00:00:33.935 --> 00:00:35.555
Is it kicking? Yeah, she's kicking.

00:00:35.975 --> 00:00:39.035
You can feel like she's just sort
of moving around. You can feel that.

00:00:39.055 --> 00:00:42.755
That's hard right there.
Today when I got a pedicure,

00:00:42.845 --> 00:00:47.035
every time the woman would
tickle my feet, she would kick.

00:00:48.815 --> 00:00:52.595
How many months are you
in? 32 weeks. 32 weeks.

00:00:53.375 --> 00:00:54.995
So just about two more months to go

00:00:57.925 --> 00:00:59.755
until little girl.

00:01:03.455 --> 00:01:06.155
That's okay. I'm not ashamed.

00:01:08.695 --> 00:01:13.195
The breast pump accessory
kit that's needed. Thank you.

00:01:13.875 --> 00:01:18.475
I don't think I'll know until it's really
happening how it's really going to go

00:01:18.475 --> 00:01:22.675
down. Maybe I should be more afraid
of the childbirth at this point,

00:01:22.775 --> 00:01:26.035
but I think I'm a little bit nervous about

00:01:27.695 --> 00:01:30.155
how all this breastfeeding is going to go.

00:01:30.655 --> 00:01:34.395
Yes, I would like to have a natural
childbirth and I hope I will be able to

00:01:34.605 --> 00:01:39.195
breastfeed and everything is going to go
according to the plan without a hitch,

00:01:39.335 --> 00:01:43.035
but I know that that's not the way
things really work in real life.

00:01:44.395 --> 00:01:49.195
I don't expect to be the perfect breast
feeder or I know that there's going to

00:01:49.195 --> 00:01:53.155
be bumps in the road, but
that's really been my focus.

00:01:53.795 --> 00:01:58.755
I would be enrolled in school and
working so it might not work out

00:01:58.755 --> 00:02:03.755
the way I might want it
to, but it'll still happen.

00:02:03.945 --> 00:02:08.795
I'll still breastfeed the days
I can and whenever I have to

00:02:08.795 --> 00:02:12.755
go to work or something, maybe
I could try to formula. If.

00:02:12.755 --> 00:02:14.635
Someone is having trouble
with breastfeeding,

00:02:14.835 --> 00:02:19.035
I think I don't really want to
make them feel worse about it

00:02:19.425 --> 00:02:20.955
because they made that decision

00:02:22.775 --> 00:02:25.555
to feed from a formula, but

00:02:27.185 --> 00:02:29.835
it's not a choice that
I would make for myself.

00:03:55.905 --> 00:03:56.195
He's.

00:03:56.195 --> 00:03:57.355
Looking for something to latch up.

00:03:59.815 --> 00:04:03.115
You want to hold a baby back to your mama?

00:04:05.055 --> 00:04:08.275
We haven't got your name
yet. Oh, look at you.

00:04:09.125 --> 00:04:10.635
Looks beautiful.

00:04:20.465 --> 00:04:21.298
Yeah,

00:04:21.615 --> 00:04:26.275
we wanted to let him explore
on his own for a little bit.

00:04:27.975 --> 00:04:31.155
If you could stop crying. Yeah,

00:04:35.175 --> 00:04:36.008
we are letting him do.

00:04:36.735 --> 00:04:37.835
Let him find it on his own.

00:04:41.575 --> 00:04:45.635
We watched it during one of
our classes. It was phenomenal.

00:04:51.065 --> 00:04:54.475
Yeah, I mean clutching,
clutching in the head,

00:04:54.545 --> 00:04:59.195
they actually pull their head
up and catch their mom's face

00:04:59.375 --> 00:05:01.915
and start guiding themselves.
It's pretty impressive.

00:05:02.455 --> 00:05:07.235
My husband and I are both biologists
and breastfeeding is what you should do.

00:05:07.395 --> 00:05:09.235
I mean it's the most natural thing.

00:05:09.775 --> 00:05:12.595
You don't want him Try help him try.

00:05:13.615 --> 00:05:17.835
We were hoping that he would
find his way. Find his way.

00:05:20.255 --> 00:05:23.555
No, he quite a long time sometimes,

00:05:24.935 --> 00:05:27.555
but whatever you like. But he is hungry.

00:05:42.785 --> 00:05:43.618
That was.

00:06:08.305 --> 00:06:10.365
He found it, but he hasn't latched on yet.

00:06:17.745 --> 00:06:19.525
You sure you don't want
to give him a help?

00:06:21.115 --> 00:06:22.045
What do you suggest?

00:06:27.075 --> 00:06:29.245
Your thumb. You drop your soda

00:06:32.575 --> 00:06:37.005
touch you just, good job. See,

00:06:38.195 --> 00:06:41.525
this is not that easy, but you did it.

00:06:42.305 --> 00:06:43.138
You latched.

00:06:43.465 --> 00:06:47.045
You feel it? Yeah, yeah,
yeah. This is a latch

00:06:49.915 --> 00:06:53.805
breastfeeding. You actually just latch on.

00:06:54.445 --> 00:06:57.325
I need a little bit more time transfer

00:06:58.905 --> 00:07:03.725
before I go. I like to give
him the vitamin shot. Okay.

00:07:03.995 --> 00:07:04.828
Yeah.

00:07:08.085 --> 00:07:12.365
I already that Your husband checked
everything. Just need yellow right side,

00:07:12.475 --> 00:07:16.805
that fingerprint here.
It's your latch. Okay.

00:07:22.915 --> 00:07:26.205
Hopefully within a day or
two my milk will come in,

00:07:26.345 --> 00:07:30.325
so that could be the only bump that
in the road because he appears to be

00:07:30.325 --> 00:07:34.405
latching fine. It's just the
hope that the milk will come in.

00:07:35.075 --> 00:07:37.045
That could be the other limiting factor.

00:07:41.195 --> 00:07:45.355
I was trying to pump my breast last
night because I was worried that

00:07:46.455 --> 00:07:50.315
my breasts weren't ready.
I wasn't expressing milk.

00:07:50.415 --> 00:07:52.155
So just to kind of stimulate the milk,

00:07:52.715 --> 00:07:56.795
I started breast pumping and I think
that's what started the contractions.

00:07:57.705 --> 00:08:02.155
Barbara's the head nurse and she said
she was bringing the baby and that was

00:08:04.735 --> 00:08:09.075
almost an hour ago. How time flies.

00:08:11.695 --> 00:08:16.035
So the baby has eaten in since one.

00:08:16.435 --> 00:08:17.835
I haven't fed her since one o'clock.

00:08:19.325 --> 00:08:20.435
Maybe they're feeding him.

00:08:20.905 --> 00:08:25.435
They feeding him. No, I clearly
said, I'm not going to say in sound,

00:08:25.625 --> 00:08:29.755
mind and body because I wasn't. But I
said I don't want her to be bottle fed.

00:08:29.895 --> 00:08:30.875
I'm breastfeeding her.

00:08:32.255 --> 00:08:33.635
If she takes the bottle, she.

00:08:34.635 --> 00:08:37.315
Won't feed. So I clearly said that. So

00:08:39.195 --> 00:08:41.675
I swear I'm going to raise
hell if they bottle feed her.

00:08:43.735 --> 00:08:46.115
The ABB B out. Seriously,

00:08:47.275 --> 00:08:51.635
I was asking for the hospital
intercom. Hey honey, I'm so sorry.

00:08:52.905 --> 00:08:53.615
Yeah,

00:08:53.615 --> 00:08:57.165
we had to warm her up and then bathe her
and then I went to lunch and came by.

00:08:57.165 --> 00:09:00.245
As soon as I walked in there like Ms.
Cooper is asking for her baby, I'm like,

00:09:00.245 --> 00:09:02.045
okay, let's go get her
dress and get her hair.

00:09:02.435 --> 00:09:04.765
Temperature is okay now She's fine,

00:09:05.785 --> 00:09:08.445
but I think she's going
to want to be fed. Yes.

00:09:08.715 --> 00:09:11.605
Look how different she
looks right after a bath.

00:09:13.025 --> 00:09:17.245
But this is your baby. Is she
really? Well you can check.

00:09:17.535 --> 00:09:22.405
Let's just check and make sure. Right.
What do you think? I think she's mine.

00:09:22.695 --> 00:09:23.805
She's yours? Yeah.

00:09:38.635 --> 00:09:43.415
Hey mama. Hey mama.

00:09:52.615 --> 00:09:55.575
I think they're getting a little
heavy. They're going to produce milk.

00:09:56.605 --> 00:09:58.415
They're starting to feel a
little tight in the bottom.

00:10:00.275 --> 00:10:02.655
If we feed it for my third nipple,
I think it'll be all right.

00:10:07.525 --> 00:10:09.575
Nothing. I'm not expressing any milk.

00:10:10.735 --> 00:10:13.735
I should have started
stimulating it much earlier.

00:10:17.555 --> 00:10:18.615
No, she's looking for breast.

00:10:22.155 --> 00:10:24.175
What's her back? Go bend the back.

00:10:28.275 --> 00:10:29.775
You get comfortable first.

00:10:35.395 --> 00:10:36.228
Tap, tap.

00:10:40.675 --> 00:10:43.735
Tap. Play with it. Play with your mouth.

00:10:43.825 --> 00:10:44.658
There you go.

00:10:44.885 --> 00:10:45.718
Make sure she latch.

00:10:51.855 --> 00:10:54.175
I expected it to be good. I
still feel positive about it.

00:10:54.875 --> 00:10:57.375
It kind of only just
reconfirms why I want to,

00:10:59.575 --> 00:11:01.215
I wanted to do this. So

00:11:05.145 --> 00:11:06.455
let's see. In two days

00:11:10.085 --> 00:11:13.815
when I'm going through the engorgement
and it won't be as pleasant,

00:11:16.835 --> 00:11:20.775
but I guess mentally I prepared
myself for that part too. So

00:11:48.825 --> 00:11:53.605
I think that I can breastfeed her
till kingdom come and I think that

00:11:54.435 --> 00:11:58.405
there's still the possibility
of her, God forbid,

00:11:58.405 --> 00:12:02.685
coming out bad because she doesn't
have her father in her life and

00:12:03.615 --> 00:12:08.285
everything that I've ever done that I
think I'm doing to help her and to have

00:12:08.285 --> 00:12:11.845
that connection with her will be in vain
because she'll still want her father.

00:12:13.595 --> 00:12:17.225
Every woman has a reason why she
breastfeed. You can ask a woman all day,

00:12:17.485 --> 00:12:21.665
why are you breastfeeding? And in
my opinion she'll tell you, oh,

00:12:21.815 --> 00:12:26.385
it's good for the baby and studies
show and women in England do this.

00:12:26.925 --> 00:12:29.465
And then she can say that
and I'm thinking she's lying.

00:12:29.565 --> 00:12:30.705
Why is she breastfeeding?

00:12:31.475 --> 00:12:35.605
Because there's lots of things that are
good for us that doesn't necessarily

00:12:35.605 --> 00:12:36.438
mean we do them.

00:12:36.915 --> 00:12:41.245
Breastfeeding is one of those
things that you have to be

00:12:41.245 --> 00:12:46.125
ridiculously competitive to do. I think
you have to be almost mean about it.

00:12:46.825 --> 00:12:51.285
You're telling the baby you
will breastfeed. I will do this.

00:12:51.475 --> 00:12:56.125
There's a certain kind of push, a
oomph that goes with breastfeeding that

00:12:57.625 --> 00:13:00.925
the off chance your child might not be
fat when he gets older is not going to do

00:13:00.925 --> 00:13:01.758
it.

00:13:05.105 --> 00:13:07.725
Yo, what doing with the cameras?

00:13:08.545 --> 00:13:13.285
Hey, I'm from the health
center. You look cute today.

00:13:15.075 --> 00:13:17.205
Tell me what your plan is.
I'm trying to figure this out.

00:13:17.505 --> 00:13:21.165
You just might be that determined crystal
to have your baby in the morning and

00:13:21.165 --> 00:13:23.285
go back to school in the
afternoon. I hope it can happen.

00:13:23.285 --> 00:13:24.725
You might just be that woman. So.

00:13:25.515 --> 00:13:29.125
Take off the weekend. Come on a
Friday. Have the whole weekend back to.

00:13:29.125 --> 00:13:31.965
School on Monday. Yeah, back to school
on Monday. I'm trying. That's it.

00:13:32.185 --> 00:13:33.645
How does breastfeeding fit into that?

00:13:35.015 --> 00:13:38.905
Well, there's breast pumps, the storage
bags and stuff. You can make it.

00:13:38.905 --> 00:13:39.445
Work.

00:13:39.445 --> 00:13:43.465
Do you fear that you may not be able
to return to school if you breastfeed.

00:13:44.585 --> 00:13:45.705
Determined to go back to school?

00:13:46.085 --> 00:13:48.785
That's good. You're going to need it.
You're going to need the determination.

00:13:49.885 --> 00:13:54.185
So here you can put that
in your shirt if you want,

00:13:54.285 --> 00:13:57.545
but Montgomery glance, do you remember
anything about Montgomery glance?

00:13:58.985 --> 00:14:00.185
I remember that from the mama classes.

00:14:00.415 --> 00:14:01.745
Yeah, I see you looking at it.

00:14:02.125 --> 00:14:03.345
Do they have a scent?

00:14:03.935 --> 00:14:07.745
Keep going and that the baby
recognizes that from the womb.

00:14:07.935 --> 00:14:08.565
Keep going.

00:14:08.565 --> 00:14:10.985
So they latch on a little easier.

00:14:11.725 --> 00:14:13.785
That's exactly what Montgomery glance do.

00:14:13.975 --> 00:14:17.265
Amazing and awesome stuff
is and you do listen to me.

00:14:17.525 --> 00:14:19.905
Of course. That's what I'm here
for. I have to listen and learn.

00:14:21.175 --> 00:14:22.265
Okay, I appreciate that.

00:14:23.515 --> 00:14:25.215
Hi Kim. My name is Karen Block.

00:14:25.595 --> 00:14:30.335
I'm calling because I gave birth
to a baby girl about two weeks ago

00:14:30.875 --> 00:14:35.215
and she was a little premature
and she needs some prescription

00:14:35.745 --> 00:14:40.175
human milk fortifier and I understand
that My prescription plan does not

00:14:41.485 --> 00:14:43.895
have her listed as one of my dependents.

00:14:46.375 --> 00:14:47.625
Okay. Alright,

00:14:47.655 --> 00:14:52.245
well then I'm going to go ahead and get
the prescription and then hope to be

00:14:52.525 --> 00:14:55.965
reimbursed. So great.
Thank you so much Kim.

00:14:58.385 --> 00:14:59.218
You too. Bye-Bye.

00:15:04.275 --> 00:15:05.108
Great.

00:15:08.145 --> 00:15:11.965
The main issue right now is not
that she's not getting enough food.

00:15:12.125 --> 00:15:14.885
I appear to have enough milk.
She's actually nursing really well,

00:15:15.345 --> 00:15:18.205
but because she was a few weeks early,

00:15:18.775 --> 00:15:23.445
she's considered premature and
therefore was born a little bit

00:15:24.455 --> 00:15:26.525
under the weight that
they would like to see,

00:15:28.215 --> 00:15:32.285
which is something that I have some issues
with because it seems like you can't

00:15:32.285 --> 00:15:37.085
compare a full-term baby that is
born somewhere between six and

00:15:37.085 --> 00:15:42.045
nine pounds with a baby that was
born four weeks early and was almost

00:15:42.105 --> 00:15:45.045
six pounds. It seems almost like she's,

00:15:45.375 --> 00:15:50.245
she's already starting at a
disadvantage and she isn't really given

00:15:50.405 --> 00:15:52.085
a fair chance to catch up.

00:16:05.345 --> 00:16:05.635
Come.

00:16:05.635 --> 00:16:06.468
On buddy.

00:16:16.785 --> 00:16:19.165
No, what you want The other one.

00:16:22.605 --> 00:16:26.485
Breasted babies tend to gain
weight initially more slowly,

00:16:26.545 --> 00:16:28.365
but then they eventually speed up.

00:16:30.665 --> 00:16:32.765
So Chris and I feel that

00:16:34.385 --> 00:16:37.325
if we continue to breastfeed
her without the supplement,

00:16:37.465 --> 00:16:41.485
she probably will catch
up. She probably would, but

00:16:43.305 --> 00:16:44.965
we don't want to toy
around with her health,

00:16:46.985 --> 00:16:50.805
so we're going to go ahead and
follow the pediatrician's advice.

00:16:55.935 --> 00:16:58.185
When pediatricians make
certain recommendations,

00:16:58.725 --> 00:17:03.585
you are kind of on the hook to follow
certain child welfare guidelines because

00:17:04.445 --> 00:17:05.278
if you don't,

00:17:06.305 --> 00:17:10.745
potentially they could call
child protective services
on you if they feel that

00:17:10.745 --> 00:17:13.705
you're not doing what you're
supposed to take care of your child.

00:17:15.485 --> 00:17:20.145
And of course I would never
put my child in danger.

00:17:21.215 --> 00:17:23.425
Certainly not consciously,

00:17:26.125 --> 00:17:29.825
but it is something that I don't
know how many people really think of,

00:17:30.245 --> 00:17:34.945
but it does cross my mind
that you do have certain

00:17:34.945 --> 00:17:36.625
authorities that you have to answer to.

00:17:41.925 --> 00:17:45.905
The other night I took Mateo from the
bedroom and I took him out to the living

00:17:45.905 --> 00:17:50.805
room and I tried to rock him
and just get him to go back to

00:17:50.805 --> 00:17:55.005
sleep and he would just
shake and just go into

00:17:55.955 --> 00:17:57.725
just this anxious little tantrum.

00:17:57.945 --> 00:18:00.405
We were interpreting it that
he just wasn't getting enough.

00:18:34.585 --> 00:18:36.445
My mom and my husband,

00:18:36.805 --> 00:18:40.725
Lawrence both have
expressed concerns about

00:18:41.615 --> 00:18:42.995
his lack of

00:18:44.735 --> 00:18:49.275
peeing and that he's not
getting enough and so

00:18:50.445 --> 00:18:52.995
it'll usually go a while and
if he's really fussy, then

00:18:54.585 --> 00:18:57.115
they've both stepped in and said,

00:18:58.375 --> 00:19:00.755
you shouldn't feel bad if
you have to supplement.

00:19:01.185 --> 00:19:05.515
Just before I had him and actually
experienced the breastfeeding,

00:19:06.315 --> 00:19:07.148
I was very

00:19:08.445 --> 00:19:13.355
optimistic about it being really

00:19:13.675 --> 00:19:15.715
positive that I was going to just

00:19:17.325 --> 00:19:19.255
jump into this and was,

00:19:21.455 --> 00:19:25.695
I was of course very naive think that
it was going to work out even though

00:19:25.935 --> 00:19:30.095
everyone has told me that they've had
issues with breastfeeding that I thought,

00:19:30.205 --> 00:19:31.038
well,

00:19:33.125 --> 00:19:36.535
I'll just look for cues
and I'm going to try to

00:19:38.085 --> 00:19:40.735
just devote all my time to that.

00:19:41.115 --> 00:19:44.775
The hospital provided
us with a bag of bottles

00:19:45.995 --> 00:19:50.975
of small bottles of formula and
caps and nipples that we could

00:19:50.995 --> 00:19:52.495
use if we wanted to.

00:19:53.235 --> 00:19:56.375
And given that they
provided us with a formula,

00:19:58.975 --> 00:20:02.135
a particular specific
formula, not just formula,

00:20:05.155 --> 00:20:09.215
and he seemed to respond okay to it.
There weren't any adverse effects.

00:20:11.795 --> 00:20:15.975
It removed a lot of the anxiety
of standing in front of a wall of

00:20:16.405 --> 00:20:21.095
different brands and
formulas of formula and

00:20:21.115 --> 00:20:22.935
saying, what am I going to get?

00:20:23.155 --> 00:20:25.375
We weren't at all set up
for doing any formula.

00:20:26.975 --> 00:20:29.895
I hadn't researched it at all because
I wasn't going to use formula.

00:20:30.675 --> 00:20:35.375
And I think that the fact that I used
it in the hospital that day when you

00:20:35.375 --> 00:20:38.455
weren't even there because
of the concerns that

00:20:40.045 --> 00:20:42.415
they were giving me and
then they provided it,

00:20:42.415 --> 00:20:46.695
it set it up that it made it so
much easier already given it to 'em.

00:20:47.525 --> 00:20:52.445
I told him when he came in and you

00:20:52.445 --> 00:20:53.565
were like, oh, really? Right?

00:20:54.505 --> 00:20:59.245
And she did the same thing for me the
other night when he had his little bout in

00:20:59.245 --> 00:21:04.205
the middle of the night and Colleen
was asleep in the bedroom and I decided

00:21:05.465 --> 00:21:08.885
to open up a bottle of
crack and give it to him.

00:21:10.525 --> 00:21:15.045
I told her in the morning and she
had the same condescending attitude.

00:21:15.445 --> 00:21:19.205
I was like, oh, really?
Without asking me. And I said,

00:21:19.445 --> 00:21:23.045
I made a decision as
his parent and it seemed

00:21:24.265 --> 00:21:27.765
to alleviate the situation. And again,

00:21:29.165 --> 00:21:33.805
I think both of us are in
agreement that we hope it's

00:21:34.565 --> 00:21:36.085
a short-term option. Yeah.

00:21:50.955 --> 00:21:54.405
It's really been good. The
breastfeeding has been very good.

00:21:54.865 --> 00:21:57.925
Her father gives her breast
milk from the bottle sometimes,

00:21:58.265 --> 00:22:00.765
but it doesn't always
have the same effect.

00:22:01.675 --> 00:22:06.325
Sometimes she really just wants
the breast and that's what

00:22:06.615 --> 00:22:09.845
makes her feel at ease
and it calms her down.

00:22:46.225 --> 00:22:47.425
I think those girls are onto us.

00:22:49.765 --> 00:22:50.598
You think

00:22:52.625 --> 00:22:55.555
there's a lot of fear around
non-biological motherhood?

00:22:55.715 --> 00:22:59.275
I think in culture and it plays out

00:23:00.505 --> 00:23:05.395
with regard to lesbian couples in
ways that are different from the

00:23:05.395 --> 00:23:08.795
way it plays out in relation to
surrogacy or in relationship to adoptive

00:23:08.795 --> 00:23:09.628
parenting,

00:23:10.815 --> 00:23:15.435
but definitely the whole sort of
scare tactic of gay marriage and how

00:23:15.435 --> 00:23:18.835
they'll be bringing children up and a
family that doesn't have a mother and a

00:23:18.835 --> 00:23:19.668
father.

00:23:19.855 --> 00:23:24.235
So I think the idea that
the non-biological mother
is also going to breastfeed

00:23:25.135 --> 00:23:28.515
can induce some of the
same kinds of panic.

00:23:29.105 --> 00:23:31.635
There's a feeling that there's
something unnatural about it,

00:23:31.865 --> 00:23:36.675
whereas when I think one of the things
that felt most triumphant to me about

00:23:37.455 --> 00:23:40.835
my lactation is that it
was completely natural.

00:23:41.275 --> 00:23:45.075
I just put the child to my breast
and my breast produced milk.

00:23:45.745 --> 00:23:50.605
The body needs two things in order
to lactate the female body and being

00:23:50.845 --> 00:23:54.165
pregnant isn't one of them. One is
hormones and the other is stimulation.

00:23:54.825 --> 00:23:57.125
And just by being around lukey,

00:23:57.445 --> 00:24:00.445
I had a lot of the pregnancy
hormones and I had the baby,

00:24:00.445 --> 00:24:05.325
which provides exactly the right kind of
stimulation and in fact what I did was

00:24:05.365 --> 00:24:09.965
I just latched her on three minutes aside
twice a day and within five days I had

00:24:11.395 --> 00:24:15.645
milk and when it happened,
I was just incredibly moved.

00:24:15.925 --> 00:24:20.765
I felt like mentally my brain recognizes
that this is my daughter and it's

00:24:20.765 --> 00:24:24.005
really nice to know that my body also
recognizes that this is my daughter.

00:24:24.305 --> 00:24:28.725
It was really powerful to me that I did
it and it's kind of amazing to me that

00:24:28.785 --> 00:24:31.485
it has stayed.

00:24:31.675 --> 00:24:36.045
Even though she doesn't do it every day,
it's still there. It hasn't gone away.

00:24:38.725 --> 00:24:39.558
It's just really nice.

00:24:42.745 --> 00:24:44.555
Come up here and show us
how you give the baby side.

00:24:45.675 --> 00:24:48.515
I just go like this. Okay, I out and.

00:24:51.285 --> 00:24:52.118
There we go.

00:25:00.435 --> 00:25:04.035
I didn't know how long it would
be that we would nurse, but.

00:25:05.915 --> 00:25:09.195
I did. Yeah.

00:25:10.215 --> 00:25:13.355
It became clear to me that it
wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

00:25:13.725 --> 00:25:17.915
After a few months I realized how
important breastfeeding was to Violet,

00:25:18.145 --> 00:25:22.875
just how much it gave her a sort of
anchor and center and sense of comfort

00:25:23.935 --> 00:25:26.635
and I just couldn't imagine
taking that away from her.

00:25:27.155 --> 00:25:30.235
I wouldn't say it's like pure
self-sacrifice. Not at all.

00:25:30.825 --> 00:25:34.595
Because it's so nice to feel so close
to your child and it's so nice to

00:25:36.455 --> 00:25:40.795
be able to have this thing that helps
you structure your life to be close to

00:25:40.795 --> 00:25:45.715
your child when there's so many
forces in today's world that make it

00:25:45.715 --> 00:25:48.515
difficult, especially for working mothers,

00:25:48.535 --> 00:25:51.395
but also I think for stay-at-home
moms. There's just so much going on.

00:25:52.025 --> 00:25:55.155
There's a bishop of P
and we're all so fast.

00:25:55.445 --> 00:25:58.715
We're all running around so
much and I know I'm that way,

00:25:59.295 --> 00:26:03.995
so breastfeeding has been really good
to slow me down and I think you have to

00:26:03.995 --> 00:26:06.555
slow down to really bond. Mommy.

00:26:07.195 --> 00:26:08.028
I sorry.

00:26:08.505 --> 00:26:09.338
Want, sorry.

00:26:09.495 --> 00:26:10.328
Yes.

00:26:10.785 --> 00:26:15.185
I think it is a little difficult for
both of us to realize that there actually

00:26:15.385 --> 00:26:20.305
is just some sort of innate human
biological wisdom to a certain style

00:26:20.365 --> 00:26:24.225
of division of labor, even if it doesn't
need to be such an austere division.

00:26:24.365 --> 00:26:26.745
Of course, and we're not doing
any type of austere division,

00:26:27.085 --> 00:26:30.625
but having the realization that,
oh, this actually works in this way.

00:26:30.895 --> 00:26:31.785
That makes sense.

00:26:32.285 --> 00:26:36.985
But I think you have to really be
careful of biological determinism because

00:26:37.185 --> 00:26:41.385
I mean, okay, there are differences
and that's objective and yes,

00:26:41.575 --> 00:26:42.905
because there are differences,

00:26:43.595 --> 00:26:47.685
some sort of division of labor is
going to happen even if there were

00:26:47.755 --> 00:26:51.845
differences. I don't know.

00:26:51.885 --> 00:26:56.885
A good example would be two moms or
two dads who have a child or two dads

00:26:56.885 --> 00:26:58.205
where neither one of
them is breastfeeding.

00:26:58.275 --> 00:27:02.365
That would be an interesting thing to
look at because there is definitely

00:27:03.245 --> 00:27:07.085
a case to be made for one person focusing
on one thing and one person focusing

00:27:07.085 --> 00:27:09.725
on another so that you could
kind of go deeper on that thing.

00:27:10.105 --> 00:27:11.765
But what that thing is,

00:27:11.955 --> 00:27:16.645
what the roles are that may not
be so biologically determined.

00:27:17.345 --> 00:27:21.405
Yes, it's biologically determined
that generally speaking,

00:27:21.455 --> 00:27:25.845
women can breastfeed. I suppose
there are men who can too,

00:27:26.145 --> 00:27:31.005
if they take, what is it? They have
to take prolactin or something anyway,

00:27:31.905 --> 00:27:34.485
but still a woman,

00:27:35.595 --> 00:27:38.885
what is the role of the man then
if the woman is breastfeeding?

00:27:39.065 --> 00:27:41.485
Is it to have the job
and bring home the bacon?

00:27:41.745 --> 00:27:46.005
Is it to do the housework so that the
woman can breastfeed and have the job and

00:27:46.005 --> 00:27:46.838
bring home the bacon.

00:27:47.445 --> 00:27:51.285
Whatever may be possible and justifiable
and appropriate and interesting and

00:27:51.525 --> 00:27:54.725
progressive and we like to think about
those things and we feel like we know

00:27:54.725 --> 00:27:55.965
that that's all out there.

00:27:56.475 --> 00:28:01.165
What actually happened when we got
involved with this situation is that

00:28:01.385 --> 00:28:03.605
we wanted not totally traditional things,

00:28:03.625 --> 00:28:07.965
but we wanted things that were resonant
with things that were traditional that

00:28:07.965 --> 00:28:10.925
beforehand we may have regarded
as backwards and been like,

00:28:10.965 --> 00:28:15.725
I would never want that I
that would never happen or I

00:28:15.725 --> 00:28:18.565
before. I'm not even, not just
you. I might've been like, sure,

00:28:18.705 --> 00:28:23.325
I'd be open to just being a stay-at-home
dad, why not? This is the 21st century.

00:28:23.955 --> 00:28:28.125
That doesn't mean anything, but when
I found out that we were pregnant,

00:28:28.245 --> 00:28:31.525
I quintupled my income in three
months. Do you know what I mean?

00:28:31.615 --> 00:28:35.765
After being this layabout rock and
roll dude. You know what I mean?

00:28:35.785 --> 00:28:39.165
For 10 years and just being like, oh,
I don't know man. You know what I mean?

00:28:39.805 --> 00:28:41.205
I was like, oh, we're pregnant.

00:28:41.945 --> 00:28:45.405
And it was just like immediately
I jumped five tax brackets.

00:28:45.745 --> 00:28:47.885
You know what I'm saying? And that felt,

00:28:48.825 --> 00:28:53.085
it felt like almost biological to me
to do that. Do you know what I mean?

00:28:53.345 --> 00:28:54.445
At least in sensual,

00:28:54.705 --> 00:28:59.005
and I think you had a very instinctual
drive to sort of not do that and scale

00:28:59.005 --> 00:29:03.085
things down and keep your job. Your
values factored into your decisions.

00:29:03.085 --> 00:29:04.645
You're like, well, I'm not going
to become a stay-at-home mom.

00:29:04.645 --> 00:29:06.965
I've built up this thing. I have a
career. I'm going to do all of that,

00:29:07.185 --> 00:29:10.805
but I'm going to sort of scale it down
so that I can participate in Violet's

00:29:10.805 --> 00:29:11.645
life in this way.

00:29:11.985 --> 00:29:15.845
And that aspect of it was resonant
with traditional values that prior to

00:29:16.005 --> 00:29:17.965
becoming pregnant, I don't
think either of us held.

00:29:18.755 --> 00:29:21.965
Yeah, well, definitely. Yeah.
The reality of it, definitely.

00:29:23.045 --> 00:29:27.735
What we are leading towards is
a kind of biological feminism

00:29:28.225 --> 00:29:32.855
where a woman is fully
engaged with her own biology,

00:29:33.475 --> 00:29:38.215
not as a form of determinism that pulls
her back to being barefoot and pregnant,

00:29:38.595 --> 00:29:42.885
but which pushes her forward or
leads her forward into a space

00:29:43.455 --> 00:29:48.405
where she can be fully in the world and
fully in her body simultaneously and

00:29:48.405 --> 00:29:49.685
the implications of that,

00:29:51.165 --> 00:29:54.645
although it could be rejected by some
feminists being essentialist and saying,

00:29:54.645 --> 00:29:55.045
well, no,

00:29:55.045 --> 00:29:58.565
there's a lot more that women have in
common with men than is different from

00:29:58.745 --> 00:30:03.125
men, and there's a logic and some
usefulness in that point of view as well.

00:30:03.355 --> 00:30:05.485
There's a much more powerful idea.

00:30:05.725 --> 00:30:10.685
I think a much more radical idea
is that the differences that a

00:30:10.685 --> 00:30:14.325
woman's body brings can begin to
soften the edges of our culture.

00:30:27.595 --> 00:30:31.525
When I'm breastfeeding, there is
no thought. There is no worry,

00:30:32.955 --> 00:30:37.845
like that exhale moment
and she's okay and nothing

00:30:37.845 --> 00:30:38.678
else matters.

00:30:40.345 --> 00:30:45.115
That moment when she's breastfeeding
like a little high, you're high.

00:30:48.335 --> 00:30:53.195
Two weeks ago I went into a panic about
not being able to produce enough milk,

00:30:53.815 --> 00:30:57.355
so I just thought I'd be good
to go to a support group,

00:30:57.355 --> 00:30:59.435
maybe hearing other moms
who are breastfeeding.

00:31:00.455 --> 00:31:03.315
Can I have everybody's
attention, attention, attention.

00:31:03.565 --> 00:31:04.875
We're going to try to start this.

00:31:04.875 --> 00:31:07.355
Thank you all for coming
to Lale Chile is I said,

00:31:07.355 --> 00:31:11.235
this is probably the biggest meeting
I've ever had here and today's topic is

00:31:11.235 --> 00:31:14.675
breastfeeding and overcoming
difficulties. Actually,

00:31:14.675 --> 00:31:16.435
that's what every meeting is really about,

00:31:16.815 --> 00:31:21.755
and if you want to throw out a difficulty
you have overcome or one that you are

00:31:21.755 --> 00:31:24.115
working to overcome now,
that would be great.

00:31:24.635 --> 00:31:27.635
I went into a panic two weeks ago that
I wasn't going to have enough supply

00:31:27.825 --> 00:31:31.195
because sometimes she gets really
fussy as if she's not getting anything.

00:31:31.375 --> 00:31:33.235
She gets mad,

00:31:35.015 --> 00:31:37.995
so then I was worried that I
wasn't going to have enough milk.

00:31:38.135 --> 00:31:40.995
Do you have a lot of milk? You
were concerned about milk supply?

00:31:40.995 --> 00:31:44.355
You sure it's not gushing out
and she's trying to control it.

00:31:44.455 --> 00:31:49.395
It doesn't seem like it's gushing out
when I pump, it just kind of sprays out.

00:31:50.285 --> 00:31:53.885
I don't know. I want to see when she,
nurses later see what that looks like.

00:31:54.115 --> 00:31:54.865
Okay.

00:31:54.865 --> 00:31:59.045
I'm really dismayed when I go to Lala
chair league meetings or I meet other

00:31:59.045 --> 00:32:01.925
women who are breastfeeding and they
talk about the pumping all the time and

00:32:01.925 --> 00:32:05.245
about how they're feeding and pumping and
the baby's two minutes old and they're

00:32:05.245 --> 00:32:08.125
already hooked up to the pump.
The pumping addiction, there.

00:32:08.125 --> 00:32:11.365
Also seems to be a huge concern in
the United States that they just never

00:32:11.365 --> 00:32:14.885
encountered in Australia of people worried
that they're not going to have enough

00:32:14.885 --> 00:32:16.845
milk. To be honest, I see it as

00:32:20.085 --> 00:32:24.745
an assumption that women's bodies can't
possibly be good enough by themselves

00:32:24.885 --> 00:32:27.625
and that you need to supplement
it, that you need to control it,

00:32:27.625 --> 00:32:30.505
that it's unmeasurable
and you don't really know,

00:32:31.045 --> 00:32:34.985
and so therefore there's this ignorance
and there's a fear associated with it.

00:32:35.305 --> 00:32:38.505
I don't think it's statistically possible
that the number of people that we've

00:32:38.505 --> 00:32:40.725
met that have just said, oh,
I didn't have enough milk.

00:32:41.185 --> 00:32:43.605
Met so many women who didn't
have enough milk. It's.

00:32:43.605 --> 00:32:44.438
Just impossible.

00:32:45.325 --> 00:32:49.125
I feel I'm left in a position where I
have to somehow be sympathetic or feel

00:32:49.125 --> 00:32:50.605
sorry for them. They
didn't have enough milk,

00:32:51.825 --> 00:32:54.525
but I'm not left in a situation where
they're saying, congratulations,

00:32:54.525 --> 00:32:58.605
you've really managed to breastfeed and
you've given it your all and your baby

00:32:58.705 --> 00:33:02.605
six months and you're still only
breastfeeding and not supplementing.

00:33:02.715 --> 00:33:05.965
What an achievement for you,
your baby and society in general.

00:33:07.325 --> 00:33:10.805
I find that a very awkward and
common encounter that I have.

00:33:11.245 --> 00:33:12.525
I don't feel able to
say what I really think,

00:33:12.525 --> 00:33:16.365
which is I feel really devastated for
you that you're not giving a child breast

00:33:16.365 --> 00:33:20.645
milk because that would be a judgment
on them as a mother and who knows?

00:33:20.645 --> 00:33:23.805
Maybe they genuinely did.
Maybe they really, really,

00:33:23.805 --> 00:33:25.205
really weren't able to breastfeed.

00:33:25.905 --> 00:33:29.925
I'm a little bit more antagonistic than
lukey. Sometimes I tend to be like, oh,

00:33:29.925 --> 00:33:34.165
that must've been really
hard for you, whereas,

00:33:34.865 --> 00:33:37.685
and make it clear that I think
that they should have breastfed,

00:33:38.385 --> 00:33:43.245
but it's very awkward because it's
a politically loaded situation.

00:33:46.725 --> 00:33:51.515
There was a lot of pressure from
the pediatricians at the hospital

00:33:51.985 --> 00:33:54.315
that I get a pump immediately right now.

00:33:54.315 --> 00:33:57.395
Do not wait one more second
because if you don't get a pump,

00:33:57.395 --> 00:33:58.995
then the world will end. So yeah,

00:33:58.995 --> 00:34:03.035
I ended up spending
almost $300 on the pump

00:34:05.695 --> 00:34:07.915
and there I was last week
trying to pump thinking,

00:34:07.955 --> 00:34:11.075
I can't believe that I
spent $300 on this thing.

00:34:11.855 --> 00:34:14.155
It doesn't work and it's actually painful.

00:34:15.935 --> 00:34:18.955
How are people who are poor

00:34:20.455 --> 00:34:23.715
and for whom they're being told that

00:34:25.295 --> 00:34:30.155
breast milk is free and you can feed
your baby breast milk and it's better

00:34:30.155 --> 00:34:32.835
for your baby, but they
can't afford a pump.

00:34:33.425 --> 00:34:35.235
They can afford a lactation consultant.

00:34:36.345 --> 00:34:41.115
They might have very demanding jobs
that don't let them go to an 1130

00:34:41.565 --> 00:34:42.995
Lache league meeting on a Thursday.

00:34:43.655 --> 00:34:47.835
I'm very much against the
nurses rolling out the

00:34:49.105 --> 00:34:52.555
pump when the mother is 24 hours,

00:34:52.565 --> 00:34:56.195
48 hours postpartum because at that
point they don't have a lot of milk.

00:34:56.545 --> 00:34:58.915
They have enough, but
they don't have a lot,

00:34:59.135 --> 00:35:02.755
and so by expressing milk or pumping
milk at that particular point,

00:35:03.055 --> 00:35:05.115
the only message they're getting
is I don't have any milk.

00:35:05.575 --> 00:35:10.115
So to say that the pump tells
you how much you're producing is

00:35:10.435 --> 00:35:14.115
nonsense. It tells you how much you
can pump. That's not the same thing.

00:35:14.645 --> 00:35:17.475
We're taught as women to
be unhappy with our bodies,

00:35:17.855 --> 00:35:20.755
so when our bodies don't do things that
we think that they ought to be doing,

00:35:20.785 --> 00:35:24.235
like miraculously provide the right
amount of milk for our children the moment

00:35:24.235 --> 00:35:25.068
they're born,

00:35:25.575 --> 00:35:29.475
we think the problem is our
bodies and it's the social system,

00:35:29.545 --> 00:35:33.795
it's the economic system. It's the
structures in place and the advice we get.

00:35:34.695 --> 00:35:38.245
All of those things together
can cause lactation failure,

00:35:39.425 --> 00:35:43.085
and yet we experience that failure
as a biological problem when in fact,

00:35:43.085 --> 00:35:44.005
it's a social problem.

00:35:47.575 --> 00:35:51.045
Right. You wake up now, all
right, you're awake now, huh?

00:35:51.335 --> 00:35:52.565
Want to eat some food now?

00:35:56.005 --> 00:36:00.925
I was gone natural until about eight
centimeters and his heart rate dropped,

00:36:01.105 --> 00:36:02.525
so they had to do an emergency.

00:36:04.055 --> 00:36:08.245
Thank you. I appreciate it. You welcome.
I know how to do it. Yes, son. Yes.

00:36:08.415 --> 00:36:09.805
Mommy can feed you right now.

00:36:10.035 --> 00:36:13.125
This time to feed to breastfeeding
him is when he's real hungry.

00:36:14.225 --> 00:36:17.965
We got to take him out. This
thing, he was like this.

00:36:18.665 --> 00:36:19.498
He was laying it.

00:36:19.525 --> 00:36:21.005
Straight. I think he was like this.

00:36:24.465 --> 00:36:25.298
He latch on.

00:36:29.305 --> 00:36:32.365
He latched, but you're not
drinking. You probably not hungry.

00:36:33.835 --> 00:36:34.225
Okay.

00:36:34.225 --> 00:36:35.058
Oh, there you go.

00:36:37.395 --> 00:36:42.205
Yeah. Last night I was trying to
breastfeed, but I started throwing up,

00:36:42.345 --> 00:36:47.045
so I had to just go back to the
nursery so they could take care of him

00:36:47.185 --> 00:36:52.045
and they had to give him
formula because I was just too

00:36:52.105 --> 00:36:55.245
out of it to try to feed him. Actually,

00:36:55.285 --> 00:36:59.605
I was really sad because I couldn't
hold him. I couldn't feed him.

00:37:00.485 --> 00:37:04.205
I was to the point when
I was so drugged up,

00:37:04.405 --> 00:37:07.525
I didn't even remember holding
him after I gave birth.

00:37:14.465 --> 00:37:17.445
You want to feed him this after this
or you want to get a new bottle?

00:37:20.265 --> 00:37:21.045
No, you can get him.

00:37:21.045 --> 00:37:21.878
This.

00:37:25.335 --> 00:37:29.685
Where you get it. I get
the hungry from my dad.

00:37:32.055 --> 00:37:33.885
Nigga ball eyeballs look crazy.

00:37:35.545 --> 00:37:36.885
He got a problem with his mouth.

00:37:38.085 --> 00:37:38.918
I think he.

00:37:41.065 --> 00:37:42.365
Are you doing that greedy kid?

00:37:50.355 --> 00:37:54.325
He's looking at me. I
have in a moment. Yo,

00:37:54.385 --> 00:37:57.005
you be hitting my stomach
and you forget every time.

00:37:57.445 --> 00:38:00.045
I do though. I definitely forget.
I forgot you even got his stomach.

00:38:04.205 --> 00:38:05.038
Whatever he.

00:38:07.945 --> 00:38:12.525
In, I told you you can't. She
said 20 minutes. That's it,

00:38:12.645 --> 00:38:13.478
because you got that medicine.

00:38:14.245 --> 00:38:15.405
I didn't do 20 minutes.

00:38:15.865 --> 00:38:17.685
You did 20 minutes. You were
sitting there for, well,

00:38:17.685 --> 00:38:19.445
only I was laying down
there for 10 minutes.

00:38:20.435 --> 00:38:21.035
Give.

00:38:21.035 --> 00:38:22.045
Milk right there. Bottle.

00:38:22.335 --> 00:38:23.168
Thank you.

00:38:27.935 --> 00:38:29.165
Kevin is just like,

00:38:29.275 --> 00:38:32.845
he's scared that when a baby breastfeeds
that he's not getting enough.

00:38:34.445 --> 00:38:35.925
Honestly, I don't like
giving him the formula.

00:38:36.645 --> 00:38:41.325
I think the breast milk is better and
he spits up after he drinks the infamil,

00:38:41.385 --> 00:38:43.085
so I don't want to give him that,

00:38:43.085 --> 00:38:45.085
and then it could be like
an allergic reaction,

00:38:46.025 --> 00:38:50.805
so I would rather breastfeed
than give him the babies

00:38:51.795 --> 00:38:52.628
milk.

00:38:53.265 --> 00:38:54.725
So let go back this way.

00:38:56.155 --> 00:39:00.765
Typically it's the responsibility
of the mom who needs WIC to contact

00:39:01.105 --> 00:39:06.045
WIC within two to three days after she's

00:39:06.045 --> 00:39:06.878
delivered.

00:39:06.945 --> 00:39:11.325
It was always a lot of holding
breath up in the air anticipation.

00:39:11.795 --> 00:39:14.325
What she going to ask for? Is she going
to ask for a full formula package?

00:39:14.875 --> 00:39:17.085
Some formula package, no formula,

00:39:19.305 --> 00:39:22.765
and a lot of times we got
full formula packages.

00:39:22.765 --> 00:39:25.325
Breastfeeding didn't work
for me in the hospital.

00:39:25.515 --> 00:39:28.765
Formula feelings going pretty
good, but not too good.

00:39:29.115 --> 00:39:30.845
It's getting constipated with the formula.

00:39:31.745 --> 00:39:34.165
That's why I came to
change the formula for him.

00:39:34.265 --> 00:39:36.765
How many formula changes have
we gone through already? No,

00:39:36.765 --> 00:39:40.285
just from Similac to
Infamil and this one. Now,

00:39:40.745 --> 00:39:44.845
do we confuse you at wic? Do we
confuse you by giving you formula?

00:39:45.145 --> 00:39:49.925
Do we confuse amount of attempts or even

00:39:49.925 --> 00:39:54.925
effort that should be
put into breastfeeding by
saying, if you don't do well,

00:39:54.925 --> 00:39:56.245
there's this formula here for you.

00:39:56.795 --> 00:40:01.085
Some people take it as being confused
because that's the first choice to go to

00:40:01.085 --> 00:40:05.165
is formula and because some people
don't know that much information about

00:40:05.165 --> 00:40:08.765
breastfeeding, and then some people
be afraid, talk to other people.

00:40:10.135 --> 00:40:11.685
Since their breast is personal,

00:40:11.685 --> 00:40:16.125
they wouldn't want other people
looking at them or talking about it.

00:40:16.385 --> 00:40:18.045
But no, I wasn't confused.

00:40:25.145 --> 00:40:25.375
Is.

00:40:25.375 --> 00:40:27.485
Kevin, this is our only breastfeeding dad?

00:40:27.985 --> 00:40:30.645
No breastfeeding. Gabby
is giving problems.

00:40:30.815 --> 00:40:34.165
Mommy says that when the baby's
with him, it's straight breast,

00:40:34.345 --> 00:40:37.085
but when daddy comes
around, it is a bottle.

00:40:37.315 --> 00:40:42.085
Yeah, it take mad lawn to pump it and
then I don't have a pump. No, not pump,

00:40:42.145 --> 00:40:45.445
but you know what I'm
saying. As he latch on, yeah,

00:40:45.515 --> 00:40:50.325
then it like 30 minutes and I'm
sitting there waiting like I

00:40:50.615 --> 00:40:50.985
got to.

00:40:50.985 --> 00:40:52.485
Eat. Wow.

00:40:53.085 --> 00:40:54.645
I want go. That's what I
asked. Where are we going?

00:40:54.995 --> 00:40:58.405
Nowhere but it just sit the
point. I'm not impatient,

00:40:58.705 --> 00:41:02.765
but you already I'm impatient.
He patient. Oh my God.

00:41:03.075 --> 00:41:05.685
I'll be like this and I'll be
like, yo, he's not done yet.

00:41:06.265 --> 00:41:08.645
So how good have you gotten
with hand expression?

00:41:09.715 --> 00:41:13.765
What do you mean getting the milk out
on your own? Oh no, I have a I tried.

00:41:14.265 --> 00:41:18.285
You should start practicing.
Absolutely. Yes, ma'am. Okay,

00:41:18.615 --> 00:41:19.765
start practicing. I mean,

00:41:19.765 --> 00:41:24.525
you are not looking to make gallons
right now to produce gallons.

00:41:24.525 --> 00:41:26.725
You're just looking to
practice your technique.

00:41:27.235 --> 00:41:31.605
Some women have gotten so good at it and
I've seen them that they can shoot milk

00:41:32.275 --> 00:41:36.445
into little containers.
Wow. Yeah. That good?

00:41:36.645 --> 00:41:39.165
I haven't even thought
about that. But yeah,

00:41:39.725 --> 00:41:42.725
I think it's a skill that we should
all know. I'm not very good at it.

00:41:43.225 --> 00:41:45.325
But why do you do it?
What's the point? Well,

00:41:45.325 --> 00:41:50.285
because there's three ways to
get milk from your body, right?

00:41:51.695 --> 00:41:55.925
Think of a cow, right? When you go,
you can milk a cow with your hand,

00:41:56.905 --> 00:41:59.685
but then when you get to a farmer
that needs to have a lot of milk,

00:41:59.685 --> 00:42:02.845
he uses a machine. You ever seen the
cows hooked up to all those machines? No.

00:42:03.235 --> 00:42:05.645
Well, it kind of works on
a small scale for us too.

00:42:08.595 --> 00:42:10.165
They have an area for you to.

00:42:29.305 --> 00:42:30.845
The way my husband is,

00:42:34.985 --> 00:42:35.845
I'm his wife,

00:42:37.065 --> 00:42:40.005
my duties first to him and then

00:42:42.505 --> 00:42:44.485
the way he is and the
way our relationship is.

00:42:44.605 --> 00:42:49.365
I didn't want my breastfeeding
for and me wanting

00:42:49.465 --> 00:42:54.205
to give this time to my
baby be on the way of our

00:42:54.205 --> 00:42:59.045
relationship and I wanted him to be
supportive and to like it and to help me

00:43:00.065 --> 00:43:04.125
not to hate it. So my question
to the doctor was like,

00:43:04.585 --> 00:43:08.445
can I breastfeed? And
at the same time, can I

00:43:10.155 --> 00:43:13.525
have my breast be part of my intimate
relationship with my husband?

00:43:14.035 --> 00:43:18.325
When we are having intercourse
or an intimate moment,

00:43:19.085 --> 00:43:23.805
I do not want him to touch the
air because if the baby wakes up,

00:43:23.985 --> 00:43:26.765
the first instinct that I have
is to put her in my breast.

00:43:27.405 --> 00:43:29.125
I don't want to have germs on my baby.

00:43:32.065 --> 00:43:36.605
If it was your issue, if it
was you, how will you do it?

00:43:36.955 --> 00:43:41.365
Will you tell your husband, hold on,
this is my baby's breast now will you

00:43:42.865 --> 00:43:46.635
have my friend said one breast for
me and one breast for the baby,

00:43:47.535 --> 00:43:48.875
or you be with your husband,

00:43:48.945 --> 00:43:52.955
then take a shower and you could
breastfeed the baby. What will you do?

00:43:54.285 --> 00:43:59.185
The ideal breastfeeding mother that we
have constructed culturally for ourselves

00:43:59.275 --> 00:44:03.745
isn't a sexual mother, and she goes
right back to the Madonna and child,

00:44:03.745 --> 00:44:07.465
the asexual Madonna and child who didn't
even have to have sex to have the baby

00:44:07.525 --> 00:44:11.305
in the first place. And
we've inherited this

00:44:14.075 --> 00:44:18.785
ideal of the asexual mother who for some
reason can flick a switch at the point

00:44:19.445 --> 00:44:24.225
of giving birth and wait until
she's again in bed with her partner

00:44:24.365 --> 00:44:27.305
before she's going to flick the
switch again and become sexual.

00:44:27.765 --> 00:44:30.625
And this creates terrible tensions
for women around the breast.

00:44:30.685 --> 00:44:35.405
The breast represents that
real boundary for us between

00:44:35.725 --> 00:44:38.645
maternity and sexuality. And for me,

00:44:38.645 --> 00:44:42.205
that's a real shame because I think
the most sexual breast of all is the

00:44:42.445 --> 00:44:43.278
lactating breast.

00:44:43.505 --> 00:44:48.405
People are grossed out by the
fact that they have sex and maybe

00:44:48.465 --> 00:44:53.445
the woman who is breastfeeding will
have a milk ejection reflex while having

00:44:53.625 --> 00:44:55.725
sex or orgasm. And in fact,

00:44:55.725 --> 00:45:00.485
there are a lot of similarities in
what occurs in the mother's body

00:45:00.865 --> 00:45:03.325
during breastfeeding and
what happens during orgasm.

00:45:03.665 --> 00:45:05.725
If breastfeeding wasn't pleasurable,

00:45:07.315 --> 00:45:11.325
then that probably would've meant part
of the demise of the human race or

00:45:11.325 --> 00:45:14.125
something like that, that we have evolved

00:45:15.925 --> 00:45:20.145
to feel pleasurable
sensations from breastfeeding,

00:45:20.145 --> 00:45:24.505
from the oxytocin that is released
during breastfeeding so that

00:45:25.925 --> 00:45:29.185
we want to do it and that
it is supposed to feel good,

00:45:29.485 --> 00:45:32.825
but that a lot of people are uncomfortable
with that because they associate

00:45:32.995 --> 00:45:34.825
those pleasurable feelings with sex.

00:45:36.665 --> 00:45:41.105
I remember going out of the room and
having him in my breast and when I changed

00:45:41.495 --> 00:45:42.328
breasts on him,

00:45:43.425 --> 00:45:48.345
I had a feeling of when the milk was
coming out and it was a ticklish feeling

00:45:48.365 --> 00:45:49.945
and I didn't like it because

00:45:53.045 --> 00:45:57.865
the feeling I connected it to
when I'm with my husband and I

00:45:57.865 --> 00:45:58.698
didn't like it.

00:45:58.825 --> 00:46:03.825
I think breastfeeding
definitely changed your breasts

00:46:04.285 --> 00:46:08.625
as an erogenous zone for
me. Do you know what I mean?

00:46:08.625 --> 00:46:13.345
There was less stimulation around
the breasts, especially orally

00:46:16.625 --> 00:46:21.315
from me in this direction. You know
what I mean? Because it's just,

00:46:21.505 --> 00:46:25.715
yeah, it changes the whole sort of
quality of that body part. Yeah.

00:46:25.715 --> 00:46:30.315
I also have a body fluid squeamish
thing going on. You know what I mean?

00:46:30.655 --> 00:46:34.075
We don't have that problem.
We have the opposite problem,

00:46:34.145 --> 00:46:37.075
just that the breast milk goes
everywhere, and so it's really messy.

00:46:37.355 --> 00:46:41.475
I think that's, you just kind have to
take it. It's going to go everywhere,

00:46:42.015 --> 00:46:45.635
so you just have to put down some towels
or be prepared to change the sheets or

00:46:46.315 --> 00:46:50.315
whatever and have a shower afterwards.
I don't really want to talk about that.

00:47:18.025 --> 00:47:20.715
What we have is what is
called the leaky body,

00:47:20.785 --> 00:47:25.635
sometimes regarded as even the monstrous

00:47:25.705 --> 00:47:30.325
body that the female body and the
problem for western culture and for

00:47:30.325 --> 00:47:35.205
Christianity has been that the female
body just is more difficult to control

00:47:36.115 --> 00:47:37.445
because it's wetter.

00:47:37.545 --> 00:47:41.405
It not only menstruates and
has babies and produces milk,

00:47:41.795 --> 00:47:42.628
it's more chaotic,

00:47:42.905 --> 00:47:46.525
it changes it's fluid and that
this has been seen as a problem.

00:47:47.195 --> 00:47:51.805
Whereas if we were to shift that round
and see the body as a virtuous force

00:47:51.985 --> 00:47:55.525
for good, as part of the energy
that links us to the spiritual,

00:47:55.865 --> 00:47:59.205
the leakiness of the female body is
something that makes it even better.

00:48:24.925 --> 00:48:28.725
I do breastfeed in public a
lot. I use the nursing cover.

00:48:29.495 --> 00:48:34.205
Maybe it's my years of
Protestant upbringing.

00:48:36.485 --> 00:48:41.085
I also need to have that conversation
with my husband to see how he feels about

00:48:41.085 --> 00:48:41.918
it.

00:48:43.145 --> 00:48:47.885
We haven't really discussed if he's all
right with me just sort of whipping it

00:48:47.885 --> 00:48:48.718
out wherever.

00:48:49.365 --> 00:48:49.725
I guess.

00:48:49.725 --> 00:48:54.045
I have read about men who feel very
proprietor about their wife's breasts and

00:48:54.045 --> 00:48:56.525
feeling that they've been displaced
while she's breastfeeding.

00:49:00.565 --> 00:49:02.325
I haven't really been bothered by that.

00:49:04.685 --> 00:49:08.725
I think that oftentimes the perception
is that women should not show their

00:49:08.725 --> 00:49:11.325
breasts in public because
breasts are kind of like penises.

00:49:11.325 --> 00:49:13.645
They're not supposed
to be shown in public.

00:49:13.665 --> 00:49:17.765
And that men imagine that women think of
their breasts as penises and breastfeed

00:49:17.765 --> 00:49:18.598
in public on purpose,

00:49:19.755 --> 00:49:23.005
sort of to be publicly sexual
in a way that they want to be,

00:49:23.905 --> 00:49:27.845
but feel like can't be. Men do in
fact urinate in public all the time,

00:49:27.985 --> 00:49:29.245
but nevertheless.

00:49:30.145 --> 00:49:34.245
We have a neighbor upstairs.
I think it's just a shy thing.

00:49:36.625 --> 00:49:40.885
I'm a shy person, so therefore I get
shy around people who are exposed.

00:49:41.785 --> 00:49:46.765
So I get very nervous
about looking at her at

00:49:46.765 --> 00:49:51.685
the wrong time. I don't want to put her
in the position that I'm looking at.

00:49:51.965 --> 00:49:55.485
I know she doesn't care, but it's
all in my mind. So I've never,

00:49:55.715 --> 00:49:59.565
because a lifetime of
never seeing it is why.

00:50:02.145 --> 00:50:05.685
Of course you grow up with it. It's
nothing. But I didn't grow up with it.

00:50:06.685 --> 00:50:10.205
I didn't. A couple times in
my life I ever see a woman.

00:50:10.585 --> 00:50:14.565
But you don't have any issue with it
issues? No. I have issue that I have.

00:50:16.365 --> 00:50:19.045
I have any embarrassment
attached to it. That's all.

00:50:19.225 --> 00:50:24.005
Or the fact that I am
uncomfortable around a woman

00:50:24.145 --> 00:50:28.045
or I don't feel relaxed when
someone's breastfeeding.

00:50:29.395 --> 00:50:31.605
It's not my feelings. It's not how I feel.

00:50:31.755 --> 00:50:36.365
It's how the lack of just a childhood and

00:50:36.395 --> 00:50:40.565
adolescence of never seeing it,
it's just stuck with you. It never

00:50:42.275 --> 00:50:45.485
will necessarily feel normal to see,

00:50:45.585 --> 00:50:49.165
but perfectly find it a
hundred percent acceptable.

00:50:50.285 --> 00:50:54.765
I would think that would
help. What about restaurants?

00:50:56.925 --> 00:51:01.445
I mean, I think it's polite
to have the hooter hider

00:51:03.385 --> 00:51:07.205
at a restaurant. The baby is eating
and you're eating, everybody's eating.

00:51:08.545 --> 00:51:12.965
But I think in this culture, it's
still about manners in that sense.

00:51:13.915 --> 00:51:17.685
Most people are like me and they're
embarrassed by it and it may disrupt their

00:51:17.685 --> 00:51:18.685
meal. There.

00:51:18.685 --> 00:51:19.518
You go.

00:51:27.635 --> 00:51:30.805
There's this perception that men
don't like breastfeeding breasts,

00:51:31.845 --> 00:51:36.105
and yet there's this whole genre of
lactation pornography where women

00:51:36.995 --> 00:51:38.625
shoot their milk across rooms.

00:51:39.005 --> 00:51:43.745
But I would get emails from
various women who would

00:51:43.745 --> 00:51:48.065
write that I would like to
induce lactation for reasons,

00:51:49.725 --> 00:51:53.145
for my own reasons. That's how they often
put it. If they kept writing me back,

00:51:53.225 --> 00:51:57.025
I wouldn't answer again because I'm not
interested in helping go-go dancers,

00:51:57.785 --> 00:51:59.705
lactated, and spray
milk over the customers.

00:51:59.845 --> 00:52:03.825
And there's a wonderful scene in a
lactation porn video that I have where

00:52:05.025 --> 00:52:09.385
I call it the battle of the hand jobs
because a woman's lying on her back and

00:52:09.395 --> 00:52:14.065
she's hand expressing and milk
is spraying up and there's a man

00:52:14.555 --> 00:52:18.425
straddling her and he's also
hand expressing, you might say,

00:52:19.805 --> 00:52:22.385
and he comes on her as in many,

00:52:22.385 --> 00:52:25.185
many porn movies that's classic to do.

00:52:25.645 --> 00:52:30.065
And it's lovely because they're smiling
at each other and laughing and they're

00:52:30.065 --> 00:52:31.545
spraying each other at the same time.

00:52:32.245 --> 00:52:37.105
But he's long since over by the time
she's just continuing on with her

00:52:37.595 --> 00:52:39.145
spray of milk. Well,

00:52:39.185 --> 00:52:43.305
I suppose what the lactation pornography
teaches us in a way is that there is a

00:52:43.305 --> 00:52:44.465
phallic element to the breast.

00:52:45.005 --> 00:52:48.665
And you do see that in some of the
literature as well in cultural studies

00:52:49.065 --> 00:52:53.385
research around breastfeeding and what
it means to us that part of the fear

00:52:53.865 --> 00:52:58.065
culturally of breastfeeding is that
the mother's body does have a phallic

00:52:58.065 --> 00:53:01.425
potential, that the man can
also be receptive sexually,

00:53:01.525 --> 00:53:02.945
not only the dominant party.

00:53:03.525 --> 00:53:08.225
So it evens up the playing field
somewhat to think of the breast

00:53:08.365 --> 00:53:09.585
as being perhaps phac,

00:53:09.805 --> 00:53:14.065
but perhaps an even more interesting
way would be to think of the penis as

00:53:14.135 --> 00:53:16.625
pressly. That might be even more fun.

00:53:28.165 --> 00:53:31.405
I dunno at what point we're going
to stop formula supplementation

00:53:33.065 --> 00:53:35.965
for now. I think we're going
to keep it as an option,

00:53:36.665 --> 00:53:41.525
but it's not something
that I want to really have

00:53:41.725 --> 00:53:46.485
takeover, and I had to really process
the whole idea of giving my baby formula

00:53:48.385 --> 00:53:49.218
long and hard.

00:53:51.185 --> 00:53:56.075
Somehow I was going to
be judged by a mythical

00:53:56.755 --> 00:53:59.835
mother's court for failing to

00:54:01.245 --> 00:54:02.915
breastfeed my baby properly.

00:54:04.915 --> 00:54:08.515
I wonder if cave women felt

00:54:09.895 --> 00:54:13.795
guilty if one of their
babies, for whatever reason,

00:54:14.455 --> 00:54:15.635
had trouble latching on,

00:54:16.385 --> 00:54:21.205
did the other cave women chastises that
cave woman because they had a baby that

00:54:21.325 --> 00:54:25.685
wouldn't latch on? Would that baby
die or would they simply say, well,

00:54:25.685 --> 00:54:28.765
this baby just wasn't strong enough and
then walk away and not feel guilty about

00:54:28.765 --> 00:54:29.598
it?

00:54:42.805 --> 00:54:45.825
So we are going to an ear,

00:54:45.825 --> 00:54:49.265
nose and throat doctor to have Mateo's

00:54:51.665 --> 00:54:56.265
frenulum a little membrane underneath
his tongue examined to see if

00:54:56.615 --> 00:55:01.065
he's potentially tongue tied to aid in his

00:55:01.225 --> 00:55:02.058
suckling.

00:55:02.495 --> 00:55:06.625
Some of the signs of a
child being tugged hide.

00:55:06.865 --> 00:55:10.065
I was trying to avoid seeing those in him.

00:55:11.025 --> 00:55:13.425
I certainly didn't want to see there
being anything wrong with my child.

00:55:13.485 --> 00:55:17.705
I'd rather fix something
in myself than in him.

00:55:18.335 --> 00:55:22.385
I've heard of a couple of cases where
it was a couple months and it turned

00:55:22.385 --> 00:55:27.265
around and they started having a nice
supply of breast milk trying all of

00:55:27.265 --> 00:55:31.545
these different things. So that's my hope,

00:55:31.545 --> 00:55:33.545
and that's why I don't
want to give up right now.

00:55:38.595 --> 00:55:39.428
Get his social.

00:55:42.235 --> 00:55:43.035
Hi, how are you? Hi.

00:55:43.035 --> 00:55:46.575
Hi, Dr. Nice to meet you. Hi.
Hi. Nice to meet you. This Mateo?

00:55:46.915 --> 00:55:47.385
Yes.

00:55:47.385 --> 00:55:50.495
Great. How old is he? Four
weeks. He's four weeks. Okay.

00:55:50.755 --> 00:55:52.095
So how is breastfeeding going?

00:55:54.395 --> 00:55:55.228
Not good.

00:55:55.575 --> 00:56:00.415
I have low milk supply and we went and saw

00:56:00.675 --> 00:56:05.535
Dr. Gbe on Friday and she assessed me

00:56:06.715 --> 00:56:08.695
and gave me some things to do.

00:56:09.605 --> 00:56:14.335
I've been taking herbal supplements
to try to increase my milk and

00:56:14.335 --> 00:56:17.615
I've just started taking
domperidone. But she had

00:56:20.035 --> 00:56:24.365
looked at his latch and he gets
really sleepy when he is on,

00:56:26.345 --> 00:56:29.965
and she said that it looked like he had

00:56:31.555 --> 00:56:33.765
potentially had some tongue tie, like

00:56:35.665 --> 00:56:37.445
the membrane was a
little tight underneath,

00:56:37.505 --> 00:56:41.125
but wanted it to be checked out by you.

00:56:41.945 --> 00:56:44.205
Did you see a lactation
consultant as well, or was Dr.

00:56:44.315 --> 00:56:48.405
Gove? No, I've spoken with a lactation
consultant just on the phone,

00:56:50.905 --> 00:56:54.965
but no one else has seen me other
than Dr. Gbe. Our pediatrician had,

00:56:55.115 --> 00:57:00.085
because the first couple of weeks he
wasn't gaining any weight and then

00:57:00.125 --> 00:57:02.685
we really started
supplementing to put on weight,

00:57:03.065 --> 00:57:06.005
but she had checked out the latch
and thought that he had a good latch.

00:57:06.005 --> 00:57:07.925
That wasn't the problem. Okay.

00:57:08.535 --> 00:57:11.445
Great. Alright, so do you
have a seat? Okay, sure.

00:57:21.055 --> 00:57:25.965
There are three components to the
way babies transfer milk when they're

00:57:25.965 --> 00:57:29.565
breastfeeding. One is the roof of the
mouth, one is the mandible or jaw,

00:57:29.865 --> 00:57:31.965
and the other is the tongue
or the mobility of the tongue.

00:57:32.065 --> 00:57:35.005
So this is the roof of the
mouth and this is the tongue.

00:57:35.385 --> 00:57:39.245
And the tongue has to lift up to
the roof of the mouth and pull back,

00:57:39.345 --> 00:57:43.805
be able to move all the way
back to transfer the milk
and the breast or the teat

00:57:43.805 --> 00:57:48.205
should just be sitting up against the
roof of the mouth and it shouldn't move at

00:57:48.205 --> 00:57:50.285
all. And then once it's in place,

00:57:50.285 --> 00:57:52.805
then the tongue can move and sort
of pull in the milk from the breast.

00:57:53.625 --> 00:57:55.965
And when there's friction,
that's what causes pain.

00:57:57.145 --> 00:57:58.885
So when babies have tongue tie,

00:57:58.885 --> 00:58:00.925
it's usually a component or
what's called tongue tie.

00:58:00.925 --> 00:58:03.405
It's more really when babies
have difficulty breastfeeding,

00:58:03.435 --> 00:58:08.325
it's often because of those three
parts together. So for example,

00:58:08.325 --> 00:58:12.085
there are some babies who have literal
tongue tie all the way to the tip of

00:58:12.085 --> 00:58:14.325
their tongue and they can't get
their tongue out of their mouth,

00:58:14.325 --> 00:58:18.525
but they can breastfeed, which is
interesting. It's rare, but it happens.

00:58:18.675 --> 00:58:21.765
I've seen it. And then there
are other babies who have,

00:58:22.745 --> 00:58:26.205
you can barely even see an
attachment of the tongue underneath,

00:58:26.225 --> 00:58:28.245
but their palate is so
high they can't reach it.

00:58:28.625 --> 00:58:32.005
And so I usually explain it by
saying, your baby's having difficulty,

00:58:33.485 --> 00:58:36.125
A getting his tongue to
the roof of his mouth.

00:58:36.465 --> 00:58:40.765
If the baby has a tongue tie and the
mother hasn't been shown the best possible

00:58:40.765 --> 00:58:41.345
latch,

00:58:41.345 --> 00:58:46.245
and if she has say an average or below
average milk supply and a below average

00:58:46.245 --> 00:58:48.165
milk supply should still be good enough.

00:58:48.545 --> 00:58:52.725
But if you add all these things
together, then you've got a real problem.

00:58:54.065 --> 00:58:55.125
Do you see it? Yeah.

00:58:58.095 --> 00:58:59.635
Do you think that's
enough to be a problem?

00:59:00.785 --> 00:59:01.618
Well,

00:59:02.225 --> 00:59:07.195
it's actually the amount of tongue tie
doesn't necessarily predict how much

00:59:07.195 --> 00:59:09.155
trouble he's going to have.
It's really his anatomy.

00:59:09.215 --> 00:59:10.875
And so his palate is very high.

00:59:11.495 --> 00:59:12.795
But it could potentially help.

00:59:13.385 --> 00:59:16.035
Yeah, there's a very high
chance of that. Okay.

00:59:18.225 --> 00:59:21.285
Alright, we're all
ready. Okay, here we go.

00:59:37.565 --> 00:59:40.645
I can go quickly. Yeah, it feels
different. I can feel a difference. Yeah.

00:59:40.945 --> 00:59:43.925
So there he goes. When he slows down
a little, you'll see it's a deep,

00:59:45.475 --> 00:59:50.365
it's a two stage movement and at four
weeks you still have a really good shot

00:59:50.385 --> 00:59:52.845
at increasing the supply.
See now there he is doing it.

01:00:05.455 --> 01:00:07.385
Okey go.

01:00:19.485 --> 01:00:22.625
All we want to do is make sure that his
tongue doesn't heal in the same position

01:00:22.625 --> 01:00:27.385
it was before. Okay, Now he's a trooper.

01:00:27.525 --> 01:00:29.385
He is like, I am going to do this.

01:00:30.295 --> 01:00:34.265
Some babies will just pull off and
just take a break. And he's like,

01:00:34.425 --> 01:00:35.745
I am going to power through.

01:00:36.965 --> 01:00:41.785
One of the things we don't know and we
never will know at this point is if for

01:00:41.785 --> 01:00:46.665
some reason his tongue tie was identified
day one in the hospital and released,

01:00:46.855 --> 01:00:51.465
then would he have been able to latch in
a way that stimulated your body to pull

01:00:51.465 --> 01:00:54.895
in a milk supply that
we don't currently have?

01:00:55.515 --> 01:00:58.055
And that's just one of those
questions we'll never really know,

01:00:59.035 --> 01:01:01.175
but it is a possibility for some women,

01:01:01.175 --> 01:01:06.175
they really need that early regular
milk stimulation and milk removal to

01:01:06.175 --> 01:01:07.255
kind of drive that process.

01:01:08.115 --> 01:01:13.015
So we're basically just
trying to do everything we
can now to try to make up for

01:01:13.015 --> 01:01:13.935
that not happening.

01:01:21.675 --> 01:01:24.975
So obviously it's not that there's a
whole bunch of milk in there that he can't

01:01:24.975 --> 01:01:25.808
get. No,

01:01:27.795 --> 01:01:30.535
that's hard in a way because if
there was a whole bunch of milk,

01:01:30.715 --> 01:01:32.255
he might be able to surf off it.

01:01:33.375 --> 01:01:36.015
I don't think that's a big issue
right now because he is having trouble

01:01:36.015 --> 01:01:38.655
coordinating swallowing. So if
you had a whole bunch of milk,

01:01:38.725 --> 01:01:40.255
he'd probably be just choking. So

01:01:42.755 --> 01:01:43.895
That's the flip side.

01:01:44.305 --> 01:01:46.295
Maybe we can build these
up together at the.

01:01:46.875 --> 01:01:50.695
As his skill increases, hopefully
your supply will increase.

01:01:53.245 --> 01:01:57.295
Yeah, so I've never seen it, but I am
guessing that when other women pump,

01:01:57.565 --> 01:02:00.935
it's just, is it just massive flowing out?

01:02:01.245 --> 01:02:01.535
Well,

01:02:01.535 --> 01:02:05.535
the fact is that if you
give him a tablespoon or a
teaspoon of your milk every

01:02:05.555 --> 01:02:09.855
day, that means a lot because
there are so many live cells,

01:02:09.965 --> 01:02:12.135
digestive enzymes, immune factors,

01:02:12.955 --> 01:02:15.935
all of that is in nothing
else that you could give him.

01:02:30.045 --> 01:02:35.045
I am spending at least an hour
and a half every day pumping

01:02:36.945 --> 01:02:39.285
to supply breast milk to my baby.

01:02:39.545 --> 01:02:42.445
And it's a bit of a
frustrating process because

01:02:45.005 --> 01:02:48.645
I have to do it at the same time every
day or approximately the same time.

01:02:49.625 --> 01:02:51.805
And it's very difficult to do that,

01:02:52.095 --> 01:02:56.285
especially with my haphazard schedule. So

01:02:57.885 --> 01:03:02.845
I find myself being late to almost
every meeting and saying, oh, sorry,

01:03:02.945 --> 01:03:05.805
I'm late. But the fact is that
I was in my office pumping.

01:03:06.705 --> 01:03:11.685
That's the way that I have to
maneuver it so that I don't wind

01:03:11.685 --> 01:03:15.885
up giving people way too much information
about what's going on with my life.

01:03:16.425 --> 01:03:18.885
It makes me feel a little bit like I'm

01:03:20.675 --> 01:03:24.645
both my career and my kid.
I'm an educated woman.

01:03:26.225 --> 01:03:30.445
I'm from a generation of feminists who
are supposed to be able to do it all.

01:03:30.615 --> 01:03:33.845
We're supposed to be super
moms and super career women.

01:03:35.425 --> 01:03:40.165
That's what our
predecessors in the feminist

01:03:40.445 --> 01:03:44.965
movement have been able to carve
out for us. But with that also comes

01:03:46.665 --> 01:03:50.685
the idea that we want to
be attached to our babies.

01:03:50.855 --> 01:03:54.605
We've been told that breastfeeding
is the best thing for our babies,

01:03:58.595 --> 01:04:03.125
that it will result in healthier
babies, babies with higher IQs,

01:04:03.345 --> 01:04:07.085
babies that have a better
bond with their families,

01:04:07.515 --> 01:04:10.405
that in every way breastfeeding is better.

01:04:12.865 --> 01:04:16.605
And this is, I think a relatively
new movement. Not that long ago,

01:04:16.625 --> 01:04:18.485
at least 30 years ago,

01:04:21.035 --> 01:04:25.285
mothers were being told the opposite
that maybe formula was better,

01:04:25.285 --> 01:04:29.965
that it was going to free
you of the bondage of

01:04:29.965 --> 01:04:33.445
breastfeeding and having to be
tied to a baby all the time.

01:04:33.585 --> 01:04:38.445
And I think it's a
pendulum that goes back and

01:04:38.445 --> 01:04:42.005
forth and we're still trying
to find what is that balance?

01:05:00.505 --> 01:05:04.305
I probably should replace my
membranes, those little white

01:05:07.025 --> 01:05:09.305
plasticy things on the yellow part,

01:05:10.915 --> 01:05:15.145
those wear out and if they don't
life flush with the yellow part,

01:05:15.855 --> 01:05:17.445
then you don't get as good suction.

01:05:18.115 --> 01:05:22.085
It's one of those secret things
that I've learned about pumping.

01:05:22.085 --> 01:05:24.765
You have to replace those about once
every a month or something like that.

01:05:24.785 --> 01:05:28.245
So all of a sudden you're not getting as
much milk and it's because the memories

01:05:28.245 --> 01:05:30.005
have worn out. Go figure. See,

01:05:30.005 --> 01:05:33.445
this one's sort of not really flush.

01:05:33.715 --> 01:05:35.205
There's a tiny little gap.

01:05:36.265 --> 01:05:41.165
So I probably will not get as much as I

01:05:41.165 --> 01:05:45.125
could. I don't want to
be film pumping because

01:05:48.125 --> 01:05:52.965
I feel like the whole setup
is sort of, I feel like a cow,

01:05:53.475 --> 01:05:57.625
basically. I feel like a
cow. I sit here and I go mo

01:06:05.085 --> 01:06:08.065
two ounces exactly every time

01:06:09.615 --> 01:06:10.475
no matter what I do.

01:06:16.215 --> 01:06:21.155
And then to get every drop
that's on the side of the vial,

01:06:21.275 --> 01:06:23.555
I actually behave as if were,

01:06:24.575 --> 01:06:26.955
I'm doing some wet chemistry in the lab,

01:06:28.255 --> 01:06:29.675
try and get every last drop,

01:06:31.015 --> 01:06:35.835
and I wait for it to sort of
well up right there and get

01:06:35.835 --> 01:06:39.685
that last bit liquid gold.

01:06:43.565 --> 01:06:45.405
I have to say that whenever
I see it like this,

01:06:47.185 --> 01:06:49.625
I am fascinated by the
fact that I can make food.

01:06:50.825 --> 01:06:55.665
I can sustain a human life for an
entire year on this stuff alone.

01:06:56.385 --> 01:07:00.065
I mean, except that I can't
been able to make enough,

01:07:00.685 --> 01:07:04.985
but that this is perfectly suitable
food and I make it by virtue of just

01:07:05.515 --> 01:07:08.505
being a mother. That's pretty amazing.

01:07:16.025 --> 01:07:20.545
I didn't know what to expect being
the breadwinner for the family.

01:07:31.185 --> 01:07:33.745
I am working with sixth, seventh,
and eighth graders in this school.

01:07:36.165 --> 01:07:40.985
It wouldn't be good for
a child to come in and

01:07:41.005 --> 01:07:44.145
see their librarian funding breast milk.

01:07:45.895 --> 01:07:49.625
I've always thought that public
schools should have daycares in them.

01:07:50.115 --> 01:07:52.545
There are so many mothers
working in public schools,

01:07:53.375 --> 01:07:55.305
they should just have childcare on site.

01:07:57.975 --> 01:08:00.825
There's a lot of talk about family values,

01:08:01.765 --> 01:08:06.745
but when you make it
difficult on families to be

01:08:06.985 --> 01:08:09.745
together, and

01:08:11.345 --> 01:08:15.845
I don't really see how
those two things makes sense

01:08:16.595 --> 01:08:19.085
when you say that family's important,

01:08:19.305 --> 01:08:24.045
but then you can't have
more than six weeks off for

01:08:24.205 --> 01:08:25.285
maternity leave or

01:08:27.385 --> 01:08:32.125
you can't have your baby on site
for the first year or something.

01:08:32.825 --> 01:08:34.085
It doesn't make sense to me.

01:08:43.475 --> 01:08:46.205
I'll take you to the doctor, a
little man, because his breathing,

01:08:46.245 --> 01:08:49.005
I think he has asthma. It's
like a little wheezing sound.

01:08:52.085 --> 01:08:54.365
I heard it a couple days ago,

01:08:54.505 --> 01:08:59.445
but I wanted to make sure
it was it like a cold or

01:08:59.445 --> 01:09:02.685
something because asthma
runs in this family,

01:09:03.625 --> 01:09:08.245
so I'm going to just get him checked
out to see I, if that's what it is.

01:09:10.825 --> 01:09:12.955
When I went to WIC and

01:09:14.475 --> 01:09:17.195
I was explaining Tyler's situation,

01:09:18.575 --> 01:09:22.675
it kept asking me if I was
still breastfeeding. And
one month I told him I was,

01:09:22.675 --> 01:09:24.155
because I still was doing both,

01:09:24.625 --> 01:09:29.515
even though he would still throw
up because I was still lactating.

01:09:30.015 --> 01:09:32.915
So I was like, we just going to slowly

01:09:34.425 --> 01:09:36.155
stop and see how it goes.

01:09:36.935 --> 01:09:41.835
And then I realized it was best to
just completely stop breastfeeding

01:09:42.095 --> 01:09:46.235
and give him the formula because
it'll help him with the acid reflux.

01:09:48.095 --> 01:09:50.915
So they tried to encourage me.

01:09:51.775 --> 01:09:55.115
The WIC program tried to
encourage me to breastfeed,

01:09:56.135 --> 01:09:59.555
but he was still getting sick and I
just didn't want to see him hurting.

01:10:00.455 --> 01:10:03.315
So I kind of just stopped altogether.

01:10:05.595 --> 01:10:09.555
I think me not breastfeeding
was kind of an advantage

01:10:10.825 --> 01:10:14.555
because it would've been
very time consuming.

01:10:15.195 --> 01:10:19.355
I would've had to ask for additional
breaks on my job in school.

01:10:19.795 --> 01:10:23.995
I would've missed a lot of information
with the time that I would have to be in

01:10:23.995 --> 01:10:28.675
another room or in bathroom pumping. And

01:10:30.635 --> 01:10:31.115
I don't know,

01:10:31.115 --> 01:10:35.755
I think it helped my parents and Kevin
when they had to watch him while I was in

01:10:35.755 --> 01:10:39.675
class because if I didn't store
enough milk, would he have eaten?

01:10:41.375 --> 01:10:45.675
So it kind of worked out for the
best. Now that I think about it.

01:10:48.315 --> 01:10:51.115
I kind of flirt with the idea of
what if WIC didn't give formula?

01:10:54.455 --> 01:10:58.295
I do. I flirt with that idea often.
What if WIC stopped giving formula?

01:10:58.475 --> 01:11:00.095
And then I look around who heard that?

01:11:02.275 --> 01:11:05.335
But my friends and I, we
often talk about that.

01:11:05.365 --> 01:11:09.095
What if WIC stopped giving formula?
Would that force women to breastfeed?

01:11:11.075 --> 01:11:13.135
And then we kind of stopped
there because we're wondering,

01:11:13.165 --> 01:11:17.125
do we want to force women to breastfeed
or do we want them to want to?

01:11:26.625 --> 01:11:31.085
So yesterday he had a six month
pediatrician's appointment and

01:11:31.555 --> 01:11:35.405
he's in the 98th percentile
for both weight and length.

01:11:36.105 --> 01:11:38.125
So he's just growing like gangbusters.

01:11:40.085 --> 01:11:44.775
He's been on the same
soy formula now for about

01:11:44.845 --> 01:11:45.678
five months.

01:11:45.895 --> 01:11:50.055
I think the difficulties that we had
with breastfeeding have had the greatest

01:11:50.125 --> 01:11:51.095
toll on Colleen.

01:11:51.515 --> 01:11:55.845
She really feels like she
somehow let her baby down,

01:11:56.425 --> 01:11:58.005
but that's not the case.

01:11:58.465 --> 01:12:03.445
Her efforts made it more difficult
for the two of us because all

01:12:03.445 --> 01:12:08.005
of our late night feedings throughout
the early morning and late night I would

01:12:08.005 --> 01:12:10.285
be involved in because
she would breastfeed.

01:12:10.305 --> 01:12:13.245
And then when he was done and
needed bottle supplementation,

01:12:13.645 --> 01:12:17.285
I would do that and she would
pump so that she was constantly

01:12:21.515 --> 01:12:26.495
keeping the pressure on
the tissue to continue

01:12:26.495 --> 01:12:29.655
to produce more milk. And so

01:12:33.205 --> 01:12:36.135
that was rough. And getting up two,

01:12:36.135 --> 01:12:40.335
three times a night every
night for several months

01:12:43.635 --> 01:12:44.575
did have its tolls.

01:12:44.975 --> 01:12:49.215
I know that she's really
concerned about the bond issue

01:12:50.915 --> 01:12:55.645
with breastfeeding and that
bond between mother and

01:12:55.645 --> 01:12:56.478
child.

01:12:57.545 --> 01:13:01.365
And I keep reiterating to
her that bond is strong,

01:13:01.435 --> 01:13:02.925
that bond is there.

01:13:04.825 --> 01:13:09.005
He seeks the breast for comfort and
that's the real key thing with respect to

01:13:09.005 --> 01:13:09.838
that bond.

01:13:10.435 --> 01:13:15.325
Sometimes he's hungry to a point where
he doesn't want to deal with it and would

01:13:15.325 --> 01:13:19.445
rather just have a bottle and that
should be okay at this point. So.

01:13:26.785 --> 01:13:31.325
My husband had mentioned that
I should not be so emotionally

01:13:31.685 --> 01:13:35.805
attached to the fact that I'm
not breastfeeding exclusively.

01:13:36.705 --> 01:13:40.445
And I think that it's
hard for him to understand

01:13:41.655 --> 01:13:44.845
since he's not a woman,

01:13:45.475 --> 01:13:47.965
he's not the one who's
not able to do this.

01:13:48.275 --> 01:13:50.925
That makes me question what
kind of parent am I being?

01:13:52.555 --> 01:13:54.645
What kind of bond am I
creating with my child?

01:13:55.385 --> 01:13:57.445
And even though I can
think about it logically,

01:13:57.745 --> 01:14:02.725
I'm doing all these other
things, it still hurts.

01:14:03.145 --> 01:14:05.965
And it's difficult when I'm,

01:14:07.365 --> 01:14:10.685
I think in my day-to-day
routine, I can get away from it,

01:14:10.825 --> 01:14:15.765
but when I'm hanging out with a bunch
of other mothers who are of the same

01:14:15.765 --> 01:14:17.605
mindset of me and following,

01:14:18.435 --> 01:14:23.285
they really want to have
a rich relationship with
their child and we'll spend

01:14:23.285 --> 01:14:27.285
the day together and they'll be
breastfeeding all day long and it's,

01:14:27.865 --> 01:14:32.405
it kind of stings to be the only person
there that has to pull out a bottle.

01:14:33.465 --> 01:14:38.405
And then there's always
that feeling of do I need

01:14:38.405 --> 01:14:41.325
to explain to them it's not by
choice that I'm giving him a formula.

01:14:41.685 --> 01:14:43.685
I would like to be forming
this bond with him.

01:15:03.045 --> 01:15:07.065
So here's my supply of breast

01:15:08.215 --> 01:15:12.145
milk. I most certainly
have more than 50 bags.

01:15:14.645 --> 01:15:17.505
One sitting, I got eight ounces.
I've never gotten that again,

01:15:17.645 --> 01:15:22.185
but that was good. That was exciting.

01:15:23.895 --> 01:15:25.705
That was like my OCD project.

01:15:26.345 --> 01:15:31.345
I keep trying to save the milk and
I think in the beginning I was so

01:15:31.345 --> 01:15:35.825
worried about not having enough
milk that I was just paranoid,

01:15:35.885 --> 01:15:39.905
and now that I have all this milk,
I'm like, I don't want to use it.

01:15:40.365 --> 01:15:42.465
It is like almost having money.
You want to save it for later?

01:15:43.475 --> 01:15:46.145
Let's just waste breast
milk. Let's throw it around.

01:15:46.835 --> 01:15:49.945
Let's do what we feel like with
it. Have baths in it. Who cares?

01:15:50.485 --> 01:15:54.585
Or throw it out, give it
to the dog. Who cares?

01:15:55.615 --> 01:15:56.448
It's just milk.

01:15:56.945 --> 01:16:00.825
I think having so much expertise around
breastfeeding and a sense that there's

01:16:02.025 --> 01:16:04.465
a series of rules that we have
to follow to get it right,

01:16:04.465 --> 01:16:08.625
gives us the impression that it's actually
quite hard to produce milk and that

01:16:09.685 --> 01:16:14.545
we have to follow certain procedures
and take the right vitamins and eat

01:16:14.545 --> 01:16:18.705
the right food and get enough sleep and
exercise and buy the right breast pump

01:16:18.845 --> 01:16:19.985
or nursing pads.

01:16:20.365 --> 01:16:25.345
All that stuff that we have
to have around us to make it

01:16:25.545 --> 01:16:28.985
possible to produce what
we then call liquid gold.

01:16:29.675 --> 01:16:33.885
Everything that we do makes it
sound really hard and really

01:16:35.005 --> 01:16:36.965
precious. And that's what
I call a scarcity model.

01:16:37.125 --> 01:16:41.645
I think that we've given ourselves
this impression that milk is scarce

01:16:42.305 --> 01:16:45.245
and that if we get it's really
precious that we can't waste it,

01:16:45.245 --> 01:16:50.245
that we have to treat it with a great
degree of reverence that's so special and

01:16:50.245 --> 01:16:52.005
we have to be incredibly careful about it.

01:16:52.005 --> 01:16:55.085
And mothers have to be very pure to
produce the perfect milk for their baby.

01:16:55.505 --> 01:17:00.205
And that has led us to forget that
we have a capacity, produce milk,

01:17:00.705 --> 01:17:03.725
and in other cultures, I think
if there are difficulties,

01:17:03.725 --> 01:17:07.125
say a mother is unfortunate enough not
to be able to produce enough milk or

01:17:07.125 --> 01:17:08.525
she's sick, or perhaps she dies,

01:17:08.925 --> 01:17:12.365
there'll be someone else in the family
or even her own mother who will take over

01:17:13.465 --> 01:17:16.525
and she may have not lactated for
years, but she will lactate again.

01:17:16.945 --> 01:17:18.885
And that's what I call a pude muddle.

01:17:19.155 --> 01:17:22.845
It's an idea of abundance around
breast milk that we've lost.

01:17:29.515 --> 01:17:32.125
This is what I posted in August.

01:17:32.705 --> 01:17:36.245
My husband and I just adopted a baby
girl in Nyan on nearly a month old,

01:17:36.245 --> 01:17:39.525
and we're hoping to find someone
local, willing to donate breast milk.

01:17:40.485 --> 01:17:44.565
A lot of people are really willing and

01:17:45.475 --> 01:17:49.285
kind enough to make donations
when they have milk available,

01:17:49.585 --> 01:17:51.925
but it is kind of hard to find someone

01:17:53.465 --> 01:17:58.285
who is producing enough to
feed their own child and donate

01:17:58.505 --> 01:18:00.245
on a regular basis to another child.

01:18:01.065 --> 01:18:05.365
And I didn't realize it would be
so hard to find someone to do that.

01:18:08.845 --> 01:18:09.825
Do they know I'm black?

01:18:14.125 --> 01:18:16.185
Hi. Hi, how are you? Hello,

01:18:16.365 --> 01:18:21.105
I'm Lindsay to meet you and
this is Maria. Hi Maria.

01:18:23.025 --> 01:18:27.105
I just assumed they're a white
couple with a white adopted baby.

01:18:28.625 --> 01:18:32.465
I really just assumed that. So when
they were coming in, I was just like,

01:18:32.705 --> 01:18:33.825
I wonder if they know I'm black

01:18:35.925 --> 01:18:40.585
and you want to believe that it
doesn't matter because it's just milk.

01:18:41.245 --> 01:18:42.545
But it does matter.

01:18:46.805 --> 01:18:51.425
It would be kind of naive to think that
we don't live in a society that race is

01:18:51.425 --> 01:18:55.665
not an issue. Race is always an
issue or always becomes an issue.

01:18:56.445 --> 01:18:57.278
And

01:18:59.745 --> 01:19:03.065
I don't know if it was
the case if they saw

01:19:04.645 --> 01:19:08.905
me that they would be comfortable with
taking my milk or if they will use it.

01:19:09.135 --> 01:19:14.025
What if they took it and they didn't
use it because I was black? I think that

01:19:15.665 --> 01:19:17.545
I would be naive not to think that.

01:19:18.345 --> 01:19:23.345
I feel comfortable with the women
who have donated to us because I feel

01:19:23.345 --> 01:19:28.285
like someone who's going to do that
isn't the type of person who's going

01:19:28.285 --> 01:19:30.625
to be taking drugs isn't the type. I mean,

01:19:30.625 --> 01:19:32.665
they're breastfeeding their
own baby with this milk.

01:19:32.935 --> 01:19:35.825
They're probably doing everything
that they can to be healthy.

01:19:41.565 --> 01:19:44.585
So even when things would
get stressful in my mind,

01:19:44.785 --> 01:19:47.105
I would automatically think I'm
going to ruin my breast milk.

01:19:47.705 --> 01:19:52.385
I didn't want to transfer my
tension or my stress to the

01:19:52.385 --> 01:19:54.065
baby's breast milk and give it to her.

01:19:54.565 --> 01:19:58.785
So I always try to keep it like
I'm happy it's going to be okay.

01:19:59.575 --> 01:20:04.145
Just chill. Yeah. Okay. And that's
it. Very good. Thank you so much.

01:20:04.415 --> 01:20:08.765
This is awesome. It is a
lot of milk. That's great

01:20:16.265 --> 01:20:17.098
and heavy.

01:20:22.265 --> 01:20:25.205
Now I'm going to go like
an obsess and pump again.

01:20:28.305 --> 01:20:30.165
I'm a crack theme for breast milk.

01:20:40.385 --> 01:20:41.285
In the early days,

01:20:41.525 --> 01:20:46.525
I know that the subject of male
lactation did come up in circles

01:20:46.525 --> 01:20:49.725
around us, and I think Gus brought
it up once or twice himself.

01:20:51.245 --> 01:20:55.685
I had no interest in going down that road.
Maybe I'm not as adventurous as some,

01:20:55.745 --> 01:20:56.578
but

01:20:59.425 --> 01:21:01.525
it just wasn't something I
felt the need to take on.

01:21:01.885 --> 01:21:06.645
I think Gus was maybe more into the
idea than I was. I think in a weird way,

01:21:07.285 --> 01:21:08.118
I

01:21:09.665 --> 01:21:12.805
talked about it so I could get
people to give us some milk.

01:21:14.225 --> 01:21:16.125
Gus and Jesse were both really,

01:21:17.515 --> 01:21:20.765
they just felt really bad that they
couldn't give her breast milk so much out

01:21:20.765 --> 01:21:24.125
there that says how healthy it
is. And it was kind of like,

01:21:24.125 --> 01:21:26.965
if you know anybody that has
extra breast milk, pass it over.

01:21:27.365 --> 01:21:31.925
I had all this extra milk in my freezer
and I had called someone about some kind

01:21:31.925 --> 01:21:35.205
of milk bag somewhere about
donating it to anonymously.

01:21:35.295 --> 01:21:39.165
There you had to get a whole four,
a doctor filling, need checkup,

01:21:39.165 --> 01:21:43.045
special checkup to make sure you were
all right and disease free before you

01:21:43.045 --> 01:21:46.165
could donate to this milk bank.
And I knew I was disease free.

01:21:46.205 --> 01:21:49.325
I thought it would be easier just
to give it to you. Thank you.

01:21:50.785 --> 01:21:54.325
Did Olympia, could you tell us there
was any difference in the breast.

01:21:54.495 --> 01:21:55.685
Milks in her?

01:21:55.825 --> 01:21:59.685
You were talking about that
earlier. No, but we were also saying

01:22:01.875 --> 01:22:06.845
that we never blended
formula with breast milk or

01:22:07.575 --> 01:22:09.965
mixed up different breast milks together.

01:22:11.665 --> 01:22:16.445
We were purists about it. So they
all had a different consistency.

01:22:17.435 --> 01:22:20.845
They were all different colors, different

01:22:23.315 --> 01:22:26.205
thicknesses of it just was like,

01:22:26.705 --> 01:22:28.485
it didn't seem right to mix them.

01:22:29.265 --> 01:22:33.965
In some ways it's about nutrition
and it's about the antibodies

01:22:34.185 --> 01:22:38.805
and all of that, but in another way,
and maybe even in a more important way,

01:22:38.805 --> 01:22:40.805
for us it was just about

01:22:47.475 --> 01:22:52.135
the community and the support that we
had from all of you as we were becoming

01:22:52.135 --> 01:22:53.935
parents. It was really nice.

01:22:57.795 --> 01:23:00.575
Deanna is my friend right now.

01:23:00.835 --> 01:23:04.215
She seems to be having problems
with him staying on the breast.

01:24:34.485 --> 01:24:36.765
I needed so much to feel
like I tried everything.

01:24:37.785 --> 01:24:39.605
And we did it for a really long time.

01:24:40.045 --> 01:24:42.925
I think I was still pumping at
six months and still trying.

01:24:42.985 --> 01:24:47.885
And I think I finally was at seven
or close to eight months when

01:24:48.505 --> 01:24:50.485
he just stopped taking
to the breast at all

01:24:52.035 --> 01:24:53.815
to invest so much and to fail

01:24:55.615 --> 01:24:58.655
failures as a mother.

01:24:59.115 --> 01:25:02.855
Now that's not true on all other aspects,

01:25:02.915 --> 01:25:07.815
but when it comes to that and
it's that little thing that I

01:25:07.815 --> 01:25:10.775
keep with me that every once
in a while gets a tinge.

01:25:11.355 --> 01:25:16.255
We started to supplement
a little bit with a,

01:25:16.435 --> 01:25:19.895
it was an organic cow's milk formula

01:25:21.915 --> 01:25:24.935
at about, I think it
was about five months.

01:25:27.685 --> 01:25:28.518
And

01:25:29.525 --> 01:25:33.505
it was really something that I think my
husband felt more comfortable with than

01:25:33.585 --> 01:25:36.265
I did. But since he was
staying home full time,

01:25:36.985 --> 01:25:41.105
I decided to go ahead and
say okay to that because

01:25:41.985 --> 01:25:46.505
I really couldn't pump enough to, I mean,

01:25:46.645 --> 01:25:49.065
he felt that I wasn't pumping
enough, that she was hungry.

01:25:53.375 --> 01:25:54.165
When.

01:25:54.165 --> 01:25:54.998
See you nursing.

01:25:55.395 --> 01:25:56.665
Especially after you.

01:25:56.665 --> 01:25:58.825
Reach a certain point, people who don't.

01:25:58.825 --> 01:26:03.165
Understand the experience, they'll say
You're still nursing her. You like it?

01:26:04.035 --> 01:26:07.485
What do you mean? I like it. I've kind
of looked at people like, you're sick.

01:26:08.925 --> 01:26:12.325
I am feeding my baby. Are you
retarded? That's my response.

01:26:12.945 --> 01:26:17.365
Not like, yeah, I like it. So what?
No, I feel like I have to defend it.

01:26:17.955 --> 01:26:20.885
It's not sexual idiot.
I am feeding my baby.

01:26:23.785 --> 01:26:26.925
She preferred breast milk to formula,
but there just wasn't enough.

01:26:28.405 --> 01:26:29.445
I wasn't producing enough.

01:26:31.445 --> 01:26:35.485
I think that there are women who
are very successful at being able to

01:26:36.115 --> 01:26:40.845
exclusively breastfeed their children
while holding down a full-time job.

01:26:41.305 --> 01:26:43.125
But I don't think that
everybody can do it.

01:26:43.545 --> 01:26:47.125
And I don't think that we should beat
ourselves up for not being able to do it

01:26:47.125 --> 01:26:47.958
all.

01:26:48.465 --> 01:26:51.885
We as a culture in the United
States have decided that

01:26:53.665 --> 01:26:53.865
publicly,

01:26:53.865 --> 01:26:57.225
that making mothers feel guilty about
their infant feeding methods is wrong.

01:26:58.365 --> 01:27:01.945
But we are also a culture that has not

01:27:04.075 --> 01:27:09.045
made it easy for women to be successful
in some of their infant feeding

01:27:09.045 --> 01:27:11.245
choices. And so instead of
actually making changes,

01:27:11.385 --> 01:27:14.925
we talk about guilt and we talk
about how much we care about mothers.

01:27:15.105 --> 01:27:16.245
We don't want them to feel guilty.

01:27:16.585 --> 01:27:19.485
We don't care enough about
them to actually do things,

01:27:19.545 --> 01:27:22.925
to change the possibilities
in their experiences.

01:27:23.705 --> 01:27:28.285
So guilt operates as this
rhetoric that forestalls change.

01:27:30.185 --> 01:27:33.605
And it makes it seem like anybody who
talks about guilt really cares a lot about

01:27:33.605 --> 01:27:35.645
mothers and a lie.

01:27:36.245 --> 01:27:40.165
I think it's a discourse
that serves this sort of

01:27:40.965 --> 01:27:41.785
rhetorical function,

01:27:41.785 --> 01:27:46.765
but behind it is this very
insidious maintenance of a status

01:27:46.865 --> 01:27:50.685
quo that is not good for women and
that in fact makes them feel bad about

01:27:50.685 --> 01:27:51.518
themselves.

01:27:53.985 --> 01:27:57.565
So if instead of sort of worrying
about whether mothers feel guilty,

01:27:58.025 --> 01:27:59.765
we actually made changes to the culture.

01:27:59.905 --> 01:28:04.645
So mothers would be more likely to be
successful in the behaviors that they're

01:28:04.645 --> 01:28:07.245
being advised to engage as mothers.

01:28:08.525 --> 01:28:11.485
I think life would be a
lot better for a lot of us.

01:28:13.915 --> 01:28:18.905
Maybe I'll just make a two
egg for me. Good snack.

01:28:20.455 --> 01:28:24.105
Yeah. Are you going to
eat it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

01:28:24.885 --> 01:28:28.625
You can go ahead and eat it. Milk

01:28:33.015 --> 01:28:36.905
good. A little bit more milky.
Do you want to help me mix?

01:28:39.255 --> 01:28:44.145
Yeah. Okay. But remember to be
careful when you're mixing. Okay.

01:28:49.325 --> 01:28:50.158
Thanks bud.

01:28:56.885 --> 01:28:58.985
But you're hungry, aren't you, mommy?

01:28:59.075 --> 01:29:02.765
She's going to fix herself
an omelet and then we can

01:29:07.755 --> 01:29:09.005
more like a scramble.

01:29:19.495 --> 01:29:23.225
I want milk. My milk. I want milk.

01:29:24.545 --> 01:29:28.295
I love my milk. I milky. Milky.

01:29:33.615 --> 01:29:34.448
I

01:29:39.085 --> 01:29:39.918
milk.

01:29:54.195 --> 01:29:57.855
Rufuss is a tit man sucking on his
mama's gland sucking on a nipple.

01:29:57.855 --> 01:29:59.375
It's sweeter than a ribble. Why?

01:30:03.125 --> 01:30:04.575
Yeah. Sweeter than a wine.

01:30:08.915 --> 01:30:11.775
You can tell by the way the boy
burps it. It's got to taste fine.

01:30:16.895 --> 01:30:19.255
P created the spice of silk and
rufuss created the mama's milk.

01:30:19.255 --> 01:30:22.695
And no more count on anti goat is going
to get the baby's vote. Come on mama.

01:30:25.245 --> 01:30:26.855
Come on and open up your shirt.

01:30:31.785 --> 01:30:34.485
You got the goods mama. Give
the little boy a square.

01:30:38.945 --> 01:30:41.525
For my lungs and from my
liver, I do definitely fear.

01:30:41.645 --> 01:30:44.325
I like to suck on cigarettes
and drink the wine and the beer.

01:30:44.905 --> 01:30:46.445
The doctor says I'm oral.

01:30:50.425 --> 01:30:54.025
I believe it's true. I believe it's true.

01:30:56.875 --> 01:30:59.185
Sonya looks so satisfied. I un to you.

01:31:01.005 --> 01:31:03.665
So put Rufus on the left one
and put me right on the right.

01:31:03.685 --> 01:31:07.465
And like Romulus and Remus will
suck all night. Come on mama.

01:31:09.775 --> 01:31:11.585
Come on. And lactate. Why?

01:31:16.295 --> 01:31:18.545
Look down on us mama. And flash us on

01:31:39.105 --> 01:31:39.625
us Mama.