With You, With You and Without Me

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Amaya revisits four love relationships that have defined her life over the past 20 years, from her first romance at 18 to her present at 38. Grappling with her desire to become a mother, she crafts an audiovisual letter to her future children, weaving together memories that trace the phases of love and the challenges of long-distance relationships, where hope meets frustration and guilt.

Blending documentary footage with expressive animation, the film seamlessly merges the real and the intimate with the creative and symbolic. While personal, Amaya’s journey also resonates broadly, offering an anthropological and political perspective on the evolving role of women in intimate relationships.

Nominated for the 2024 Goya Award, With You, With You and Without Me is a poignant exploration of love, identity, and change is a masterfully crafted work, enriched by its use of animation and personal archives, delivering a heartfelt reflection on the collisions of dreams and realities over time.

“Amaya Villar Navascués, the pleasant surprise of the Goya Awards 2024.” — Carla Rogel, Forbes

“A deeply personal female gaze that vindicates the right to defend individuality, to make mistakes, to forgive oneself.” — Esther Molina, Forbes List of the 100 most creative people in Spain

“A film so meta-cinematic and original that the terms to define it are too narrow.” — Gerardo Sánchez (director of Días de Cine) for Madrid for Goya 2024

“A journey into the past and a letter to the future.” — Rut de las Heras Bretín, El País

“The end of love may be the beginning of cinema.” — Arturo Tena, Cine con Ñ

“It's beautiful, it's sad, it's funny, it's exciting, it's hard... It's life made cinema.” — Cinéfilo de Andar por Casa

“A liberating treatise on love.” — Alejandro Ávila, Filmand

“Amaya Villar Navascués: between film editions and emotions, an authentic journey through cinema.” — Nerea Fernández, Desarte Magazine

“An amazing journey through the four love relationships that have defined the protagonist's life.” — Genís Benavent, La Batcueva Show

“A story that touches the heart, that moves to the very depths. Told with a lot of truth, in a very personal way.” — Eva de Iscar (Hada), Directors in the Zoco (Cines Zoco Majadahonda)

“Defining With you, with you and without me is difficult because in a certain way it boxes it in, it limits the artistic project to a label: it is a documentary about affective relationships; it is a narrative montage of real and intimate life experiences over 20 years of life; and it is also a drama about the discourses of oppression that underlie the affective and personal terrain (which is always, effectively, political) of a woman.” — Francesc Miró, Kinótiko

“An interesting and original documentary about love relationships.” — Carmelo Gimeno, Cinemagavia

“The best thing about ‘With You, With You and Without Me’ is the imagination when it comes to creating the scenes, the editing itself.” — Carmelo Gimeno, Cinemagavia

A MARC record for this title is not available yet.

Keywords

With You, With You and Without Me,Contigo,contigo y sin mi,Amaya Villar,Amaya Villar Navascués,@vilnamay ,impronta films,morgan_musica,documentary,animation,women filmakers,diary,love,gender equality,youth,women,couples,movies about movies,first love,psychology,relationships,romance,sexuality,loneliness,travels,Cuba,Spain,Madrid,Italy,Portugal,Panama,Vietnam, academia de cine,Goya awards,Forbeslist,residencias academia de cine,documental,animación,cine dirigido por mujeres,diario,amor,igualdad de género,juventud,mujer,parejas,películas sobre cine,primer amor,psicología,relaciones,romance,sexualidad,soledad,viajes,EspañaItalia,academiadecine,premios goya,forbes_es,residenciasacademiadecine,withyouwithyouandwithoutme,contigocontigoysinmí,conteconteesenzadime,contigocontigoesemmim,amayavillarnavascués,culture,identity,identity politics,culture wars,left wing,right wing,intersectionality,identity groups,civilization,literacy,humanism,cancel culture,online culture,cultural revolution,cultural diffusion,culture shock,popular culture,pop culture,material culture,cultural capital,cultural assimilation ,women,womanhood,gender,girl,girlhood,mother,motherhood,female,cis woman,cis female,trans woman,trans female,women’s rights,women’s issues,lady,ladies,gentlewoman,madame,miss,missus,mrs.,dame,damsel,ingenue,lass,maid,maiden,belle,gal,ladyfriend,girlfriend,dear,darling,widow,matron,dowager,gender,gender equality,gender pay gap,women’s liberation,women’s rights,child,children,childhood,kid,girl,girlhood,boy,boyhood,teen,teenager,puberty,adolescence,adolescent,coming-of-age,minor,kiddo,kids,juvenile,stripling,moppet,tyke,tween,tot,toddler,sonny,girlie,underaged,dependent,youngster,infancy,babyhood,girlhood,boyhood,friendships,juvenescence,juvenility,springtime,early life,gender,sexuality,gender roles,gender identity,sexual orientation,gender equality,gender pronouns,gender studies,gender spectrum,gender norms,gender roles,gender stereotypes,sexual selection,sexualization,sexual awakening,puberty,pubescence,sociology,anthropology,psychology,sociological,sociological perspectives,conflict theory,human conflicts,sociological thinking,conflict perspective,topics in sociology,sociology topics,sociology studies,social studies,people and cultures,human relations,human relationships,cultural studies,culture studies,biography,autobiography,biopic,memoir,life history,bio,biographer,biographical,personal account,personal history,diary,personal narrative,sketch,profile,personal letters,letters,journal,personal record,cinema studies,film studies,cinema,film,movies,motion pictures,film history,film production,film criticism,cinema history,cinema production,cinema criticism,movie history,movie production,movie criticism,history of cinema,history of film,education,school,pedagogy,schooling,elementary education,secondary education,upper education,advanced education,education gap,learning,schooling,university,college,degrees,high school,middle school,junior high school,public school,private school,independent school,elementary school,schooling,school policy,educational equity,migration studies,migrant studies,immigration studies,refugee studies,diaspora studies,resettlement studies,settlement studies,migration,migrant,immigration,refugee,diaspora,resettlement,settlement,refugees,international migration,continental migration,resettling,settlers,settler,migrant,migrant studies,first generation immigrant,first generation immigration,new americans,new spaniards; "With You, With You and Without Me"; Pragda Films

00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:16.375
- Hello

00:00:16.625 --> 00:00:21.000
Hi, you just sent me the results of the blood tests
for ovarian reserve and...

00:00:21.541 --> 00:00:22.833
it is very low, isn't it?

00:00:22.958 --> 00:00:24.875
-You are Amaya Villar. Right?
- Yes.

00:00:25.875 --> 00:00:27.500
Hmmm... Well,

00:00:28.208 --> 00:00:29.791
I don't want to worry you, but... yes,

00:00:30.541 --> 00:00:32.208
This number is quite low.

00:00:33.125 --> 00:00:35.666
If you want to have children,
you have to hurry up.

00:00:38.458 --> 00:00:39.250
Mmm, ok.

00:00:39.250 --> 00:00:40.583
Thank you very much.

00:00:49.125 --> 00:00:51.333
Dear Yara, dear Luca,

00:00:51.333 --> 00:00:55.333
I need to tell you this story
that covers the latest 20 years of my life.

00:01:18.708 --> 00:01:21.708
I hope this letter will be useful
as a compass in your relationships.

00:01:23.208 --> 00:01:28.333
Perhaps, knowing my stumbles
will help you to avoid the abyss I felt.

00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:44.041
Dear Yara,
dear Luca,

00:01:45.291 --> 00:01:46.708
I hope to meet you soon.

00:01:48.833 --> 00:01:50.625
In the meantime, I´ll introduce myself.

00:01:51.916 --> 00:01:55.083
Tagging memories is easy.
But what labels do I have?

00:01:56.125 --> 00:01:58.000
My name?
Or those I almost had?

00:02:01.791 --> 00:02:04.166
My city?
Or the countries that changed my life?

00:02:10.166 --> 00:02:12.875
The adjectives I accept,
or the ones I hate to hear?

00:02:22.083 --> 00:02:22.916
What I promised...

00:02:25.291 --> 00:02:26.875
or what really happened?

00:02:30.458 --> 00:02:31.916
The objects we gave each other...

00:02:33.791 --> 00:02:35.166
Or those that came back to me?

00:02:48.791 --> 00:02:51.750
Today in the programme we are going
to touch on a topic...

00:02:52.125 --> 00:02:53.625
"Love".

00:02:53.625 --> 00:02:55.291
What is this thing called love?

00:02:55.291 --> 00:02:58.708
Family love seems to be clear to us.

00:02:58.708 --> 00:03:01.125
But what about the other one?

00:03:02.875 --> 00:03:05.208
Let Amaya talk
to grandpa a little bit.

00:03:06.875 --> 00:03:09.708
- Talk to grandpa.
- Yes, eh, eh, eh, eh...

00:03:17.583 --> 00:03:18.333
Be quiet...

00:03:18.916 --> 00:03:20.041
- What's your name?

00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:22.125
- Amaya.

00:03:22.291 --> 00:03:24.041
- How old are you now?

00:03:24.166 --> 00:03:24.791
- Three!

00:03:24.875 --> 00:03:26.916
That is me when I was three.

00:03:27.083 --> 00:03:28.791
And this is me today,

00:03:28.791 --> 00:03:30.583
35 years later.

00:03:32.666 --> 00:03:34.708
Tell grandpa a little something.

00:03:35.666 --> 00:03:37.958
- Say that you got a lot of presents
from the Three Wise Kings.

00:03:38.083 --> 00:03:40.291
- They brought me a doll.

00:03:40.458 --> 00:03:41.750
- And "Silvia Skier"!

00:03:42.083 --> 00:03:43.083
- And now to grandma...

00:03:43.083 --> 00:03:44.541
- And "Silvia Skier".

00:03:44.958 --> 00:03:46.375
- And a scalextric for me!

00:03:46.666 --> 00:03:48.416
- And a chocolate bottle.

00:03:48.416 --> 00:03:50.125
- A bottle of rum!

00:03:50.208 --> 00:03:52.041
- And, and, and a castle!

00:03:52.375 --> 00:03:54.041
- And for me a poo!!

00:03:57.000 --> 00:04:00.416
Standing out, in a large family,
is sometimes difficult.

00:04:03.000 --> 00:04:05.333
Some people don't care, like my sister Blanca here,

00:04:05.458 --> 00:04:08.583
who thought that if she closed her eyes,
she would disappear.

00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:15.375
Decades later,
I also wanted that superpower.

00:04:16.791 --> 00:04:20.333
I always complained that
we had so few childhood images.

00:04:31.208 --> 00:04:34.916
That's why, when I met Héctor,
I loved the idea of him recording everything.

00:04:35.958 --> 00:04:38.291
His father played with him
to make films.

00:04:38.583 --> 00:04:40.833
I never hit men with glasses!

00:04:52.458 --> 00:04:53.916
I'm meeting a friend,

00:04:53.916 --> 00:04:56.416
from London, a long-time friend,
who's a sweetheart.

00:04:56.416 --> 00:04:57.500
I'm filming you.

00:04:59.083 --> 00:05:00.791
Ah. Important fact.

00:05:00.791 --> 00:05:02.583
I'm always filming everything.

00:05:02.708 --> 00:05:04.916
Have you recorded everything
I told you before?

00:05:04.916 --> 00:05:06.083
- Yes.
- Then, delete it.

00:05:06.541 --> 00:05:08.541
But you can't hear anything.

00:05:08.541 --> 00:05:11.083
I do it with permission...
and without permission.

00:05:11.291 --> 00:05:13.208
- Delete it, please.
- Ok...

00:05:13.208 --> 00:05:16.500
No, because I want what I recorded before.
I will shorten it, but won´t delete it.

00:05:16.500 --> 00:05:18.583
- But what was that before? Press stop.
- No.

00:05:18.583 --> 00:05:19.833
- Press stop.
- Come here...

00:05:19.833 --> 00:05:22.333
- Press stop, damn it!

00:05:22.458 --> 00:05:25.750
I can't avoid it.
I want everything to remain.

00:05:26.750 --> 00:05:29.208
Maybe it's the influence
of my mother, a painter,

00:05:29.208 --> 00:05:32.125
who hopes that her paintings
will one day survive her.

00:05:35.250 --> 00:05:38.708
Maybe that's why my favourite flowers
are ‘live-forevers'.

00:05:40.333 --> 00:05:44.750
Frida Kahlo used to say:
"I paint flowers so that they don't die".

00:05:45.125 --> 00:05:47.875
Well, I...
film boyfriends.

00:05:47.875 --> 00:05:49.750
That's enough, isn't it?

00:05:49.750 --> 00:05:50.083
No!

00:05:55.208 --> 00:05:56.791
Who are you?
Who are you really?

00:05:57.333 --> 00:06:00.208
I am... Héctor!

00:06:01.333 --> 00:06:05.875
That was Héctor when he was seven,
and this is Héctor with 21, in 2005.

00:06:05.875 --> 00:06:07.583
This is like ‘The Wonder Years’.

00:06:07.583 --> 00:06:10.333
Later we'll make videos of this
and we'll be there.

00:06:10.458 --> 00:06:12.708
We met at my 18th birthday.

00:06:14.458 --> 00:06:15.958
And we grew up together.

00:06:48.291 --> 00:06:52.500
The first love is the most beautiful.
Without a doubt.

00:06:52.500 --> 00:06:54.250
Everything becomes first times...

00:06:54.250 --> 00:06:58.750
Everything is new, there's no burden of the past...
Just naivety and devotion.

00:07:13.958 --> 00:07:18.541
Héctor was a lot of good things for me.

00:07:18.541 --> 00:07:23.333
But I would have liked to eliminate
some others.

00:07:23.333 --> 00:07:26.166
Our relationship was a permanent wave,

00:07:26.583 --> 00:07:28.500
but I was dreaming of a calm sea,

00:07:28.791 --> 00:07:30.000
that would lead us to be...

00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:41.000
I imagined us imitating his father
with our future children.

00:07:42.958 --> 00:07:45.333
Filming everything...
I learnt it from him.

00:07:45.833 --> 00:07:47.041
He always filmed me:

00:07:47.416 --> 00:07:48.541
in good moments...

00:07:49.041 --> 00:07:50.000
- Already?
- Yeah.

00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:52.375
- OK, but show that, it' s cooler.
- Ok, ok.

00:07:55.791 --> 00:07:57.125
...and also in bad ones.

00:07:57.416 --> 00:07:59.875
Nice moment,
last day here, with Amaya.

00:07:59.875 --> 00:08:02.875
I have just told her
one very important thing.

00:08:06.958 --> 00:08:08.250
Don't get pissed off, Amaya.

00:08:08.708 --> 00:08:11.458
I don't remember that annoyance,
but I know that we had just found out

00:08:11.458 --> 00:08:14.916
that we had two different destinations
for our scholarships.

00:08:15.083 --> 00:08:19.541
And I had a strong intuition that a suitcase...
was going to separate us forever.

00:08:20.291 --> 00:08:22.416
But I didn't know that yet.

00:08:22.416 --> 00:08:25.500
Well, Italians, Erasmus...
it's the same, from all over the world.

00:08:25.500 --> 00:08:27.708
But the Italians are very attractive.

00:08:29.416 --> 00:08:31.666
- Well, there are all kinds.
- They are.

00:08:34.708 --> 00:08:38.000
Well, I'll stop now,
because it's going to hit me.

00:08:39.250 --> 00:08:40.500
A few months later

00:08:40.500 --> 00:08:41.750
we packed that suitcase

00:08:41.750 --> 00:08:42.833
and went to Italy.

00:08:43.166 --> 00:08:44.041
He went to Rome,

00:08:44.041 --> 00:08:45.125
I went to Turin.

00:08:45.291 --> 00:08:47.916
15 years later,
we talked about those times.

00:08:47.916 --> 00:08:50.416
Everything OK?
All well in the pandemic...?

00:08:50.416 --> 00:08:53.333
You're calling me to explain
all this shit to you, right?

00:08:53.333 --> 00:08:54.166
Exactly.

00:08:54.625 --> 00:08:55.333
Okay.

00:08:56.166 --> 00:08:58.833
Well, I'm already
editing the film...

00:08:58.833 --> 00:09:02.708
...and I went there thinking:
"Oh, my God..."

00:09:02.708 --> 00:09:05.250
That there is a great photo

00:09:07.083 --> 00:09:08.791
that I'm in it, you're in it...

00:09:08.791 --> 00:09:10.333
and the other guy is in it.

00:09:10.333 --> 00:09:13.458
Yes. Yes,
I know that photo.

00:09:15.500 --> 00:09:19.875
Welcome to the independent Republic
of our home.

00:09:22.875 --> 00:09:25.041
- Don't film me...
- Have you been drinking?

00:09:25.041 --> 00:09:26.208
- No.
- Really?

00:09:26.208 --> 00:09:27.250
- When?
- Today.

00:09:27.250 --> 00:09:28.666
Today I haven't.

00:09:31.041 --> 00:09:32.875
On the one hand,
Héctor...

00:09:34.083 --> 00:09:35.541
On the other,
the parties.

00:09:38.333 --> 00:09:40.333
My year was culture and study,

00:09:40.458 --> 00:09:42.625
but it was also all these things.

00:09:42.625 --> 00:09:45.083
If there had been Instagram
at that time,

00:09:45.083 --> 00:09:46.833
our hashtags would have looked
something like this:

00:10:10.375 --> 00:10:12.875
My relationship, even with distance,

00:10:13.458 --> 00:10:14.083
continued.

00:10:14.333 --> 00:10:15.750
He visited me once.

00:10:15.750 --> 00:10:17.875
I didn't have time to go to Rome.

00:10:17.875 --> 00:10:20.375
A few things happened
that started to confuse me.

00:10:23.583 --> 00:10:25.250
I'm in the photo, you are in the photo...

00:10:25.250 --> 00:10:26.625
and the other guy.

00:10:26.625 --> 00:10:27.875
This was Carlos.

00:10:27.875 --> 00:10:30.250
No, but at that time nothing had
happened between us.

00:10:30.250 --> 00:10:31.208
He was my friend.

00:10:31.500 --> 00:10:32.291
He was my friend,

00:10:32.666 --> 00:10:33.458
but one night,

00:10:34.125 --> 00:10:36.208
something happened
that marked a turning point.

00:10:37.791 --> 00:10:38.666
I wanted to ignore it,

00:10:39.291 --> 00:10:41.250
but the walls
began to speak to me,

00:10:42.500 --> 00:10:45.875
they translated the endless
questions that I had in my head.

00:10:45.875 --> 00:10:48.000
[Can I live without you?]

00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:49.833
[Are you a treasure?]

00:10:49.833 --> 00:10:51.666
[What will you be tomorrow?]

00:10:51.666 --> 00:10:53.541
[But do you love me?]

00:10:54.291 --> 00:10:57.791
So, finally, the suitcase I had packed
for Italy a few months earlier

00:10:57.791 --> 00:11:00.583
wiped out a five-year relationship.

00:11:02.125 --> 00:11:04.375
Perhaps it was inevitable.

00:11:04.375 --> 00:11:06.250
We were young.

00:11:44.208 --> 00:11:46.583
Today we will talk about
the romantic love

00:11:46.833 --> 00:11:50.250
Studies show that it only takes a few
seconds to fall in love.

00:11:50.250 --> 00:11:54.833
And that when you fall in love, your attention
is totally focused on the other person.

00:11:55.041 --> 00:11:57.250
You just want to be with that person.

00:11:57.750 --> 00:12:00.291
It seems that, from a
biological point of view,

00:12:00.291 --> 00:12:03.041
falling in love
has a Darwinian purpose:

00:12:03.041 --> 00:12:07.375
If two people are so strongly connected,
they will want to procreate.

00:12:07.375 --> 00:12:09.833
And so the species continues.

00:12:09.833 --> 00:12:11.375
Pure biology.

00:12:13.208 --> 00:12:15.000
I fell deeply in love.

00:12:16.458 --> 00:12:19.291
For once in my life,
I put nostalgia aside.

00:12:29.375 --> 00:12:32.666
One thing that touched me about Carlos
is that he was an orphan.

00:12:32.666 --> 00:12:35.208
His parents had died
when he was very young.

00:12:35.208 --> 00:12:37.875
My feeling of protection
was triggered.

00:12:41.375 --> 00:12:44.125
Videos from his childhood
moved me.

00:12:44.125 --> 00:12:46.333
In the future
I wanted a son like that.

00:12:48.041 --> 00:12:49.208
I loved the way he was:

00:12:55.208 --> 00:12:58.416
Everything seemed to fit together.
Like his Rubik's cubes.

00:12:58.791 --> 00:13:00.333
However, Carlos was....

00:13:03.916 --> 00:13:04.291
- Ready?

00:13:04.625 --> 00:13:05.083
- Yeah.

00:13:05.333 --> 00:13:06.208
- Without face.

00:13:07.291 --> 00:13:07.750
- Ok.

00:13:09.625 --> 00:13:12.750
The era of recording everything
was frustrated.

00:13:13.958 --> 00:13:16.125
So I got used to other angles.

00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:29.000
Also, in those years,
I learnt animation.

00:13:29.000 --> 00:13:32.041
That way, he could be
the main character.

00:13:41.875 --> 00:13:43.208
Well done!

00:13:43.208 --> 00:13:44.208
You have filmed my face!

00:13:44.833 --> 00:13:47.625
No more videos,
but symbols.

00:13:49.083 --> 00:13:50.083
My bracelet

00:13:50.083 --> 00:13:51.583
at times, was his.

00:13:52.416 --> 00:13:54.375
These others, ours.

00:13:55.625 --> 00:13:56.833
And we

00:13:57.541 --> 00:13:59.333
became them.

00:14:09.750 --> 00:14:11.000
The years went by.

00:14:13.708 --> 00:14:15.666
We came back here every summer.

00:14:22.416 --> 00:14:24.875
As if it were a seal of love

00:14:24.875 --> 00:14:27.625
and this was our imaginary altar.

00:14:29.458 --> 00:14:31.791
His people became mine

00:14:34.458 --> 00:14:36.875
and mine became his.

00:14:37.791 --> 00:14:40.000
I was one more in his family.

00:14:40.458 --> 00:14:42.000
I loved his sisters very much.

00:14:47.416 --> 00:14:48.875
How beautiful!!

00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:54.916
Actually I think I was
a bit more in love than he was.

00:14:57.250 --> 00:14:59.125
We had been together
for four years,

00:14:59.125 --> 00:15:02.500
and every time I proposed to move in together
he avoided the topic.

00:15:07.500 --> 00:15:12.375
But one day, when I got into his car,
he said to me: "I have something for you".

00:15:12.541 --> 00:15:15.000
It wasn't my birthday
or any special date.

00:15:15.416 --> 00:15:16.666
He gave me a box.

00:15:17.125 --> 00:15:17.833
I opened it.

00:15:17.916 --> 00:15:19.125
I didn't understand anything.

00:15:20.250 --> 00:15:21.541
A set of keys?

00:15:22.708 --> 00:15:24.291
He said: "Press".

00:15:24.291 --> 00:15:26.625
And the lights of the car in front
lit up.

00:15:34.333 --> 00:15:36.083
We weren't very materialistic.

00:15:36.291 --> 00:15:38.625
We loved handmade gifts.

00:15:40.500 --> 00:15:43.125
But with my precarious finances
at the time,

00:15:43.291 --> 00:15:45.791
I felt a huge sense of debt.

00:15:46.750 --> 00:15:49.916
But also an incredible feeling of love.

00:15:50.166 --> 00:15:53.791
This confirmed that our relationship
was becoming very solid.

00:15:57.750 --> 00:16:01.833
We believe that the best state of
human being is to be in love,

00:16:02.208 --> 00:16:05.166
but perhaps the best state
is to be calm.

00:16:05.458 --> 00:16:08.833
That full and serene balance
that security gives us.

00:16:14.250 --> 00:16:17.583
I fell in love more and more.

00:16:17.958 --> 00:16:19.416
We were in ecstasy

00:16:19.416 --> 00:16:22.916
and we thought that no one could admire
each other as much as we did.

00:16:25.166 --> 00:16:28.333
2011 was the happiest year of my life.

00:16:29.666 --> 00:16:31.958
Finally, we moved in together.

00:16:34.208 --> 00:16:37.000
We filled that house with furniture,
and with illusion.

00:16:46.875 --> 00:16:50.333
I was so happy that it didn't matter
if other things failed.

00:16:50.625 --> 00:16:52.625
[Quiet on set! Roll camera!]

00:16:52.625 --> 00:16:55.916
I did not have, for example,
a job related to cinema.

00:16:56.166 --> 00:16:58.500
A year before
I had studied film editing,

00:16:58.833 --> 00:17:02.041
I liked it so much that I got
a scholarship to study for a month

00:17:02.041 --> 00:17:04.000
at the prestigious
Cuban Film School.

00:17:04.250 --> 00:17:04.875
[Cut!]

00:17:07.125 --> 00:17:12.250
But everything changed on October 25, 2011,
when I received that phone call.

00:17:12.583 --> 00:17:16.708
Honey, do you remember I told you
about the scholarship at the Cuban Film School?

00:17:17.041 --> 00:17:18.916
That maybe it was gonna be
a month?

00:17:19.625 --> 00:17:23.000
Well, it will finally be
seven months.

00:17:23.791 --> 00:17:26.250
And I had to make
my first choice.

00:17:26.750 --> 00:17:28.250
Cuba...
or Spain?

00:17:28.375 --> 00:17:30.666
The cinema,
as I had always dreamed of...

00:17:30.916 --> 00:17:33.250
or Carlos?
whom I loved deeply.

00:17:33.583 --> 00:17:34.666
I chose Cuba.

00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:37.625
And it was
a painful decision:

00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:39.500
we had never been better.

00:17:39.541 --> 00:17:40.541
How cute!

00:17:44.333 --> 00:17:47.625
So, since I found out that the communication
between Madrid and Cuba

00:17:47.916 --> 00:17:50.041
was going to be
more than complicated...

00:17:50.458 --> 00:17:52.750
and as I still had
two months left before leaving,

00:17:53.208 --> 00:17:56.208
I used those weeks to secretly record

00:17:56.208 --> 00:17:59.666
50 videos for the 200 days
I was going to be away.

00:18:00.625 --> 00:18:02.416
This is like "My Life Without Me".

00:18:02.416 --> 00:18:03.583
Have you seen that film?

00:18:03.583 --> 00:18:04.750
I copied it without realising.

00:18:05.291 --> 00:18:09.250
In any case, I was more than
sure that everything would be fine.

00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:13.500
Strong things take hold.

00:18:14.500 --> 00:18:17.333
So I don't give a chance to say:

00:18:17.333 --> 00:18:19.250
"Weak things get screwed up".

00:18:19.250 --> 00:18:21.916
Because our relationship is not weak,
our relationship is strong.

00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:23.708
Today I know it all went wrong.

00:18:24.166 --> 00:18:25.333
I love you!

00:18:27.166 --> 00:18:29.250
Oh, I forgot to tell you something:

00:18:29.416 --> 00:18:32.125
I achieved my dream
and today I am a film editor.

00:18:32.125 --> 00:18:34.458
So, at least, that worked out well.

00:18:35.333 --> 00:18:37.708
And if there's one thing
I like about editing...

00:18:41.791 --> 00:18:44.083
It's that you can
reverse things.

00:18:47.083 --> 00:18:49.250
Like that,
even if the sequence was

00:18:49.250 --> 00:18:51.500
"Love, betrayal and death".

00:18:52.166 --> 00:18:53.666
I want to go from death

00:18:54.625 --> 00:18:55.500
to love.

00:18:55.916 --> 00:18:57.333
As easy as that.

00:18:57.458 --> 00:19:00.750
Because life, with editing...
is kinder.

00:19:02.083 --> 00:19:04.541
Maybe that's why I recorded
that video-diary,

00:19:04.541 --> 00:19:08.000
so that what we felt
would be locked in forever.

00:19:09.833 --> 00:19:11.791
This was the last video I filmed

00:19:11.791 --> 00:19:13.916
just before he
accompanied me to the airport.

00:19:14.916 --> 00:19:16.666
I know everyhing
will be alright.

00:19:21.708 --> 00:19:24.458
To be honest, this last
look at the ground...

00:19:24.458 --> 00:19:25.791
I could have spared it.

00:19:26.458 --> 00:19:27.875
Hi, my love.

00:19:27.916 --> 00:19:31.958
Well, I look like shit.

00:19:31.958 --> 00:19:34.125
But I'm just getting up.

00:19:34.125 --> 00:19:35.958
But it reflected
what was happening to me.

00:19:35.958 --> 00:19:39.458
I was worried about
being away 210 days.

00:19:39.875 --> 00:19:42.541
Sometime you'll have to see me
freshly woken up,

00:19:42.541 --> 00:19:44.500
like when I was here, right?

00:19:44.500 --> 00:19:46.458
I was afraid Carlos
would forget about me.

00:19:47.875 --> 00:19:51.041
And what worried me the most

00:19:51.375 --> 00:19:53.416
was that he would be unfaithful to me.

00:19:54.541 --> 00:19:58.416
I've been having nightmares again.
Lately I've been having nightmares.

00:19:58.916 --> 00:20:02.583
You flirting with someone else...
but it's not like I don't trust you.

00:20:02.583 --> 00:20:04.458
I trust you 100%.

00:20:04.458 --> 00:20:08.416
What my past self didn't know
was that in the next seven months,

00:20:08.416 --> 00:20:11.500
A lie would call
all truths into question.

00:20:12.083 --> 00:20:14.041
...anxieties, fears...

00:20:14.041 --> 00:20:16.666
And that would bring
consequences to this day.

00:20:16.666 --> 00:20:18.083
There, in the bar...
Do you remember?

00:20:18.083 --> 00:20:20.875
The girl who was kissing
with two boys at the same time,

00:20:20.875 --> 00:20:22.833
and who said
that all girls were like that.

00:20:23.250 --> 00:20:25.041
Was that video-diary premonitory?

00:20:39.750 --> 00:20:42.125
Sometimes in life,
when you screw up,

00:20:42.125 --> 00:20:44.416
it doesn't matter how well
you've done up to that point.

00:20:49.458 --> 00:20:52.750
A week before I left for Cuba
we did this photo session

00:20:52.750 --> 00:20:54.625
and it captures the moment very well:

00:20:54.625 --> 00:20:56.833
we were full of light.

00:20:57.625 --> 00:20:59.916
[Happy 2012]

00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:05.541
Ok, ok. Put it there.

00:21:06.041 --> 00:21:07.250
Come here,
come here, Rubén.

00:21:07.583 --> 00:21:08.125
Now!

00:21:21.458 --> 00:21:23.541
It was the beginning
of 2012.

00:21:24.166 --> 00:21:27.458
- I wish you all a good year.
- With good fortune.

00:21:27.458 --> 00:21:31.375
- Yeah!
- A very good one... with luck...

00:21:31.625 --> 00:21:35.250
The year 2012 was, undoubtedly,
the worst year of my life.

00:21:35.250 --> 00:21:36.916
- Happy new year.

00:21:36.916 --> 00:21:39.583
- May the Cubans treat Amayita
as she deserves.

00:21:40.708 --> 00:21:42.833
But that I didn't know yet.

00:21:44.416 --> 00:21:45.208
Bye!

00:21:47.375 --> 00:21:48.708
So I packed a suitcase

00:21:49.083 --> 00:21:50.166
and I went to Cuba.

00:21:52.666 --> 00:21:54.791
The one who came with me...
was him.

00:21:54.791 --> 00:21:56.416
And Carlos stayed with her,

00:21:56.416 --> 00:21:58.250
as I explained in the video diary.

00:22:05.708 --> 00:22:07.750
She... will look after you.

00:22:09.958 --> 00:22:11.583
When I arrived
at the film school,

00:22:11.583 --> 00:22:13.166
one thing really caught my attention.

00:22:14.041 --> 00:22:15.583
On one door it said:

00:22:15.583 --> 00:22:16.916
"Journey of no return".

00:22:17.625 --> 00:22:18.666
I went through it.

00:22:25.125 --> 00:22:30.333
I was scared to death. Because I already knew
that sometimes a suitcase can change your life.

00:22:31.833 --> 00:22:35.833
I couldn't stop thinking of Carlos' sad face
when he dropped me off at the airport.

00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:38.333
That face stayed in my mind
for a long time.

00:22:38.833 --> 00:22:41.333
But let's go to Cuba.
Let's go to my arrival.

00:22:50.583 --> 00:22:53.333
It was the 3rd of January
and it was quite cold.

00:22:54.666 --> 00:22:56.416
I hadn't imagine
a cold Cuba.

00:22:57.541 --> 00:23:01.416
As I was escorted to my room,
I noticed all the walls.

00:23:02.458 --> 00:23:05.583
It was a student town,
with its neighbourhoods,

00:23:05.583 --> 00:23:06.458
[WILD DISTRICT]

00:23:06.458 --> 00:23:08.000
[PIRACY DISTRICT]

00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:09.291
[JACKAL DISTRICT]

00:23:09.291 --> 00:23:10.666
their thoughts,

00:23:10.666 --> 00:23:13.333
[OUR MINDS IN EUROPE, FEET IN AFRICA
AND HEARTS IN AMERICA]

00:23:15.708 --> 00:23:19.000
[All you really have is what
you don't lose in a shipwreck].

00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:19.958
and their dramas.

00:23:19.958 --> 00:23:22.916
[WE ARE LIFE AND JOY
FIGHTING AGAINST SADNESS AND DEATH].

00:23:26.375 --> 00:23:28.750
The first things I heard was this.

00:23:31.000 --> 00:23:35.250
The girl said to her friend
that she loved them both.

00:23:39.708 --> 00:23:42.166
Meanwhile, there was
a lot of life outside.

00:23:46.625 --> 00:23:50.625
There is nothing sadder
than loneliness in the middle of the crowd.

00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:55.208
And today I had the memory
of the time I met you at the airport.

00:23:55.208 --> 00:23:58.458
I remember it
as a great day.

00:23:58.666 --> 00:24:01.333
My first ten days
were the opposite of group spirit

00:24:01.333 --> 00:24:03.125
that I had felt in Italy
six years earlier.

00:24:05.250 --> 00:24:07.458
[HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!]

00:24:08.041 --> 00:24:10.458
Perhaps there, all of us
had fear of loneliness

00:24:10.458 --> 00:24:13.500
and that's why we were
so happy to have drawn it.

00:24:14.166 --> 00:24:18.500
And I remeber the image of you
looking out of the window...

00:24:18.500 --> 00:24:20.500
I really liked you.

00:24:20.750 --> 00:24:23.333
In Cuba
I was the only new student.

00:24:24.041 --> 00:24:26.250
They had all been there
for months or years.

00:24:26.250 --> 00:24:28.625
When classes were over,
they disappeared.

00:24:30.041 --> 00:24:33.291
I never thought you'd be
the man in my life.

00:24:34.250 --> 00:24:36.583
So,
that's today's memory!

00:24:36.791 --> 00:24:40.583
[Hi, I'm a sad chicken
and I'm sadder than you are].

00:24:43.625 --> 00:24:44.958
...I guess we've talked...

00:24:45.791 --> 00:24:48.958
...Today I have talked to the company...
It's crazy how expensive the fees are....

00:24:48.958 --> 00:24:50.250
Let's see how we can do.

00:24:54.500 --> 00:24:57.125
[My love, I don't have a mobile network here :(

00:24:57.125 --> 00:25:00.833
It is just what I feared the most,
the lack of communication.

00:25:02.500 --> 00:25:08.291
Well, let's not worry: it will be by mail,
but I will write to you every day.

00:25:08.791 --> 00:25:12.958
And now the good news,
Happy Three Wise Kings Day!

00:25:13.041 --> 00:25:18.375
My 'me' from the past has left you
a surprise under the bed :)

00:25:19.333 --> 00:25:21.416
It was a flash drive,
with the video-diary.

00:25:21.583 --> 00:25:24.458
There would be no wifi that would knock down
my desire for everything to go well.

00:25:25.083 --> 00:25:28.333
This is my "Three Wise Kings" gift,
a video for every day I'm away.

00:25:28.500 --> 00:25:33.041
And that's 207,
207 days.

00:25:33.041 --> 00:25:36.833
I'm going to tell you things
that are good memories for me.

00:25:36.833 --> 00:25:39.208
That Halloween Day.

00:25:39.208 --> 00:25:41.625
You... with the mask...and the kiss...

00:25:41.625 --> 00:25:43.208
We were super in love.

00:25:43.208 --> 00:25:46.125
We didn't stop kissing
on the plane, do you remember?

00:25:46.125 --> 00:25:49.208
You didn't want
to move in with me.

00:25:49.208 --> 00:25:53.833
I asked you about your parents
and you didn't mind starting to cry...

00:25:53.833 --> 00:25:57.208
they would be super proud of you.

00:25:57.208 --> 00:25:59.625
and you said to me:
"Let's move in together".

00:25:59.625 --> 00:26:00.833
Precious!

00:26:03.166 --> 00:26:04.125
Hello!

00:26:04.500 --> 00:26:05.041
Hello!

00:26:05.166 --> 00:26:05.791
Blonde!

00:26:08.125 --> 00:26:09.666
I want my love
to reach you.

00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:11.208
And you get like this...

00:26:11.250 --> 00:26:12.791
And I make you this.

00:26:16.250 --> 00:26:19.291
If my life had ended there,
I would have been very happy.

00:26:30.750 --> 00:26:36.958
Couples build memories because
it is the way to build its foundations.

00:26:36.958 --> 00:26:41.208
That is why reminiscing about the past
can be considered therapeutic.

00:26:44.916 --> 00:26:49.250
But how do we maintain love
in the distance?

00:26:50.625 --> 00:26:52.541
Emily Dickinson said:

00:26:53.791 --> 00:26:57.625
"Separation is all that is needed
to know hell".

00:26:58.750 --> 00:27:00.625
And she was right.

00:27:00.625 --> 00:27:03.625
We Cubans
know it well.

00:27:06.791 --> 00:27:09.166
In my first weeks I tried alternatives.

00:27:09.333 --> 00:27:12.125
I did it at the end
of the academic day, at 7PM,

00:27:12.500 --> 00:27:15.208
but in Spain it was already 1AM.

00:27:15.958 --> 00:27:19.708
The six-hour time gap
turned Cuba...

00:27:20.625 --> 00:27:21.625
into another universe.

00:27:26.458 --> 00:27:29.083
I met Leo,
who became a good friend.

00:27:30.125 --> 00:27:32.541
When he heard about Carlos,
he laughed and said:

00:27:32.791 --> 00:27:35.333
"Say goodbye to him.
Everyone breaks up here".

00:27:37.208 --> 00:27:39.291
The naturalness
with which he sentenced it

00:27:39.708 --> 00:27:40.375
shocked me.

00:27:50.458 --> 00:27:53.083
I did not want
to give up on Carlos.

00:28:00.833 --> 00:28:02.166
The parties began.

00:28:02.750 --> 00:28:03.875
I dodged courtships.

00:28:04.041 --> 00:28:07.041
And I never went to sleep
as early as in those days.

00:28:12.666 --> 00:28:15.916
In that isolated school,
One day equalled one week.

00:28:16.916 --> 00:28:19.208
Ten days of solitude
became a world.

00:28:24.583 --> 00:28:30.416
And to say goodbye I tell you
that another day I'll undress for you.

00:28:31.500 --> 00:28:32.416
Recording video...

00:28:32.416 --> 00:28:34.375
Train wide shot,
take 1.

00:28:42.375 --> 00:28:44.458
One day, someone acted differently.

00:28:44.625 --> 00:28:48.125
It was Camilo, my classmate,
a very jovial Panamanian.

00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:58.708
He invited me to his room
for lunch and it was a lot of fun.

00:28:58.916 --> 00:29:00.958
When he suggested more plans,
I accepted:

00:29:01.375 --> 00:29:03.041
He was saving me
from loneliness.

00:29:20.416 --> 00:29:21.583
I didn't know him very well,

00:29:21.583 --> 00:29:24.208
but I would have said with certainty
that he was:

00:29:29.333 --> 00:29:30.458
and no defects...

00:29:30.750 --> 00:29:31.541
so far.

00:29:32.583 --> 00:29:33.791
He introduced me to Luiz,

00:29:33.791 --> 00:29:36.750
a very funny Brazilian
who confessed his romances to me...

00:29:36.750 --> 00:29:38.416
[The tastiest man in Brazil lives here]

00:29:38.541 --> 00:29:41.458
and Joa a very loving
VenezoColombian.

00:29:45.291 --> 00:29:46.791
At last everything clicked.

00:29:46.791 --> 00:29:50.250
Except for communication,
but Carlos was very understanding.

00:29:50.708 --> 00:29:53.500
However, I sensed that he was
in a state of sadness.

00:29:54.041 --> 00:29:54.958
Hi little one,

00:29:55.916 --> 00:29:58.458
Baby, I miss you so much.

00:29:58.666 --> 00:30:00.958
I love you very very very very very much.

00:30:01.333 --> 00:30:05.500
[Not by saying goodbye, someone leaves your mind].

00:30:05.500 --> 00:30:06.875
That place was special.

00:30:07.125 --> 00:30:08.541
The walls, spoke to me.

00:30:18.458 --> 00:30:21.958
Spielberg encouraged me to stay there
and fight for cinema.

00:30:21.958 --> 00:30:25.375
[Life is a badly edited film
(and with a shitty ending)]

00:30:25.375 --> 00:30:27.625
Trueba foreshadowed turbulences.

00:30:27.625 --> 00:30:29.416
Perhaps they were both right.

00:30:30.500 --> 00:30:33.458
Francis Ford Coppola
and George Lucas.

00:30:35.250 --> 00:30:36.916
And this is my editing room.

00:30:38.500 --> 00:30:40.000
And these are the views.

00:30:41.166 --> 00:30:43.041
I wanted to make him
part of my daily life,

00:30:43.291 --> 00:30:46.250
so I started another kind
of video-diary from there.

00:30:47.666 --> 00:30:48.875
Hi, honey.

00:30:49.166 --> 00:30:51.625
I was embarrassed to do this at home,
so imagine here.

00:30:51.625 --> 00:30:54.000
Today I see these videos
and they make me very nervous.

00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:56.791
Well, Amaya from the past:
Why were you whispering?

00:30:57.500 --> 00:31:00.125
I'm seeing if anyone enters.
This is a test video.

00:31:07.166 --> 00:31:08.958
I tried day and night...

00:31:09.166 --> 00:31:10.625
My new room!

00:31:11.333 --> 00:31:12.166
Hello...

00:31:27.083 --> 00:31:31.375
But I soon realised that these attempts
were in vain: the email would block.

00:31:33.875 --> 00:31:35.583
So I stopped recording.

00:31:38.916 --> 00:31:42.500
The good thing, at least, is that
with the video-diary I recorded in Madrid

00:31:42.500 --> 00:31:45.541
it was as if I had left
a version of myself on autopilot,

00:31:47.000 --> 00:31:48.958
while I was starting a new life there...

00:31:49.291 --> 00:31:51.916
My avatar
sent love every day to Carlos.

00:31:54.625 --> 00:31:57.708
I soon sensed the effervescence of the school.

00:32:00.166 --> 00:32:02.208
Founded, among others,
by García Márquez,

00:32:02.500 --> 00:32:04.166
culture was in the air.

00:32:04.958 --> 00:32:08.666
A twinning of countries,
with a myriad of perspectives.

00:32:15.250 --> 00:32:16.583
Is sound ready?

00:32:20.208 --> 00:32:20.750
Camera?

00:32:21.333 --> 00:32:22.666
It was all stimulus.

00:32:22.666 --> 00:32:23.958
Everyone wanted to film things.

00:32:26.375 --> 00:32:28.500
I felt so identified.

00:32:28.875 --> 00:32:31.291
That was my place and that was my tribe.

00:32:41.791 --> 00:32:44.208
Maybe I could go back to the era of...

00:32:45.333 --> 00:32:47.750
Before...

00:32:47.750 --> 00:32:50.041
B.C. (Before Carlos)

00:32:50.125 --> 00:32:52.291
Every Friday
there was a party.

00:32:52.625 --> 00:32:55.166
I loved dancing,
and in Madrid I didn't do it much.

00:32:56.916 --> 00:32:58.125
Camilo was the DJ.

00:32:58.125 --> 00:32:59.625
Why hadn't I noticed it before?

00:33:01.500 --> 00:33:04.708
The visits to his room
were increasingly recurrent.

00:33:07.208 --> 00:33:11.041
We cooked...We exchanged
books, music, films...

00:33:11.458 --> 00:33:14.041
He was becoming my best friend.

00:33:20.750 --> 00:33:21.666
Hi!

00:33:22.750 --> 00:33:26.333
This is the party going on at school.

00:33:43.708 --> 00:33:45.666
Suddenly there was a lot of life.

00:33:46.458 --> 00:33:48.416
And also a latent sexuality
in the atmosphere.

00:33:56.750 --> 00:33:58.875
We present to you
“Los Polacos Comunistas”.

00:34:00.083 --> 00:34:01.875
Those who don't like cumbia are screwed.

00:34:05.916 --> 00:34:07.625
I also realised something else:

00:34:07.833 --> 00:34:11.166
there, I had labels
I had never had before.

00:34:17.875 --> 00:34:20.833
To be more unique than in Spain,
It was flattering.

00:34:21.166 --> 00:34:22.541
And at the same time was strange.

00:34:22.833 --> 00:34:25.208
I was beginning to understand
what Leo meant.

00:34:27.500 --> 00:34:29.708
I have discovered the effects

00:34:29.708 --> 00:34:32.083
and this is a thermal camera.

00:34:32.708 --> 00:34:33.708
Let's see...

00:34:39.000 --> 00:34:41.708
I look like a ghost.
Isn't it?

00:34:42.583 --> 00:34:45.583
But while I was becoming
a ghost to Carlos...

00:34:46.250 --> 00:34:48.208
Like this, I'll blow you a kiss.

00:34:50.250 --> 00:34:52.666
A very much alive ghost
through the video-diary,

00:34:54.500 --> 00:34:56.791
Then I say I have yellow teeth.

00:34:58.916 --> 00:35:01.916
He was fading
from my present.

00:35:13.500 --> 00:35:14.250
And...

00:35:14.583 --> 00:35:15.208
little one,

00:35:15.208 --> 00:35:20.208
Well, yesterday I was a bit worried about
all the dangers you have near

00:35:20.875 --> 00:35:23.458
with all the dancers
and so on, but...

00:35:23.625 --> 00:35:25.416
today I've been thinking that

00:35:26.041 --> 00:35:27.250
our relationship is very strong.

00:35:35.166 --> 00:35:37.875
One day, Camilo told me
about his childhood and youth

00:35:37.875 --> 00:35:41.208
and ended up telling me something
that made our friendship strained.

00:35:41.666 --> 00:35:43.083
We talked about depression,

00:35:43.083 --> 00:35:46.041
and I understood
his great compassion for the vulnerables,

00:35:46.041 --> 00:35:48.458
and his empathy
with the Joy Division singer,

00:35:48.458 --> 00:35:51.833
whom he deeply admired
and who committed suicide at a very young age.

00:35:56.458 --> 00:35:58.291
Camilo deserved a nice life.

00:35:58.541 --> 00:36:00.916
My feeling of protectiveness
was triggered.

00:36:01.458 --> 00:36:02.500
I would protect him.

00:36:02.708 --> 00:36:04.000
Like a superheroine.

00:36:09.875 --> 00:36:11.416
Empathy.

00:36:11.416 --> 00:36:14.583
This is the cause of
the feeling of compassion:

00:36:15.208 --> 00:36:17.333
that we put ourselves
in the other person's shoes.

00:36:18.291 --> 00:36:21.833
This happens thanks to mirror cells.

00:36:22.625 --> 00:36:24.125
If there is one thing I have no doubt about,

00:36:24.583 --> 00:36:27.750
it is that I am well stocked
with mirror cells.

00:36:29.333 --> 00:36:32.416
One quiet night,
Camilo told me he wanted to talk to me.

00:36:33.833 --> 00:36:35.583
We sat in the school bar,

00:36:35.958 --> 00:36:37.958
he looked me in the eyes
and said:

00:36:38.333 --> 00:36:39.666
“I'm falling in love with you”.

00:36:40.958 --> 00:36:43.041
I told him I was in love with Carlos.

00:36:43.208 --> 00:36:44.875
I was sure of that.

00:36:45.291 --> 00:36:47.458
But at the same time
I didn't want to hurt him.

00:36:48.458 --> 00:36:49.583
Nothing was the same anymore.

00:37:15.916 --> 00:37:18.458
Camilo
was still my classmate,

00:37:18.458 --> 00:37:20.291
He showed absolute veneration.

00:37:20.666 --> 00:37:22.916
Carlos, through his e-mails as well.

00:37:23.166 --> 00:37:24.458
But I was suffocating.

00:37:24.458 --> 00:37:26.791
I felt more and more guilty
for being far away.

00:37:26.791 --> 00:37:30.875
[Hi, baby. Today I went straight home from work
because I want to write to you].

00:37:31.500 --> 00:37:33.000
The tables had turned.

00:37:33.291 --> 00:37:35.458
Before, Carlos was
the one to conquer.

00:37:36.208 --> 00:37:38.541
Now,
the balance was lost.

00:37:38.791 --> 00:37:40.750
But what balance, that of him being on top?

00:37:41.291 --> 00:37:43.333
Maybe I was the one who was changing.

00:37:57.000 --> 00:37:58.333
I integrated on the island.

00:37:58.333 --> 00:38:00.625
I learned what
religious syncretism was,

00:38:00.625 --> 00:38:02.375
and I felt a deep identification.

00:38:02.833 --> 00:38:06.000
During the slave era,
the Africans brought to Cuba

00:38:06.833 --> 00:38:09.125
hybridised their Yoruba religion
with the Catholic

00:38:09.666 --> 00:38:11.708
and they created equivalents
between orishas...

00:38:12.333 --> 00:38:13.041
and saints.

00:38:13.625 --> 00:38:15.666
Thus, Santa Barbara or San Marcos

00:38:16.041 --> 00:38:17.541
were the equivalent of Changó.

00:38:20.833 --> 00:38:24.500
Was Camilo the equivalent of Carlos
in this universe?

00:38:24.875 --> 00:38:25.541
Was he my Changó?

00:38:40.750 --> 00:38:42.958
My doubts were getting bigger.

00:38:43.750 --> 00:38:46.666
I had always imagined that
I would have children with Carlos

00:38:47.416 --> 00:38:48.375
and that they would be like this.

00:38:55.041 --> 00:38:56.333
I had two options,

00:38:56.958 --> 00:38:57.625
but I chose...

00:38:58.791 --> 00:38:59.333
the pain.

00:39:00.250 --> 00:39:02.125
One day, in the middle of a drunken binge,

00:39:02.458 --> 00:39:03.375
Camilo kissed me.

00:39:03.791 --> 00:39:04.208
And I...

00:39:05.500 --> 00:39:06.250
let myself go.

00:39:09.291 --> 00:39:12.375
When I told you before:
“In life, when you screw up,

00:39:12.666 --> 00:39:15.000
it doesn't matter how well
you've done it up to that point”,

00:39:15.875 --> 00:39:17.083
I was referring to this.

00:39:23.541 --> 00:39:26.083
I never thought you would be
the man of my life.

00:39:26.541 --> 00:39:28.500
She will look after you.

00:39:29.250 --> 00:39:30.958
Today I had nightmares again.

00:39:30.958 --> 00:39:32.541
You flirting with another girl...

00:39:32.541 --> 00:39:34.208
I know all it's going to be fine.

00:39:51.833 --> 00:39:55.375
The collision between
the enduring of what I had left recorded,

00:39:57.041 --> 00:40:00.041
and the volatility of feelings,
was hammering me.

00:40:06.750 --> 00:40:08.708
Was I falling in love with Camilo?

00:40:08.958 --> 00:40:11.333
How was that possible?
If I adored Carlos.

00:40:12.250 --> 00:40:14.291
Is it possible to love two people
at the same time?

00:40:17.583 --> 00:40:20.333
Listen to the term, dear listeners:

00:40:20.541 --> 00:40:24.416
NRE (New Relationship Energy)

00:40:24.666 --> 00:40:28.833
That state of mind we fall into when
we surrender to a new person.

00:40:29.291 --> 00:40:33.666
At brain level, we begin to produce
much more dopamine, serotonin,

00:40:33.666 --> 00:40:38.208
and noradrenaline, which are
the neurotransmitters of falling in love.

00:40:38.583 --> 00:40:41.083
This causes us to disconnect the rational part

00:40:41.083 --> 00:40:43.916
and throw ourselves into abysses
ignoring the dangers.

00:40:44.083 --> 00:40:47.958
It is in these cases
that our intuition helps us.

00:40:50.333 --> 00:40:56.791
[The truth, once awake,
never goes back to sleep]

00:41:10.666 --> 00:41:12.083
And there were my feet,

00:41:12.375 --> 00:41:13.541
in a Havana hotel.

00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:15.041
And also his feet.

00:41:15.458 --> 00:41:17.458
There was Carlos,
in Cuba.

00:41:18.291 --> 00:41:19.291
A quick visit.

00:41:20.666 --> 00:41:22.125
The guilt came over me.

00:41:22.458 --> 00:41:23.416
But I hid everything.

00:41:24.708 --> 00:41:25.625
To hurt him

00:41:25.791 --> 00:41:27.458
was the last thing I wanted.

00:41:29.291 --> 00:41:32.291
What happened with Camilo
should never happen again, full stop.

00:41:37.333 --> 00:41:40.000
With that anguish haunting me,
when Carlos left,

00:41:40.416 --> 00:41:41.625
I went back to film school.

00:41:47.291 --> 00:41:48.291
I looked for Camilo.

00:41:48.666 --> 00:41:51.208
I had to tell him
that this could never happen again.

00:41:52.083 --> 00:41:54.708
Camilo stopped going to class,
to the dinning hall,

00:41:54.708 --> 00:41:58.041
stopped keeping his door open
and asked me not to talk to him.

00:41:59.916 --> 00:42:02.416
I was terrified of feeling
like I did at the beginning.

00:42:04.375 --> 00:42:07.375
But it didn't last long,
because a bacterium wreaked havoc:

00:42:07.666 --> 00:42:08.666
dysentery.

00:42:08.958 --> 00:42:10.333
I was quite ill,

00:42:10.416 --> 00:42:11.750
and Camilo took great care of me.

00:42:12.666 --> 00:42:14.875
I remember the times
you've taken care of me in my life.

00:42:14.875 --> 00:42:16.541
You always take good care of me.

00:42:16.541 --> 00:42:21.500
Like when I broke my leg in Turin
and I had to stay in a cast for a month

00:42:21.500 --> 00:42:24.916
and you injected the medicine
into my belly.

00:42:24.916 --> 00:42:26.083
You are so good.

00:42:30.750 --> 00:42:33.000
Three weeks later,
I finally recovered.

00:42:34.625 --> 00:42:36.958
Life came back: it was a relief.

00:42:41.916 --> 00:42:43.666
New students arrived.

00:42:43.833 --> 00:42:46.208
Including some Camilo's old lovers.

00:42:47.416 --> 00:42:49.041
He was, as always,

00:42:49.666 --> 00:42:50.708
the perfect host.

00:42:51.708 --> 00:42:54.583
One night
I found myself feeling jealous,

00:42:55.541 --> 00:42:57.458
because after the third drink...

00:42:58.291 --> 00:42:59.750
no one is infallible.

00:43:09.000 --> 00:43:12.583
A few days ago I told you that
I was going to get naked.

00:43:12.583 --> 00:43:14.708
But you'll have to wait,

00:43:14.708 --> 00:43:18.041
because maybe one day our kids
will watch these videos.

00:43:18.041 --> 00:43:22.625
Because that's cool. When you watch your
parents' videos it's cool.

00:43:23.416 --> 00:43:25.583
So, I'm not going to get naked!

00:43:26.958 --> 00:43:30.791
While my past self
deprived Carlos of what was promised,

00:43:31.333 --> 00:43:33.666
my present self
would give it to Camilo.

00:43:34.333 --> 00:43:37.083
The great Simone de Beauvoir said:

00:43:37.083 --> 00:43:42.083
“The most scandalous thing about scandal
is that you get used to it”.

00:43:44.791 --> 00:43:47.250
Here “Madrileños por el mundo”
from Cuba!

00:43:48.291 --> 00:43:50.000
I'm meeting a Spanish girl

00:43:50.458 --> 00:43:52.125
her name is Amaya Villar,

00:43:53.125 --> 00:43:55.291
who is studying here
for seven months.

00:43:56.166 --> 00:43:56.875
Amaya!!

00:43:58.208 --> 00:43:59.083
- Hi!!

00:43:59.083 --> 00:44:01.375
- Hi! How are you?
- Very well!

00:44:01.541 --> 00:44:02.625
Carlos came back.

00:44:03.291 --> 00:44:04.833
Second and last visit.

00:44:11.666 --> 00:44:12.875
I kept hiding.

00:44:13.166 --> 00:44:14.875
I was incapable of talking about it.

00:44:16.375 --> 00:44:19.958
My heart beating hard
was already a hellish constant.

00:44:26.166 --> 00:44:29.041
When I returned,
Joa told me that Camilo

00:44:29.041 --> 00:44:32.083
had been in his room,
depressed, all the time.

00:44:34.750 --> 00:44:35.916
I talked to him again

00:44:36.291 --> 00:44:37.208
and I said again:

00:44:40.500 --> 00:44:41.541
Without reaction.

00:44:41.958 --> 00:44:43.625
Camilo disappeared again.

00:44:47.041 --> 00:44:49.458
Carlos left me a surprise in my computer:

00:44:49.833 --> 00:44:52.125
our selves, met again.

00:44:52.375 --> 00:44:55.041
I felt I was right
to close everything with Camilo.

00:44:55.250 --> 00:44:58.166
Besides, I didn't like at all
that sunken and spiteful side of him.

00:45:03.250 --> 00:45:05.416
Days later,
I wanted to know how he was.

00:45:05.958 --> 00:45:07.958
When I received no reply,
I went inside.

00:45:08.708 --> 00:45:10.208
I found him collapsed on the floor.

00:45:11.000 --> 00:45:12.250
I ran for help.

00:45:13.791 --> 00:45:16.083
The image shocked me too much.

00:45:16.333 --> 00:45:19.000
I was afraid that
my refusal was the cause.

00:45:19.833 --> 00:45:21.750
That was the beginning
of hell on Earth:

00:45:23.083 --> 00:45:25.875
on the one hand,
I felt responsible for his happiness,

00:45:27.000 --> 00:45:30.708
On the other hand, to give it to him
was to overrule my decision.

00:45:31.333 --> 00:45:34.041
But I knew that I held
the key to his joyful side.

00:45:38.208 --> 00:45:41.833
At the same time, putting so much energy
into someone other than Carlos...

00:45:42.125 --> 00:45:43.166
was not right.

00:45:43.791 --> 00:45:45.375
Everything I did
was going to be wrong

00:45:45.958 --> 00:45:46.791
either for Carlos...

00:45:47.416 --> 00:45:48.208
or for Camilo.

00:45:48.958 --> 00:45:52.708
Reviewing the History of Film Editing,
I remembered the 'Kuleshov effect'.

00:45:53.791 --> 00:45:55.375
If behind this shot

00:45:56.125 --> 00:45:57.000
you put this,

00:45:58.166 --> 00:46:00.125
We would see a gentle
and kind man in it.

00:46:00.416 --> 00:46:02.541
However, if
you put this,

00:46:04.250 --> 00:46:06.000
with the same smile...

00:46:06.583 --> 00:46:08.083
he would become a lecher.

00:46:08.750 --> 00:46:10.291
That's what was happening to me.

00:46:10.416 --> 00:46:12.541
My life had a terrible ‘Kuleshov effect’

00:46:13.583 --> 00:46:14.416
The kind...

00:46:15.333 --> 00:46:16.083
or the lecher.

00:46:16.791 --> 00:46:17.791
The model girlfriend?

00:46:19.750 --> 00:46:20.833
Or the wild filmmaker?

00:46:27.833 --> 00:46:30.291
While I was deciding,
lessons continued.

00:46:34.708 --> 00:46:36.250
After the fainting came the calm.

00:46:36.750 --> 00:46:40.333
We started several projects.
We worked day and night side by side.

00:46:40.625 --> 00:46:41.375
Get out of the shot.

00:46:41.750 --> 00:46:42.708
Come in, come in

00:46:43.791 --> 00:46:48.000
And with graduation approaching,
there was a heightened festive spirit.

00:46:48.625 --> 00:46:50.500
[HERE IS NOT SAYING, IS DOING]

00:46:50.500 --> 00:46:53.416
When the end of the world is near,
who doesn't want to live?

00:46:53.875 --> 00:46:56.833
It was inevitable
not to take the path that led to his room.

00:46:59.333 --> 00:47:01.333
I, here in Madrid

00:47:01.333 --> 00:47:03.583
I know that
when I'm in Cuba

00:47:03.583 --> 00:47:07.791
when you're watching this,
I will love you more than ever.

00:47:08.083 --> 00:47:12.416
I never stopped communicating,
so every day I had my dose of double universe.

00:47:15.041 --> 00:47:17.416
The pressure was becoming
increasingly unbearable.

00:47:22.750 --> 00:47:25.458
I felt identified
with all the the villains

00:47:25.458 --> 00:47:27.458
and at the same time
I couldn't escape from it.

00:47:28.125 --> 00:47:30.291
That's why I decided to try
all the endings.

00:47:33.083 --> 00:47:36.000
On the one hand, I chose
to return to Madrid with Carlos.

00:47:36.666 --> 00:47:38.750
In exchange, goodbye guilt.

00:47:39.083 --> 00:47:41.625
If I was to say goodbye forever,
I would live up to it.

00:47:42.541 --> 00:47:44.791
Let us not stop being surprised by things.

00:47:45.541 --> 00:47:50.750
Life is super short and
we have to make the most of it.

00:47:50.958 --> 00:47:53.833
However, it all blew up
three days before my return:

00:47:54.791 --> 00:47:58.666
Camilo won a scholarship to study
in Madrid for ten months.

00:47:58.958 --> 00:48:00.833
The film I told you to see,

00:48:00.833 --> 00:48:04.458
that called 'October',
which is a classic in the cinema.

00:48:05.375 --> 00:48:07.666
It is because of the October Revolution,
the Bolshevik one.

00:48:07.666 --> 00:48:09.791
And has gone down in History
as ‘the October Revolution’,

00:48:09.791 --> 00:48:11.500
but it was in November,

00:48:11.500 --> 00:48:16.791
because Russia, at that time,
was ruled by the Julian calendar

00:48:17.083 --> 00:48:20.291
and now we are ruled
by the Gregorian calendar.

00:48:20.500 --> 00:48:24.166
Soon, my two universes
would synchronise in Madrid,

00:48:24.416 --> 00:48:28.458
and my two parallel realities
were incompatible in a single dimension.

00:48:31.166 --> 00:48:33.666
I thought I was living the communism
that recycles everything

00:48:33.916 --> 00:48:39.333
...
and yet, I was the most voracious capitalism,
exchanging the precious for the novel.

00:48:40.541 --> 00:48:42.375
What had I done?

00:48:44.833 --> 00:48:46.166
I said goodbye
to ‘The Malecón’

00:48:47.083 --> 00:48:51.333
and added one more photo
to the nostalgia.

00:48:56.666 --> 00:48:57.250
I came back,

00:48:57.875 --> 00:48:58.541
and I hid.

00:48:59.041 --> 00:49:00.375
until two months later,

00:49:01.166 --> 00:49:02.750
two days before Camilo arrived,

00:49:03.375 --> 00:49:05.041
I couldn't contain the lie anymore.

00:49:05.541 --> 00:49:09.416
I confessed,
and everything was tinged with pain.

00:49:15.708 --> 00:49:18.375
Carlos was empathetic and forgave me...

00:49:19.625 --> 00:49:22.541
He even confessed to me
two infidelities in the first year....

00:49:22.958 --> 00:49:25.666
But even knowing that,
I couldn’t forgive myself.

00:49:25.833 --> 00:49:27.791
I felt I deserved
an atrocious punishment.

00:49:52.708 --> 00:49:54.125
I said goodbye to that house

00:49:56.291 --> 00:49:57.833
and our plans for the future.

00:49:59.125 --> 00:50:02.041
and life went to black.

00:50:44.166 --> 00:50:48.791
A love breakup is a mourning,
a full-fledged death.

00:50:48.791 --> 00:50:52.750
Goodbye to this person,
goodbye to his family,

00:50:52.750 --> 00:50:56.708
goodbye to his friends,
and goodbye to a part of you.

00:51:32.125 --> 00:51:34.708
When Camilo arrived,
I helped him look for a flat.

00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:36.791
I countered him about being together.

00:51:37.083 --> 00:51:38.416
Everything was very different from Cuba.

00:51:40.083 --> 00:51:42.625
I have almost no pictures from that time.

00:51:44.041 --> 00:51:45.458
I was broken.

00:51:45.458 --> 00:51:47.083
Those were very difficult months.

00:51:48.541 --> 00:51:51.458
But I thought if everything was already
messed up with Carlos,

00:51:53.416 --> 00:51:55.458
maybe I should try it with Camilo.

00:52:06.541 --> 00:52:09.041
Little by little he became
part of the neighbourhood.

00:52:13.833 --> 00:52:16.791
This is where he loved
the cultural life of Madrid.

00:52:17.666 --> 00:52:20.041
Here, where we filmed a report.

00:52:21.500 --> 00:52:24.666
Here, where we jumped
and danced on a special night.

00:52:25.208 --> 00:52:30.083
Here, is where he was told that his favourite
great-uncle had died in Panama.

00:52:31.000 --> 00:52:33.500
Here, where he had
an anxiety attack...

00:52:41.291 --> 00:52:42.250
Can you hear me?

00:52:42.458 --> 00:52:43.666
Now I can.

00:52:43.666 --> 00:52:45.333
How are you doing, darling?

00:52:45.333 --> 00:52:47.125
Me... well, more or less,

00:52:47.125 --> 00:52:48.958
because I'm still in a mess.

00:52:48.958 --> 00:52:50.166
I feel like a bitch.

00:52:50.916 --> 00:52:52.541
Yeah, we're not doing so good.

00:52:52.541 --> 00:52:55.625
Well, I was getting a bit overwhelmed.

00:52:56.000 --> 00:52:59.458
He tells me if I'm not going with him
in October to Panama,

00:52:59.458 --> 00:53:00.625
he will break up with me

00:53:00.625 --> 00:53:04.583
because it doesn't make sense,
because this is a couple's project,

00:53:04.583 --> 00:53:07.291
because his problems
must be my problems,

00:53:08.500 --> 00:53:10.416
so I understand him,

00:53:10.416 --> 00:53:14.875
but he can't put pressure like that,
just like he was pressing in Cuba.

00:53:14.875 --> 00:53:17.791
I've realised that this relationship
is based on pressure,

00:53:17.791 --> 00:53:20.583
And it makes me feel
like a really bad person.

00:53:20.583 --> 00:53:24.041
I don't know... If I cherish him,
I adore him, I love him...

00:53:24.041 --> 00:53:30.083
But I don't know, sometimes he gets in a mood
that he can't be like that...

00:53:35.333 --> 00:53:37.666
I decided
that I wouldn't go to Panama.

00:53:37.666 --> 00:53:38.666
At least right now.

00:53:39.125 --> 00:53:40.666
Camilo was tied down:

00:53:40.666 --> 00:53:43.458
his visa was running out and
he would not be able to stay in Spain.

00:53:44.041 --> 00:53:45.416
He was very frustrated.

00:53:45.416 --> 00:53:47.791
He asked me never
to contact him again.

00:53:48.708 --> 00:53:49.625
And I did so.

00:54:02.916 --> 00:54:05.750
Losing Carlos, ending up with Camilo like that....

00:54:06.750 --> 00:54:09.458
In those moments
I wanted to do the same as my sister.

00:54:09.791 --> 00:54:11.291
and disappear forever.

00:54:19.166 --> 00:54:21.250
[I didn't say goodbye].

00:54:22.291 --> 00:54:25.666
I wanted it so badly...

00:54:25.916 --> 00:54:28.000
[and sorry for that].

00:54:28.583 --> 00:54:30.416
but I couldn't do this to them.

00:54:31.333 --> 00:54:32.083
Neither to them.

00:54:33.166 --> 00:54:39.541
[I didn't have time to say
how much I love you].

00:55:37.708 --> 00:55:40.958
The only good thing is that
my friendships have been reactivated.

00:55:40.958 --> 00:55:43.125
- Where are we?
- In Costa Rica!

00:55:44.125 --> 00:55:46.125
This will be saved
in an Excel document as:

00:55:46.125 --> 00:55:50.666
“#happiness, #joy,
#beach, #sun, #day, #friends”.

00:55:51.125 --> 00:55:54.708
This is my friend Rosa,
you've seen her before.

00:55:54.708 --> 00:55:56.291
- Press stop!
- Come here.

00:55:56.291 --> 00:55:58.791
I met Rosa
shortly before her mother died.

00:55:58.791 --> 00:56:00.833
Her mother,
I met her that day.

00:56:00.833 --> 00:56:03.791
Meeting someone on the day
of her death... was cruel.

00:56:06.250 --> 00:56:10.625
That brought us together. We were both carrying
a grief and a journey inwards.

00:56:10.791 --> 00:56:13.750
Maybe that's why we were doing
so many personality tests

00:56:14.541 --> 00:56:17.708
Quite often I catch me
tempting to seduce others,

00:56:17.708 --> 00:56:20.583
especially if at first
they are indifferent to me.

00:56:21.541 --> 00:56:22.833
“Hardly ever”.

00:56:23.250 --> 00:56:25.083
In my case, “almost always”.

00:56:25.083 --> 00:56:26.416
I'm like:
"Why do you dislike me?"

00:56:26.416 --> 00:56:27.375
If I haven't done
anything wrong to you.

00:56:27.375 --> 00:56:30.333
You'll see, you'll end up liking me.
Of course you're going to like me.

00:56:31.916 --> 00:56:33.041
That's how I learned

00:56:33.041 --> 00:56:35.750
that the mechanism of withdrawing
the word used by Camilo

00:56:35.916 --> 00:56:38.541
was one of the things
that frustrated me the most

00:56:41.416 --> 00:56:42.958
I also took refuge in them,

00:56:44.166 --> 00:56:45.833
with whom I analysed

00:56:45.833 --> 00:56:48.541
the intricacies of love
over and over again.

00:56:49.125 --> 00:56:53.000
The opposite of love
is not hate, it's indifference.

00:56:53.125 --> 00:56:55.583
Well, I'm going to tell you that,
according to a UK study,

00:56:55.583 --> 00:56:58.625
the third reason why people divorce
is snoring at night.

00:57:00.416 --> 00:57:04.375
But more than by talking about it, sometimes
I learned more about myself by chance.

00:57:04.458 --> 00:57:06.208
You are a drunk!

00:57:09.000 --> 00:57:11.791
This is Enrique,
one of my best friends.

00:57:11.958 --> 00:57:14.000
Enrique, go drink and let me work.

00:57:15.375 --> 00:57:16.833
Do you know the password?

00:57:16.833 --> 00:57:17.541
Yes:

00:57:17.541 --> 00:57:19.875
“Junkie...

00:57:20.208 --> 00:57:21.125
of...

00:57:21.916 --> 00:57:22.833
...love”.

00:57:25.333 --> 00:57:26.916
Together with our friend Tommaso,

00:57:26.916 --> 00:57:29.416
he and I, were flatmates

00:57:29.416 --> 00:57:30.625
and also some drinking buddies.

00:57:30.625 --> 00:57:33.000
Get out of here, I have to work.

00:57:35.666 --> 00:57:38.208
That night,
Enrique was imitating me.

00:57:38.208 --> 00:57:41.958
And the only thing I can say
is that a drunk always tells the truth.

00:57:42.166 --> 00:57:45.000
I want to film a love shortfilm.

00:57:50.041 --> 00:57:52.041
Oh, feel it, feel it.

00:57:57.166 --> 00:58:00.208
So much love...

00:58:01.083 --> 00:58:03.125
You are crazy!

00:58:04.250 --> 00:58:05.666
I love you, camera.

00:58:06.125 --> 00:58:07.250
Love

00:58:08.250 --> 00:58:11.750
To be "Disney"
is to be a photographer?

00:58:12.083 --> 00:58:15.500
No, to be "Disney" is to be a deluded romantic.

00:58:15.500 --> 00:58:18.416
And the one on the other end of the phone
is my friend Laura.

00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:24.000
She, among other friends, has suffered
my guilt over the years.

00:58:24.875 --> 00:58:28.541
Well, I want to be a deluded romantic.

00:58:28.541 --> 00:58:30.375
No. You are one already.

00:58:32.208 --> 00:58:34.500
Then I'm going to have
to start assuming that

00:58:35.125 --> 00:58:36.458
I'm a love addict,

00:58:36.958 --> 00:58:38.416
And a hardcore romantic,

00:58:39.458 --> 00:58:41.666
And as much as it pains my feminism,

00:58:48.416 --> 00:58:50.041
I realised that
I was almost 30 years old

00:58:50.041 --> 00:58:51.750
and I was still discovering what I was like.

00:58:52.166 --> 00:58:53.541
Which were my labels.

00:58:58.708 --> 00:59:01.375
It was already a year since
that sad end with Carlos

00:59:01.583 --> 00:59:04.208
and a few months after the frustrating
outcome with Camilo.

00:59:04.791 --> 00:59:06.916
Then, João appeared.

00:59:12.916 --> 00:59:16.541
he had just arrived in Spain
to stay that course on a scholarship.

00:59:23.000 --> 00:59:26.291
What I didn't expect
was that to fall in love,

00:59:26.750 --> 00:59:28.375
It only takes an instant.

00:59:40.125 --> 00:59:43.750
Suddenly I lived situations
I thought I would never live again.

00:59:46.666 --> 00:59:49.458
My desire to project myself
with him was awakened.

00:59:49.458 --> 00:59:51.125
João seemed perfect:

01:00:02.083 --> 01:00:04.625
I was in such a hurry to be happy

01:00:04.625 --> 01:00:08.250
that the first months of 2014
were unstoppable.

01:00:08.250 --> 01:00:11.041
I love you.
I love you so much.

01:00:37.958 --> 01:00:40.625
But João
always made it a little difficult.

01:00:40.750 --> 01:00:43.833
He let himself be loved,
but did not formalise anything.

01:00:45.958 --> 01:00:47.500
The end of the course came

01:00:47.500 --> 01:00:48.791
and he returned to Portugal.

01:00:52.708 --> 01:00:56.375
Now it was me who was
on the side of the one who stays.

01:00:59.166 --> 01:01:02.750
And I wasn't willing to let happen
what happened to Carlos with me.

01:01:02.750 --> 01:01:04.791
I liked João a lot,

01:01:04.791 --> 01:01:06.208
so I went to see him
to Portugal.

01:01:06.625 --> 01:01:08.291
Good morning, my love.

01:01:08.291 --> 01:01:11.083
What happiness
to know that I'm going to be with you.

01:01:11.333 --> 01:01:14.958
They say that when we do new things
our serotonin is boosted

01:01:14.958 --> 01:01:17.750
and we associate that state of happiness
with whom we're close to.

01:01:19.333 --> 01:01:20.500
I don't know if it was that,

01:01:20.708 --> 01:01:23.250
but we began that journey
as special friends

01:01:23.666 --> 01:01:25.333
and we ended it
as boyfriend and girlfriend.

01:01:39.833 --> 01:01:41.583
We went out of the dream world

01:01:41.583 --> 01:01:43.500
into the real world.

01:01:52.958 --> 01:01:56.458
One year for some, 17 months for others...

01:01:56.458 --> 01:02:02.458
hat's how long it usually takes
to get out of the infatuation phase.

01:02:02.458 --> 01:02:05.375
The other's flaws were already there.

01:02:05.375 --> 01:02:11.791
But our brains, in full bloom with positive
neurotransmitters, could not see them.

01:02:11.791 --> 01:02:13.166
But now...

01:02:13.166 --> 01:02:14.416
Now it can.

01:02:17.000 --> 01:02:19.250
I mean, when I'm sad
I just want love.

01:02:19.375 --> 01:02:23.541
Love from you,
from your words, from your nice words.

01:02:24.000 --> 01:02:25.916
Sometimes, we don't have
everything we want.

01:02:26.333 --> 01:02:29.083
Don't come to me with self-help book!
I Know that...

01:02:29.083 --> 01:02:31.458
Amaya, it's not about self-help at all.

01:02:31.458 --> 01:02:33.791
Just sometimes we don't have
what we want...

01:02:34.375 --> 01:02:37.625
because the situation
is not for that either.

01:02:37.916 --> 01:02:40.833
We were not aware,
but neither of us

01:02:40.833 --> 01:02:43.250
had mourned
for our previous relationships.

01:02:43.375 --> 01:02:45.583
Words are not enough.

01:02:45.583 --> 01:02:47.833
Along with the fights came my doubts.

01:02:49.416 --> 01:02:51.916
I went from admiration
to comparison.

01:02:52.541 --> 01:02:56.583
I missed unconditional love
and I was very afraid of turbulent love.

01:02:59.625 --> 01:03:01.625
So I started to remember
the video-diary

01:03:07.166 --> 01:03:09.375
What if the future is never
better than the past?

01:03:10.041 --> 01:03:12.833
Should I love someone again
with the same dedication?

01:03:24.416 --> 01:03:26.041
Simone de Beauvoir said:

01:03:26.041 --> 01:03:31.541
“If you live long enough, you will see that
every victory becomes a defeat”.

01:03:32.958 --> 01:03:36.875
Are we doomed to repeat failures
over and over again?

01:03:40.416 --> 01:03:44.833
Although I had my doubts,
I was tired of having failures.

01:03:44.833 --> 01:03:46.250
We moved in together.

01:03:48.208 --> 01:03:49.708
Take it. Open de door.

01:03:52.458 --> 01:03:54.625
This is very beautiful.

01:03:54.625 --> 01:03:57.833
Without a doubt, the person I have filmed
the most in my life is João.

01:03:57.833 --> 01:04:01.333
It was therapeutic
and a way of overwriting mistakes.

01:04:01.333 --> 01:04:04.541
And you were leaving the metro station,

01:04:04.541 --> 01:04:08.250
and when I looked at you,
that was epiphanic.

01:04:08.250 --> 01:04:09.458
You know that?

01:04:09.458 --> 01:04:14.666
I remember, so, so, so, so well
how you smiled at me....

01:04:17.625 --> 01:04:18.833
Everything was taking hold.

01:04:18.833 --> 01:04:20.000
We create symbols,

01:04:23.208 --> 01:04:24.708
we build memories,

01:04:31.375 --> 01:04:32.416
His people

01:04:34.250 --> 01:04:35.500
became my people.

01:04:35.500 --> 01:04:37.125
And mine

01:04:37.500 --> 01:04:38.333
became his.

01:04:40.583 --> 01:04:44.625
This was not new to me.
And João was very aware of it.

01:04:47.458 --> 01:04:50.125
The long shadow of the past
seems to have haunted us.

01:04:52.458 --> 01:04:55.333
The objects that I took with me
didn't help.

01:04:55.333 --> 01:04:57.250
He became filled with insecurities.

01:04:58.333 --> 01:05:00.666
I decided that Carlos would become taboo.

01:05:02.166 --> 01:05:03.833
a very alive one.

01:05:04.541 --> 01:05:05.250
At the same time,

01:05:05.416 --> 01:05:08.625
I thought with all my strength
that if our story turned out well,

01:05:08.625 --> 01:05:10.666
yesterday's stain
would make sense.

01:05:12.458 --> 01:05:14.625
I projected that idea so much...

01:05:19.041 --> 01:05:20.625
that everything went backwards.

01:05:25.166 --> 01:05:25.500
This,

01:05:26.458 --> 01:05:28.083
was constantly overlapping

01:05:28.083 --> 01:05:28.750
with this...

01:05:31.375 --> 01:05:32.750
With so much instability...

01:05:33.166 --> 01:05:34.875
The relationship with João ended.

01:05:36.500 --> 01:05:37.541
But it started again.

01:05:39.333 --> 01:05:39.958
And ended again.

01:05:40.750 --> 01:05:41.291
and began again.

01:05:42.416 --> 01:05:45.541
After many breakups...
finally this happened:

01:06:13.916 --> 01:06:17.291
When sadness comes
I always take refuge in my archives.

01:06:18.750 --> 01:06:20.916
Hey, I wanted Amaya
to sing to grandparents

01:06:20.916 --> 01:06:23.250
The song that she knows,
the one by Miguel Ríos,

01:06:24.208 --> 01:06:25.791
- Are you going to speak well?
- Yes

01:06:25.791 --> 01:06:27.375
- Come on.
- Come on, start.

01:06:27.375 --> 01:06:30.416
- Amaya Villar, llar, llar, llar...

01:06:30.416 --> 01:06:32.750
- Start with ‘500 miles’, sing it!

01:06:32.750 --> 01:06:34.583
- 500 miles!

01:06:34.583 --> 01:06:40.208
- “500 nights without a future”.

01:06:40.291 --> 01:06:42.166
And it looked like that 3-year-old girl

01:06:42.166 --> 01:06:44.500
already knew
that she would be predestined to suffer.

01:06:45.833 --> 01:06:47.500
But this time it was different.

01:06:47.500 --> 01:06:51.000
Maybe so many wounds
had made me stronger.

01:06:52.083 --> 01:06:55.666
And there I was again, single at 35.

01:06:55.958 --> 01:06:58.250
And I'm under a lot of pressure...

01:06:58.250 --> 01:07:01.666
I remember saying
to my friends, 3 years ago:

01:07:04.958 --> 01:07:07.125
"Before I'm 35,
I'm going to have a child

01:07:07.625 --> 01:07:11.875
and I'm going to finish the film".
That's for sure.

01:07:12.916 --> 01:07:13.833
And here I am.

01:07:13.833 --> 01:07:15.666
It didn't matter what my plans were,

01:07:15.666 --> 01:07:19.833
because I was beginning to assume
that nothing would turn out the way I had imagined.

01:07:22.708 --> 01:07:24.750
This is the beach of the Cathedrals.

01:07:24.750 --> 01:07:26.333
Who are you talking to?

01:07:27.583 --> 01:07:29.041
Our children.

01:07:31.083 --> 01:07:31.625
Hi.

01:07:31.625 --> 01:07:33.375
And what will their names be?

01:07:33.375 --> 01:07:34.916
I would say Yara...

01:07:36.416 --> 01:07:37.458
and Luca.

01:07:38.541 --> 01:07:41.041
I I was close, I came very close,

01:07:41.041 --> 01:07:41.916
but

01:07:41.916 --> 01:07:43.458
it could not be.

01:07:43.958 --> 01:07:46.375
But life had more surprises.

01:07:49.125 --> 01:07:53.083
A business trip take me to Panama
and I found Camilo by chance.

01:07:53.625 --> 01:07:57.791
It was such a magical coincidence,
that it, almost reopens everything again.

01:08:00.458 --> 01:08:02.916
But something reminded me
the anguish of the past,

01:08:03.708 --> 01:08:04.875
that I didn't want to try.

01:08:06.166 --> 01:08:09.541
Sometimes what we call intuition
is experience.

01:08:10.791 --> 01:08:13.166
Again, he closed the communication.

01:08:13.166 --> 01:08:16.041
But this time I didn't fall
into wanting the opposite.

01:08:18.791 --> 01:08:22.083
In 2018 Carlos wrote to me.

01:08:22.166 --> 01:08:23.333
He was going to be a father.

01:08:25.833 --> 01:08:30.416
A year later, he was thinking of
throwing away a box full of our stuff.

01:08:31.000 --> 01:08:33.750
I told him not to throw the past,
that he could give it to me.

01:08:33.750 --> 01:08:34.958
And he sent me a box.

01:08:42.375 --> 01:08:44.583
I couldn't open it.

01:08:56.833 --> 01:08:58.708
After so many closures

01:08:58.708 --> 01:09:00.375
I needed to listen to myself.

01:09:00.791 --> 01:09:04.333
So I went to Vietnam.
By myself, as a backpacker.

01:09:05.250 --> 01:09:08.375
On that trip I became aware
of several things. On the one side,

01:09:08.375 --> 01:09:12.375
I was feeling more and more alive the facet
that made me film images of this type.

01:09:13.666 --> 01:09:17.000
Perhaps it was time
to start thinking about solutions.

01:09:17.000 --> 01:09:17.875
On the other side,

01:09:17.875 --> 01:09:20.916
reading through rice paddies,
I read a quote from Einstein

01:09:20.916 --> 01:09:22.375
that remained in me
all that trip:

01:09:24.500 --> 01:09:25.833
”We are all geniuses,

01:09:25.833 --> 01:09:29.166
but if you judge a fish
on its ability to climb trees,

01:09:29.166 --> 01:09:31.708
it will think it is useless
for the rest of its life.

01:09:33.500 --> 01:09:36.166
I realised that I always expected
the impossible from everyone

01:09:38.000 --> 01:09:41.666
From Héctor, when I wished he was
so responsible and mature as Carlos.

01:09:42.250 --> 01:09:45.666
From Carlos, when I wished he was
as funny as Camilo.

01:09:45.666 --> 01:09:49.291
From Camilo, when in Madrid I wanted him to be
as powerful as in Cuba.

01:09:49.416 --> 01:09:52.333
From João, when I compared him
in everything with the others.

01:09:52.333 --> 01:09:55.625
From myself, for wanting to be
the heroine of them all.

01:09:56.791 --> 01:09:58.000
Sometimes

01:09:58.000 --> 01:09:59.041
seeing the darkness,

01:09:59.458 --> 01:10:00.041
or the light,

01:10:00.291 --> 01:10:01.625
It's just a matter of perspective.

01:10:03.958 --> 01:10:07.583
At the end of 2019
João appeared in a seductive mode.

01:10:08.208 --> 01:10:11.541
a message with a picture
of the place where we met,

01:10:12.250 --> 01:10:14.041
was enough.

01:10:14.416 --> 01:10:17.375
That attraction is too powerful.

01:10:23.708 --> 01:10:26.416
And now I knew it was
that fish from the quote.

01:10:28.833 --> 01:10:33.625
Besides, I couldn't help
wanting to have a happy ending.

01:10:33.625 --> 01:10:37.958
[THERE IS NO LIFE WITHOUT DREAMS]

01:10:39.083 --> 01:10:41.875
But João never ended up trusting me.

01:10:41.875 --> 01:10:45.458
Besides, he was not sure
he wanted to become a father.

01:10:52.583 --> 01:10:55.375
And another impediment:
after seven years in Spain,

01:10:55.375 --> 01:10:57.208
he had decided to return
to Portugal.

01:10:57.875 --> 01:11:01.083
This story seemed like the eternal struggle
to achieve happiness.

01:11:02.083 --> 01:11:04.916
Should I bet on him?
Or let him go?

01:11:07.958 --> 01:11:08.916
Meanwhile

01:11:10.083 --> 01:11:12.833
I continued with film editing
as a way of life.

01:11:15.208 --> 01:11:20.000
A teacher once told me that before you start
telling a story, you have to know the end of it.

01:11:21.250 --> 01:11:24.708
But I always liked the stories of
"choosing your own adventure",

01:11:24.708 --> 01:11:26.666
because you could choose
several endings.

01:11:27.208 --> 01:11:31.666
And if you had made bad choices,
you went back and changed your luck.

01:11:32.708 --> 01:11:35.750
So I have to choose what I want to find
at the end of the road.

01:11:36.166 --> 01:11:36.875
If this:

01:11:36.875 --> 01:11:39.583
I am...

01:11:39.583 --> 01:11:42.250
one hour and 25 minutes away.

01:11:42.250 --> 01:11:43.166
Wow!

01:11:43.666 --> 01:11:45.166
My love!

01:11:45.500 --> 01:11:46.916
My God!

01:11:49.583 --> 01:11:50.000
Or this:

01:11:50.416 --> 01:11:52.125
That's what I wanted

01:11:52.125 --> 01:11:53.291
not what happened.

01:11:54.166 --> 01:11:55.166
That is.

01:11:55.166 --> 01:12:01.583
But we have a chance to get it right
the next time we fall in love.

01:12:01.583 --> 01:12:03.250
In the midst of that decision,

01:12:03.750 --> 01:12:06.208
coronavirus invaded the world.

01:12:06.916 --> 01:12:10.666
Let there be no doubt about it:
together we will get through this.

01:12:10.916 --> 01:12:13.375
Together we will defeat the virus.

01:12:14.291 --> 01:12:15.083
Thank you very much.

01:12:16.041 --> 01:12:19.250
I spent 75 days in solitary confinement.

01:12:19.750 --> 01:12:23.083
All the loneliness that I had avoided
at all costs in Cuba and in the following years,

01:12:24.208 --> 01:12:25.833
now came in an imposed form.

01:12:28.958 --> 01:12:30.916
No one to save me

01:12:30.916 --> 01:12:32.000
from being alone.

01:12:32.000 --> 01:12:33.208
But also,

01:12:33.208 --> 01:12:34.333
no one to save.

01:12:35.458 --> 01:12:38.208
Once again, friends were
my great support.

01:12:39.041 --> 01:12:41.416
This is all I can move in my house!

01:12:43.458 --> 01:12:44.625
Come, make a wish!

01:12:44.625 --> 01:12:46.500
Ok, I got it.
One, two and three.

01:12:48.375 --> 01:12:50.125
Family was another big support.

01:12:58.500 --> 01:13:00.083
And I decided to catch my breath,

01:13:00.666 --> 01:13:03.625
and review all the material
accumulated over the years.

01:13:06.208 --> 01:13:09.250
While all of Spain was getting fit,
I joined in.

01:13:09.958 --> 01:13:13.333
I also wondered, if the social inheritance
that falls on women,

01:13:13.333 --> 01:13:15.208
[Very well!].

01:13:15.208 --> 01:13:17.791
that of having a perfect look
and having to be kind.

01:13:17.791 --> 01:13:20.250
[On your knees,
raise your leg and hold].

01:13:20.250 --> 01:13:24.791
it has influenced in all this feeling of guilt
that I have dragged along for so many years.

01:13:25.458 --> 01:13:26.666
Being agnostic,

01:13:26.666 --> 01:13:30.125
my last years seem like a pilgrimage
towards crucifixion.

01:13:31.125 --> 01:13:33.041
We are permissive with the others

01:13:33.958 --> 01:13:35.833
and fustigators with ourselves.

01:13:39.916 --> 01:13:42.875
I remembered why
I discarded polyamory,

01:13:43.083 --> 01:13:46.666
that initially attracted me so much
because it had changed this label

01:13:47.583 --> 01:13:48.375
for this one

01:13:50.000 --> 01:13:55.500
But I can’t deny myself: I still want a great love
who also sees me as his great love.

01:13:55.500 --> 01:13:58.791
An adventures partner
with whom to form a family.

01:14:07.708 --> 01:14:12.958
I have been looking for answers for years:
experts have made me understand things.

01:14:14.875 --> 01:14:18.291
So why do happy people cheat?
Do you have a mirror near?

01:14:20.041 --> 01:14:20.958
Look in it.

01:14:21.625 --> 01:14:23.083
The answer is there:

01:14:23.083 --> 01:14:27.083
a person does not cheat
just because he/she is attracted to someone else,

01:14:28.166 --> 01:14:31.500
but because of the image
that the other gives back to himself/herself.

01:14:33.125 --> 01:14:35.708
Liking someone
confirms our value.

01:14:35.833 --> 01:14:39.083
So, let's pay attention.

01:14:39.083 --> 01:14:43.125
Let's try to have self-confidence coming
from ourselves, not from outside.

01:14:47.333 --> 01:14:50.583
But the most important thing:
in this period of reflection,

01:14:50.916 --> 01:14:54.708
I learnt to fight loneliness
by doing something I had never done before:

01:14:55.458 --> 01:14:56.500
giving value

01:14:56.833 --> 01:14:57.708
to myself.

01:15:10.416 --> 01:15:12.208
I have made two decisions:

01:15:12.208 --> 01:15:14.250
First.
Even if I love to dream

01:15:15.000 --> 01:15:17.333
the head has to win
over the heart.

01:15:18.083 --> 01:15:20.791
I shouldn't be with someone
who doesn't fully believe in me,

01:15:20.791 --> 01:15:23.000
and who does not share
my life choices.

01:15:23.958 --> 01:15:27.750
And secondly:
I have to free myself from the past.

01:15:31.291 --> 01:15:34.666
I put cameras everywhere.
It's a very important moment.

01:15:41.250 --> 01:15:43.916
Thousands of memories
come flooding back.

01:15:45.083 --> 01:15:48.875
Another memory that comes to me
is from Halloween day.

01:15:48.875 --> 01:15:54.083
With the mask and the kiss...
“Can I kiss you?”, and “It's OK”...

01:15:55.000 --> 01:15:56.333
How beautiful, isn't it?

01:16:03.833 --> 01:16:07.041
I have a wake for that box
as a dead man.

01:16:07.416 --> 01:16:10.500
and close it
like healing a wound.

01:16:10.708 --> 01:16:11.958
But the best of all

01:16:14.083 --> 01:16:15.500
is that in that box,

01:16:16.000 --> 01:16:16.750
there I was.

01:16:17.625 --> 01:16:20.541
It's incredible:
I've found myself.

01:16:22.500 --> 01:16:26.583
The trick to being happy is
to inhabit ourselves, to be conscious.

01:16:28.708 --> 01:16:31.208
Suddenly I felt lighter.

01:16:35.208 --> 01:16:40.458
The days went by and I realized that the only thing
that exist is the present.

01:16:41.208 --> 01:16:43.958
The past, is a construction,

01:16:45.000 --> 01:16:47.666
so it can be
however we want it to be.

01:16:49.583 --> 01:16:51.541
And I remember a quote
my mother said to me:

01:16:52.625 --> 01:16:54.416
“You are your own worst enemy,

01:16:54.416 --> 01:16:57.125
but, at the same time,
only you are your salvation”.

01:16:57.416 --> 01:16:58.875
You are kissing yourself.

01:17:00.583 --> 01:17:01.333
Now, now!

01:17:03.666 --> 01:17:07.333
And I also remember an advice
my father gave me:

01:17:07.333 --> 01:17:10.750
“Never backwards,
not even to pick up speed”.

01:17:10.750 --> 01:17:14.500
[YOU CAME TO BE HAPPY,
DON’T GET DISTRACTED].

01:17:16.708 --> 01:17:18.666
So I decided to give myself a present,

01:17:18.666 --> 01:17:21.583
because life, with editing,
is kinder.

01:17:24.083 --> 01:17:27.291
And while relationships always
depend on two people,

01:17:27.291 --> 01:17:31.125
in the editing room...
I am in charge.

01:17:31.125 --> 01:17:33.416
Imagination, no one
takes it away from us.

01:17:33.875 --> 01:17:37.666
In my parallel universes
there is a clone of me with each of them

01:17:37.666 --> 01:17:39.708
and no one has harmed anyone.

01:17:40.333 --> 01:17:44.458
Héctor does not mention “the other”
because there never was any other.

01:17:44.750 --> 01:17:48.875
And we play to make superheroine's
short films with our daughters.

01:17:52.583 --> 01:17:55.166
Carlos and I travelled happily
to see his sisters

01:17:55.500 --> 01:17:57.291
and his parents, who never died.

01:17:57.708 --> 01:18:00.250
Our children and their cousins
are taking up super8 again,

01:18:00.458 --> 01:18:02.625
and these are their favourite characters.

01:18:04.708 --> 01:18:05.958
Camilo is very happy,

01:18:05.958 --> 01:18:08.708
because the film that we have made together
is doing very well.

01:18:09.291 --> 01:18:14.125
We celebrate and this time I don't feel
any pressure because the timing is perfect.

01:18:16.791 --> 01:18:17.875
And this one ringing

01:18:19.125 --> 01:18:19.750
is João,

01:18:21.250 --> 01:18:23.291
who made a surprise trip from Portugal

01:18:23.291 --> 01:18:25.458
to tell me that
what he wants the most,

01:18:25.458 --> 01:18:29.583
is to start a life and family project with me,
in whom he trusts completely.

01:18:34.333 --> 01:18:39.291
We will live between Porto and Madrid,
because being happy, no matter the place.

01:18:40.541 --> 01:18:42.750
In 2012, when my chaos began,

01:18:42.750 --> 01:18:46.750
one of the most searched questions
on the net was: "What is love?"

01:18:46.750 --> 01:18:50.416
Because unrequited love
generates pain and confusion,

01:18:50.416 --> 01:18:56.916
but experiencing love is one of the most comforting
and intense sensations in life.

01:18:58.708 --> 01:19:02.250
[Conquer the territory where your dreams live].

01:19:04.541 --> 01:19:05.458
Dear Yara,

01:19:05.458 --> 01:19:06.250
dear Luca:

01:19:06.250 --> 01:19:07.625
I started with questions

01:19:07.916 --> 01:19:10.666
and now I know that only time
will give us the answers.

01:19:12.041 --> 01:19:14.250
It will tell us
if we are ready to forget,

01:19:15.541 --> 01:19:19.583
It will make us understand
if labels help or trap us.

01:19:20.583 --> 01:19:23.750
Because even the ‘live-forever’
flowers also dies.

01:19:24.083 --> 01:19:27.041
So although
I introduced myself using tags,

01:19:27.041 --> 01:19:28.750
I now say goodbye,
by taking them off.

01:19:29.958 --> 01:19:32.541
Because we are all
and none of them at the same time.

01:19:32.833 --> 01:19:35.583
What we once were
and what we are today.

01:19:35.750 --> 01:19:40.500
The yearnings at 18
and the abysses at 38.

01:19:43.125 --> 01:19:46.500
Be mindful and don't wait
to take care of yourself.

01:19:49.250 --> 01:19:53.625
[IF YOU ARE WAITING FOR A SIGN,
THIS IS THE SIGN]

01:19:54.875 --> 01:19:58.166
Hi, we have spoken before,
about the results of the analysis

01:19:58.666 --> 01:20:01.875
I'm calling again
because I want to start treatment

01:20:02.166 --> 01:20:03.625
with an anonymous donor.

01:20:14.708 --> 01:20:16.666
Dear Yara, dear Luca,

01:20:16.666 --> 01:20:19.916
I wanted to find you,
but I got lost along the way.

01:20:22.458 --> 01:20:26.625
This story is for you to understand
why it took you so long to arrive.

01:20:28.583 --> 01:20:30.000
I've been looking for you for months,

01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:33.208
but it seems that getting this image
will be a long-distance race.

01:20:37.416 --> 01:20:42.166
I cancelled myself behind every boyfriend,
believing that only they would lead me to you.

01:20:42.875 --> 01:20:45.208
I didn't realise I could go on my own.

01:20:47.875 --> 01:20:51.000
I was determined to turn them into kings,
and I didn't realise

01:20:51.000 --> 01:20:53.666
that perhaps the road marked republic.

01:21:00.125 --> 01:21:01.875
I divided my life into boyfriends

01:21:01.875 --> 01:21:04.500
and perhaps today
I could group all that together in

01:21:04.500 --> 01:21:06.041
“before me”.

01:21:10.666 --> 01:21:12.166
I was with you,

01:21:12.375 --> 01:21:13.416
with you,

01:21:14.083 --> 01:21:15.125
with you,

01:21:15.708 --> 01:21:16.750
with you,

01:21:17.750 --> 01:21:18.833
and without me.

01:21:22.791 --> 01:21:23.750
Dear Luca

01:21:23.916 --> 01:21:25.666
I hope you' ll always be with you.

01:21:27.000 --> 01:21:28.083
And dear Yara

01:21:28.083 --> 01:21:29.791
I wish the same to you.

01:21:30.750 --> 01:21:35.791
And may you empower the people you are with,
to be with themselves too.

01:21:38.666 --> 01:21:42.041
Travel, experience...
enjoy what you encounter.

01:21:46.708 --> 01:21:48.958
Live, live every moment!

01:21:50.250 --> 01:21:51.625
Make mistakes...

01:21:55.000 --> 01:21:58.333
Allow yourself not to be perfect.
Allow yourself to fail.

01:22:15.875 --> 01:22:19.083
Because in the end,
you will add learnings,

01:22:19.083 --> 01:22:22.708
and you will realise
that making mistakes

01:22:22.708 --> 01:22:25.541
is nothing more
than learning how to live.

01:22:35.041 --> 01:22:37.791
So let's live, let's live a lot.

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