're going to read are?

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00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,272
Or have you not found
out about those yet?

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00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:33,546
If you have an idea of an
activity related to that week's

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reading that you think would be
really interesting, let the

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students know and and they
will definitely encourage you

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to do that.

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00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:47,827
Students aren't teaching you.
They're simply helping to

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generate the conversation and
the questions, but your guys

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input is really important. And
the other thing I'll just

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00:03:56,836 --> 00:04:00,707
remind you of is students are
not experts either. I mean they

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00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:03,543
don’t, you know, they're not
experts in Russian literature

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00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:07,413
so they're just figuring this
stuff out. All I ask them to do

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00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,450
is come prepared. But you know
what I'm asking you guys to

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come prepared too.

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00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:28,935
I think one of the reasons I
wanted to take this course is

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that it would be very outside
of my comfort zone and

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something that I had never done
and probably would never have

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the chance to do again.

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My hope is to work with
incarcerated individuals. I

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really want to do like criminal
justice reform stuff and I

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think that getting comfortable
with that population is very

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important.

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I mean just the biggest thing
about this experience for me is

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how radically different it is
from anything I would have ever

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thought I would be doing in
college as a physics and

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engineering science major.

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00:04:57,063 --> 00:05:00,633
My dad was incarcerated off and
on throughout my life and my

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mom was a teen mom so he was
like incarcerated at this time

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00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,639
frame like in his age and so I
thought it would be a really

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00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:09,542
cool experience for me to get
to interact with them and learn

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about the situations that
they're in.

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So today is the one day that we
have before we go to Beaumont

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that we have a chance to spend a
full hour and 15 minutes just

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thinking and talking about this
world that we're going to go into.

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So this is all

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I mean I think the philosophy
behind it is amazing but how is

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00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:34,000
that actually going to be in
practice because there is a

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Power dynamic. We have the freedom
and privilege to go into their

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00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:40,173
space. They don't have the
privilege to come to our

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classroom here. That there is
something inherently more

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powerful about, us more free.

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How do we get beyond that?

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So,
is it possible that we can make

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them subjects, full subjects
instead of objects? I don't

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want to answer that question I
want - I want the group to

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think about this.
Maddie?

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I guess it goes back to
the question of like you know

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how do you - how
do you serve others or how do

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you care about - how do you show
them that that you care? Do you

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you know, do you give them
something? Or do you, like, let

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yourself open to what they can
give you I guess. And what what

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you can like exchange with
them? Just the nature of our

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circumstances. I don't feel
like I'm more powerful going in

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just because I think that is a
kind of nullifying force that

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we are

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constricted a little bit by
fear. In a way that they're

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Probably not.

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Gage?

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This is like
I guess just a super obvious answer

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But like we're both also
students of the literature.

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Like I don't feel like I've got
a strong grasp on any of it.

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It's like

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[classroom laughter]

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yeah.

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So I mean yeah we just go and
we openly discuss and I mean we

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learn it together we learn each
other's opinions. You get a

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fresh take on it. So in that
regard too we're both on

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similar playing fields.

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On a more
personal note and Professor

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Kaufman and I
talked about this,

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my mom is incarcerated though
my mom and I have a weird

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relationship like I know my mom
and I know she's a person and I

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know she has a good heart. And
then to transport myself in

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her shoes and be like What is
she experiencing like what is

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she going through. And I have a
vague idea of it like I'm never

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going to fully understand.

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I'm really glad you share that
too because this really gets at

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the heart of a
books behind bars is about

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Ultimately we don't really know
people. Ultimately we see

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people from a certain
perspective from our limited

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point of view from our own
cultural biases etc.. So much

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of what we're doing is trying
to is is about what we do in

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any literature class which is
trying to find common ground.

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How do, you how do you find a
common ground of conversation

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about things that all human
beings share in spite of the

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many many
differences among people.

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[birds singing, wind]

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[class chatter]

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Alright guys, we're here.

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Today the first thing I want to say is I

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want to thank the residents
once again for being here. You

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guys were selected because the
staff and your teachers at

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Beaumont believe in you and
think that you'll not only

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benefit from this program but
then you'll also make a

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valuable contribution to it. So
even before we begin,

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Congratulations.

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Let me also say that in 10
weeks when we're done with this

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00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:06,672
program and you all know each
other really well, everyone in

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00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:09,909
this room, UVA students and
Beaumont residents included,

153
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:13,679
will be able to say that they
have read - not just heard of but

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have actually read - that is if
you do the reading

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[laughter]

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Some of the greatest works of
Russian literature. And so that

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is - and those are also the
greatest works of world

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literature. So that is an
accomplishment that you will

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00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:32,598
all enjoy in 10 weeks. Let me
say a few quick words about

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00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:37,236
Tolstoy. He was about the age
that he was in this picture

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00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,473
when he wrote 'How Much Land
Does a Man Need.'

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00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:44,810
But there's another little
detail about Tolstoy that you

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00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:48,781
also probably will want to know
because it's relevant to the story.

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He never felt successful.

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So this is a really extreme
story. It's a quirky story but

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it gets at an issue that is at
the heart of the story you read

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for today, it's an issue that I
think every single person in

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00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:07,867
this room can relate to. And
that is the question, how much

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00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:14,340
is enough? How much money is
enough money? How much success

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00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:19,645
is enough success? How much fame
is enough fame? and Tolstoy's

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answer after all
those years of struggle,

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is maybe a lot less
than we thought we need.

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but that's a question for you
guys to think about.

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And these are the kinds of
things that we talk about in

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this program. We use literature
as an opportunity to talk about

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life issues that are relevant
to all of us that are

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universal.

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Before I started I was like, I
was thinking, I don't know

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how these people are going to see
us, you know, we're in a Beaumont

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Correctional Center.
A Correctional Center ....

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That’s the word that stands out when you hear it.

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“Beaumont” on the door don't stand out. It's “Correctional
Center”. So these guys are here

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00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:04,790
for crimes, violent crimes,
You know what I mean?

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So I came here with that mentality on. Let's see
What's going to happen.

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The first thing we asked was
Would anyone want to give

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a summary of kind of what they
thought the story was about.

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and Dakota immediately piped up
and was like, "Yeah, I'll do it".

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00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,677
and he gave gave a phenomenal summary
that I was like immediately kind

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of blown away. And like this is
not what I was expecting.

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I was worried that you know it
was gonna be us trying to be

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00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:35,554
seen as like coming in and
teaching them something. And I

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00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:39,091
I don't think that's how it was
at all. I mean they are much

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00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:42,795
more comfortable in the space.
And I think that we ended up

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00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:45,731
talking about things that they
knew more about. They talked

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00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:50,536
about their lives. We talked
about like their experiences

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00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,472
living in the facility, in their
units all these like terms that

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I hadn't necessarily heard
before that they were teaching

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me about what it's like to be,
you know, living in these

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00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,312
facilities.

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00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:07,653
I was expecting them to come in
here like be scared. Or look

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00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,257
down on us like yeah they're
criminals. I expect a whole

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00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,592
nother thing like they
had to be like...

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00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,097
Every time you say something or…
I didn't expect for us

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00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:21,133
to be able to connect like our life is the
same. Some, like in some ways.

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00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,402
We have to struggle with
the same problems so...

206
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:30,376
[chatter]

207
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,879
I think the car ride
back for me was a little,

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00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:35,481
a little different.

209
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:39,351
I guess for me it was then that
I started feeling more

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00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:42,688
emotional about it and more I
guess sad because it's like

211
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,291
alright I'm going back to my life
and they're still there, you

212
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:48,027
know, like they might not be in
that room anymore but they're

213
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:51,931
still like behind those barbed
wires. And I think that for me

214
00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:53,866
was, was really hard.

215
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:11,016
So let's first get the name of
the author right. His name is

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00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:21,193
Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy. Try
that. Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

217
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:26,198
and the main character's
name is Ivan Ilych Golovin

218
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:33,038
Ivan Ilych Golovin.
Tolstoy was forty five years

219
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:38,077
old when he went through a
major midlife crisis. He went on

220
00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:40,713
this long search to
try to figure out

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00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:45,251
What in the world he was doing
with his time on this Earth.

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00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:48,587
And he framed the question this
way. He said Is there any

223
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:52,825
meaning to my life that will
not be destroyed by my death?

224
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:57,263
Is there any meaning in my life
that will not be destroyed by

225
00:14:57,329 --> 00:15:01,600
my death? He had done a lot of
things he had written a lot of

226
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:05,070
famous works. He was wealthy he
had a thousand acres of land,

227
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:08,040
but what he realized is none of
those things he could take with

228
00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:11,710
him. So he came to the
conclusion that if there is any

229
00:15:11,777 --> 00:15:15,581
meaning in his life that can't
be destroyed by his death it's

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00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:19,618
got to be in those things that
death cannot destroy. In his

231
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,855
relationships, in his
connection to other human

232
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,025
beings, in the seeds
that he plants in others.

233
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:29,194
Those are the things that would
survive him when he is gone and

234
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:33,632
those are the things that
Ivan Ilyich never thinks about

235
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:38,504
except literally in the last
few days of his own life. And I

236
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:40,839
want you to think about your
own lives as you're talking

237
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:44,176
about the story and think about
what are the things that you

238
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:47,346
want to do in your futures?
What are the relationships that

239
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:51,583
you want to create, the seeds
that you want to plant, the

240
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:55,287
things that you want to create
that will ensure that your life

241
00:15:55,354 --> 00:16:00,359
has meaning that will not be
destroyed by your own death.

242
00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:03,696
So enjoy it, think about it,
have a good discussion.

243
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:06,231
He spent his whole life trying to
impress other people or be

244
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:10,169
wanted. Or approved
by other people. Like,

245
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:14,340
Who tells us a big house is
we really want? I mean we see

246
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:17,810
somebody else with it - how do
you know that's what you want?

247
00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:20,913
You don't until you see somebody
else. And he just try to be

248
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,283
like higher officials and
stuff like that, It's kind of ironic how

249
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:29,054
the only person who really came to
him to comfort him was his servant.

250
00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,924
Have you guys had similar experiences where you're

251
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:35,861
doing something like Ivan because
it's the right thing to do, not

252
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:38,931
because you actually want to do
it or like it's not making you

253
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,532
happy but you
feel like you should?

254
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,938
Yeah this one was just like, I did so
many things wrong and it was

255
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,640
basically one thing wrong
because all he did was want all

256
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:54,013
this power (interrupting) but
he really didn’t do anything wrong.

257
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:57,249
Yeah. But think about it

258
00:16:57,316 --> 00:17:00,119
in your mind it's wrong. If you
didn't want to do it it was

259
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:00,686
wrong.

260
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,222
So he did want it, he
wanted that apartment.

261
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,891
He wanted that job.
- But he did it all for other people's

262
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:06,458
approval.

263
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:10,129
At the time. Even if it was
unintentional that's what he

264
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:10,763
thought he wanted.

265
00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:15,034
Yeah. And he thought he wanted
it but at the end I think he

266
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,637
realized “I didn’t need any of that”.

267
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:25,711
We made a tombstone for Ivan Ilych
“death by kidney failure slash

268
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:29,982
Spiritual starvation” and three
things that would have been

269
00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:33,185
listed on his tombstone. So
We are gonna do this for

270
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:39,591
ourselves. Design our own tombstone.

271
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:49,735
19 years old. Death by overdose,
songwriter slash musician

272
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:54,273
great father son and friend,
author. I'm in the middle of

273
00:17:54,339 --> 00:17:55,207
writing a book.

274
00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:58,610
You are?
I swear to god I am.
That’s awesome!

275
00:17:58,677 --> 00:18:02,681
It's not very good but it's awesome.
I don’t know how that makes sense but it does. Survived by

276
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,417
mother, father, three brothers,
two sisters, daughter, and

277
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,053
friends.

278
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:12,057
I didn’t know you had a daughter.
Thank you for sharing that.

279
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:14,126
I don't talk about it very much.

280
00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:17,362
Beloved brother, uncle, and son.

281
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:21,033
I think a lot about what my parents
think of me, especially my father.

282
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:27,906
Um, humble, outspoken. Loved to play sports.
Liked kids, traveling.

283
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:33,011
I said successful businessman, I aint that yet (laughs)

284
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:37,015
So I can take care of my kids and
my family. Do what I gotta do.
You got that class going.

285
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:38,951
Go ahead with that.

286
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:44,690
Survived by parents, sisters, and loved ones.

287
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:49,428
This is kind of weird. I don't
like, picture myself…

288
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:51,930
Because I’ve got a sister, she’s got Down’s
Syndrome so I’ve

289
00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:54,933
Always looked out for her.
Right.
Take her to class, walk her everywhere…

290
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,804
I mean I do stuff all the time.
It’s like if I was to die today,

291
00:18:58,871 --> 00:18:59,938
who would be there to

292
00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:00,973
pick up my slack?

293
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:06,011
It’s weird, but yeah.

294
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:08,180
Pass it on…

295
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:13,152
I recently climbed
Kilimanjaro, which is a

296
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,988
Second (tallest).
Yeah it’s one of the tallest mountains in the world

297
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:19,224
I climbed it. But I actually
don't really care that much

298
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:21,760
about it.
You climbed it for real?  
yeah I climbed it. It was just

299
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,429
like a cool thing to put on a
tombstone but I look back and

300
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,332
I'm like. Hey that's not like
that indicative of

301
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:31,069
Not meaningful to you?
I mean it was cool but it didn't really

302
00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:35,307
bring me like Joy.
Y'all are some - y’all do a lot of stuff

303
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:36,909
Interesting people (laughs)

304
00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:41,647
Climbing mountains…
(cross talk)

305
00:19:41,713 --> 00:19:44,416
If I knew you guys on the street,
like, I'd be like Yo let's go to

306
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,985
the store get you some alcohol,
you’d be no let's go feed the

307
00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:51,490
homeless and go into a homeless
shelter for dogs and go adopt a

308
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:54,560
10 puppies.
 Are you jealous or are you mad?
 No I'm just saying

309
00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,496
like…
Are you mad or not?
I don’t do a lot. I wish I could do all that stuff.

310
00:19:57,496 --> 00:20:00,265
Thanks everyone for doing this.
This is awesome. Yeah.

311
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:04,803
It's kind of draining
emotionally like for me. I

312
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,506
don't know. That's hard to do.
How did it feel

313
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,210
Doing this after
reading this story?

314
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,645
I guess just not wanting to be
in the same situation as him.

315
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:17,783
Like not looking back and
regretting how we lived. Wish

316
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:20,385
we could have lived it a
different way. Maybe more like.

317
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:22,921
Wishing I could be
content in what I've done

318
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,893
Instead of trying to fix it on my deathbed.

319
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,595
This story and

320
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:32,297
this talk especially
has helped

321
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:36,735
Make us, you know, like it’s something you don’t  
talk about when you're 20 years

322
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:39,171
old. You know no one
wants to talk about it.

323
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:44,142
I think about death almost
every day. I don't know why, I just do.

324
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:47,946
Like your death or like other people's death?
My death. I talked about

325
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:52,351
it with my dying godfather
Jesse on his last day

326
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,219
talking to him about death and
It wouldn't bother me.

327
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,755
He was ill and he was dying and
I just talked to him like a

328
00:20:56,822 --> 00:21:00,125
regular person. When I first
like got locked up and even

329
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,594
before I got locked up like I
was not happy with the way I'm

330
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:05,330
living but I'm the slowly
starting to understand like

331
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:09,268
what life is all about. Like I
thought life was all it was all

332
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:12,471
a joke and I thought life was
dumb and I just thought about

333
00:21:12,537 --> 00:21:14,773
like suicide and **** like that.

334
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,676
So I mean like but now I'm like
I'm in the middle because like

335
00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:20,512
I mean like I am locked up but
yeah I do have family that

336
00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:23,315
loves me and I never believed
that until like I still have a

337
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:27,085
hard time believing it but...
So now I've got a family that

338
00:21:27,152 --> 00:21:30,455
loves me and I'm still doing my
music even though I'm locked

339
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:34,893
up. And that makes
me happy. So. That’s about it.

340
00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:40,065
Sometimes I just think that my
life is just over. And then you

341
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,668
know I just realize it's just a
small step. It is not going to

342
00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:47,406
matter in seven years and what
does it matter now. So I think

343
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:50,108
about it. And I'm like you know
one day I plan to be just as

344
00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:55,113
successful as anybody in this
room. And. I think that. And

345
00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:59,217
when I die like you know Ivan
died I think it'll be a happy

346
00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,986
death.

347
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,705
Basically here it's the
exact opposite of how we're in

348
00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:22,340
class sometimes it depends who
you're around. I mean people

349
00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:27,112
keep their barriers up. They
try not to open no doors in

350
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:30,916
class. Like I say our comfort
zone. Is the same for everyone

351
00:22:30,982 --> 00:22:33,585
I guess we all just fall into
some type of synch. But

352
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:35,987
otherwise if you're in here
it's just like oh you get your

353
00:22:36,054 --> 00:22:39,791
three hots and a cot you know.
You get your mail, your phone call but

354
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:42,661
everybody's is either trying to
go home or not trying to go

355
00:22:42,728 --> 00:22:44,429
home. You fall
into your own categories.

356
00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:49,634
Every day of the week besides
Tuesday is a routine. I get up,

357
00:22:50,335 --> 00:22:53,472
Go to work in the morning
 in the kitchen.

358
00:22:53,572 --> 00:22:57,576
Come back, do my hygiene again.

359
00:22:57,642 --> 00:23:01,012
Same thing over and over and
over.
Like we have a like

360
00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:05,951
set schedule like on Tuesday we
have outside and that's the only thing

361
00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:09,087
we get to do other than go
to school, then Wednesday we had

362
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:12,324
like a half a day of school
from 8 to 12. Then we have like

363
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:15,894
little treatment teams like
where we discuss our behavior.

364
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:21,566
and our release plans. And then
Thursday we don’t have nothing to

365
00:23:21,633 --> 00:23:25,137
Except go to school and
Sit in the unit and watch TV. Friday

366
00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:27,506
the same thing, Saturday and Sunday we are all in the
Unit all day.

367
00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:33,311
Your Unit like,  is

368
00:23:35,614 --> 00:23:41,353
a big room. Depends on how many
people it is. I had 21

369
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:48,293
people but if you're lucky you
get 15, 14. So it won't be too

370
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,961
much going on around you

371
00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:53,899
and you can always just chill.

372
00:23:53,965 --> 00:23:56,101
I'm used to it like, I'm the
vice president my unit. So I

373
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:59,538
try to keep everything together
whatever. It’s bad, don't

374
00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:03,041
get me wrong it’s bad but it's
got good things like, like you

375
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:06,444
be together like we got there
we play together ball

376
00:24:06,645 --> 00:24:09,714
basketball or on a unit we play
everything we do everything

377
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,884
together but then it has
moments, moments where like,

378
00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:18,290
people arguing, about to fight.
It's depressing. Like when you

379
00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:21,460
go in your room all you
see is like cinder block walls

380
00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:24,529
And a stainless steel toilet
and stuff you have in your room.

381
00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:28,467
makes you want to think a lot.
Since all you have is like a

382
00:24:28,533 --> 00:24:31,136
8 by 8 cell. 8 by 12, whatever it is.

383
00:24:32,070 --> 00:24:36,241
You walk into my cell what would you see?
I’m in a two-man room so I have a roomate.

384
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:41,680
It’s got bunk beds. It's like
cinder blocks. So going in is

385
00:24:41,746 --> 00:24:45,650
like you got, you got your clothes.

386
00:24:45,851 --> 00:24:48,019
You see pictures, we try to put a lot of pictures on the wall.
So you

387
00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:51,189
wouldn't think, like you
wouldn't think, like, I'm locked up.

388
00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:54,359
And the worst thing the worst
thing about being in a room. I

389
00:24:54,426 --> 00:24:57,262
had a roommate but when I was
in a single man cell I was like

390
00:24:57,329 --> 00:25:01,132
Yo being here by myself and then
we'd be in stand down. Or you hear

391
00:25:01,199 --> 00:25:03,735
The door closed you know like, “Yo
I gott wait til somebody come open

392
00:25:03,802 --> 00:25:07,405
this door. That's like the worst.
When you really think

393
00:25:07,472 --> 00:25:09,708
about it becasue you don’t  try to
think about it, but then you in there

394
00:25:09,774 --> 00:25:15,347
and you aint got nothin’ to do and be like
damn man I’m stuck. What I’m gonna do now?

395
00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:19,751
I mean what we call that is
being institutionalized. I mean

396
00:25:19,818 --> 00:25:24,556
you can't get your mind, you
know, get incarcerated too, when

397
00:25:24,623 --> 00:25:29,127
you are incarcerated. You know
hopefully that makes sense. So

398
00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:32,163
when you’re in here, like the cycle you
go through, like some people just

399
00:25:32,230 --> 00:25:35,634
get used to it. And I when you
get on the outside

400
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:38,837
you like, you probably end up brushing
your teeth with your finger

401
00:25:38,904 --> 00:25:41,973
because you know, the toothbrush we got here
Is really small (laughs)

402
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,910
 But the point is to not
let your mind get like that.

403
00:25:45,010 --> 00:25:47,579
Don't let your mind get incarcerated,
just because you are

404
00:25:47,646 --> 00:25:49,514
incarcerated.
You know what I’m saying?

405
00:25:49,848 --> 00:25:51,750
Coming to classes like this gives us a

406
00:25:51,816 --> 00:25:54,686
chance to escape the unit when
we're not, when we don't

407
00:25:54,753 --> 00:25:56,321
normally leave the unit

408
00:25:57,155 --> 00:26:00,725
So we're not stuck staring at a
wall. We can interact with different people

409
00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:02,027
With the class

410
00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:05,497
You learn new things. I learned
(Inaudible). Get a new

411
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:10,702
experience a new feeling. Every
Class, new thoughts. Hmm.

412
00:26:10,769 --> 00:26:16,241
That’s not routine.
I look

413
00:26:16,308 --> 00:26:18,510
forward to that
Class every Tuesday.

414
00:26:21,379 --> 00:26:24,783
Well. Let's start with what you
guys found interesting.

415
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:25,884
“To a Poet”.

416
00:26:25,951 --> 00:26:31,856
“To a Poet”? Alright.
 I like that. I think I like “To a Poet” better. Yeah. Yeah.

417
00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:37,562
To the point.
It is.
My questions were

418
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:42,901
Do you, do you live for you, or for someone else?

419
00:26:42,968 --> 00:26:45,203
That’s one question. Can

420
00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:52,210
Go around. I I definitely think
that praise motivates me. And

421
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:56,948
so in that sense I'm not living
for myself. Growing up I, I was

422
00:26:57,015 --> 00:27:02,621
raised to like, like forge my own
identity and be this huge

423
00:27:02,687 --> 00:27:09,361
important person. And there is
some merit to just like, being

424
00:27:09,427 --> 00:27:15,567
a functioning cog and serving
a larger purpose. I don’t know.

425
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:17,068
I want to do something that

426
00:27:17,402 --> 00:27:22,340
Is not life for him or you or her…
I want to do it for me.

427
00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:25,076
So what makes you happy?
Playing basketball.

428
00:27:25,577 --> 00:27:26,611
Honestly.

429
00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:31,850
Or writing. It’s not bad.
You should.

430
00:27:31,916 --> 00:27:37,789
For real?
Yeah. Totally. Totally.

431
00:27:37,789 --> 00:27:42,460
[crosstalk]

432
00:27:45,864 --> 00:27:48,500
I did one of them last night.
 Which one did you do

433
00:27:48,566 --> 00:27:52,137
last night?
It was kind of like real life. I mean I couldn't

434
00:27:52,203 --> 00:27:58,777
go to sleep no.
I like this. That's awesome.

435
00:27:58,843 --> 00:28:07,485
That's really good. These are
so good so talented. I'm

436
00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:10,055
jealous. That's awesome. You

437
00:28:10,121 --> 00:28:13,191
write one every day. My new
year's resolution was to write

438
00:28:13,258 --> 00:28:16,661
more. Didn't happen.
Wrote in my journal like three times, so...

439
00:28:16,861 --> 00:28:21,599
 I can’t - It's not  like a
day to day journal.

440
00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:23,334
You can't keep one?

441
00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:28,506
Okay so,
when I went to Europe we took

442
00:28:28,573 --> 00:28:31,409
I was like I'm going to keep a
journal because my grandma

443
00:28:31,476 --> 00:28:35,313
told me to, which was so annoying,
and by the end it was

444
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:36,748
literally just like a food diary.

445
00:28:37,315 --> 00:28:39,317
Here's what I eat for
breakfast. Here's what I

446
00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:44,089
For lunch, nothing about the
experience. Just diary food.

447
00:28:44,155 --> 00:28:45,757
It's really cool.

448
00:28:45,824 --> 00:28:50,695
When did you start writing?
Uh, when I got locked up.

449
00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:56,868
For me like, I use
letters a lot like to

450
00:28:56,968 --> 00:29:00,405
communicate with my mom. Like.
It's. Like my parents like my

451
00:29:00,472 --> 00:29:04,742
dad. Especially like when I
was Diagnosed with M.S. my

452
00:29:04,809 --> 00:29:07,912
first year in college and so I
think it was really hard for my

453
00:29:07,979 --> 00:29:11,683
mom like she was there that
day, but then had to leave me

454
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:15,653
to go home and like that was
really hard for her to like…

455
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,290
And so she wrote me a letter
and like. We like kind of

456
00:29:19,357 --> 00:29:22,760
talked through that. And so
like yeah I think just like any

457
00:29:22,827 --> 00:29:26,798
form of writing just makes it
so much easier to like,

458
00:29:26,865 --> 00:29:28,833
get into what you want to say.

459
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:33,471
I'm a lot more honest with my
writing too than I feel that I

460
00:29:33,538 --> 00:29:37,542
could be in like a face to
face. Yeah absolutely.

461
00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:42,147
This is all my thoughts - I couldn't say this to anybody
I had to put it out so you

462
00:29:42,213 --> 00:29:48,386
can hear it and feel it. Like.
Words come to me as I go

463
00:29:48,453 --> 00:29:52,457
 I don't get it. I just, I
can just be talking and just

464
00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,826
come to me. Like, I don’t know.

465
00:29:56,361 --> 00:29:59,731
Think I’m gonna get it right you
know. Cause I'm always thinking

466
00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:03,735
about something. Creative mind. I guess.

467
00:30:07,038 --> 00:30:11,276
The other night I tried to go to sleep
but I had something  like

468
00:30:11,342 --> 00:30:16,047
in my head like I had a title for a poem
for like some words start off

469
00:30:16,114 --> 00:30:19,918
the poem already and I couldn’t go to sleep
until I finished the poem.

470
00:30:20,084 --> 00:30:22,153
I really couldn't...

471
00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:24,622
I couldn't go to sleep
peacefully without finishing

472
00:30:24,689 --> 00:30:26,691
I had to finish the poem before I could sleep.

473
00:30:26,691 --> 00:30:28,026
When I first

474
00:30:28,092 --> 00:30:31,429
started writing poetry I really
couldn't write that much

475
00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:35,633
because I could'nt really think. But
if I did sit down alone I can

476
00:30:35,700 --> 00:30:40,305
really like spill my head out
and all my heart all my words

477
00:30:40,371 --> 00:30:42,807
I'm thinking.  And just put it all together.

478
00:30:44,442 --> 00:30:47,612
When I'm writing it. It hurts
like sometime when I write deep

479
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:50,381
stuff but once I get out it's
all relieved.

480
00:30:50,381 --> 00:30:53,151
18
18 years old and

481
00:30:53,218 --> 00:30:56,421
My rhymes keep me sane. 18
years old. I see bullets and

482
00:30:56,487 --> 00:31:00,558
brains. 18 years old and my
story has been told. Anything

483
00:31:00,625 --> 00:31:04,028
can happen when you're 18 years
old. Dad went to the desert

484
00:31:04,095 --> 00:31:07,332
before I was born. Gulf War
fighter and a desert storm came

485
00:31:07,398 --> 00:31:10,868
back sick. Now he can't get
paid. He used to love life. Now

486
00:31:10,935 --> 00:31:12,303
he loves hate.

487
00:31:12,370 --> 00:31:15,573
I'm no poet, prophet, I'm just a
kid. Right now what happens

488
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,676
every day I live. Hoping
things change but my days could

489
00:31:18,743 --> 00:31:22,180
be few. Mom would be sad if I
made the news. 18 years old my

490
00:31:22,247 --> 00:31:25,850
rhymes keep me sane 18 years
old I see bullets and brains 18

491
00:31:25,917 --> 00:31:29,454
years old, has - has my
story been told? Anything can

492
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:30,521
happen when you're
18 years old.

493
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:33,758
[applause]

494
00:31:46,371 --> 00:31:50,241
Ready one two not to. OK. Good.

495
00:31:52,477 --> 00:31:58,983
So good!  
I did do one, two but not three

496
00:32:12,363 --> 00:32:14,399
For many years as a

497
00:32:14,465 --> 00:32:17,969
teacher of literature, I was
trying to create a classroom

498
00:32:18,903 --> 00:32:23,942
which felt alive to me and
authentic. So I tried out many

499
00:32:24,008 --> 00:32:27,011
different approaches. During
this period, I happened to be

500
00:32:27,078 --> 00:32:30,782
invited to do a workshop in a
prison. I'd never been to a

501
00:32:30,848 --> 00:32:33,918
prison before and it was one of
the most powerful classroom

502
00:32:33,985 --> 00:32:38,056
experiences of my life. So I
thought why not create a class

503
00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:43,094
at UVA where my students would
be put into a similar kind of

504
00:32:43,161 --> 00:32:44,495
environment?

505
00:32:44,562 --> 00:32:47,432
It doesn't matter if you're a
20 year old college student or

506
00:32:47,498 --> 00:32:51,035
a 20 year old youth in a
correctional center you know

507
00:32:51,102 --> 00:32:54,706
what it feels like to lose
someone you love. You know what

508
00:32:54,772 --> 00:32:59,243
it feels like to struggle with
family situations. You know

509
00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:02,914
what it feels like to try to
search to find your place in a

510
00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:06,351
world that doesn't always make
that easy. Those are the issues

511
00:33:06,417 --> 00:33:09,687
of Russian literature,
and those are universal.

512
00:33:11,389 --> 00:33:13,958
I have found that they connect
with these themes at a visceral

513
00:33:14,025 --> 00:33:18,363
level. They know what it means
to lose their freedom. That's

514
00:33:18,429 --> 00:33:20,031
not an abstract
question to them

515
00:33:21,933 --> 00:33:23,067
They’re incarcerated.

516
00:33:24,369 --> 00:33:27,005
just a chance to talk to all
the college people and stuff

517
00:33:27,071 --> 00:33:29,173
like that and just actually
interact with people that are

518
00:33:29,407 --> 00:33:32,977
our age and, you know, they might
not have lived our life you

519
00:33:33,044 --> 00:33:35,046
know the type of life you know
because we're criminals and

520
00:33:35,113 --> 00:33:38,383
stuff like that but they might
you know they might have the

521
00:33:38,449 --> 00:33:40,685
same feelings. You know what I mean?
Because they’re still people you know.

522
00:33:40,752 --> 00:33:44,555
And this book, or all the
books, kind of link even though

523
00:33:44,622 --> 00:33:47,158
they lead different lifestyles
it links all of us together

524
00:33:47,225 --> 00:33:50,628
you know, and I would just say
that it's really interesting

525
00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:53,331
just to see other people's
 points of view.

526
00:33:53,398 --> 00:33:57,168
These stories come together over this,
over this sort of static text

527
00:33:57,235 --> 00:34:01,005
something that was written
hundreds, you know, 50 years ago.

528
00:34:01,072 --> 00:34:04,475
It's unchanging in a sense it
can't be altered. And yet what

529
00:34:04,575 --> 00:34:07,578
can be altered what can be
changed is the conversations

530
00:34:07,645 --> 00:34:09,580
that happen because of it.
Things that are difficult to

531
00:34:09,647 --> 00:34:11,849
talk about things that you
don't talk about in everyday

532
00:34:11,916 --> 00:34:14,485
conversation. What does it mean
to serve another person. What

533
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:18,856
does it mean to enable another
person? Um,  what does it even mean to kill

534
00:34:18,923 --> 00:34:22,560
another person. You know that
these things are so part of our

535
00:34:22,627 --> 00:34:25,296
lives that is part of our human
experiences and we just don't

536
00:34:25,363 --> 00:34:26,831
talk about them ever.

537
00:34:30,101 --> 00:34:33,538
We are we're reading Matryona’s Home,
or we're talking about

538
00:34:33,604 --> 00:34:38,709
Matryona’s Home. It's about a
sweet old lady who is like kind

539
00:34:38,776 --> 00:34:41,412
of taken for granted by
everyone around her and it kind

540
00:34:41,479 --> 00:34:47,385
of details her relationship
with the narrator. And to me

541
00:34:47,452 --> 00:34:50,655
they seem like a little odd
couple but like they get along

542
00:34:50,721 --> 00:34:51,389
very well.

543
00:34:52,423 --> 00:34:57,295
Yeah. Her general kind of
goals is to talk about like

544
00:34:57,662 --> 00:35:03,868
empathy, family, hardship, and
she's kind of like having

545
00:35:03,935 --> 00:35:06,871
respect and appreciation for
the people in our life. That's

546
00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:08,773
kind of what we're going and we
think that like all of them

547
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:13,211
kind of tie in together because
like you can look at the

548
00:35:13,277 --> 00:35:16,380
character of Matryona and think
about how people are like

549
00:35:16,447 --> 00:35:21,719
either empathetic to her or
grateful for her or appreciate

550
00:35:21,786 --> 00:35:23,921
her things like that and we're
hoping to take like those like

551
00:35:23,988 --> 00:35:27,024
key themes and core ideas and
try to think about them in our

552
00:35:27,091 --> 00:35:31,195
own lives and like who we're
thankful or appreciative for

553
00:35:31,996 --> 00:35:35,633
Thinking about like our own
like maternal or like motherly

554
00:35:35,700 --> 00:35:37,101
figures in our lives.

555
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:43,674
like Who do you guys have
anyone in your life that maybe

556
00:35:43,741 --> 00:35:44,408
not to this degree.

557
00:35:44,475 --> 00:35:49,914
But like reminds you of these like
selfless, un-needing

558
00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:52,817
of payment values like this - is
there anyone that this reminds you

559
00:35:52,884 --> 00:35:54,385
of in your own lives?

560
00:35:54,452 --> 00:35:56,921
My grandmother was the same
way. Yeah yeah. She was the

561
00:35:56,988 --> 00:36:00,324
same. She grew up in a little,
she grew up not having much money so

562
00:36:00,391 --> 00:36:03,528
she kind of knew what it was
like. And then now she you know

563
00:36:03,594 --> 00:36:07,665
she got a decent house in a
decent county so.

564
00:36:07,732 --> 00:36:10,835
Well I haven't really spoke to my
grandpa's since he moved up to Maine

565
00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:14,138
Like eight years ago.
Like when you were younger,

566
00:36:14,205 --> 00:36:18,543
Do you have any like. I mean if you didn’t…
 He always pushed me to

567
00:36:18,609 --> 00:36:20,411
do better. But

568
00:36:20,811 --> 00:36:22,580
He's a veteran. So

569
00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:27,118
When the Fourth of July came around
We always used to go to Maine

570
00:36:27,451 --> 00:36:29,620
He's always asked me if I want
to be in a Fourth of July

571
00:36:29,687 --> 00:36:34,926
parade. So I used to be. Yeah.
He always wanted me to strive

572
00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:39,096
for my best. Not get into trouble.
Yeah.
But then I kind

573
00:36:39,163 --> 00:36:41,766
of let him down when I got
locked up. That's someone you

574
00:36:41,766 --> 00:36:45,136
Is that someone you would like want to try to get
back in touch with?

575
00:36:45,436 --> 00:36:50,741
From what my mom said he
friend me on Facebook, so...
Nice.

576
00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:56,180
Grandpa's on Facebook. Those are always fun.
 Once he once he heard I

577
00:36:56,247 --> 00:36:58,282
was doing good he friended me on Facebook.
That's good.

578
00:36:58,349 --> 00:37:04,021
That's really great. That's the
only person…  I have memories

579
00:37:04,121 --> 00:37:07,258
like we used to have his
recliner chair. So every time

580
00:37:07,325 --> 00:37:10,661
They used to run to the store I used to run
and sit on his lap in a

581
00:37:10,728 --> 00:37:14,632
reclining chair. We
flipped one time.
[laughter]

582
00:37:15,666 --> 00:37:17,768
Just to like  bring it back to the
story, do you guys think that

583
00:37:17,835 --> 00:37:21,505
Matryona is properly appreciated?
Not at all. No.

584
00:37:21,572 --> 00:37:25,209
Do you think anyone in this story
really seems to appreciate her?

585
00:37:25,776 --> 00:37:32,250
The Narrator.
Yeah I feel like he realizes only after she's

586
00:37:32,316 --> 00:37:36,387
gone that he didn't come up to
me did he. Yeah. How much for

587
00:37:36,454 --> 00:37:39,590
him and that he didn't properly
appreciate it. Yeah right.

588
00:37:39,657 --> 00:37:42,059
Yeah.

589
00:37:42,126 --> 00:37:45,062
It's hard though. Like when.
Once it's like pass the time

590
00:37:45,129 --> 00:37:47,465
where you’re supposed to have
thanked someone it's like it

591
00:37:47,565 --> 00:37:50,401
just seems fake when you're
doing it almost like I'm

592
00:37:50,468 --> 00:37:55,072
thinking, this past fall my
mother came - or my parents

593
00:37:55,139 --> 00:37:56,040
came to visit and

594
00:37:57,208 --> 00:38:01,012
Were out at lunch and she was
just telling me to like do this

595
00:38:01,078 --> 00:38:04,081
this and this and I was like I
don't want to do that. Like.

596
00:38:04,148 --> 00:38:10,354
And. I got angry with her and
like I've got like kind of you

597
00:38:10,421 --> 00:38:14,058
know overstepped what I should
have said probably. And my mom

598
00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:17,295
is like usually very very
strong, just like literally

599
00:38:17,361 --> 00:38:22,400
started crying and was like, I…
you like, don't appreciate what

600
00:38:22,466 --> 00:38:25,670
I do for you. I literally my
whole life has been around like

601
00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:29,173
you and your siblings like
making you happy and you never

602
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:30,841
thank me for it.

603
00:38:31,042 --> 00:38:32,943
And she just like got up and
left, like we're out at lunch

604
00:38:33,010 --> 00:38:36,013
she just got up and
left and I was like

605
00:38:37,381 --> 00:38:41,485
There's nothing I could do
after that. That would be as

606
00:38:41,552 --> 00:38:45,356
meaningful as if I had done
it before. I just felt like this

607
00:38:45,423 --> 00:38:49,126
emptiness like What the hell am
I supposed to say here?

608
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:53,297
I'm kind of afraid to go back
and apologize to my grandpa.

609
00:38:53,364 --> 00:38:57,635
like he's like in his late 70s
I'm afraid he'd have a heart

610
00:38:57,702 --> 00:39:00,571
attack from crying.
I hope not.

611
00:39:00,738 --> 00:39:04,775
I'm afraid.
Crying about what?
That I finally came around.

612
00:39:04,842 --> 00:39:07,111
Finally realized

613
00:39:07,211 --> 00:39:10,481
That I could do good.
So do you think that they would be happy

614
00:39:10,548 --> 00:39:13,551
tears then?
 Yeah. Yeah.

615
00:39:14,518 --> 00:39:17,221
In this last paragraph he says
ignore any city in our homeland

616
00:39:17,288 --> 00:39:20,358
like this to me that's clearly
like some impetus for him to

617
00:39:20,424 --> 00:39:23,127
like go forward and change his
life and how he approaches

618
00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:27,431
people for the better. So
that's kind of like brings me back

619
00:39:27,498 --> 00:39:28,933
like what we've been talking
about with the psych

620
00:39:28,999 --> 00:39:31,702
reservation of getting close to
people or like difficulty

621
00:39:31,769 --> 00:39:32,670
getting close people
as I like.

622
00:39:33,938 --> 00:39:37,875
I don't know to me there's
something that can only be

623
00:39:37,942 --> 00:39:40,544
learned through that. I don't
know if this even makes sense.

624
00:39:40,611 --> 00:39:41,112
it makes sense.

625
00:39:41,178 --> 00:39:43,814
Like it's it's scary to get
close to someone and be

626
00:39:43,881 --> 00:39:46,350
vulnerable to them but through
that vulnerability and that

627
00:39:46,450 --> 00:39:49,320
like relationship you can learn
a lot that you wouldn't have

628
00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:52,890
learned otherwise. Is that what you’re saying?
Yeah.

629
00:39:52,890 --> 00:39:54,391
What do you guys

630
00:39:54,458 --> 00:39:56,227
think about that?

631
00:39:58,429 --> 00:40:01,298
I have a fear that that it’s
going to turn around and like…

632
00:40:01,365 --> 00:40:04,668
turn back against me.

633
00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:08,506
I aways have that feeling.
Yeah it's happened in here several times

634
00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:11,075
I mean you tell people something
They’re like “Oh we're not going to tell

635
00:40:11,142 --> 00:40:13,177
anybody else about you” and
they go the the whole campus.

636
00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:14,578
whole campus.

637
00:40:14,745 --> 00:40:16,147
Yeah I find that too.

638
00:40:17,782 --> 00:40:19,150
very frustrating.

639
00:40:24,288 --> 00:40:27,858
This might be I mean like this
it could easily be too personal

640
00:40:27,925 --> 00:40:29,960
and like no one
has to answer. But like

641
00:40:31,996 --> 00:40:34,632
Where does this like
reservation of getting to close

642
00:40:34,698 --> 00:40:38,736
people come from? Like for each
of us? I'm I'm kind of curious

643
00:40:38,803 --> 00:40:41,639
like is there some experience
or some relationship that makes

644
00:40:41,705 --> 00:40:44,241
you wary of future
relationships or is it just a

645
00:40:44,308 --> 00:40:48,245
general outlook that you can't
really put your finger on?

646
00:40:48,312 --> 00:40:53,551
General outlook? And. I think that. For

647
00:40:53,617 --> 00:40:54,251
me it's

648
00:40:54,685 --> 00:40:56,420
past like relationships.

649
00:40:58,522 --> 00:41:03,360
So like in terms of like
boyfriend girlfriend things my

650
00:41:03,427 --> 00:41:06,263
ex boyfriend, and then in terms
of like all my other

651
00:41:06,330 --> 00:41:08,499
reservations about getting to
know people would be my mom

652
00:41:08,933 --> 00:41:11,602
because I can't remember the
number of times that she got

653
00:41:11,669 --> 00:41:14,772
sober, we started to build a
relationship again. She started

654
00:41:14,839 --> 00:41:18,876
drinking again. It
disintegrated. And so it's like

655
00:41:18,943 --> 00:41:23,013
a been reinforced in my mind
that like. It's not going to

656
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,182
work out so like why
put in the effort.

657
00:41:25,282 --> 00:41:29,587
Is it just alcohol?
 just alcohol.
Yeah. But at least in

658
00:41:29,653 --> 00:41:32,656
The correctional facility
you're forced to get sober.

659
00:41:32,723 --> 00:41:36,627
Yeah. So at least she's safe
and yeah she maintains sobriety

660
00:41:36,694 --> 00:41:37,194
well inside.

661
00:41:37,461 --> 00:41:38,596
No it's really good.

662
00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:41,765
It's just maintaining it on
the outside. That's the tricky

663
00:41:41,832 --> 00:41:43,601
part for having her.

664
00:41:44,702 --> 00:41:49,073
No-  that went really really well.
That was dope. What a day.
Yeah.

665
00:41:49,139 --> 00:41:53,677
was really good.
I can't understand how they just go

666
00:41:53,744 --> 00:41:55,312
Back and sit in their cells now.

667
00:42:05,222 --> 00:42:08,492
Residents consider themselves
very reserved and don't like

668
00:42:08,559 --> 00:42:09,927
sharing and getting emotional

669
00:42:10,794 --> 00:42:13,564
And that's like they admitted
that to us and so our goal has

670
00:42:13,631 --> 00:42:15,633
kind of been to try to break
that down. I think today we

671
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:19,837
actually got more personal
anecdotes than we've gotten in

672
00:42:19,904 --> 00:42:20,404
the past.

673
00:42:20,704 --> 00:42:24,708
I think it's no contact after
the program and like maybe for

674
00:42:24,775 --> 00:42:27,978
like the next five years or
something like that. So it's

675
00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:30,681
like if we wanted to you know
like write them letters like we

676
00:42:30,748 --> 00:42:31,849
can't do that

677
00:42:34,018 --> 00:42:38,188
Which I personally find
problematic like I understand

678
00:42:38,255 --> 00:42:43,260
their rationale behind it
totally get it. Also. I'm not

679
00:42:43,327 --> 00:42:46,630
entirely sure if I agree with
it. Especially since like

680
00:42:46,697 --> 00:42:49,199
Wesley and Justin said they
don't like opening up to people

681
00:42:49,266 --> 00:42:52,703
and now they're opening up to
us and in a few short weeks

682
00:42:52,770 --> 00:42:56,941
Jack and I are gonna be gone.
And maybe never hear from them

683
00:42:57,007 --> 00:43:01,812
again. You just kind of wonder
like, what impact that will

684
00:43:01,879 --> 00:43:05,950
have. Just reinforcing the idea
that people will leave you

685
00:43:06,050 --> 00:43:08,552
which isn't a good
idea to have reinforced

686
00:43:24,735 --> 00:43:27,438
We're running around the houses
are like chasing them around

687
00:43:28,672 --> 00:43:30,941
There’s a video and he’s just  like
scampering he looks like a

688
00:43:31,008 --> 00:43:33,944
Little monkey or something.
[laughter]

689
00:44:27,431 --> 00:44:32,936
So one of the reasons that we
read these stories is because

690
00:44:33,337 --> 00:44:36,707
to talk about Russia without
mentioning the Soviet prison

691
00:44:36,774 --> 00:44:39,076
camps would be kind of like
talking about American history

692
00:44:39,143 --> 00:44:41,979
without mentioning
the word slavery.

693
00:44:42,046 --> 00:44:45,549
It would just be dishonest.
We can talk about like whatever

694
00:44:45,616 --> 00:44:48,919
story you guys want. So I'm
curious to hear what your

695
00:44:48,986 --> 00:44:52,056
reactions were to them which
ones you liked if you didn't

696
00:44:52,122 --> 00:44:55,859
like them. Like that's fine
too. You have thoughts. I can

697
00:44:55,926 --> 00:45:00,064
tell you're ready.
Yeah… I honestly, honestly my favorite story of

698
00:45:00,130 --> 00:45:02,499
all was

699
00:45:03,333 --> 00:45:08,806
My first tooth.
Yeah mine too.
Why.
Because. They. Teach me

700
00:45:08,872 --> 00:45:10,541
how to learn to

701
00:45:10,541 --> 00:45:12,543
forgive. Which is one of the
hardest things for me, like

702
00:45:12,609 --> 00:45:16,013
forgiving. I don't know why
guess it's hard for me to do.

703
00:45:17,181 --> 00:45:21,652
I learned a lot because I mean when
people do like bad things to you, you know

704
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:25,689
something like this man, he got his  
tooth taken out by a man named [inaudible]

705
00:45:25,756 --> 00:45:29,626
Whatever that man's name
is… the Officer. And he had never forgiven

706
00:45:29,693 --> 00:45:33,197
the man away. You know what I mean?
So I just wanted to like,

707
00:45:33,263 --> 00:45:37,167
I got into trouble in Columbia
and I came to the United States

708
00:45:37,234 --> 00:45:43,006
and I suffer a lot. I got a
call from my mom and she was

709
00:45:43,073 --> 00:45:47,377
crying. She's crying and she
was like I'm sorry for

710
00:45:47,444 --> 00:45:49,346
everything I put
you through in Columbia

711
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:53,283
As a little kid like I started
crying too. I mean I started

712
00:45:53,350 --> 00:45:56,487
crying too. I was like, I forgive you. I didn’t know

713
00:45:56,553 --> 00:45:59,690
I‘d forgive anybody and I was just like “yeah”.
Yeah ma I forgive you.

714
00:45:59,757 --> 00:46:04,595
For everything, everything we
went through. So you know like I went

715
00:46:04,661 --> 00:46:09,433
to harsh times I mean. I mean
people are just the worst

716
00:46:09,500 --> 00:46:15,038
things you've ever imagined. They
do bad things to you, you know what I mean?

717
00:46:15,105 --> 00:46:21,145
I need to know how to forgive.
That’s why I liked that story.

718
00:46:21,211 --> 00:46:25,949
What do you think compels
people to go on and continue

719
00:46:26,750 --> 00:46:30,020
living and living in a way in
which they are capable of

720
00:46:30,087 --> 00:46:33,924
forgiving people when they are
faced with such overwhelming

721
00:46:33,991 --> 00:46:35,225
hardships?

722
00:46:35,893 --> 00:46:38,495
So be kind of an exception to the rule?
Yeah I'm pretty sure you

723
00:46:38,562 --> 00:46:42,432
guys heard the word the phrase
“paying it forward”? I feel like

724
00:46:42,499 --> 00:46:46,103
somebody forgives me then,
why I never forgive about some

725
00:46:46,170 --> 00:46:50,941
other person. So like, if I wanna listen
To my dad's advice not hanging

726
00:46:51,008 --> 00:46:54,244
around the wrong people in
school and so on, many things would

727
00:46:54,311 --> 00:46:58,582
be different. So my Dad forgive
me for that. So I feel like. I

728
00:46:58,649 --> 00:46:59,149
have to forgive

729
00:46:59,216 --> 00:47:03,220
other people for that too.
So because your dad forgave you feel like you

730
00:47:03,287 --> 00:47:06,890
should forgive other people?
Yeah.

731
00:47:07,925 --> 00:47:10,661
I didn't I didn't even honestly
really think about that that

732
00:47:10,727 --> 00:47:12,796
much when I read this story.
But like now you pointed out I

733
00:47:12,863 --> 00:47:16,300
see so much how the topic of
forgiveness. It's like all

734
00:47:16,366 --> 00:47:18,602
throughout this story.

735
00:47:20,537 --> 00:47:26,143
How have you people been to
you guys about forgiving you?

736
00:47:27,144 --> 00:47:28,612
Like, what do you mean?

737
00:47:28,612 --> 00:47:33,617
Like, with the crimes you’ve committed, are people,

738
00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,819
have they've been forgiving?

739
00:47:38,055 --> 00:47:43,927
My judge hasn’t.
Yeah.
Well. I guess. The first, that was my

740
00:47:43,994 --> 00:47:48,332
parents, my family. They were
kind of sad about

741
00:47:49,032 --> 00:47:56,073
Disappointed. You know. I let let them down.

742
00:47:56,139 --> 00:48:00,811
But they got around it. Just thinking like,

743
00:48:00,878 --> 00:48:07,351
Made a mistake. My story isn't over
so. I just do. Some pages left.

744
00:48:07,417 --> 00:48:12,256
I guess you could say.
Definitely, you’ve got the whole book left!
Yeah. It’s a lot of stuff.

745
00:48:12,589 --> 00:48:15,492
Forgiving?
Yeah.
People like

746
00:48:17,094 --> 00:48:20,397
It started with  my parents and
then. I wouldn't say

747
00:48:21,832 --> 00:48:23,500
Then it went to me. Kind of.

748
00:48:23,767 --> 00:48:25,902
Forgiving yourself?
Yeah. I feel like

749
00:48:27,004 --> 00:48:31,241
I'm still having a hard time with that.
I know I could have

750
00:48:31,308 --> 00:48:35,545
done better. But I mean.
I had a choice but. I don’t know.

751
00:48:37,281 --> 00:48:39,283
Felt like it was right. I guess

752
00:48:43,020 --> 00:48:46,390
What about you - has forgiveness been hard?

753
00:48:46,390 --> 00:48:48,058
Like me forgiving

754
00:48:48,125 --> 00:48:52,896
people them forgiving me?
Either.
I didn't expect anybody

755
00:48:52,963 --> 00:48:58,168
To forgive me. Except for my
family but I'm not expecting

756
00:48:58,235 --> 00:49:00,837
the victim to forgive me
he’s a grown man so…

757
00:49:02,973 --> 00:49:05,876
I don’t know.

758
00:49:08,045 --> 00:49:11,081
If someone robbed me I wouldn't forgive them.

759
00:49:11,081 --> 00:49:15,319
For me it's
easy for me to forgive somebody.

760
00:49:15,385 --> 00:49:19,723
Life goes on.
I can tell that.
Life goes on. [crosstalk]

761
00:49:19,790 --> 00:49:23,260
Yeah. Like. If something
happens if you do something to

762
00:49:23,327 --> 00:49:26,663
me I don't care. You come back.
You come back. It's just like

763
00:49:26,730 --> 00:49:29,533
my mom. I’ll make my mom
really angry but I come back 30

764
00:49:29,599 --> 00:49:32,703
minutes later she's not angry no more.
That’s just how I am.

765
00:49:32,703 --> 00:49:34,905
You do something wrong to me. Come back an hour later

766
00:49:36,573 --> 00:49:39,476
So you would have forgiven this
guard for kicking you in the teeth?

767
00:49:40,744 --> 00:49:41,712
 Yeah?

768
00:49:43,547 --> 00:49:47,684
I mean yes and no. It just
depends. I don't know I didn't

769
00:49:47,751 --> 00:49:48,285
know the guard.

770
00:49:48,485 --> 00:49:51,588
I think I’d forgive him. I'm not gonna
forget about him.
Yeah

771
00:49:51,655 --> 00:49:54,591
Forgive and forget. That's what I do with it.
You're not gonna live a happy

772
00:49:54,658 --> 00:49:57,461
life unless you can do it. You're
not. You're always you're

773
00:49:57,527 --> 00:50:00,964
always gonna be like. Looking
for revenge on that person. Or

774
00:50:01,031 --> 00:50:03,700
always when that person comes
around you. Oh how’m I gonna

775
00:50:03,767 --> 00:50:06,003
get him back, how am I gonna get him back,
I don't like him I don't

776
00:50:06,069 --> 00:50:10,007
like him, when you can just be
like hey. The past is past, what’s up?

777
00:50:10,073 --> 00:50:15,946
Come chill.
 Let me ask you a
question. OK. You don't like

778
00:50:16,012 --> 00:50:16,513
The “R” word.

779
00:50:16,613 --> 00:50:21,151
Yeah.
So lets say you get incarcerated.

780
00:50:21,218 --> 00:50:24,154
And there's somebody who is
mentally ill. You see an

781
00:50:24,221 --> 00:50:27,457
officer who calls this man  names,
making fun of him and doing all

782
00:50:27,524 --> 00:50:29,960
that stuff.

783
00:50:30,594 --> 00:50:33,096
What do you do in that case?
Well you can't ,you can’t, you can't stand

784
00:50:33,163 --> 00:50:34,998
up for that person because if
you do stand up you

785
00:50:35,065 --> 00:50:37,267
end up getting killed you said
you'd do anything to save your

786
00:50:37,334 --> 00:50:39,136
life.

787
00:50:39,202 --> 00:50:41,238
You've got to turn your head on
that one. You've got to.

788
00:50:41,304 --> 00:50:45,976
You can't say nothing.
Well I think it like for me that

789
00:50:46,043 --> 00:50:49,479
touches like such
a personal chord.

790
00:50:49,913 --> 00:50:54,818
That like I wouldn't be doing
that like analysis of what is

791
00:50:54,885 --> 00:50:58,388
going to happen if I intervene.
But at the end of the day if

792
00:50:58,455 --> 00:51:01,258
you step up and say something,

793
00:51:01,491 --> 00:51:03,627
If they kill you. What are they
gonna do. They're going to do

794
00:51:03,693 --> 00:51:06,696
the same thing. They were just
doing to that person.

795
00:51:06,763 --> 00:51:11,234
Don’t get me wrong, I feel sorry. I feel bad but like if I
was going to die I think I

796
00:51:11,301 --> 00:51:16,907
value my life too much to…
I think too like in these stories

797
00:51:16,973 --> 00:51:21,711
like it obviously the point was
not rehabilitation. And like

798
00:51:21,778 --> 00:51:25,615
that system of just like
punishment and like trying to

799
00:51:25,682 --> 00:51:26,183
make

800
00:51:26,249 --> 00:51:30,420
Trying to degrade people trying
to put people into these really

801
00:51:30,487 --> 00:51:33,857
terrible situations in which
like other people have this

802
00:51:33,924 --> 00:51:36,460
tremendous power over them and
they feel like they can't say

803
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,596
anything - if that is still the
system that we have now like

804
00:51:39,663 --> 00:51:42,632
something is wrong because
clearly what's happening in

805
00:51:42,699 --> 00:51:45,402
these stories isn’t right.
And like if something hasn't

806
00:51:45,469 --> 00:51:49,372
changed, then that’s not OK. I don't think.
Yeah.

807
00:51:50,607 --> 00:51:54,311
Personally I don't think being locked up helps anybody.
You don't think what?

808
00:51:54,377 --> 00:51:57,647
I don't think like being locked up helps anybody.

809
00:51:57,714 --> 00:52:01,151
Why do you think that?
It's gonna make you worse. Like. It's not

810
00:52:01,218 --> 00:52:04,554
rehabilitating. We're basically
paying a debt to society

811
00:52:04,654 --> 00:52:08,758
because we did something wrong
but we're doing it in a bad

812
00:52:08,825 --> 00:52:11,995
way. It's hurting it's hurting
us more than it is helping us.

813
00:52:12,062 --> 00:52:15,265
Being away from your families
at a young age is going to hurt you.

814
00:52:15,999 --> 00:52:19,336
Last year when I was

815
00:52:19,669 --> 00:52:24,941
attacked and I fought that guy
off, I really wanted him to be

816
00:52:25,008 --> 00:52:26,376
in jail forever.

817
00:52:26,910 --> 00:52:32,015
And I think when you think
about jail there is there's no

818
00:52:32,082 --> 00:52:36,686
positive connotation which is
not  - not true.

819
00:52:37,420 --> 00:52:41,525
And I didn't know that. And I
do know that now. And I think

820
00:52:41,591 --> 00:52:45,729
it's hard to know that one you
don't have any experience to go

821
00:52:45,795 --> 00:52:49,032
and you just know crimes as
crimes and the people who did them.

822
00:52:51,201 --> 00:52:56,172
As opposed to the people who
they are. Which has been very

823
00:52:56,273 --> 00:52:58,408
interesting for me.

824
00:52:59,142 --> 00:53:06,016
My Tuesdays man, I go home and watch
a lotta rom-coms.  (laughter) What about you?

825
00:53:06,082 --> 00:53:07,651
I learned a lot

826
00:53:08,718 --> 00:53:12,522
From you guys. Well I was
thinking, I've been thinking a

827
00:53:12,589 --> 00:53:17,827
lot more about my life
recently. So. I mean you help

828
00:53:17,894 --> 00:53:20,897
me realize that I need to go
home and do the right thing.

829
00:53:20,964 --> 00:53:25,202
And get on with my life
and I put my past behind me

830
00:53:25,335 --> 00:53:25,835
Yeah.

831
00:53:27,437 --> 00:53:30,840
That's the thing. Like I. I get
really upset. Like thinking

832
00:53:30,907 --> 00:53:35,812
about leaving you guys and.
Not. Knowing. Like. I want. I

833
00:53:35,879 --> 00:53:41,351
want the best for you. In life.
And  I think you deserve

834
00:53:41,418 --> 00:53:47,624
a do-over, a restart, and to start
clean. And I worry that It'll

835
00:53:47,691 --> 00:53:52,362
be hard and that you might end
up back here. But I also know that

836
00:53:53,029 --> 00:53:56,266
You have the strength to not come back.
Yeah.

837
00:53:57,834 --> 00:54:01,838
Like. I believe 100 percent in
you guys that you're stronger

838
00:54:01,905 --> 00:54:04,140
than this environment
and that

839
00:54:05,242 --> 00:54:08,345
You want to do something with
your life and you can. And you

840
00:54:08,411 --> 00:54:12,182
should and you deserve to. And.
Like you said you lost all this

841
00:54:12,248 --> 00:54:16,052
time but. You still have
the whole book left. And

842
00:54:16,953 --> 00:54:20,523
It's not the end.

843
00:54:20,523 --> 00:54:22,392
 I went into it really interested in what

844
00:54:22,459 --> 00:54:24,928
they did on the first day of
class we had to write down like what

845
00:54:24,995 --> 00:54:27,163
do you most interested in the
most nervous about etc etc.

846
00:54:27,230 --> 00:54:29,599
And I wrote down I'm most
interested to find out what my

847
00:54:29,666 --> 00:54:33,069
residents did. But I realized
by like week four or five like

848
00:54:33,136 --> 00:54:36,172
that wasn't really important
because I could see like who

849
00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:38,908
they are now and didn't really
matter to me what they had done

850
00:54:38,975 --> 00:54:41,111
earlier.

851
00:54:41,177 --> 00:54:42,646
I mean I kind of knew that
they're going to look at us and

852
00:54:42,712 --> 00:54:44,447
be like you know I wonder what
you did you know because I

853
00:54:44,514 --> 00:54:47,183
would I would I would wonder
what what I did. I would like

854
00:54:47,250 --> 00:54:49,586
look at them and just kind of
base judgment on like what you

855
00:54:49,653 --> 00:54:53,757
look like you did you know and.
But I really didn't. I really

856
00:54:53,823 --> 00:54:56,226
didn't mind sharing about what
I've what I've done. To me it

857
00:54:56,293 --> 00:54:58,328
wasn't like bad or anything I'm
just here for stealing stuff.

858
00:54:58,395 --> 00:55:01,231
So I mean I mean it's bad but
it just wasn't like you know

859
00:55:01,898 --> 00:55:04,401
You know crazy you know.
Many people come in here like

860
00:55:04,534 --> 00:55:07,704
thinking like somebody who's
got some of these guys are

861
00:55:07,771 --> 00:55:09,639
criminals or
someone's got a criminal

862
00:55:09,706 --> 00:55:13,610
attitude. Some of these guys were at
the wrong place at the wrong

863
00:55:13,677 --> 00:55:19,115
time, you know what I mean? And they
ended up making the wrong decision.

864
00:55:19,115 --> 00:55:20,750
But Chris said to me

865
00:55:21,251 --> 00:55:24,087
Today is one of the first days
he said, “you know this was a one

866
00:55:24,154 --> 00:55:27,791
time thing. But I've been
labeled with this forever”.

867
00:55:27,857 --> 00:55:31,661
That this was you know that this was
my one thing my one time I'm

868
00:55:31,728 --> 00:55:34,297
gonna I messed up and now I'm
going to do my time and I’m gonna

869
00:55:34,364 --> 00:55:36,266
get out and be different.

870
00:55:36,266 --> 00:55:39,102
Wesley had said one of the hardest decisions he
had to make was

871
00:55:40,136 --> 00:55:42,939
Telling his mother that he was
guilty you know because he

872
00:55:43,206 --> 00:55:46,142
originally was like let's fight
it. I'm not guilty. Of course I

873
00:55:46,209 --> 00:55:50,547
didn't do these things. He
always left it very vague. And

874
00:55:50,613 --> 00:55:53,349
then when he finally had to
tell his mom like, Yeah I did them

875
00:55:53,416 --> 00:55:56,486
we shouldn't appeal or you
know spend all this money

876
00:55:56,553 --> 00:55:58,855
because I'm guilty. Was the
hardest thing he's ever had to

877
00:55:58,922 --> 00:55:59,422
do

878
00:56:00,824 --> 00:56:05,895
I think like that notion of
then having to deal with the

879
00:56:05,962 --> 00:56:09,566
people they love and who love
them. Like coming to terms with

880
00:56:09,632 --> 00:56:12,569
how it impacts their lives. I
think it's something that I

881
00:56:12,635 --> 00:56:14,971
never really thought about in
terms of like someone who's in

882
00:56:15,038 --> 00:56:20,910
jail but it's like a huge part
of like what drives them while they’re there.

883
00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:23,747
One of the last things [name] actually decided

884
00:56:23,813 --> 00:56:28,017
to describe to us was
just in detail his crime.

885
00:56:28,084 --> 00:56:32,756
I think to him his identity
is almost at this point formed

886
00:56:32,822 --> 00:56:35,492
around the last six years of
his life which he spent at

887
00:56:35,558 --> 00:56:40,263
Beaumont, around the crime that
he committed as a 14 year old.

888
00:56:40,330 --> 00:56:43,466
And I asked him Is it a 14 year
old like Are you still that 14

889
00:56:43,533 --> 00:56:47,537
year old. He said no but it’s,
he's had to carve his identity

890
00:56:47,604 --> 00:56:51,908
around the mistake that 14 year
old made. I think it was just

891
00:56:51,975 --> 00:56:55,745
important for him to let us
know that you know this is this

892
00:56:55,812 --> 00:56:58,915
is what I did and this is what
the last six years of my life

893
00:56:58,982 --> 00:57:01,017
have been

894
00:57:01,084 --> 00:57:02,652
In some ways about.

895
00:57:02,652 --> 00:57:04,888
I think I was taken off guard when Kyle

896
00:57:04,954 --> 00:57:09,726
asked us. He asked us
what we thought of them being

897
00:57:09,793 --> 00:57:14,230
incarcerated and then I talked
to them about how like I like

898
00:57:14,297 --> 00:57:17,801
love my dad and I know who he
is as a person but like I also

899
00:57:17,867 --> 00:57:20,170
know that he's made mistakes
and like I see them the same

900
00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:22,639
way I see them as like people
who've made mistakes just like

901
00:57:22,705 --> 00:57:26,543
I have and I don't judge them
for those mistakes but rather

902
00:57:26,609 --> 00:57:29,746
like they have kind of a clean
slate in my eyes.

903
00:57:29,813 --> 00:57:31,981
You know I come home every
every week from Beaumont I tell

904
00:57:32,048 --> 00:57:36,019
like tell my friends you just
don't understand how amazing

905
00:57:36,085 --> 00:57:38,488
they are like they are. You
know why are they in here I

906
00:57:38,555 --> 00:57:43,092
don't understand like they are
incredible people like what is

907
00:57:43,159 --> 00:57:46,229
going on here? But then there's
the other side or it's like

908
00:57:46,296 --> 00:57:50,333
they they did do something. I
don't know. You know I didn't I

909
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:55,271
didn't know what those things
were. But at the same time

910
00:57:56,206 --> 00:57:59,576
that's that's kind of weighed
on you because you know

911
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:03,246
especially coming from a family
where something horrible

912
00:58:03,313 --> 00:58:08,117
happened to my mom, like, I can't
 you know,

913
00:58:08,184 --> 00:58:11,054
you want to protect the victim
as well and I can't imagine how

914
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:14,257
those families would feel for
me to say like oh it doesn't

915
00:58:14,324 --> 00:58:16,426
matter what they did.

916
00:58:16,860 --> 00:58:22,866
So in some senses I've you know
I think all of us kind of

917
00:58:22,932 --> 00:58:25,835
pushed it off and say like
we're going to kind of bench

918
00:58:25,902 --> 00:58:28,705
that but the longer our
relationships progressed the

919
00:58:28,805 --> 00:58:32,008
more I've been thinking about
it and the more I've been sort

920
00:58:32,075 --> 00:58:35,411
of puzzling over it like how do
I hold these two people in my

921
00:58:35,478 --> 00:58:38,715
hands. This person I didn't
know before maybe from years

922
00:58:38,781 --> 00:58:43,620
ago who messed up or who didn't
just mess up and you know did

923
00:58:43,686 --> 00:58:47,523
something really horri-  you you
know I have no idea. And then

924
00:58:47,590 --> 00:58:50,026
also this incredible person
that sitting across the table

925
00:58:50,093 --> 00:58:54,264
from me who is I believe can
change the world you know like

926
00:58:54,330 --> 00:58:56,099
how do I hold
those two people together?

927
00:58:57,534 --> 00:59:02,972
So Chekov, when he was writing
this story he was dying of

928
00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:07,710
tuberculosis. A message of his
writing is that there is always

929
00:59:07,777 --> 00:59:11,848
an opportunity for human beings
to make a difference in the

930
00:59:11,915 --> 00:59:15,685
lives of others and to make a
difference in their own life.

931
00:59:15,752 --> 00:59:19,088
What was like, your first
night here like? You know like,

932
00:59:19,155 --> 00:59:22,258
was it like the realities like
eventually sinking on you or is

933
00:59:22,325 --> 00:59:24,594
it just like you just kinda…

934
00:59:24,761 --> 00:59:27,096
Especially when, especially when
it comes to like crime and

935
00:59:27,163 --> 00:59:29,899
stuff like that, because we all
know we committed a crime so

936
00:59:29,966 --> 00:59:32,302
like we're sitting in our room
and all we're thinking about is yo,

937
00:59:32,902 --> 00:59:34,938
am I gonna get off with this or am I
going to get caught

938
00:59:35,004 --> 00:59:36,472
are they gonna prove me guilty like,

939
00:59:36,539 --> 00:59:39,075
So like it's not even like him.
Like he’s sittin there he’s like yo,

940
00:59:39,142 --> 00:59:41,277
I'm so bored. Like what. I'm
pretty sure if y'all feel the

941
00:59:41,344 --> 00:59:44,314
same way like when I first got
locked up like I sat there and

942
00:59:44,380 --> 00:59:46,349
all I could think about was
court, all I could think about

943
00:59:46,416 --> 00:59:48,685
was my lawyers all I could
think about was what evidence

944
00:59:48,785 --> 00:59:50,486
do they have. And stuff like
that is all I could think about

945
00:59:50,553 --> 00:59:54,324
like I found what, I'd just like,
stuff to occupy myself like I

946
00:59:54,390 --> 00:59:57,360
felt like the first night was an hour.
Staff like keep

947
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:58,995
knocking on the door that like
when I first got there they’d be like

948
00:59:59,062 --> 01:00:01,631
you all right? You're zoning out
a little bit. And I’m just like “I’m good,

949
01:00:01,698 --> 01:00:02,832
I'm good, I’m just thinking.”

950
01:00:02,832 --> 01:00:04,834
And I’m sittin there thinking,
thinking, thinking.

951
01:00:04,901 --> 01:00:09,806
It’s crazy is like you think your mind blank.
It's like you would think it's

952
01:00:09,872 --> 01:00:13,276
so much on your mind you wouldn’t be able to sleep.
I had a normal

953
01:00:13,343 --> 01:00:16,245
night’s sleep.
Yeah I did too,

954
01:00:16,379 --> 01:00:19,749
It’s weird. It's like your mind
exhausted itself by thinking too much.

955
01:00:19,749 --> 01:00:22,085
Yeah I had a good night's sleep that day.
You think your mind blank…

956
01:00:22,185 --> 01:00:24,253
and I had a good-ass dream.

957
01:00:24,253 --> 01:00:25,588
What was your dream?

958
01:00:25,588 --> 01:00:28,658
I was on a boat,
and then the boat had a pool in

959
01:00:28,725 --> 01:00:29,592
in the boat.

960
01:00:29,592 --> 01:00:31,494
And I was in the pool.
[laughter]

961
01:00:31,494 --> 01:00:34,330
 Do you think that's really where your mind
kinda wanted to be?

962
01:00:34,330 --> 01:00:35,331
Yeah.

963
01:00:35,331 --> 01:00:36,399
That’s interesting.

964
01:00:36,399 --> 01:00:39,102
It sounds like the - I mean like not

965
01:00:39,168 --> 01:00:42,038
totally but like a little bit
of what the doctor saying like

966
01:00:42,105 --> 01:00:44,340
your mind like mind
is like trying to

967
01:00:44,474 --> 01:00:46,309
go somewhere else you know?

968
01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:48,745
I remember it clearly.

969
01:00:48,811 --> 01:00:52,415
It’s like that one day, it felt
like a dream. When I got locked up,

970
01:00:52,482 --> 01:00:54,684
‘cuz I came in at night.
So it was already late.

971
01:00:54,684 --> 01:00:56,619
everybody was
locked down already.

972
01:00:56,686 --> 01:00:58,688
So I came in…
Me too.

973
01:00:58,755 --> 01:01:01,290
I came in at night too.
…and I came into this area and I'm like I

974
01:01:01,357 --> 01:01:05,495
just sat down like you know
what am I doing here? I'm trying to

975
01:01:05,561 --> 01:01:07,296
leave and then I just looked
out the window I was looking

976
01:01:07,363 --> 01:01:10,366
around looking people shoes and I was like…
It was your first time?

977
01:01:10,433 --> 01:01:11,534
Yeah.

978
01:01:11,601 --> 01:01:14,203
My first night ever been locked up.
This is your first time?

979
01:01:14,270 --> 01:01:19,042
Yeah this is my first time being locked up.
Same here. Yeah same here.

980
01:01:19,108 --> 01:01:22,111
It’s really interesting to hear your
perspective because like you

981
01:01:22,178 --> 01:01:24,313
guys have had that first night
experience like you can

982
01:01:24,380 --> 01:01:27,183
understand this story better
than we can in that way

983
01:01:27,250 --> 01:01:27,750
like

984
01:01:27,817 --> 01:01:30,219
Hearing y’all talk about it it's
like that first you know like

985
01:01:30,286 --> 01:01:31,788
trying to - yeah.

986
01:01:31,854 --> 01:01:33,956
The Doctor, he sees himself... I
mean like when you first get

987
01:01:34,023 --> 01:01:36,759
locked up you don't see
yourself like similar to

988
01:01:36,826 --> 01:01:38,995
anybody in there at all. You're
like oh they're all in here

989
01:01:39,062 --> 01:01:42,565
that I'm just. Here right now.
It's true. You know.

990
01:01:42,632 --> 01:01:46,702
Did that hit you at one point or was it like, a gradual thing?
 I guess

991
01:01:46,769 --> 01:01:48,671
it is like a gradual thing you
fall in place and you look at

992
01:01:48,738 --> 01:01:50,740
the people that's coming in and
thinking Do they think the same

993
01:01:50,807 --> 01:01:53,910
thing. You kind of come in you
don't categorize yourself with

994
01:01:53,976 --> 01:01:55,745
any other person. It's like

995
01:01:56,079 --> 01:01:58,548
You're right. It's like it's
like it's like it's like you

996
01:01:58,614 --> 01:02:00,783
look at them like you they're
institutionalized. I will never

997
01:02:00,850 --> 01:02:03,019
be like that. I don't care if I’m
 here for five years. I would

998
01:02:03,086 --> 01:02:06,289
never be like that then now
looking back on it. I mean like

999
01:02:06,355 --> 01:02:09,459
like like you know jail lingo
and like that you know it's

1000
01:02:09,525 --> 01:02:10,927
like looking back on
it like it's like

1001
01:02:11,260 --> 01:02:14,597
Like I'm I'm institutionalized
but I'm not like so

1002
01:02:14,664 --> 01:02:16,332
institutionalized that if I go
home I'm not gonna know what to

1003
01:02:16,399 --> 01:02:19,202
do. You know but I mean like we
are all institutionalized we

1004
01:02:19,268 --> 01:02:21,404
know what to do. Like if we
were to ever get locked back up

1005
01:02:21,471 --> 01:02:25,041
we would know what to do if we
we got, got locked up.

1006
01:02:25,041 --> 01:02:27,243
You know I think
the Doctor looks at it like

1007
01:02:27,243 --> 01:02:30,079
He's still normal and nothing's
wrong with him and although

1008
01:02:30,146 --> 01:02:35,751
he's surrounded by crazy people
or something's not right. You

1009
01:02:35,818 --> 01:02:39,255
look at yourself different
before it hits you.

1010
01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:42,225
Final question. If you guys don’t want to answer you don’t have to.

1011
01:02:42,225 --> 01:02:45,795
Why did he write the story when he's dying

1012
01:02:45,795 --> 01:02:48,564
Of tuberculosis. Like why spend
the time writing.

1013
01:02:48,631 --> 01:02:51,234
You ask us this question every
week in a different form and

1014
01:02:51,300 --> 01:02:55,238
trying to act like it’s different?
It's a valid question!

1015
01:02:55,571 --> 01:02:56,439
They're all dying.

1016
01:02:56,506 --> 01:02:58,508
They're all Russian... they're all depressed.

1017
01:02:59,142 --> 01:03:02,812
I think he wrote it so that me,
you, and these other nice people

1018
01:03:02,879 --> 01:03:06,549
at this table sit could here and have
different opinions on it.

1019
01:03:09,485 --> 01:03:13,556
It's so big of a book that it's hard to keep track.
 So are you

1020
01:03:13,623 --> 01:03:16,292
going to read it though.
Yes I am. I'm about to check it out

1021
01:03:16,359 --> 01:03:20,897
actually. I’m gonna start reading it slowly.
That's awesome.

1022
01:03:20,963 --> 01:03:24,233
So you may love Tolstoy.
I do - Tolstoy is one of my favorite

1023
01:03:24,300 --> 01:03:28,538
authors. I got until April in
here. I'm hoping to finish up

1024
01:03:30,139 --> 01:03:32,074
One of the things that has
impressed me about the

1025
01:03:32,141 --> 01:03:37,180
residents is how motivated they
are to get out of Beaumont, to

1026
01:03:37,246 --> 01:03:41,417
change their lives. They know
that something is dysfunctional

1027
01:03:41,484 --> 01:03:44,854
in their lives. Nobody needs to
point that out to them. They

1028
01:03:44,921 --> 01:03:48,558
know that as painfully as
clearly as anybody. But what

1029
01:03:48,624 --> 01:03:53,095
I've been inspired by is how
motivated these guys are to get

1030
01:03:53,162 --> 01:03:55,665
off the path that they're on
and they know at some level

1031
01:03:55,765 --> 01:03:57,300
that they still
have that opportunity.

1032
01:04:29,732 --> 01:04:33,236
As all of you know today is our
last day together. This is the

1033
01:04:33,302 --> 01:04:35,871
last day of the Russian
literature program for the

1034
01:04:35,938 --> 01:04:42,278
spring 2016 and it's a day for
us to reflect on our work

1035
01:04:42,345 --> 01:04:46,148
together it's a day to
celebrate the work that we've

1036
01:04:46,215 --> 01:04:50,019
done together and it's also a
day for us to say goodbye.

1037
01:04:50,086 --> 01:04:51,621
So we begin with

1038
01:04:51,621 --> 01:04:53,456
Patrick.

1039
01:04:53,456 --> 01:04:57,526
[applause]

1040
01:04:59,629 --> 01:05:00,363
It's crazy.

1041
01:05:02,231 --> 01:05:05,167
I want to start out by saying I
appreciate all y'all

1042
01:05:05,234 --> 01:05:09,305
students coming here because I
don't know if I was out and

1043
01:05:09,372 --> 01:05:14,944
on a Tuesday I’d come here so I
admire y’all for that.

1044
01:05:14,944 --> 01:05:16,679
I wrote a rap.

1045
01:05:17,713 --> 01:05:21,384
Vladimir bring anything with
Russian a bad name and

1046
01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:24,720
excuse my language but that's a
damn shame. It would make you

1047
01:05:24,787 --> 01:05:27,523
feel good to say you know a boy
like this. And I'm still trying

1048
01:05:27,590 --> 01:05:31,093
to figure out how much land I
need on some Tolstoy ish.

1049
01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:34,697
Doc finish now I feel the need to show it,
this is my letter to a Poet

1050
01:05:34,764 --> 01:05:37,233
purchase from the world. Got me
feeling like I owe it or some

1051
01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:40,870
I don’t trust as far as I can throw
it. So I grew up. And they bomb me as a child.

1052
01:05:40,936 --> 01:05:44,407
No wonder I grew up.
Small issues turned in to a big

1053
01:05:44,473 --> 01:05:47,109
problem, ‘cuz they didn’t know I
was big enough to solve them so

1054
01:05:47,176 --> 01:05:47,877
open up my heart.

1055
01:05:47,943 --> 01:05:50,513
requesting all the things
brought in, thirsty for your love

1056
01:05:50,579 --> 01:05:53,149
but for your attention that was
starving like dead. Can you

1057
01:05:53,215 --> 01:05:56,152
part yourself from all the things that
is distracting you. And I swear

1058
01:05:56,218 --> 01:05:58,321
I'll be there to help with all
those naysayers attacking you.

1059
01:05:58,387 --> 01:06:01,490
And that could be our quality
time quality delivery from high

1060
01:06:01,557 --> 01:06:04,226
quality mind, and you'll see
how much I grew away from you

1061
01:06:04,293 --> 01:06:07,296
that invest in my time live my
destiny was done and you see a

1062
01:06:07,363 --> 01:06:10,099
kid in his destiny sign. I'll pick
up a Russian literature story

1063
01:06:10,166 --> 01:06:13,169
that I was destined to find is
real. I'm at the point I'm

1064
01:06:13,235 --> 01:06:15,771
doing things that I won't
regret, and  faking them out of doing

1065
01:06:15,838 --> 01:06:18,974
things that they won't respect
and show ‘em dreams that I won't

1066
01:06:19,041 --> 01:06:21,277
neglect.
It’s not so far fetched.

1067
01:06:21,344 --> 01:06:23,946
And in doing that I'll put
price tags and all my bare

1068
01:06:24,013 --> 01:06:26,882
choices to say I'm paying for
everything I did and I hoped

1069
01:06:26,949 --> 01:06:29,719
and I'm not getting too deep
but I'm building a mountain

1070
01:06:29,785 --> 01:06:32,455
of my feelingsmy and that is gettin too
steep. So I'mma ventin these

1071
01:06:32,521 --> 01:06:36,058
conditions to my UVA peeps
Get your scroll at the end of the week.

1072
01:06:36,125 --> 01:06:39,061
So I'm playing for
keeps, and Dr. Kaufmann

1073
01:06:39,128 --> 01:06:42,798
I appreciate you doing this and
I wanted the people to say that

1074
01:06:42,865 --> 01:06:47,036
I'm a really benefit on
everything you taught, and start using it

1075
01:06:47,803 --> 01:06:51,807
and for my group lending a
hand. You should definitely

1076
01:06:51,874 --> 01:06:54,477
give Sam and Rochelle extra credit
on their final exam

1077
01:06:54,810 --> 01:07:05,821
[laughter and applause]

1078
01:07:12,461 --> 01:07:14,797
I feel a mix of sadness and
frustration with saying

1079
01:07:14,864 --> 01:07:19,635
goodbye. It just comforts me
that you know in an hour we'll

1080
01:07:19,702 --> 01:07:23,372
be heading out here and my new
friends will be saying goodbye

1081
01:07:24,073 --> 01:07:27,009
frustrates me that I'm never
gonna be able to talk to my new

1082
01:07:27,076 --> 01:07:31,247
friends again after today. I'm
mad that our relationships are

1083
01:07:31,313 --> 01:07:35,251
only temporary and that they
have to end. I guess I could be

1084
01:07:35,317 --> 01:07:38,220
pretty pissed off but it's hard
to stay mad when there's so

1085
01:07:38,287 --> 01:07:40,823
much beauty in the world.
That's what this class has been

1086
01:07:40,890 --> 01:07:43,092
to me. Beautiful.

1087
01:07:43,159 --> 01:07:44,860
I first realized it when I
leafed through Justin's notebook

1088
01:07:44,927 --> 01:07:48,030
and read his poetry. I was
overwhelmed by the emotion he

1089
01:07:48,097 --> 01:07:51,934
conveyed and the language you
use to describe life and love.

1090
01:07:52,001 --> 01:07:55,004
I saw beauty in Wesley's faith
as he was always the first to

1091
01:07:55,070 --> 01:07:57,740
empathize and forgive the very
complicated characters that we

1092
01:07:57,807 --> 01:08:00,876
read about in our stories. It
was beautiful how Dakota would

1093
01:08:00,943 --> 01:08:03,412
always be the most intrigued by
the exact same passage that I

1094
01:08:03,479 --> 01:08:05,548
was most interested in and
would ask a great question

1095
01:08:05,614 --> 01:08:09,285
about it. It's beautiful that I
was able to talk so openly

1096
01:08:09,351 --> 01:08:13,322
about my life, my fears, and my
family with a new group of

1097
01:08:13,389 --> 01:08:16,292
friends in a way that I can't
do with many of my friends even

1098
01:08:16,358 --> 01:08:17,827
at UVA.

1099
01:08:18,794 --> 01:08:20,596
Although these relationships
will not persist I know the

1100
01:08:20,663 --> 01:08:23,065
memories of this course will
stay with me forever. I can't

1101
01:08:23,132 --> 01:08:26,268
feel anything but gratitude for
every single moment we've been able to

1102
01:08:26,335 --> 01:08:28,604
share together, and I'm sad
that I didn't get to know a lot

1103
01:08:28,671 --> 01:08:30,673
of you as well
as I could have.

1104
01:08:30,739 --> 01:08:31,574
Thanks

1105
01:08:31,674 --> 01:08:36,212
[applause]

1106
01:08:36,712 --> 01:08:38,647
forgiveness is one of the most
important things that I

1107
01:08:38,714 --> 01:08:42,384
experience with my table and I
thank you for what you've taught me.

1108
01:08:42,451 --> 01:08:46,755
Thank everybody for your time.
Hope you enjoy

1109
01:08:49,058 --> 01:08:51,060
The poem’s name is "forgive".

1110
01:08:52,895 --> 01:08:57,333
forgive the stars that didn't shine,
though some did in my mind.

1111
01:08:57,466 --> 01:09:01,937
Forgive the wind for its nostalgic cries.
Listen or that wind will pass you by.

1112
01:09:01,937 --> 01:09:04,707
Forgive the clouds for their attack,

1113
01:09:04,707 --> 01:09:07,009
and then my tears that can’t hold back.

1114
01:09:07,009 --> 01:09:11,313
Forgive the word for not loving enough,
for we’re just learning how to trust.

1115
01:09:11,380 --> 01:09:15,918
Life does not intend to cause pain.
Don’t forget flowers bloom from all the rain.

1116
01:09:15,918 --> 01:09:18,254
Stories will continue to come and pass,

1117
01:09:18,320 --> 01:09:20,990
The sun will always shine and grow the grass.

1118
01:09:20,990 --> 01:09:25,161
Forgive the moon for not letting us fly,
and the beautiful stars that burn up and die.

1119
01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:26,962
Therefore,

1120
01:09:26,962 --> 01:09:28,964
Forgive the world
in which we live.

1121
01:09:29,031 --> 01:09:32,167
Because I now know we'll only
find peace if we forgive.

1122
01:09:32,601 --> 01:09:37,439
[applause]

1123
01:09:37,439 --> 01:09:38,774
Words and language,

1124
01:09:38,841 --> 01:09:42,244
I believe have unique powers to
transport us to different

1125
01:09:42,311 --> 01:09:46,348
worlds to the plains of Siberia
to the cells in a mental

1126
01:09:46,415 --> 01:09:49,351
institution to a ramshackle
house in the middle of Russia.

1127
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:53,422
But there aren't any words that
can bring us all together

1128
01:09:53,489 --> 01:09:57,193
after this meeting, back to UVA.
There are no words that I have

1129
01:09:57,259 --> 01:10:00,162
for how unfair it feels that
some can leave and some

1130
01:10:00,229 --> 01:10:03,532
must stay. There aren't any words
for what I know I will feel the

1131
01:10:03,599 --> 01:10:06,602
second I walk out these doors
in a little over half an hour.

1132
01:10:06,669 --> 01:10:10,973
So I turn instead to someone
older and wiser, someone many

1133
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:13,576
might think we've heard enough
from this semester, Leo Tolstoy

1134
01:10:13,642 --> 01:10:18,681
for some language. He wrote, “If
then I were asked for the most

1135
01:10:18,747 --> 01:10:21,884
important advice I could give
that which I consider to be the

1136
01:10:21,951 --> 01:10:24,520
most useful to the
men of our century,

1137
01:10:24,587 --> 01:10:28,123
I should simply say in the name
of god, stop a moment, cease

1138
01:10:28,190 --> 01:10:32,261
your work, look around you.
Look around you. I look around

1139
01:10:32,328 --> 01:10:36,198
me and I see older brothers and
younger sisters, I see fathers

1140
01:10:36,265 --> 01:10:39,568
and friends and poets and piano
players. I look and I see cooks

1141
01:10:39,635 --> 01:10:43,505
and scientists and uncles and
artists and while I can't put

1142
01:10:43,572 --> 01:10:47,142
words, into words, this community
this strange magic that has

1143
01:10:47,209 --> 01:10:50,346
happened over the course of the
semester I feel very blessed to

1144
01:10:50,412 --> 01:10:53,382
be here in
this moment together.

1145
01:10:53,382 --> 01:10:58,287
I was gonna start off by reading something
that somebody just sent me in the mail

1146
01:10:58,287 --> 01:11:02,157
when I told them I was doing Russian Lit.
It says, uh, Leo Tolstoy, the

1147
01:11:02,224 --> 01:11:04,627
great Russian writer tells of
the time he was walking down

1148
01:11:04,693 --> 01:11:07,463
the street and passed a beggar.
Tolstoy reached into his pocket

1149
01:11:07,529 --> 01:11:10,299
to give the beggar some money
but his pocket was empty. Tolstoy

1150
01:11:10,366 --> 01:11:13,335
turned to the man and said
“I’m sorry my brother but I have

1151
01:11:13,402 --> 01:11:16,505
nothing to give. The beggar
Bryden said you'd give me more

1152
01:11:16,572 --> 01:11:19,642
than I'd ask for. You've called
me brother. To the loved a word of

1153
01:11:19,708 --> 01:11:22,378
affection is morsel, but to the
love starved, a word of affection

1154
01:11:22,444 --> 01:11:25,581
can be a feast.”
I just wanna elaborate

1155
01:11:26,148 --> 01:11:28,450
Like he didn’t look at the man as a
beggar. He looked him as like

1156
01:11:28,517 --> 01:11:32,087
another human. I think that's
how you came in here by not

1157
01:11:32,154 --> 01:11:34,923
looking at our setting, but looking at
who we are.

1158
01:11:35,491 --> 01:11:37,726
The Russian literature class has
been a great experience for me.

1159
01:11:37,793 --> 01:11:42,765
I read some stories that I
liked, some that just, sucked.

1160
01:11:42,765 --> 01:11:44,767
[laughter]

1161
01:11:44,767 --> 01:11:48,304
But what I liked most of each
story was that I was able to

1162
01:11:48,370 --> 01:11:52,474
take a theme out of it and apply it
in my daily life. Growing up in

1163
01:11:52,541 --> 01:11:55,511
Colombia I didn't really have
much money. And went through a

1164
01:11:55,577 --> 01:11:58,547
lot of struggles  with my mom. My
mom always told me to grow up

1165
01:11:58,814 --> 01:12:02,851
go to college, be a professional,
and always chasing money. Be

1166
01:12:02,918 --> 01:12:08,123
a Millionaire. That's what I grew up believing.
But now I know

1167
01:12:08,190 --> 01:12:11,060
that money don't bring
happiness. Money is not

1168
01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:14,630
everything. I mean honestly how
much land does a

1169
01:12:14,697 --> 01:12:16,999
man really need?

1170
01:12:17,066 --> 01:12:19,501
Another important lesson I
learned was to forgive. All my

1171
01:12:19,568 --> 01:12:24,306
life I was forgiven, but I  never
learned to forgive. I want to end by

1172
01:12:24,373 --> 01:12:27,342
saying thank you all for coming
and spending time with us and

1173
01:12:27,409 --> 01:12:31,914
so, do svidaniya i udachi tebe.
That means

1174
01:12:31,980 --> 01:12:34,383
goodbye and all the
best of luck to y’all.

1175
01:12:34,383 --> 01:12:43,258
[applause]

1176
01:12:44,126 --> 01:12:59,208
[background chatter]

1177
01:12:59,575 --> 01:13:03,112
The last meeting itself like in
those last ten minutes you just

1178
01:13:03,178 --> 01:13:07,850
felt so powerless. I've never
had a relationship like, end in such

1179
01:13:07,916 --> 01:13:09,785
a finite way.

1180
01:13:13,522 --> 01:13:17,259
It's just hard to keep saying
to them, this is like how much

1181
01:13:17,326 --> 01:13:22,598
our time together has meant to
me when you can't then say call

1182
01:13:22,664 --> 01:13:25,400
me or e-mail me like I care
about you I to know how you're

1183
01:13:25,467 --> 01:13:25,968
doing.

1184
01:13:30,773 --> 01:13:33,375
You don't want it to come this
fast, like you be like, yo we

1185
01:13:33,442 --> 01:13:37,813
still got like an hour, we still got an
hour and 30 minutes. And then you look up and now

1186
01:13:37,880 --> 01:13:41,483
we got 20 minutes, so it's like damn what can I,
what can I say

1187
01:13:41,550 --> 01:13:44,920
Oh no. It was so fun and now it’s come to an

1188
01:13:44,987 --> 01:13:47,556
end. No more Tuesdays in Russian Lit.

1189
01:14:01,570 --> 01:14:03,572
[applause]

1190
01:14:04,740 --> 01:14:06,642
In that last moment when

1191
01:14:08,410 --> 01:14:11,380
I knew we had five minutes in
class and I knew this was our

1192
01:14:11,447 --> 01:14:16,885
opportunity to say goodbye, um,  I
felt like a father. Who was

1193
01:14:16,952 --> 01:14:19,454
letting his kids go
out into the world

1194
01:14:20,889 --> 01:14:23,559
and I would have never
understood that feeling

1195
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:30,232
More than three years ago
before Ian was born. And. And

1196
01:14:30,299 --> 01:14:35,737
it was sad to me but it was
also very gratifying that

1197
01:14:36,505 --> 01:14:39,908
I think I left them with
something that they can take

1198
01:14:39,975 --> 01:14:42,678
with them into the world.

1199
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:47,609
This is an opportunity for you
to first kind of gather your

1200
01:15:47,676 --> 01:15:51,880
own thoughts, to make sense of
for yourself of what, what was

1201
01:15:51,947 --> 01:15:54,216
really most important to
you in this experience.

1202
01:15:54,283 --> 01:15:57,319
I don't think like I don't
think I realized like how much

1203
01:15:57,386 --> 01:15:59,254
I needed this
course. Coming into it

1204
01:16:00,989 --> 01:16:04,493
I… like… um

1205
01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:08,196
I don't know I had a bad
experience in the fall that I

1206
01:16:08,263 --> 01:16:11,199
don't know kind of hit
my first rough patch and just

1207
01:16:11,266 --> 01:16:15,771
really struggled a little bit
and I don't know this class like

1208
01:16:15,837 --> 01:16:21,376
kind of restored my faith a
little bit in humanity, I wanna say, um….

1209
01:16:22,044 --> 01:16:24,179
it made me like

1210
01:16:25,147 --> 01:16:27,349
feel alive.

1211
01:16:27,416 --> 01:16:34,089
I think for me growing up was
really easy to put the criminal

1212
01:16:34,156 --> 01:16:43,131
in a little box labeled like
bad and wrong. And then coming

1213
01:16:43,198 --> 01:16:48,870
into this experience too after
having had a crime committed

1214
01:16:48,937 --> 01:16:54,543
against me, and also
one against my brother, I

1215
01:16:55,811 --> 01:17:00,549
I mean it's like they're
people to me now? Which they

1216
01:17:00,615 --> 01:17:02,451
weren't before.

1217
01:17:02,517 --> 01:17:05,420
It's sad when something that
you've put in a box to stay

1218
01:17:05,487 --> 01:17:08,090
safe from is made

1219
01:17:09,424 --> 01:17:11,026
vulnerable I guess.

1220
01:17:11,093 --> 01:17:13,428
Yeah exactly.

1221
01:17:13,495 --> 01:17:15,797
So George Bernard
Shaw once said

1222
01:17:17,099 --> 01:17:21,603
you have learned something. It
always feels at first as if you

1223
01:17:21,670 --> 01:17:28,410
have lost something. So when I
hear what you just say it makes

1224
01:17:28,477 --> 01:17:31,079
me think of that quote you've
learned something and it always

1225
01:17:31,146 --> 01:17:36,118
feels at first as
if you have lost something.

1226
01:17:36,184 --> 01:17:39,454
I mean what you just described
is part of learning, is when our,

1227
01:17:39,654 --> 01:17:43,425
is expectation failure - is
when our assumptions and our

1228
01:17:43,492 --> 01:17:50,132
paradigms that we comfortably
attached ourselves to no longer

1229
01:17:50,198 --> 01:17:56,171
work. Whatever those paradigms
may be and that's scary.

1230
01:17:58,507 --> 01:18:02,244
Part of Ivan Illych’s
suffering is precisely that he

1231
01:18:02,310 --> 01:18:05,047
had boxed himself his entire
life into this,

1232
01:18:05,113 --> 01:18:08,183
he was living in a box in a
very narrow vision of what life

1233
01:18:08,250 --> 01:18:10,485
is about and all of a sudden he
had to confront that life is

1234
01:18:10,552 --> 01:18:13,121
much bigger and more
complicated than he ever

1235
01:18:13,188 --> 01:18:16,558
thought. And that for him was
the most terrifying thing of

1236
01:18:16,625 --> 01:18:17,859
all.

1237
01:18:17,926 --> 01:18:20,195
Even more as much
as the physical pain

1238
01:18:22,097 --> 01:18:26,435
I mean in some ways for those
of you who whose assumptions

1239
01:18:26,501 --> 01:18:29,738
were challenged or certain
paradigms have been challenged

1240
01:18:31,707 --> 01:18:34,443
in this class, in a way that's
part of that's been part of the

1241
01:18:34,509 --> 01:18:39,681
experience. Learning involves a
certain loss and then a rebirth

1242
01:18:39,748 --> 01:18:40,782
of something else.

1243
01:18:40,849 --> 01:18:42,918
Some new insights some new
discovery.

1244
01:18:42,918 --> 01:18:45,454
For me the thing

1245
01:18:45,520 --> 01:18:48,290
you said you'd lose something
like. I guess what I'm like

1246
01:18:48,390 --> 01:18:51,660
losing in the process of losing
is just like my confidence that

1247
01:18:51,726 --> 01:18:55,831
how I came into this course was
like what made me happy and

1248
01:18:55,897 --> 01:19:00,836
what I wanted to be doing with
my time in college and beyond.

1249
01:19:00,902 --> 01:19:05,540
And then just like the lesson
is more just like I'm

1250
01:19:05,607 --> 01:19:08,043
questioning that and I don't
have the answer. But like I'm

1251
01:19:08,110 --> 01:19:11,680
definitely in the process of
like losing that conviction

1252
01:19:11,747 --> 01:19:14,116
that you know this is what
makes me happy and this is what

1253
01:19:14,182 --> 01:19:15,851
I want to do.

1254
01:19:15,917 --> 01:19:18,286
Here I am at the end of
four years like I'm about to

1255
01:19:18,353 --> 01:19:22,591
graduate and maybe
starting UVA I would be

1256
01:19:22,657 --> 01:19:23,959
doing it differently.

1257
01:19:24,025 --> 01:19:27,596
You know, if I started again.

1258
01:19:28,296 --> 01:19:31,032
I've really been struggling
with how to handle knowing that

1259
01:19:31,233 --> 01:19:31,766
like

1260
01:19:33,135 --> 01:19:37,672
Kyle and Justin like were in
there for drug charges and like

1261
01:19:37,739 --> 01:19:41,409
they're in there like a
similar time when like my dad

1262
01:19:41,476 --> 01:19:43,979
struggled and like wanting to
be hopeful that like they won't

1263
01:19:44,045 --> 01:19:46,248
relapse when they go back out
and that they have been

1264
01:19:46,314 --> 01:19:50,452
equipped to be successful. And
so like, it’s, I want them to

1265
01:19:50,519 --> 01:19:53,221
be successful but I also know
how hard it's gonna be for them

1266
01:19:53,288 --> 01:19:56,458
and I didn't know how to like
be real with them and I don't

1267
01:19:56,525 --> 01:20:00,695
think I was real with them, and
so like in reflecting on that

1268
01:20:00,762 --> 01:20:03,031
thinking about like oh what
could I have said to them how

1269
01:20:03,098 --> 01:20:04,933
could I have
shared this experience,

1270
01:20:05,000 --> 01:20:08,336
maybe in a way
that was like more formative.

1271
01:20:08,403 --> 01:20:10,639
Any other follow ups?

1272
01:20:10,872 --> 01:20:13,241
There were times where like I
would talk about my mom and they

1273
01:20:13,308 --> 01:20:15,577
would ask me follow up
questions like Oh well do you

1274
01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:18,947
go visit her or like do you talk to
her? And like the answers for

1275
01:20:19,014 --> 01:20:23,785
both of those are no. And so I
was always concerned that I

1276
01:20:23,852 --> 01:20:26,688
would come across as like
hypocritical for me to like be

1277
01:20:26,755 --> 01:20:29,558
here and like have these like
feelings and opinions I hold

1278
01:20:29,624 --> 01:20:31,793
and then like I don't really
have a relationship with my own

1279
01:20:31,860 --> 01:20:34,629
mother.

1280
01:20:34,696 --> 01:20:39,768
Tolstoy said that -  another quote -
quote alert - man is flowing in

1281
01:20:39,835 --> 01:20:42,904
him there are all
possibilities. One minute he

1282
01:20:42,971 --> 01:20:47,542
was evil. The next he's good,
one minute he's stupid the next

1283
01:20:47,609 --> 01:20:51,246
he's smart and the other way
around. And this is the

1284
01:20:51,313 --> 01:20:55,150
greatness of man. Man is
flowing in him there are all

1285
01:20:55,217 --> 01:20:59,788
possibilities.

1286
01:20:59,854 --> 01:21:02,524
And so what I'm hearing from
you guys now through this

1287
01:21:02,591 --> 01:21:06,761
really authentic reflection
- poignant reflection - you're

1288
01:21:06,828 --> 01:21:10,131
doing right now is that this is
part of what what you're

1289
01:21:10,198 --> 01:21:11,266
grappling with

1290
01:21:14,369 --> 01:21:16,972
how to look at the relation  - the
people with whom you've built

1291
01:21:17,038 --> 01:21:20,809
these relationships as people
who are flowing who have good

1292
01:21:20,876 --> 01:21:22,210
and bad and evil.

1293
01:21:22,277 --> 01:21:22,777
And

1294
01:21:23,878 --> 01:21:27,549
like all of us. In some ways
that's one of the deepest

1295
01:21:27,616 --> 01:21:28,950
messages of
Russian literature.

1296
01:21:29,017 --> 01:21:33,154
How can you look at people
truthfully as people with all

1297
01:21:33,221 --> 01:21:37,058
of their flaws and all of their
strengths with all their

1298
01:21:37,125 --> 01:21:39,961
shortcomings and all the
virtues at the same time. How

1299
01:21:40,028 --> 01:21:42,530
can you hold both of those in
your consciousness at the same

1300
01:21:42,597 --> 01:21:43,498
time?

1301
01:21:43,565 --> 01:21:45,433
Part of what you guys are
grappling with right now is

1302
01:21:45,500 --> 01:21:46,368
just that

1303
01:21:48,470 --> 01:21:52,674
so you don't have to leave this
experience just thinking about

1304
01:21:53,341 --> 01:21:57,145
the guys as all good nor do you
have to leave the experience

1305
01:21:57,212 --> 01:21:59,481
just thinking about them as all
bad. You think about them as

1306
01:21:59,547 --> 01:22:01,316
people.

1307
01:22:25,840 --> 01:22:29,811
Now it’s kind of strange, because  
every Tuesday, I got so used to

1308
01:22:29,878 --> 01:22:33,148
routine like coming in come
into class you know? Today,

1309
01:22:33,214 --> 01:22:35,884
Today when I woke up I told my
roommate yeah I gotta

1310
01:22:35,951 --> 01:22:38,420
get ready for Russian literature.
And he talked to me. He's like

1311
01:22:38,753 --> 01:22:42,590
I thought you finished that class.
I’m like - right.

1312
01:22:42,657 --> 01:22:46,428
I finished that class right. I
forgot. Yeah. So I got so used

1313
01:22:46,494 --> 01:22:49,798
like coming to the class you
know getting ready for

1314
01:22:49,864 --> 01:22:53,401
the Class. I just wanted it to keep going, you know?

1315
01:22:56,171 --> 01:22:59,374
It just took me out of this
setting like when I walked into

1316
01:22:59,441 --> 01:23:02,978
that building every Tuesday
afternoon. It's like I wasn't

1317
01:23:03,044 --> 01:23:06,348
locked up is like for the next
three hours I can live. I can

1318
01:23:06,414 --> 01:23:09,884
do me. I can be
myself. I can open up

1319
01:23:11,586 --> 01:23:17,325
and I mean just a chance to
open up. Makes you feel better

1320
01:23:17,826 --> 01:23:20,628
‘cause you to get out of locking
yourself down all the time.

1321
01:23:22,163 --> 01:23:24,399
a lot of these stories really
have helped me realize you know

1322
01:23:24,466 --> 01:23:28,103
a lot of inner issues that I've
been dealing with my whole life.

1323
01:23:28,103 --> 01:23:31,106
I really couldn't quite piece
together in words until I heard

1324
01:23:31,172 --> 01:23:33,241
it in the story and then it
would say it and I'll be like

1325
01:23:33,308 --> 01:23:35,810
that kind of reminds me of
myself you know? And I'll think

1326
01:23:35,877 --> 01:23:37,712
about it and then I'll start
thinking I need you to work on

1327
01:23:37,779 --> 01:23:40,015
that and now work on it. And
then it'll just get better and

1328
01:23:40,081 --> 01:23:42,550
then eventually it's just not
even a problem anymore.

1329
01:23:42,617 --> 01:23:47,255
To be able to say on my Tuesday
I'm in college but I come to I

1330
01:23:47,322 --> 01:23:53,228
come to a prison, or a juvenile
place and spend my time. So

1331
01:23:53,294 --> 01:23:56,965
like now I didn't know like
this connection would happen, but still I

1332
01:23:57,032 --> 01:24:01,302
went. And then as I spend my Tuesdays
on this and when I can be

1333
01:24:01,369 --> 01:24:04,739
partying or studying, I did
something. So I think

1334
01:24:04,806 --> 01:24:07,475
that's really outgoing and outstanding
that people did that.

1335
01:24:07,475 --> 01:24:08,543
I feel…

1336
01:24:08,610 --> 01:24:12,280
feel pretty good about it.
I was glad to be a part of it.

1337
01:24:12,347 --> 01:24:18,686
Kind of lucky. But. It was beautiful. I don’t know.
Opened my eyes to a lot.

1338
01:24:19,421 --> 01:24:22,724
Just, there’s not really a lot of words to explain how I
feel about it,

1339
01:24:22,791 --> 01:24:24,059
honestly.

1340
01:24:24,759 --> 01:24:29,497
My biggest hope is that they
continue to have conversations

1341
01:24:30,298 --> 01:24:33,201
like we had and to build
friendships like we built in

1342
01:24:33,268 --> 01:24:35,069
this course.

1343
01:24:35,136 --> 01:24:37,305
You know I want I want Chris
Hill to spend time with his

1344
01:24:37,372 --> 01:24:40,809
sister who he just adores. I want
to see him be an artist. He's

1345
01:24:40,875 --> 01:24:45,814
an amazing, amazing artist and I
would love to see his drawings on a

1346
01:24:45,880 --> 01:24:49,784
wall somewhere - just walk by one
day and just see his name on

1347
01:24:49,851 --> 01:24:53,087
the wall next to an art piece.
I mean that would be pretty

1348
01:24:53,154 --> 01:24:56,091
magical for me to just kind of
I wouldn’t even have to see him

1349
01:24:56,157 --> 01:24:59,060
just to see his art hanging up
somewhere.

1350
01:24:59,060 --> 01:25:00,528
One thing I want

1351
01:25:00,595 --> 01:25:01,463
them to know is that like

1352
01:25:02,931 --> 01:25:05,433
This is something I'm going to
carry with me for the rest of

1353
01:25:05,500 --> 01:25:06,000
my life.

1354
01:25:06,067 --> 01:25:09,871
Like I like I think it's easy
for them to think we're just

1355
01:25:09,938 --> 01:25:12,974
going to go back to our lives
here and forget about them and

1356
01:25:13,074 --> 01:25:16,010
not think about them but I'm
going to think about them all

1357
01:25:16,077 --> 01:25:21,816
the time and just like always
be hoping they're OK. And I

1358
01:25:21,883 --> 01:25:23,718
know they will be but

1359
01:25:28,923 --> 01:25:34,462
I wrote this right after the last class.
It’s called “Anonymous”. It’s free verse.

1360
01:25:36,064 --> 01:25:39,501
I just want to talk to you
again. Just being able to make

1361
01:25:39,567 --> 01:25:42,470
you laugh and see that smile
again. That smile will haunt

1362
01:25:42,537 --> 01:25:46,407
dreams. Probably forever. If we
meet again. I won't let you go.

1363
01:25:46,474 --> 01:25:50,879
But if I somehow do when we
hug we'll swap souls so that

1364
01:25:50,945 --> 01:25:53,815
the both of us will have a
piece of each other no matter what.

1365
01:25:53,815 --> 01:25:57,719
And that's when I’ll never
have to let you go.