Never Coming Home
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
In 2004, audio producer Zac Barr and photojournalist Andrew Lichtenstein traveled throughout the country meeting the families of some of the thousands of men that died in the Iraq war. This film s an intimate, tactile picture of what they found.
Citation
Main credits
Barr, Zac (filmmaker)
Barr, Zac (interviewer)
Lichtenstein, Andrew (filmmaker)
Lichtenstein, Andrew (photographer)
Klimowicz, Tim (filmmaker)
Storm, Brian (film producer)
Maierson, Eric (film producer)
Other credits
Photography by Andrew Lichtenstein.
Distributor subjects
African American Studies, American Studies, U.S. history, Iraq, War, grief and recovery, family issues, military; Expository; WOKeywords
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I\'m Irving Spry. Nicholas Spry is my son.
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When he left here,
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he left Fort Bragg on Sunday night at 9 o\'clock.
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And they stop over in Spain and then they fly on in to Baghdad.
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Baghdad\'s a war zone.
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When they hit the tarmac they were loading their weapons.
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He was in country two days and they got in their first firefight
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and he killed three people.
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There\'s days when there was a bombing on TV
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and you\'d go to work and you\'d wonder all day.
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That night you\'d get home and turn the news on
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and find out it was from another outfit.
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So the first thing you feel is relief
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that it wasn\'t you.
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Then, the next instant you feel the same gut feeling that
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someone else\'s family is going to get the news, you know?
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My name is Beverly Fabri. I\'m Nick Spry\'s mom.
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I mean, he was only eight months out of high school.
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The day he left for Fort Bragg
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was the first time he had ever driven over the Bay Bridge.
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He\'s very proud yet very ashamed of what he was doing.
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He knew he was going to do right,
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but he couldn\'t get past his mind that killing was wrong.
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A car pulled up in front of our house at 11:15 at night
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on Valentine\'s Day.
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We were just getting ready to go to bed.
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And about that time they walked into the porch light
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and I saw a man in his dress uniform.
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I didn\'t say anything to him.
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I just turned around and walked in the house
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and I told my husband and Nick\'s girlfriend.
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I said, Nick\'s dead.
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He\'s been killed.
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Tried to tell us what happened and that was it.
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He was 538.
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Number will be burned in your head forever.
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Every time I go to his gravesite, something new is added.
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The day after the prom,
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there were several corsages, boutonnieres,
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because I know that\'s where they went after the prom.
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They went to his grave.
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had a bad feeling before he left
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that he didn\'t realize how bad it was going to be.
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If he\'d gotten back alive
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he never would be the same person anyway, obviously,
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because of what he\'d seen, what he\'d already done.
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When I was down in Fort Bragg the day he left,
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he and I went for a little walk.
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I told him, I did.
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I knew in my heart
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He was too gung-ho to do a good job.
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And I came home and started planning his funeral.
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I had all his songs planned out.
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I knew where I wanted him buried.
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But until I said it out loud
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to Nick\'s Dad,
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but when I said it, he said that he had the same feeling.
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He knew he wasn\'t coming home.
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I used to always ask him, when we gonna get married?
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Yo\' man, you know, calm down, sooner or later.
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Because you know he was in Iraq at that time.
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Then he\'s like, you know, I\'ve been thinking
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about a lot with us.
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And from the tone of the voice and just those little words,
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I already knew it was coming.
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And he was like I don\'t have long to talk so
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I basically just called to ask you that.
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I was like, Yes I will, I will, OK!
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He was a responsible kid.
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And he always told me when he was young that
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he was going to take care of me. You know, he was...
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Now I\'m about to cry.
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He always told me that he was going to take care of me and
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no matter what I was going to be alright in life.
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He was telling me he had to go to Iraq
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and I was telling him to tell them that he was the only son,
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that he couldn\'t go.
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But he told me he signed up and he had to go.
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And he said, but don\'t worry about it. It\'s going to be alright
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When he left it took about three months
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before I heard from him.
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I called everybody.
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And they told me if nobody came to my door
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everything was going to be alright.
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And then when they came to my door
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I was here by myself.
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It was the worst feeling of my life.
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Sergeant came to the door. And he asked for me.
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And I said, No, you\'re not here to tell me nothing.
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And he said, Can I come in? I said, No.
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Nothing happen to my son, did it?
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And he asked me to come in. He kept asking so I said, Yeah.
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And then once he got in he told me something happened.
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I was like, No he\'s just hurt. He\'s not dead.
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I told him to go home and
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ome back tomorrow and tell me that everything is OK,
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but you got the wrong person.
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\'Cause it\'s not his time. It wasn\'t his time.
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The hardest time is
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like if I see, you know, somebody with their kids,
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or when we have family functions
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and you know I see all my family members with their kids
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its kind of hard.
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I don\'t like looking at the news \'cause it\'s hard, too.
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\'Cause I get so upset.
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I\'m like why don\'t you just want to bring our kids home?
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You know it\'s too many kids dying.
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And I get so hurt because I can\'t make another son.
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He was one of those kids that, it\'s like everybody
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wished they had a kid like him.
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Mannerable, respectful, never got in trouble.
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And he enjoyed life. He enjoyed life.
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So I\'m angry because that was my buddy.
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And every time I get depressed, and when I talk to him I\'m OK.
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\'Cause he was always the one that said,
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OK. Mom, it\'s going to be alright.
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No matter what it was
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he would always be the one to calm me down.
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But now it\'s just me, my husband and my daughter.
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I\'m Pat Mracek.
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I\'m the mom of Sergeant Cory Ryan Mracek.
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I watch the news a lot.
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And the Saturday before this happened they
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said that three from the 82nd had been killed.
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I was pretty much teary all day.
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And so, on Tuesday
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I hadn\'t heard
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that there was three more that were killed.
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And I was working my second job at the nursing home.
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And about that time the policeman walks in the door
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and I just knew.
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A couple of the people from the nursing home
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offered to drive me home but I just wanted to be alone.
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\'Cause in the back of my mind I kept thinking
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maybe it\'s not so bad.
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He just felt that that\'s what he\'d been trained for
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and that\'s what he needed to do.
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He was a soldier and
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we really need to take care of these things.
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\'Cause he said that if we don\'t get \'em
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over there, they\'re gonna get us here.
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We need to stop it and I need to help.
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Exactly what he thought.
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We sat out in the living room one day and I said I know
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you don\'t want to talk about this, but we need to.
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He just said, Oh, mom. Nothing is gonna happen.
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Just asked him if something did happen what
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he would want us to do.
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There\'s any special songs or anything.
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He just said he\'d like to be buried at Arlington and
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he didn\'t want the VFW guys there.
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He wanted his own Airborne guys to come.
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That was it.
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They had time to move those weapons.
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And gosh, they have so much sand over there
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if they buried them in the sand and
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and the sandstorm changed the scenery,
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they might not even know where the\'re at.
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But I think they\'re going to find something.
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I believe they will.
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And if they don\'t sometimes you just need to believe that
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ou\'re not going to see everything in life.
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You just need to believe sometimes.
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There are a lot of smart people in the United States
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and they weren\'t all wrong.
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I don\'t care if they found them or not,
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they\'re not all wrong.
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And even that prison abuse thing.
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I mean, My god they,
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they did things to \'em, but they didn\'t really
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abuse them, you know?
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I wish my son had been at that prison and he\'d just had
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underwear over his head or whatever it was,
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cause he\'d be coming home.
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His things came home and I, I should
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give them away or do something with them,
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but I just keep thinking
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he\'s gonna come home someday and want \'em.
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And he\'s not.
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When he would call me when he was in Iraq,
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I\'d always tell him how proud I was of him.
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I was proud to be his mom. I was proud of the man he became.
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He said, Mama, promise me you\'ll never let
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my little brothers and my little sisters go.
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He said, That\'s why I\'m here doing this
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so my little brothers and my sisters won\'t see this firsthand.
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He said, I\'m doing it.
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I promised him I wouldn\'t let them go.
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Two days before I got the message that he passed away
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I felt something was wrong, I could feel it.
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I begin to pray,
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Lord whatever it is he\'s going through right now,
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watch over him and keep him safe.
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It was just a feeling way down deep
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that you know something is wrong somewhere and
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that you know something is wrong somewhere and
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Four doors opened in unison and four officers stepped out,
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I said what\'s the matter? Where\'s my baby?
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Master Sergeant looked at me, he said,
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We\'re here to tell you your son was killed in battle this morning.
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I knew when I seen him what was the matter.
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They told me that he was advancing on this farmhouse,
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and one Marine went in and went down,
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another went in and went down.
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When Josh seen that second man go down,
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they said that he ran from the group
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and drew fire towards him so the wounded could get out.
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Then, the gunfire stopped.
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They got the wounded out but my son lost his life.
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The day of his funeral was the saddest day of my life.
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I\'ll never get to hear him say mom again.
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It\'s made me hate a country I know nothing about.
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The constant heartache that nobody
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can say or do anything to make me feel any better.
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And I know he\'s in God\'s hands now.
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And that doesn\'t ease the pain,
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the loneliness.
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I ain\'t got over and I don\'t know if I\'ll ever get over it.
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I heard the ship that he was on is due back in tomorrow.
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It should be a happy time for us
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We should be excited \'cause he should be coming home.
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I was really shocked that he made it through boot camp.
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Being as gentle and as quiet as he was.
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He was very sensitive.
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And after 9/11, he decided he wanted toa
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join the Guards again.
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So he talked to me about it for quite a while one day.
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He ended up as a tank mechanic.
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He found that quite interesting.
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He cherishes his family and he loves his kids.
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And it was hard for him to leave them.
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I think the hardest thing over there was all of the little kids
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that were in there begging for water and food
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and they couldn\'t do anything about it.
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They couldn\'t stop. That really bothered him.
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He wouldn\'t tell us a lot in detail what it was like over there
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because he said he didn\'t want to worry
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his mother and his wife.
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Last time I talked to him, we were painting his house.
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And he just said, I love you and
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I told him I loved him, too, and to
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see him later.
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Because he was saying he\'d be home in December.
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I was at work. Out in the shop.
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And one of the guys come out and said,
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There\'s a couple of guys from the guards
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out in the lunchroom to see you.
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I got about halfway there and I realized what it probably was.
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And when I got in the lunchroom,
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it wasn\'t anybody I knew, so.
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And when they told me,
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it takes the wind out of you,
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and it takes the legs out from underneath you
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when you get that news.
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The whole community, they were great.
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It was amazing
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how many people would stop by to say hi
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or bring something down.
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I miss him.
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But, he\'ll always be in my heart.
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In my memories.
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And I am very proud of him.
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Very proud of him.
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I\'m Peter Dooley. I\'m Mark\'s father.
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My name is Marianne Dooley.
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Mark was our son that was killed in Iraq.
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Very young Mark believed that
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right and wrong was important.
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He always had
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a strong value that whatever you do for one person,
00:13:45.300 --> 00:13:47.670
it should be fair for all people.
00:13:47.670 --> 00:13:50.767
I believe that Mark took his values with him
00:13:50.767 --> 00:13:52.234
definitely in to the war.
00:13:53.133 --> 00:13:56.000
He felt he was keeping the terrorists from our country,
00:13:56.000 --> 00:13:57.767
from the other countries around the world
00:13:57.767 --> 00:13:59.734
and from harming the people from where they were.
00:13:59.734 --> 00:14:03.100
The explosion that killed Mark occurred instantly.
00:14:03.100 --> 00:14:05.534
One second he was here on Earth
00:14:05.534 --> 00:14:07.467
and the next minute with God.
00:14:07.467 --> 00:14:09.501
I\'m sure looking down from heaven
00:14:09.501 --> 00:14:10.634
he would just swell with pride
00:14:11.601 --> 00:14:14.100
at all the people out there who knew him and loved him
00:14:14.534 --> 00:14:18.300
and honored him and what he tried to achieve.
00:14:18.300 --> 00:14:20.901
We had come back from the funeral
00:14:20.901 --> 00:14:23.601
and we had just returned on a Monday night
00:14:23.601 --> 00:14:25.400
and I played the messages on the machine
00:14:25.400 --> 00:14:27.670
and this one was the first one I came across.
00:14:27.670 --> 00:14:31.434
Saturday, 5:08 p.m.
00:14:31.434 --> 00:14:32.701
Hey, guys. It\'s me.
00:14:32.701 --> 00:14:34.868
Sorry I missed you. Not home.
00:14:34.868 --> 00:14:36.167
It\'s a quarter-after-one here
00:14:36.167 --> 00:14:39.000
so I don\'t know what time it is there, but...
00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:40.100
Anyways, just calling to say hello
00:14:40.100 --> 00:14:42.670
and see how things are going.
00:14:42.670 --> 00:14:42.901
Things are going good.
00:14:42.901 --> 00:14:43.701
Boys are well.
00:14:43.701 --> 00:14:44.934
Anyways, love you both
00:14:44.934 --> 00:14:46.567
and I\'ll call you again soon.
00:14:46.567 --> 00:14:48.534
OK, bye.
00:14:51.670 --> 00:14:53.701
Mark wrote a letter called \"In My Absence\"
00:14:53.701 --> 00:14:55.968
and he said that should he not return,
00:14:55.968 --> 00:14:58.434
this would be what we were to open.
00:14:58.434 --> 00:15:00.267
Mom,
00:15:00.267 --> 00:15:04.300
I have no delusions that reading or even hearing this letter
00:15:04.300 --> 00:15:06.601
can fill my absence.
00:15:06.601 --> 00:15:09.300
Please forgive me for not being able to be there,
00:15:09.300 --> 00:15:11.200
but also remember my leaving
00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:13.634
was in the service of something that we loved.
00:15:13.634 --> 00:15:16.734
Don\'t be angry or let sadness dominate your heart.
00:15:16.734 --> 00:15:17.701
Be proud.
00:15:18.334 --> 00:15:21.701
Time will ease the pain and the best way to pay respect
00:15:21.701 --> 00:15:24.100
is to value why a sacrifice was made.
00:15:24.767 --> 00:15:25.834
My last request
00:15:25.834 --> 00:15:28.801
is that you continue to live fulfilling, happy lives
00:15:28.801 --> 00:15:31.300
with God\'s hands holding you safely.
00:15:31.300 --> 00:15:34.300
I will see you all in God\'s perfect time.
00:15:34.300 --> 00:15:37.801
With loving affection and endearment, Mark.
00:15:44.767 --> 00:15:47.467
I really do believe in love at first sight.
00:15:47.467 --> 00:15:49.434
I really do believe in soul mates.
00:15:49.434 --> 00:15:52.330
At a young age I experienced it.
00:15:52.330 --> 00:15:54.334
He always liked the military.
00:15:54.334 --> 00:15:55.834
Like ever since we were 18,
00:15:55.834 --> 00:15:58.300
but I always said, No, no, no, no, no.
00:15:58.300 --> 00:16:01.601
After 9/11, that\'s what really pushed him.
00:16:01.601 --> 00:16:04.734
He felt like it was his duty as an American
00:16:04.734 --> 00:16:06.567
to try to do something.
00:16:06.567 --> 00:16:09.834
I still remember those two men ringing my doorbell
00:16:09.834 --> 00:16:11.400
and my mother-in-law looked out the window
00:16:11.400 --> 00:16:11.767
and she said
00:16:11.767 --> 00:16:14.701
there\'s two guys in military uniforms
00:16:14.701 --> 00:16:17.330
outside asking for you.
00:16:17.330 --> 00:16:19.300
When I go answer the door and I see the guys\' eyes
00:16:19.300 --> 00:16:21.133
I never forget them.
00:16:21.133 --> 00:16:22.534
I remember telling him,
00:16:22.534 --> 00:16:23.501
please just tell me that he\'s hurt.
00:16:25.670 --> 00:16:26.901
Please don\'t tell me.
00:16:26.901 --> 00:16:29.200
It\'s like no tears came out.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:31.467
And I was just in like in a state of shock.
00:16:31.467 --> 00:16:33.670
I kept on screaming,
00:16:33.670 --> 00:16:35.167
why did they take him from me?
00:16:35.167 --> 00:16:36.767
Why is this happening to me?
00:16:36.767 --> 00:16:39.133
I kept on screaming it on and on.
00:16:39.133 --> 00:16:41.133
And I remember that night I just
00:16:41.133 --> 00:16:44.968
couldn\'t sleep cause I looked at the side of my bed
00:16:44.968 --> 00:16:47.434
and it felt so empty his side.
00:16:48.400 --> 00:16:50.767
I never thought I would be a single mom
00:16:51.133 --> 00:16:53.801
and now I\'m have to like raise my,
00:16:53.801 --> 00:16:56.901
my sons, you know, Manny and Marcus, all alone
00:16:56.901 --> 00:16:58.834
and that hurts me so much.
00:16:58.834 --> 00:17:02.501
And I know that\'s something that he never wanted for his boys
00:17:02.501 --> 00:17:06.968
because he was raised in a single mom environment.
00:17:06.968 --> 00:17:08.701
He wanted to be there, you know,
00:17:08.701 --> 00:17:12.400
for graduations and birthdays and holidays.
00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:15.901
Now, I\'m going to have to experience that all on my own.
00:17:15.901 --> 00:17:20.670
My four-year-old, he comes and he tells me, Mom,
00:17:20.670 --> 00:17:23.330
Daddy\'s in heaven, he\'s gone.
00:17:23.330 --> 00:17:24.667
He was like, do you still love Daddy?
00:17:24.667 --> 00:17:26.601
And I said always. He goes,
00:17:26.601 --> 00:17:28.000
I love him too.
00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:32.400
As a parent, you wish you could give your boys everything.
00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:34.868
And sometimes I wish so much I could just
00:17:34.868 --> 00:17:36.767
bring their father back.
00:17:36.767 --> 00:17:38.767
Right now it\'s so hard cause I have to
00:17:38.767 --> 00:17:40.968
deal with the reality that
00:17:40.968 --> 00:17:43.767
I\'ll never ever, ever see him again.